说唱王戴夫

Dave S01E03

Part 3 April 5, 2020, 5:35 p.m.

我们要吃饭了
we about to eat.
-好吧 -真的很恶心
- Oh, okay. Well... - Yeah, it's really gross.
-快给我恶心吐了 -和你想的一样恶心
- It's disgusting. - It's-it's as gross as you think it is.
艾丽还不知道
Ally doesn't even know about it.
-你女朋友没看过你的鸡♥巴♥吗 -没错
- So your girl has never seen your dick? - Correct.
-真够扯的 -没错我控制灯光
- That's crazy. - Yeah. I control the lighting.
下一个话题不要停
Next subject. Let's keep it rolling.
她到底想让我♥干♥嘛
What does she want me to do?
对她说下流话吗
Start talking dirty or something? Like...
没错人们在做♥爱♥的时候都会说下流话
Yeah. That's what people do. They talk dirty during sex.
-莫名其妙就说了吗 -没错大家都这样
- Out of nowhere? - Yes. That's what everybody does.
你应该要像迈克·泰森一样咬她的耳朵
You're supposed to nibble on her ear like Mike Tyson.
诸如此类的
All that type of stuff, bro.
-你应该把这种事做个遍 -不行
- You supposed to do all of that. - I can't.
太不符合人设了我不能突然之间
It's so out of character. I can't all of a sudden just be,
变成另一个人太离谱了
like, a different person. Like, that's crazy.
-你会说什么盖塔 -我会说
- What do you say, Gata? - I say things like,
"亲爱的你的美令人倍感鼓舞
"Baby, your beauty is inspiring.
你是我今天见过的最美好的事物
You're the best thing I've seen all day.
你简直就是美丽最完美的化身"
You're a fine display of greatness at its greatest."
能给我你的电♥话♥号♥码吗
Can I have your phone number, or no?
我没电♥话♥
I don't have a phone.
我一会儿回来为你们点菜好吗
I'll be back to take your order in a moment. Okay?
你和姑娘搭讪的本领确实厉害
I'm impressed by the way you talk to girls.
你无所畏惧就算是在今天这种时候
You have no fear, even in today's climate,
-还是做你自己 -什么
- of being yourself. - What?
他说的是"我也是受害者"运动
He's talking about the #MeToo movement.
美国反性骚扰运动,呼吁遭受性侵犯女性说出惨痛经历
-我完全支持 -是啊性骚扰之类的
- Oh. I'm with all of that. - Yeah. Sexual harassment.
-不过管它呢我也得做自己 -没错
- But shit, I got to be me, too. - Yeah.
好了我们能回到正题吗
All right. Can we get back to the issue here?
上我女朋友的时候到底该说什么
What am I supposed to say when I fuck my girlfriend?
-我先说吗 -你说吧埃尔兹
- Am I first? - Okay. Yeah. Go-go ahead, Elz.
往她嘴里吐口水
Spit in her mouth.
-天哪 -我说"张嘴"
- Oh, my God. - I say, "Open your mouth,"
-然后直接吐吗 -没错
- and I go... - Yeah.
-没错 -她会觉得
- Yeah. - She's gonna think I have...
我得了脑动脉瘤之类的病
like, I'm having, like, a brain aneurysm.
-你得去试试 -这些事
- You got to try these things. - All of this shit
都太离谱了我又不可能会对她说
is so ridiculous. I'm not gonna be like,
"你需要这个"
"Oh, you need this."
-谁会说这种话 -不你到底在
- Who the fuck says things like that? - No. What the fuck are you
-说什么 -这算什么 70年代的黄♥片♥吗
- talking about? - What is this, '70s porno?
好了好了那你有什么想法帅哥
Yeah. Okay, great. What do you say, hotshot?
你为什么要表现得那么奇怪为什么不直接
Why are you being so weird about this? Why don't you just, like,
和她一起看黄♥片♥ 大家都会和女朋友一起看片
watch porn with her? Everybody does that -with their girlfriend.
是啊我♥干♥脆直接说
Yeah, why don't I say,
"艾让我给你放一部片
"Hey, Al. Let me load up a video of a guy
里面那家伙的鸡♥巴♥有三十厘米长呢"
with an 11 and a half-inch cock made of meat."
-对啊 -"你可以拿他的大鸡♥巴♥
- Yeah. - "You can compare it
-和我的金针菇比一比" -等等
- to my shredded wheat dick..." - Hold up.
等等我的牙饰呢
Hold up, man. Where the fuck is my grill at, man?
刚刚还在黑色餐巾里包着呢
I just had it right here in a black napkin, man.
什么情况
What the fuck?
-什么 -我的牙饰呢
- What? - Where the hell is my grill?
-你们没注意吗 -没注意你的牙饰
- Y'all not paying attention? - Not to your grill.
我他妈才不关心你的牙饰
I don't give a fuck about your grill.
他之前清理过桌子
He was cleaning up the table.
-好吧 -不见了
- Okay, well... - It's gone, though.
这牙饰值很多钱吗
