杰茜驾到（2011）

New Girl S01E21

Part 1 Nov. 20, 2020, 12:21 p.m.

But you're using birth control, right?
避孕措施你们都做了是吧
Yeah, of course.
是啊当然
It's just that Schmidt gets so athletic
只是在孔武有力的施密特面前
that birth control becomes
那些避孕措施
like one of those plastic barbecue covers in a hurricane.
就像飓风中的烤架罩一样弱不禁风
I didn't want to know that.
这你就没必要跟我说了
Okay,
好的
the pregnancy test doesn't work until after six days,
验孕结果六天以后才会出来
so just get through the weekend
所以就熬过这周末
and don't tell Schmidt until you're sure.
结果出来前千万别和施密特说
Yeah, no, of course not, of course.
当然不能说必须的必须的
It's just...
只是...
I can't stop thinking
我总在想
about what a Schmidt baby would be like.
跟施密特生出来的孩子会是个什么样
Just, I mean, I, I don't know.
你就... 我也说不清
Would it just want to nurse 24 hours a day?
会不会需要全天候的照料看护
Probably.
有可能
We could make it, like, a douche baby jar.
我们可以做个无聊话罚金罐幼童版
Oh, my God.
天呐
Ladies, ladies, what is all the screaming about?
女士们这大呼小叫的是为哪般啊
Oh, my-- Jess,
哦我的... 杰茜
have you finally agreed to be our third?
你终于愿意加入我们来"两后一王"
Because, you know, we've discussed this.
因为其实我们之前讨论过这个的
We have never talked about that, Schmidt.
我们可从没谈过这个话题施密特
What? Schmidt, this is not the time.
什么施密特这会儿先别闹
Schmidt, we were just thinking
施密特我们就是在
about what you might have been like as a baby.
婴儿时候的你会是个什么样子
Oh, I was the bomb diggity as a baby.
婴儿那会儿我是真心屌♥爆了
I mean, I was, I was, like, break-dancing at eight months old.
我可是可是八个月大就能跳霹雳舞
But they say that I needed a magnum size diaper.
人都说多大的尿片给我用都不够
Oh, my God. Get out. Seriously?
我的老天爷滚出去当真
All right, what's with the suit?
赶紧说你这身西服是什么情况
And if you say swing dancing,
如果是去跳摇摆舞的话
I'm gonna slap your face.
老子马上就给你一巴掌
Well, my boss is going to be on TV today--
我老板今天要上电视
Michael Strahan's new talk show
迈克尔·斯特拉恩在
on the Strahan Narrow.
斯特拉恩小道的新脱口秀节目
Great show.
是个好节目
He's got too many DUIs to drive himself,
他因为酒驾次数太多被禁驾了
so I guess I got to take him.
所以大概是需要我去接他了
Sit in my room, Schmidt.
去我房♥里坐着施密特
Cece's resting.
希希在休息呢
Hey, guys, um, listen up.
各位好都听好了
Uh, Sarah is going to be here in a few minutes, so best behavior.
莎拉再过几分钟就要到了都老实点
Who's Sarah? Russell's daughter,
莎拉是谁拉塞尔的女儿
so no F-bombs, P-bombs.
所以"操"开头的 "逼"结尾的
Actually, no "B" Through "S" Bombs, no bombs,
那带"逼"的带"傻"的统统不许说
and no bringing home college girls, Berlusconi.
别总把学♥生♥妹♥往家里带了贝卢斯科尼
Hey, that's not fair.
你不能以貌取人啊
The girl I've been hanging out with
跟我在一起的姑娘
is totally mature and interesting.
可都是成熟且风趣的
Please put on some pants.
拜托你弄条裤子穿上吧
Everything you say sounds really creepy
你不♥穿♥裤子时说的每句话
when you're not wearing pants.
都让我觉得猥琐万分
Your hair looks nice.
你头发真美
Mmm, this coffee is smoldering.
这咖啡还在沸腾着呢
So creepy.
真猥琐
So what's with the babysitting?
你这保姆服务是怎么回事
I think he's actually testing me.
我觉得是他要测试我下吧
I think he's seeing if I can be a mom.
看看我是不是能做一个称职的母亲
Are you nervous? It's nothing I can't handle.
紧张吗一切尽在掌握
I'm halfway there-- I'm already her teacher,
已经赢在起跑线上了我是她的老师
so...
所以...
Oh, she's here.
她到了
Um, Nick, uh, put on some pants
尼克找条裤子穿上
