极品老妈

Mom S01E11

Part 1 Jan. 4, 2020, 1:28 p.m.

只有我这样觉得吗
Is it just me,
还是说德洛丽丝的年纪老得有点不合适
or is Dolores a little too old to be wearing a skirt
穿那么短的裙子来开会了
that short to a meeting?
对 70岁的人可不能在"永远21"连锁里购物
Yeah. When you're 70, you should not shop at Forever 21.
而且我觉得她没穿内♥裤♥
And I don't think she was wearing underwear.
我坐在她的对面她的确没穿
Oh, I was sitting across from her. She wasn't.
她下面就像棉花糖一样
It looked like cotton candy down there.
老天应该有人跟她说说
Oh, God, somebody should tell her.
这样如何德洛丽丝放长裙子
Yeah? How'd that go? "Dolores, honey, lower the skirt
或是修剪一下女巫扫帚
or trim the witch broom."
这样不错或者直入主题也行
That's good. Or, you know, just go right at it.
翘个二郎腿吧老太太 "白发"苍苍露出来
"Cross your legs, granny, I can see your yammy."
老太太露出来不好笑吗
Granny? Yammy? Nothing?
对不起我有点心事
Sorry. I'm a little preoccupied.
你还好吧
Is everything okay?
当然
Oh, sure.
只是除了
Other than, you know,
得了癌症
Having cancer.
你没有笑
Oh, you're not laughing.
哪一种
What kind?
乳腺癌
Breast.
但是发现得早
But we caught it early,
有很大的机会我能痊愈
so there's a good chance I'll be okay.
这是好消息啊
Well, that's great news.
非常好
Yeah, that's great.
癌症
Cancer.
抱歉
Sorry.
-不准对我区别对待 -不会
- Don't you dare treat me differently. - No.
-当然不会 -不会的
- Of course not. - No. No.
回家的路上提醒我
Remind me on the way home
我得买♥♥些巧克力蛋糕原料
I gotta pick up some brownie makings
罗斯科学校明天有义卖♥♥活动
for Roscoe's bake sale tomorrow.
你真的要在晚上11点开始烤蛋糕吗
You're actually gonna start baking at 11:00 at night?
我知道真是噩梦
I know, it's a nightmare.
和你的遭遇相比不值一提
Not like what you're going through.
给你
Here you go.
你这是做什么
What are you doing?
怎么啦她说了不能区别对待
What? She told us not to treat her any differently.
极品老妈第一季第十一集
玛乔丽的事真可怕
Oh, it's awful about Marjorie, huh?
是啊
Yeah.
她看起来不像生病了
I mean, she doesn't look sick.
她点的是汤
She did order soup.
这是生病人士的官方认证食物
That is the official food of sick people.
也许她是瞎编的
Or maybe she's making it up.
谁会瞎编癌症
Who makes up cancer?
我编过一次
I did once.
我不想伤害那个男人的感情
You know, I-I didn't want to hurt a guy's feelings.
五年后在好市多量贩碰到他
Then I ran into him five years later at a Costco.
尽力说服他这是个奇迹
Tried to tell him it was a miracle.
谁会想到这种事还会引火上身
Who'd have thought that would backfire?
就是啊我再也不去好市多了
I know, I never go to Costco.
我不知道碰到这种情况该怎么做
I just never know what to do in these situations.
你觉得她注意到我没拥抱她吗
Do you think she noticed I didn't give her a hug?
对你怎么回事
Yeah, what was that all about?
到中途时我慌了
I panicked halfway in.
我可不想把癌症压得到处乱窜
I didn't want to... smoosh the cancer.
但是拳头碰拳头也够奇怪的
Well, the fist bump was an odd choice.
我的天
God.
这下我们的问题都可以看淡了
It really puts our problems in perspective.
是啊
Yeah.
相比之下咱们的问题算什么啊
Everything seems small by comparison.
是吧
Right?
我们应该更加感恩才对
We need to be more grateful.
阿门
Amen.
绿灯就是让你走白♥痴♥
Green means go, stupid!
从现在开始
Starting now.
我刚刚在洗手间检查了一下
I was just checking myself in the bathroom.
怎么样
How'd you do?
我想我没事
I think I'm okay.
有一些雀斑
I, uh... I got a couple of freckles
我得注意下
I'm gonna keep an eye on.
-你呢 -我没事
- You? - I'm good.
只是摸得我有点欲♥火♥焚身了
Just made myself a little horny.
见鬼见鬼见鬼
Damn it, damn it, damn it!
她是怎么啦
What's that about?
她17岁又怀孕了
She's 17 and pregnant.
我很意外她没有整天这样狂躁
I'm surprised she doesn't do that all day.
我进来啦
Hello?
拜托锁上门吧
Oh, come on! Lock the door!
不是你误会了
Oh, no, no. No.
我是想帮她穿上裤子不是脱下来
I'm trying to put 'em on, not take 'em off.
什么
What?
我的裤子没有一条穿得上
None of my stupid pants fit.
快点用点力行吗
Come on, put some muscle into it!
这样不是把宝宝压扁了吗
Aren't we squishing the baby?
宝宝没事
The baby's fine.
把我的破裤子扣上
Button my damn pants!
救命
Help.
维奥莉特你怀孕了
Violet, you're pregnant.
你应该知道会有这种结果
You had to know this was coming.
我知道但我还是希望样子漂亮
I did, but I still want to look hot.
你很漂亮所以你才会怀孕
You were hot, that's why you're pregnant.
这话没错
It's true.
真不公平
Well, it's not fair.
不公平
Not fair?
我告诉你吧
Oh, I've got news for you,
这只是开始
This is just the beginning.
几个月后你会长胖
A couple of months from now, you're gonna be packin' on
30磅你会长妊娠纹
another 30 pounds, you'll have stretch marks,
胸部会变得超级大
your boobs'll be enormous,
-还有痔疮 -再说下胸部吧
- And there's hemorrhoids... - What's that about the boobs?
闭嘴
Shut up.
但你知道吗
And you know what?
这些都不重要
None of that stuff matters,
因为你是健康的
Because you're healthy.
健康就是一切
And healthy is everything.
这是世界上最重要的事
It's the most important thing in the world.
我明白但是
Yeah, I get it, but...
但是没什么
But nothing!
脱掉该死的牛仔裤
Now take those stupid jeans off,
穿上运动裤祈祷剖腹产吧
put on some sweatpants and pray for a c-section
因为这个小屁孩
'cause that bundle of joy's
在出来的途中会在下面引起不良后果
gonna do some damage on its way out.
精彩
Bravo.
老天
Ooh, god.
很抱歉我这么早过来
I'm sorry to come by so early,
我为克丽丝蒂儿子学校的义卖♥♥
but I made brownies for Christy
做了巧克力蛋糕
for her son's bake sale.
-什么 -是的
- What? - Yeah.
贴了标签了
They're labeled.
这是普通的巧克力蛋糕
Okay, these are regular brownies,
这些是无糖无奶无谷蛋白的
and these have no sugar, no dairy and no gluten.
我管这个叫三无蛋糕
I call them frownies.
什么
What?
出什么事了
What's going on?
玛乔丽为罗斯科学校的义卖♥♥做了巧克力蛋糕
Uh, Marjorie made brownies for Roscoe's bake sale.
谢天谢地我完全忘记了
Oh, thank god, I completely forgot.
玛乔丽你救了我的命
Marjorie, you saved my life.
我是说
I mean...
你还好吗