Is this, like, a million-dollar grill?
-什么情况 -我花了三百买♥♥的
- What's the...? - Dude, I paid $300 for it, bro.
好吧就把它当成光明节的一个夜晚吧
All right. Think of it as, like, one night of Hanukkah.
-多大事啊 -给
- It's not a huge deal. - Oh, and then there you go.
就这样问题解决了
Just like that. Problem solved.
-齐瓦哥医生 -真是我的好兄弟
- Doctor Zhivago. - My nigga, dude.
好兄弟
My nigga.
-在餐馆工手上 -谢谢
- The busboy had it. - Thank you, bro.
我不指望你们能理解
I wouldn't expect y'all to relate to it.
-我可是贫民区出身的 -什么意思
- I'm from the trenches, bro. - What do you mean?
别把我和他们归为一类
Don't loop me in with these fucking guys.
我来自芝加哥西部
I'm from the West Side of Chicago.
也别把我和他归为一类
Yeah, don't loop me in with this guy, either.
看看我咱们俩一样
Look at me. We the same.
哥们懂我意思吧
This nigga, you know what I'm saying?
大家一直都在说"你就是有钱的黑人孩子"
Everybody keeps saying, "Ooh, you're the rich black kid."
不我不是有钱的黑人孩子有钱的是我父母
No, I'm not the rich black kid. My parents have money.
但当我离家之后
But when I left...
-就和我没关系了 -还是一♥码♥事
- That has nothing to do with me. - That's the same shit.
我也可以为你做点什么老兄
I can do something for you, too, man.
我可以帮你解决看费西演出的问题
I can fix that streaming issue you having to watch Phish.
你真的可以吗
Can you seriously do that?
我就像黑人版的奈尔·德葛拉司·泰森
Dude, I'm like a black Neil deGrasse Tyson.
著名天体物理学家
-他本来就是黑人 -我知道
- He is black. - I know.
我到底该怎么上我的女朋友
How do I fuck my girlfriend?
听到他说唱得那么露骨
It was just, like, such a shock
真是让我吃了一惊
to hear him talk so explicitly in his music.
感觉就像真正的戴夫
Like, real Dave...
-扔了吧 -好的
- Oh, throw that away. - Yeah.
真正的戴夫绝对不会那么说话
Real Dave would never talk like that. Like, it was
那么有男人味那么咄咄逼人那么性感
so manly and, like, aggressive and hot.
-感觉就像 -挺好的
- And, like... - That's good.
-对吧我当时心里就想管它呢 -没错
- Right? Yeah. And I was like, fuck it. - Yeah.
我就直接让他舔吧
I'll just fucking ask.
现在真的非常尴尬
And then now it's the most uncomfortable dyna--
你都想不到有多尴尬
It's insane how uncomfortable it is now.
我喜欢别人舔我屁♥眼♥
I love getting my ass eaten.
比起直接上我我前男友更喜欢这个
My last boyfriend liked that more than fucking me.
他的脸就像长在我屁♥股♥下面一样
Just lived down there.
整挺好
That sounds so tight.
正因为这样感觉很好所以才尴尬
And it sucks because it has been great.
我真的想出了
Like, I really have figured out
能让自己不断高♥潮♥的办法
how to make myself come really consistently,
罗布从来没办到过
which never happened with Rob.
我恨死罗布了
I fucking hated Rob.
等等让自己达到高♥潮♥是什么意思
Wait. What do you mean, make yourself come?
戴夫没法让你高♥潮♥吗
Dave doesn't make you come?
不戴夫
No, Dave...
戴夫的鸡♥巴♥插在我下面呢
It's-it's Dave's penis inside of me.
好吧那你们的性生活怎么样一言不发地做吗
Well, what is the sex like? Do y'all fuck in silence?
不充满了激♥情♥
No. There's passion and...
和呻♥吟♥
moaning.
-他会呻♥吟♥ -呻♥吟♥
- He moans. - Moans?
那你就躺在那儿
So, y-you just lay there,
他一边一言不发地干♥你♥ 一边呻♥吟♥吗
and he's silently humping you and moaning?
你们会有眼神交流吗
Do you make eye contact?
不会
No.
为了集中精神我会闭上眼睛
I close my eyes to-to focus.
-为了逃避现实吗 -不是的
- To escape reality? - No!
我不是那个意思我是
I'm not-- I'm saying I am, like...
集中精力幻想戴夫
you know, focusing on picturing Dave.
另一个版本的戴夫
Just, like, a different version of Dave.
你是老师艾
You're a teacher, Al.
你等的就是这一刻
You were made for this moment, you know?
你得释放他
You just got to, like... unlock him.
懂我意思吗释放他
You know what I mean? Just unlock him.
酒类零售处
我们家以前有一辆君威
Yeah, we used to have a Regal.
我爸爱喝烈酒然后他喝醉了
My dad likes the sauce, so he got drunk
撞上了树后来我们又有了一辆卡特拉斯
and smashed it against a tree. Then we had a Cutlass.
那是我最喜欢的家用车
That was my favorite family car.
你们还有卡特拉斯真的吗