极品老妈

Mom S01E07

Part 2 Jan. 4, 2020, 1:27 p.m.

Hang on.
让这孩子继续说
Let the boy talk.
我只是在等合适的时机
I was just waiting for the right time.
会是什么时候
Which would be when?
不知道
I don't know.
他们很老了可能很快就挂了
They're old, they could die soon.
问题解决了
Problem solved.
亲爱的别指望这个
Oh, sweetie, don't wish for that.
而且没用的
Besides, it doesn't work.
这样想只会让父母活得更长
If anything, the parent lives longer.
你要告诉你的父母
You need to tell your folks
而且要马上说
and you need to do it immediately.
有点勇气好吗
Oh, sack up.
他们把你的老二全剪了吗
Did they snip off all of your penis?
维奥莉特友好一点
Violet, be nice.
去吧
Go ahead.
你可以的
You can do it.
你愿意和我一起去吗
Would you maybe come with me?
这种事你得独自去做
This is something you have to do yourself.
鼓励一下
Encourage him.
有点男人样好吗
Oh, be a man.
你不是吧
Seriously?
主厨对今日捕获的鱼类食材非常满意
The chef is especially happy with the catch of the day,
是库珀河的三文鱼
which is a Copper River salmon, and...
这边
Psst.
要谈谈
Need to talk.
对不起
Sorry.
三文鱼香煎
the salmon is pan-seared
配上小土豆和皱叶菠菜
with fingerling potatoes and savoy spinach.
好小
Fingerling...
其它的特色菜分别是家养猪排
Uh, the other specials are heritage pork chop,
神户牛排和缅因州龙虾
Kobe beef and Maine lobster,
每天空运引进的地点是
which is flown in daily from...
知道吗知道吗
Anyone? Anyone?
缅因州
Maine.
好的我马上回来
Okay, uh, I'll be right back.
妈
Mom.
出什么事了
What's going on?
我的阴♥道♥ 死了
My vagina is dead.
你在说什么鬼话
What the hell are you talking about?
那个摩托车男
That motorcycle guy.
我把他带回家扯掉他的衣服
I took him back to my place, stripped off his clothes,
在他的健美身躯上舔上舔下
ran my tongue up and down his gorgeous body
什么感觉也没有
and felt nothing.
就像我在舔石头一样
It was like I was licking a rock.
我糊涂了
I'm confused.
你到底有没有和他上♥床♥
Did you sleep with him or not?
没有我想上
Not. I mean, I tried,
但感觉就是我的小弟起不来了
but it was like I-I couldn't get it up.
抱歉我不知道今天是"带母亲工作日"
I'm sorry, I didn't know it was Take Your Mother to Work Day.
对就跟在
Yeah, it comes right after
"与已婚上司上♥床♥周"后面
Sleep with Your Married Boss Week.
继续聊
Carry on.
瞧啊
Well, well.
这只美丽的受伤小鸟是哪里飞来的
Who's this beautiful, wounded bird?
你别浪费时间了
Don't waste your time.
我脖子以下全是麻木的
I'm numb from the neck down.
这么说脑袋还能用咯
So the head's still in play?
别急我来了
Hold your horses, I'm coming.
快看
Ta-da!
我想明白了
I figured it out.
我不会放弃
I'm not giving up.
如果我要走下坡路也要一路奋战
If I'm gonna go down, I'm gonna go down fighting.
只要是站着尿尿的我就上
If it stands up to pee, I'm banging it.
很高兴听到你这么说
Glad to hear it.
我来介绍下那边是卢克的父母
Let me introduce you to Luke's parents.
内森玛丽这是我母亲邦妮
Nathan and Mary, this is my mother, Bonnie.
给两位请安
Howdy-do.
感谢两位前来
I just want to thank both of you
这样我们可以讨论下...
for coming over so we can discuss the, uh...
怀上罪孽之种事件吗
Child conceived in sin?
你说得对我是个酷妈
You're right, I am the cool parent.
卢克你在你父亲的圣经课上
Luke, did you learn nothing
什么也没学到吗
from your father's Bible class?
不好意思什么
I'm sorry, what?
-圣经课 -是的
- Bible class? - Yes.
内森是圣罗莎浸礼会的
Nathan is the head pastor
主任牧师
at the Baptist Church in Santa Rosa.
这也太搞笑了吧
Oh, that's just hilarious.
是吧
Right?
对不起父亲
I'm so sorry, Father.
我只想说
All right, I just want to say
我们都渐渐爱上了你的儿子
that we've all really come to love your son
我知道我女儿好爱他
and I know that my daughter is crazy about him,
我相信他们会有个美满结局的
so I'm sure there's a happy ending in here somewhere.
如果维奥莉特只是给他一个"美满结局" 我们...
If Violet just gave him a happy ending, we...
妈
Mom!
对不起我现在雌性激素严重不足
I'm sorry, I-I'm about a quart low on the estrogen.
你知道我在说什么吧
You know what I'm talking about, right?
听着
Look...
接下来这样做
here's what's going to happen.
所有关于这两个孩子高中毕业后
All of this nonsense about these two kids
就结婚的胡言乱语
getting married after high school
纯属胡言乱语
is just that, nonsense.
绝不会发生
It is not going to happen.
至于孩子的事
Now, as far as the child is concerned,
卢克会提供经济支援
Luke will provide financial support,
如果这孩子是他的种
if in fact it turns out to be his.
什么
What?
维奥莉特放着我来
Violet, I got this.
什么
What?
我们还不确定
We don't know for sure
我们的儿子是不是
that our son is the only boy
你们家小荡♥妇♥唯一的对象
your little temptress has been with.
好吧老兄
Okay, buddy.
让我来把话说清楚
Let's get something clear...
克丽丝蒂放着我来
Christy, I got this.
关于我们这家人你只需要了解
Here's all you need to know about this family.
每一代
With every generation,
都比上一代更好
we are getting better.
没错
That's right.
所以我也许是个喝酒的荡♥妇♥
So, I may have been a drunken slut...
她的确是
She was.
我女儿也许是个喝酒的荡♥妇♥
...and my daughter may have been a drunken slut...
等等
Hang on a second.
怎么了
What?
没事了继续吧
Never mind. Go on.
但我外孙女这个温柔的天使
...but my granddaughter, this tender angel,
她和雪花一样纯洁
she was pure as the driven snow
然后她抽了你儿子的大♥麻♥ 喝了他的龙舌兰
until she smoked your son's weed, drank his tequila,
和他激♥情♥滚床单过程只持续了两分钟
and then made passionate love with him for about two minutes.
我说得对吗亲爱的
Am I telling it right, honey?
差不多吧
Yeah, sorta.
所以少在我们面前摆高姿态牧师
So don't you take the high road with us, Pastor.
我知道你这类人
I know your type.
我跟许多神职人员都上过床
I have bedded my share of clergy.
玛丽卢克我们走
Mary, Luke, let's go.
不我爱维奥莉特我要和她长相厮守
No, I love Violet and I'm gonna stick by her
只要她愿意要我
for as long as she'll have me.
上车
Get in the car.
回头给你打电♥话♥