极品老妈

Mom S01E13

Part 2 Jan. 4, 2020, 1:28 p.m.

You can't get hurt when you're high.
规矩不是我定的
I don't make the rules.
巴克斯特先生
Mr. Baxter...
我就这一罐啤酒
That was my only beer!
对不起
Sorry.
我有大♥麻♥
I got weed.
原谅你了
Forgiven.
-需要帮忙吗 -你会修补漏雨的屋顶吗
- Need any help? - You know how to patch a leaky roof?
-不会 -我也不会
- No. - That makes two of us.
给把屋顶瓦撬起来
Here, let's just rip up shingles,
如果看到客厅
and if we see the living room,
就表示撬得太多了
we've gone too far.
我曾经补过游泳池的洞
I once patched a leak in a swimming pool.
是吗怎么样
Yeah? How'd that go?
不太好
Not good.
显然你得先把水放掉
Apparently, you gotta take the water out first.
我能问个问题吗
Hey, can I ask you a question?
埃塞俄比亚的首都是亚的斯亚贝巴
The capital of Ethiopia is Addis Ababa.
什么
What?
这是我知道的一些自己感兴趣的东西
That's just something I like that I know.
没人问过
No one ever asks.
事实上我是准备问你生孩子的事
Actually, I was gonna ask you about having a baby.
对生孩子的事还是等到
Yeah, you don't want to have one of those
你45或是50岁
until you're, like, 45, 50
再也乐不起来
and you can't have any more fun
或是心脏快爆♥炸♥的时候
or your heart'll explode.
不伙计
No, dude,
几个月后维奥莉特就要生下我的孩子了
Violet's having my baby in a few months.
好吧游戏结束
Well, game over.
宝宝开始动了
It's starting to kick.
这可是大事
Oh, that's big.
是啊实实在在地发生了
Yeah. It's really happening.
我只是不知道自己是否准备好了做爸爸
I just don't know if I'm ready to be a dad.
我有经验
Been there.
是吗
Really?
当然了
Yeah, absolutely.
不管你信不信我严重怀疑
Believe it or not, I had grave doubts
自己为人父亲的能力
about my own parenting abilities.
我只是不想变成我父亲那样
I just don't want to turn into my father.
我爱他但是为了讽刺他才会送他
I mean, I love him, but... you'd only give him
印着"全世界最好的爸爸"字样的T恤
a "World's greatest dad" T-shirt ironically.
我也有这样的父亲
I had a father like that.
奥克兰的缉毒扫黄警♥察♥
Vice cop in Oakland.
我让他脸上"有光"啊
I sure showed him.
我告诉你孩子生下来后
Let me tell you something: When the baby gets here,
你就会知道怎么做了
you'll know what to do.
希望如此
I hope so.
我永远不会忘记
I'll never forget
罗斯科出生后我们开车从医院回家
driving home from the hospital after Roscoe was born.
我从后视镜上看到儿童座椅上的他
I looked in the rearview mirror at him in his car seat,
我就是知道我可以做到
and I just... knew I could do it.
太棒了
Cool.
如果克丽丝蒂没抓到我和她最好的朋友上♥床♥
If Christy hadn't caught me banging her best friend,
我现在依然做着呢
I'd still be doing it.
别担心
Don't worry.
你会是一个好爸爸
You'll be a great dad.
谢谢
Thanks.
听起来你也是一个好爸爸
It sounds like you're a great dad, too.
我尽力了
I do my best.
在我发疯前咱先把大♥麻♥解决了
Now, let's smoke that weed before I go crazy.
看来卢克和巴克斯特处得不错啊
It sounds like Luke and Baxter are getting along.
我认得那种笑声
I know that laugh.
他们要点匹萨了
They're getting ready to order pizza.
我真走运
Just my luck.
有两个愚蠢的九岁小孩
I got a couple of idiot nine-year-olds
在修我家屋顶
fixing my roof.
我就有九岁啊
I'm nine.
没什么好炫耀的
Nothing to brag about.
哥们点份匹萨吧
Hey, man, let's order a pizza!
这真好玩
This is fun.
你们在干什么
What are you doing?
工作啊
Working.
我就知道该自己来
I knew I should've handled this myself.
克丽丝蒂搞定了
Christy, it's done.
瞧都密封好了
Look. All sealed.
只用等它干掉
Just got to let it dry
明天再盖上木瓦
and put the shingles on tomorrow.
好吧
Okay.
真好
Good.
向我保证你要小心点
Just promise me you'll be careful.
我保证
Promise.
我不在乎你是不是要嗑药
I don't care if you get high.
我只是不想让谁受伤
I just don't want anybody getting hurt.
我们才没有要嗑药
We are not getting high.
她知道的哥们
She knows, dude.
放松点我们很安全
Relax. We're being real safe.
谢谢你
Thank you.
不要啊
No, no, no, no, no!
她紧张了
Oh. She tensed up.
留着这个还真是明智
It was so smart to save this.
又在呕吐物上滑到了吗
Another vomit-related injury?
不是
No.
撞到了车门上
Slammed it in a car door.
-喝醉了吗 -磕了药
- Drunk? - Acid.
以为我是无形的
Thought I was invisible.
你居然还要去上班
I can't believe you're going to work.
为什么不去
Why not?
你的脚踝肿得和葡萄柚一样大
Your ankle's the size of a grapefruit.
你刚从梯子上摔下来了
You just fell off a freaking ladder.
你居然还没用舌头驾驶轮椅
It's a miracle you're not driving a wheelchair
这真是个奇迹
with your tongue.
我没事啦
I'm fine.
只不过是扭伤...
It's just a sprain...
你想证明什么
What are you trying to prove?
没什么
Nothing.
我有工作
I have a job.
有账单有责任
I've got bills, I've got obligations...
你想让我帮你捡起来吗
Would you like me to pick that up for you?
不用谢谢
No. Thank you.
拿到了
Got it!
汤好了
Soup's up.
天啊
Oh, God.
不要再来汤了
Not more soup.
小心点
Careful.
很烫的
Very hot.
我们地狱见
I'll see you in hell.
为什么看得这么爽
Why is this so enjoyable?
我想是因为我们是坏人
I think 'cause we're bad people.
我了个擦
Son of a bitch.
烫死了
Hot, hot, hot, hot.
烫死了
Hot, hot, hot.
烫死了
Ah, hot.
烫死了
Ah... hot.
我们好像没汤了
It appears we are out of soup.
你怎么这么早就回来了
What are you doing back so early?
加布里埃尔让我回家了
Gabriel sent me home.
他没炒你鱿鱼吧
He didn't fire you, did he?
没有
No.
和你的已婚老板上♥床♥的一个好处就是
The one perk to having slept with your married boss
你有了铁饭碗
is job security.
你去休息吧我来做晚饭