极品老妈

Mom S01E18

Part 1 Jan. 4, 2020, 1:29 p.m.

看那是宝宝的手指
Look, there are its little fingers.
一二三四五一二三四五
One, two, three, four, five, one, two, three, four, five.
太棒了
Yes!
我等不及你出世了
I can't wait till you're born!
那是因为不用你
That's 'cause you don't have
把宝宝从下面拼命挤出来
to squeeze it out through your hoo-hah.
医生情况如何
So, Doc, how we looking?
宝宝健康还是需要防撞头盔[痴呆儿]
Healthy kid, or is it gonna need a crash helmet?
一切都很好
Everything looks great.
按着计划走的六周后分娩
You're right on schedule, six weeks out.
我们可能赶得上毕业舞会
Hey, we might still be able to go to Senior Prom.
你可以照看宝宝吗
Think you can watch the baby?
你们开玩笑对吗
You're joking, right?
到时宝宝连羊水还没擦干净呢
The kid'll still be wet.
你说得对
You're right.
我们带宝宝一起去
We'll bring it.
他们会成为非常优秀的父母
These two are gonna make great parents.
我见过更极品的
I've seen worse.
你们想知道宝宝的性别吗
Would you like to know the sex?
我想答案很明显
Well... I think it's pretty obvious.
是个男孩而且
It's a boy and he's going to be
他将深受女生欢迎
very popular with the ladies.
那是脐带
Actually, that's the umbilical cord.
我们想知道
We'd like to know.
还是算了
Um, maybe not.
为什么
How come?
知道性别让一切感觉太真实了
Knowing the sex makes this all too... real.
你还感觉不够真实吗
It's not real enough for you?
你放屁豪放的比得上伐木工人了
You've been farting like a lumberjack.
我们现在不需要知道
We don't really need to know right now.
好的十天后再见
Okay, I'll see you again in ten days.
我们有很多事要做
We've got a lot to do to get
让家里准备好迎接新的客人
the house ready for our new guest.
客人
Guest?
你说得好像我们来探亲一样
You make it sound like we're just visiting.
希望你们会走没什么错吧
Well, a girl can hope.
极品老妈第一季第十八集
多谢帮忙巴克斯特
Thanks for helping out, Baxter.
我的荣幸
My pleasure.
我很乐意用货车运输合法物品
Always happy when my van is used to transport legal stuff.
车上还有什么
What else you got in there?
朋友
Amigos.
稍等下
Uno momento, por favor.
你不是吧
Seriously?
你帮非法移♥民♥入境吗
You're moving illegal aliens?
别胡扯
Don't be ridiculous.
他们是毒贩
They're drug mules.
什么事
What's going on?
我和外婆帮你弄了个婴儿床
Your grandmother and I got you a crib.
你觉得怎么样
What do you think?
看起来像个关动物的笼子
Looks like a little cage.
这个是笼子
It is a little cage.
妈
Mom.
你妈是婴儿时
When your mother was an infant,
我把她装在猫笼子里
I kept her in a cat carrier.
随便啦
Well, whatever.
我不喜欢
I don't like it.
好啦不用谢
Okay, you're welcome.
我怀孕时也这么讨人厌吗
Was I that grumpy when I was pregnant?
少来我才不上当呢
Oh-ho-ho, I am not falling for that.
再见女士
Good day, madam.
谢谢啦巴克斯特
Thanks, Baxter.
我要泡茶你要吗
I'm gonna make some tea, you want some?
我想要的是
What I want is a daughter
对宝宝出生感到一丝激动的女儿
who is a little bit excited about having a baby.
你就别对她太苛求了她很害怕
Oh, you got to cut her some slack, she's scared.
对我明白但是
Yeah, I get that, but...
已经到了最后阶段了
we're in the home stretch
她却拒绝面对这个事实
and she is in complete denial.
她那天买♥♥了件抹胸装
You know, she bought a tube top the other day.
别让我看到她穿的模样
I do not want to see that.
我知道她年纪小
I know she's young,
我知道她很害怕
I know she's scared,
但是拜托她又不是一个人面对这一切
but come on, it's not like she's doing this alone.
我们办个宝宝送礼派对怎么样
What if we threw her a baby shower?
让她看到有我们陪她支持她
Let her see we're all in this together?
这主意不坏
That's not a bad idea.
邀请她学校的朋友
You know, invite some friends from school,
吃蛋糕玩游戏
eat cake, play games...
要是当年有人为我办个派对就好了
all the things I wish somebody did for me.
真是对不起
I am really sorry.
我当时没在你身边陪着让我痛不欲生
It just... it kills me that I wasn't there for you.
没想到你这么爽快就认错了
I didn't expect you to cop to it.
我没有认错
I'm not copping to anything.
这是让你闭嘴的最有效的办法
It's just the quickest way to shut you up.
妈外婆
Mom! Grandma!
看我坐牢了
Look, I'm in jail!
我没笑是因为我认为这是有可能会发生的事
I'd laugh if I didn't think it was a real possibility.
好了确保油锅里的油换新的
All right, make sure the oil in the deep fryer is changed,
我要冰柜从上到下打扫干净
and I want the walk-in cleaned from top to bottom.
少给我甩脸色
And I could do without the look.
鲁迪主厨有空吗
Uh, hey, Chef Rudy, you got a minute?
有事快说
Oh, make it quick.
我要睡一个美食评论家
I'm sleeping with a food critic,
我迟到了他会发脾气的
and he throws a hissy fit if I'm late.
你什么时候
Wait, when did you start eating
改变性取向了
from the other side of the buffet?
我发现他裤裆里有四星评论后
When I realized there was a four-star review in his pants.
你需要什么
What do you need?
我要为女儿办一场宝宝送礼派对我...
Well, I'm throwing a baby shower for my daughter, and I...
快点说我快睡着了
Speak quickly. I'm bored.
我的钱不多
And I'm kind of strapped for cash,
所以我希望你能帮我搞点吃的
so I was hoping you could hook me up with some food.
你要我帮你从餐厅里偷东西吗
You want me to help you steal from the restaurant?
剩下的边角料就行
Just the stuff that's left over.
我平时偷的不就是这些吗
That's the stuff I usually steal.
拜托
Oh, come on.
好吧
All right.
你很幸运鉴于等下要做的事太恶心
Lucky for you, I need an empty stomach
我必须空着肚子
for what I'm about to do.
这些怎么样
But, um, how does a-- ah--
虾盘牛肉片还有
a shrimp platter, carpaccio, and, uh-- ah--
法式焦糖布丁
creme brulee sound?
谢谢
Thank you.
别这样
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
别把我的小弟搞糊涂了
Don't... don't confuse my naughty parts.
我得去征服一个300磅的法国男人
I have to go ride a 300-pound Frenchman.
你赚到了
Wow, you scored.
对鲁迪帮了大忙
Yeah, Rudy really came through.
你知道他男女通吃吗
Did you know that he swung both ways?
不知道但我们上♥床♥时
No, but when we slept together,
他的确要求我做一些
he did ask me to do a few things
让我起疑心的事
that were a little suspect.
这让我紧张
It does make me nervous,
办个宝宝送礼派对都要讨吃的
having to beg food for a baby shower.
宝宝出生后
I mean, how are we gonna make ends meet
叫我们如何维持生计
when the kid actually gets here?
的确不容易
Well, that's a tough one.
也许你可以再打份工
Maybe you could get a second job.
或者你可以找第一份工作
Or maybe you could get a first one.
你说什么呢