or at least some really high socks.
至少找双高筒袜套上吧
High socks it is.
那就高筒袜吧
Hi, Ms. Day.
戴小姐
Hi, Sarah.
莎拉
I can be here in under five minutes if I need to be.
如果有需要五分钟之内我定能赶到
Honestly I wouldn't have agreed to this,
说实话我开始是不同意这么做的
except my husband is out of town,
要不是我老公不在城里
and you're Sarah's favorite teacher
要不是你是莎拉最爱的老师
and my husband's favorite teacher.
也是我老公最爱的老师
Um, hey, um, I hope this doesn't sound rude,
那什么恕我直言
but, um, you keep saying "Husband"
你张口闭口喊他"老公"
and I just want to make sure you and Russell--
我就是想确认下你和拉塞尔
you're not still married?
已经离婚了吧
Oh... no, no.
是的是的
'Cause I just, like, wanted to make sure there wasn't
我只是想确认一下是不是
some very important piece of information
有什么特重要的讯息
that I totally missed.
我还被闷在鼓里
No, I mean, but he'll always be my husband,
没有不过他永远会是我的老公
if you know what I mean.
我想你是能够理解的
Yeah.
是的
Actually, could you explain what you mean very clearly?
不过呢你还是把话再说清楚点吧
Cece's acting really weird.
希希最近举止很奇怪
Do you think she's getting tired of me?
你说她是不是跟我处腻了
I mean, look, it's been, like, months of non-stop sex.
确实几个月这床单是滚个不停啊
I mean, what can I do if she doesn't let me hit the fifth chakra?
她不打开天窗说亮话我能怎么办
I'm not listening to you.
说什么鬼话呢
I'm just, I'm just saying, look,
我的意思只是说
do you think she wants something more than sex?
是不是性♥爱♥已经满足不了她了
Do you think she's finally becoming a girl?
是不是说她终于像个寻常姑娘了
'Cause I can't handle that, man.
这我真的应付不来啊兄弟
Hey, boss. What are you doing?
老板你这是在做什么呢
Hmm? Look...
听着
W-W-Wait, n-n-no, yesterday you said noon,
等下没啊昨天不是说好中午的嘛
but it's only 10:30. Do you think that I've become too dependent
现在才十点半你觉得我是不是对
on a hot lava massage? Hmm?
她那火山热身按♥摩♥过分依赖了
I'm gonna be there in just a second. What about costumes?
我这就过来是不是服装的问题
I got to go, bye. Do you think I made her dress up too much?
挂了待会见我让她换装太频繁吗
Look, man, I'm not going to sit here
听着伙计我可不想和你坐在这里
and bond with you about this, all right?
就这事儿跟你掏心掏肺好吗
I got to go babysit my boss.
我老板等着我去照顾呢
Hey, Schmidt, you gonna stay for dinner?
施密特在家吃晚餐吗
We're going to borrow your pasta maker.
我们帮你借来了制面机
Oh, that's great, are you gonna teach Sarah
真不错你是不是要把你烂玉米糊
your recipe for overcooked mush?
的做法手把手传授给莎拉
Ha, ha, no, I'm teaching her about Italy.
才不是我要教她做意大利菜
I'm coming with a date--
我要带个姑娘回来
Chloe. Uh, no, you're not.
克洛伊不不行
You are not bringing any of those girls around Sarah.
莎拉在这呢你不许带姑娘回来
Hey, you must be Sarah.
你就是莎拉吧
And you guys are wrong about Chloe.
你们都不了解克洛伊
Okay, Chloe is smart and she's mature
她很聪明又成熟
and she knows about art and famous artists like Banksy
她还懂艺术最爱的艺术家是班克斯
and the guy who did the Obama poster
给替奥巴马做海报的人
and, you know, like, Chalk Outline Guy.
就是那个粉笔轮廓的家伙
That's stupid.
傻到家了
Your eyes are so brown.
你眼睛的棕色好深
They look like poop.
就像两坨屎一样
Be honest with me-- do my eyes look like poop?
实话跟我说我眼睛像便便吗
There's a bit of a, a poopy-ish hue.
是有一点一点点像而已
Old poop eyes.
年岁已高的便便眼
I like your house.
我喜欢你这房♥子
It's not my house!
这不是我的房♥子
Go, go! What?
走走什么
Go!
走
What's going on? What are you talking about, man?
这是怎么了这还用问吗老弟