杰茜驾到（2011）
New Girl S01E15
Part 3
Nov. 20, 2020, 12:20 p.m.
"先驱"[同front ear音] 懂了吗
"Frontier." Get it?
不许你在我葬礼上致辞
You don't get to speak at my funeral.
-啥 -说真的
- What? - For sure.
-绝对不要 -为啥
- 100%. - What? Why?
-因为那个笑话 -但是
- Because of that joke. - Yeah, but...
杰茜 你不会想在葬礼上讲话的
Jess, you don't want to talk at a funeral.
我试过一次
I've tried that once.
哪种蠢货
What kind of dummy
会拿刀来修洗衣机
fixes a washing machine using a knife?
就是这里面躺的这蠢货
This kind of dummy!
进行地很不顺利
It did not go well.
我才不要你在我葬礼上致辞
I don't want you talking at my funeral!
-好 -你可以参加我的葬礼
-Okay. - You can go to my funeral,
但不许你致辞
but you can't talk.
我的葬礼该我出风头
My funeral is my time to shine.
我希望妹子们会这么想
I want the girls to think,
"希望我曾让尼克·米勒高♥潮♥了"
"I wish I brought Nick Miller to orgasm."
我希望小伙子们这么想
And I want the guys to think,
"希望我曾给他买♥♥过好多东西"
"I wish I bought him more stuff."
我不想听到达菲鸭的声音
And I don't want Daffy Duck voices
还有你的真情流露棒
and feeling sticks.
你不知道怎样才比较现实
You don't... you don't know how to be real.
我才不要让你鼓舞人心
I can't have you trying to cheer people up.
我知道怎么样是现实
I know how to be real.
我戴了顶帽子吗
Am I wearing a hat?
尼克·米勒
Nick Miller.
差点成为一名律师
Almost a lawyer.
这是一首悲伤的歌♥
This is a sad song...
这是世上最悲伤的歌♥
This is the saddest song in the world
确实是
Yes, it is.
这是最悲伤的
This is the saddest...
-你接着唱 兄弟 -好的
- You just keep singing, man. - Okay.
这是一首悲伤的歌♥
This is a sad song
世上最悲伤的歌♥
Saddest song in the world
嗓音真棒 兄弟
Got a nice voice, man.
这会儿还清醒着感觉真诡异
It is so weird being sober right now.
来点诡异的说唱吧
Can I get some weird rapping?
尼克·米勒 尼克·米勒
Nick Miller, Nick Miller,
来自芝加哥的街头
From the streets of Chicago.
球员们踢球一如往常
'Cause players play like they do,
一如既往
like they did.
悲伤的歌♥
Sad song
球员把球放进帽子
Cause the ballers ball and the-- in the hood
他是芝加哥浪子
'Cause he's Chi-town hustle
-这世上 -听着真不错
- In the world - That's sounds great.
人们爱这芝加哥选手
'Cause the people love the-- of Chicago
因为球员们
represent him, 'cause the players
不踢球 而市里的球手...
don't play and the players in the city
尼克·米勒 尼克·米勒
Nick Miller, Nick Miller's
一个冷血杀手
a stone-cold killer
唱吧 你懂吗 你有没有觉得
Huh! Sing it, you know, you feel
喜欢香草的味道
likes the taste of vanilla
尼克·米勒 尼克·米勒
Nick Miller, Nick Miller
他病入膏肓医石无救
He's the illest of the ill
希希在说唱哎
Cece's rapping!
他倒了一百杯酒
He pours 100 drinks
一杯也没洒掉
and none have ever spilled.
他特别嗨
Plus he's super-high
因为吃了一堆止疼药
on a bunch of pain pills.
他最爱的电影是
His favorite movie is
《山水又相逢》
The Big Chill
他胸前长满毛
He's got a hairy chest
因为他饮食很健康
'Cause he eats a balanced meal
唱给他听吧
Kickin' mad flavor in his ear.
悲伤的歌♥
Sad song
我杯子里的冰块
'Cause the ice in my glass represents
是我眼中的泪水 我爱你 兄弟
The tears from my eyes, I love you, dawg
这是一首悲伤的歌♥
This is a sad song
尼克·米勒 尼克·米勒
Nick Miller, Nick Miller, yo
芝加哥的街头小子
streets of Chicago.
粗犷又坚强 你是我唯一的爱
Rough and tumble, one love, you my heart
尼克·米勒 尼克·米勒
Nick Miller, Nick Miller
一事无成
Never does anything.
怎么了
What?
你想让我现实点
You want me to get real
别再卖♥♥萌 行呗
and stop being all cutesy and whatever, fine.
让我们现实点
Let's get real.
你啥事也不做
You don't do anything.
你以前想做什么
What did you want to do?
就没有什么事是你
I mean, isn't there something
想完成的吗
you wanted to accomplish?
我有做过一些事
Hey, I've done things.
我写过半本关于僵尸的书
I wrote half a book about zombies.
告诉我
Okay, just tell me.
如果你无所不能
If you could do anything,
你想做什么
what would you do?
我是那种 不会随便做
You know, I'm the guy who... I can't just
一件我不知道后果的事的人
jump into something if I don't know what's gonna happen.
我不是这样的
I never have been that guy.
我是
Like, I'm the,
我是那种如果我不知道
I'm the guy that, if I don't know
后果 我什么也不会做的人
what's gonna happen, I don't do something.
绝对不会 不管我欲望多强烈
Ever. I don't care how bad I want to do it.
我打死都不会去做
I don't do it.
比方说 哪怕所有人都跑到海边
Like, if everybody would go into the ocean
跳进海里
and jumped in the water,
我会是那个在岸边看钱包的人
well, I'm the guy on the beach guarding the wallets.
-好了 尼克 -好啦
- Alright, Nick, - Alright.
-去吧 -好
- Get out there. - Yeah.
-我帮你钱包 -我没有钱包
- I'll hold your wallet. - I don't have a wallet.
好吧 没问题
All right, well, that's fine.
我有一个装着执照和钱的三明治袋子
I have a sandwich bag with my license and money in it.
我帮你拿三明治袋子
Okay, I'll hold your sandwich bag.
快去吧 去吧
Get out there, go.
有点冷
It's a little cold.
跳进水里
Just in terms of running into the water,
会冻死个人的
it's a tad on the cold side.
你知道吗 杰茜
Well, you know what, Jess
我们都要脱鞋吗
We all taking our shoes off?
到底咋回事
What's going on?
我有点喝醉了
I'm a little drunk,
我不太确定 但我觉得
and I can't be too sure, but I think
你终于要看到你好哥们的老二了
you're finally about to see your best friend's penis.
尼克 他要...
Nick-- he's gonna sh--
他要把老二秀给大海看 而不是我
he's gonna show his penis to the ocean and not me?
尼克 等等
Nick, wait!
我还活着
I'm alive!
我还活着
I... am... alive!
我还活着
I'm alive!
天哪 我的天啊
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
真是太蠢了
This is stupid!
冷死我了
No, it's cold!
我的蛋蛋都冻得缩进肚子里了
My testicles are in my abdomen!
我的天啊
Oh, my God!
天啊 天哪
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
冷死我了 太冷了
That is so cold! That is so cold!
冷的无法用言语表达
Words cannot describe how cold that is!
尼克 你还好吧
Nick, are you okay?
我不好 杰茜
No, I'm not okay, Jess!
我一点都不好
I'm not okay!
杰茜驾到（2011）
New Girl
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