极品老妈

Mom S01E17

Part 1 Jan. 4, 2020, 1:29 p.m.

《极品老妈》前情提要
Previously on Mom.
雷吉娜跟我们讲讲你的事
So, Regina, tell us about you.
我是资金管理人
I'm a money manager.
人们信任地将百万金额交给我管理
People trust me with millions of dollars. So...
没错也许我喜欢的缓解压力的方式
yeah, maybe I like to take the edge off
就是一天下来
at the end of the day
喝几瓶红酒
with a couple bottles of wine.
几杯龙舌兰
Few shots of tequila.
再加一把肌肉松弛剂药片
Fistful of muscle relaxers.
我在和一个贴心聪明的
I'm dating this sweet, smart,
超级大帅哥约会但是他的生活一团糟
smokin' hot guy who's just a train wreck.
我能问你件事吗
Can I ask you something?
好啊
Sure.
戒瘾的人可以抽可♥卡♥因♥吗
Are sober people allowed to do coke?
我跟你说过人们信任地把钱交给我管理吧
You know how I told you people trust me with their money?
记得
Yeah.
他们不该如此
They shouldn't.
我挪用了客户的钱
I embezzled from my clients.
为什么
Why?
那是什么狗屁问题
What kind of question is that?
那要问什么啊
What's a better question?
怎么做到的
How?
总之
Anyway...
今晚我来这里的真正原因是
The real reason I came here tonight was...
我觉得警♥察♥可能在我家等我
I think the police might be waiting for me at my house.
我无法相信他们裁定你有罪
I can't believe they found you guilty.
我相信我偷了三百万
I can. I stole $3 million.
让人对法律制度有了些信心啊
Kind of gives you faith in the legal system.
闭嘴
Shut up.
那么接下来会如何
So what happens next?
有一个判决听证会
There's a sentencing hearing.
希望法官能够轻判
I'm hoping the judge will go easy on me
因为我已经扭转了我的人生
'cause I've been turning my life around.
-有吗 -别逼我筷子精
- Have you? - Don't push me, Chopstick.
也许会把你送去那种
Maybe they'll send you to one of those
时髦的乡村俱乐部风格的监狱
swanky country club jails.
现实点吧我是个黑女人
Get real. I'm a black woman
挪用了白人的钱
who embezzled money from white people.
我要蹲的是监狱中的苦号♥子
I'm going to jail jail.
一块奇巧巧克力威化就能让我出♥卖♥♥♥色相了
Someone's gonna buy my ass for a Kit Kat bar.
这样才公平
Well, it's only fair.
不吃奇巧威化条哪有大屁♥股♥色相可以卖♥♥
Kit Kat bars helped build that thing.
律师说如果有品德证人也许有帮助
My lawyer said it might help if I had some character witnesses.
这么说你需要人为你作证
Oh, so you need people who can testify to
你已经成为了对社会有用的人
how you've turned into a productive member of society.
-是的 -妈呀
- Yeah. - Yikes.
反正我也不是第一次指天发誓后说谎了
Well, it wouldn't be the first time I've lied under oath.
多谢但我希望找一个少一点
Thanks, but I was kind of hoping for someone a little less...
市井味的
sketchy.
真好笑我街头混的绰号♥就叫市井妹
That's funny. Sketchy was my street name.
你怎么样克丽丝蒂
What about you, Christy?
我也没什么诚信可言
Oh, I'm not squeaky clean, either.
尤其是在内华达州
Especially not in Nevada.
犹他州一部分也不行
And parts of Utah.
我被禁止出国旅行
I'm not allowed to travel abroad.
这不是比赛妈
It's not a competition, Mom.
你会很出色的
You'll be great.
看法官的眼神就像那些画中的大眼娃娃一样
Just look at the judge like one of those big-eyed kid paintings.
他就会相信
He'll eat it up.
-你这样想吗 -来一个看看
- You think? - Oh. Show me.
嘴张开一点像快哭的样子
Open your mouth a little, so you look like you're about to cry.
这不就是一脸被软禁样儿吗
Tell me that doesn't look like house arrest to you.
拜托我也能行
Come on, I can do that.
你这模样像是刚吸了油漆毒气的
You look like someone who just huffed some paint.
冲你这句你请客
Okay, for that, you're buying.
妈她要坐牢了
Mom. She's going to prison.
她马上就吃不要钱的牢饭了
Where she will eat for free.
快互助会要迟到了
Come on, we're gonna be late for the meeting.
我去不了
Oh, actually, I can't make it.
我得帮朋友搬家
I've got to help a friend move.
哪个朋友
Who's the friend?
你认识丹妮斯吗
Do you know Denise?
不
No.
就是丹妮斯
It's Denise.
回见了
Catch you later.
你女儿真是个热心人
Your daughter's an amazing woman.
她是个撒谎的贱♥人♥
She's a lying whore.
-什么 -根本没什么丹妮斯
- What? - There's no Denise.
她是去见她的毒虫男友
She's going to see her pothead boyfriend.
我只看到那双无辜的大眼
All I saw was the big eyes.
她出庭的效果会棒极了
She's gonna be great on the stand.
可以走了吗
You ready to go?
我先去下洗手间
Let me just use the ladies' room.
你何不就在大家面前
Why don't you just take a leak
就地嘘嘘呢
right here in front of everybody?
什么
What?
你要坐牢了提前习惯下比较好
You're going to prison, you might as well get used to it.
极品老妈第一季第十七集
你睡着了吗
You asleep?
没有
No.
只是在享受这一刻
Just enjoying the moment.
我也是
Me, too.
如果我跟你说件事
If I tell you something,
你能保证不吓坏吗
you promise you won't freak out?
我尽力我需要抗生素吗
I'll try. Am I gonna need antibiotics?
不是
No.
我想我爱上你了
I think I'm falling in love with you.
你吓坏了吗
You freaked out?
要看情况
That depends.
你现在有多嗨
How high are you right now?
从伍迪·哈里森到威利·尼尔森的程度衡量
On a scale of Woody Harrelson to Willie Nelson.
前者是演员后者是歌♥手都支持大♥麻♥合法化
史诺普·道格[歌♥手]
Snoop Dogg.
这么说也许你会忘记说过这话
So you might not remember this.
我会记得
I'll remember.
传统上来说现在你应该说
Traditionally, this is where you say
你也爱上我了
you're falling in love with me.
老天
Oh, God.
我也许爱上了
I might be.
很好
Good.
准备好来第二回合吗
You ready for round two?
是的
I am.
但我得上班了
But I have to go to work.
别走留下
No, don't go, stay.
我去做华夫饼我给你念我写的诗
I'll make us waffles, I'll read you some of my poetry.
真的吗
Seriously?
我的男人既是消防员还会写诗吗
I've got a fireman who writes poetry?
我比较喜欢当自己是灭火的诗人
I prefer to think of myself as a poet who puts out fires.
该死的
Damn you.
你做什么
What are you doing?
请病假
Calling in sick.
加布里埃尔
Gabriel.
我是克丽丝蒂
It's Christy.
我想我有些不舒服
I-I think I got that thing that's going around.
我今天去不了也许明天上班再见
So I won't be in today, maybe tomorrow. Bye.
好啦我是你的了
All right, I'm all yours.
再用装病的声音说话我觉得好性感
Do that sick voice again. I think it's kind of sexy.
-亲我 -不我错了
- Kiss me. - Nope, I was wrong.
你去哪里了
Hey, where you been?
什么叫我去哪里了
What do you mean, where have I been?
上班
Work.