说唱王戴夫
Dave
第一季
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说唱王戴夫
Dave S01E03
Part 2
April 5, 2020, 5:35 p.m.
Just a few choice items. That'd be over here.
把灯关了
Turn the light down, like that.
好了
Okay.
把台灯的角度调节一下
I'm just gonna angle this lamp like that.
我正在解扣子
I know, I'm just in the unbuttoning process.
我们马上就要双宿双飞了
And we are... getting real close to blastoff.
这年头的牛仔裤可紧了
Skinny jeans these days, you know?
我有点渴
I'm very thirsty.
我得先解解渴
And I just want to nip this in the bud before...
省的我们大战三百回合的时候停不下来
we get too far down the rabbit hole.
这很重要
That was important.
-你好了吗 -我们进行到哪一步了
- You good? - Where were we?
-我不行了 -别别别
- I-I can't. - No, no, no. No, no.
-我不行了 -我要高♥潮♥了 快到了
- I can't. - I'm so close, I'm so close, I'm so close.
我撑不住自己了 不行了 我累死了
I can't hold my weight up. I can't. I'm... taxed.
好吧 起来 我趴过来
Okay, get up, get up. I'll turn around.
你...
Oh, you...
-后入啊 -没错
- Backwards. - Yeah.
-舔我屁♥眼♥ -你说啥
- Eat my ass. - Huh?
德雷克
最后你是不是说了什么
Did you say something at the end?
不 你说了些什么
No, I-I... You said something.
不 没什么
No. It was nothing.
你是不是让我舔你屁♥眼♥
Did you ask me to eat your ass?
是啊
Yeah.
-没错 -你是这么说的吗
- Yeah. - That's what you said?
没错
Yeah.
你是在开玩笑吗
Were you, were you joking?
没有
No.
-你认真的吗 -对 我没开玩笑
- You were being serious? - Yeah, I wasn't joking.
你当时还插在里面 我没开玩笑
You were inside of me. I wasn't making a joke.
你想让我舔你屁♥眼♥
You want me to eat your ass?
是的 没错
I did, yeah. Yes.
艾 我是绝不会舔你的屁♥眼♥的
Al, I would never eat your ass in a million years.
这话我得跟你明说
I'm just being really open about that. Like, that's...
当我说 "你的"
And when I say "Your,"
我不是说 你的屁♥眼♥
I do not mean, like, your, like, asshole is worse than,
就比一般人的屁♥眼♥差
like, the typical asshole.
我永远不会舔瑞秋·麦克亚当斯的屁♥眼♥
I would never eat Rachel McAdams's asshole.
-我也永远不会舔碧昂丝的屁♥眼♥ -好吧
- I would never eat... Beyoncé's asshole. - Okay.
如果你提出来的话 我会舔你的屁♥眼♥
I would eat your ass if you asked.
我永远不会提这种要求的 你在开玩笑吗
I would never put you through that. Are you kidding?
我的屁♥眼♥是全世界最恶心的地方之一
My asshole is one of the most disgusting places on Earth.
那里总是有些残屑 还有蛋糕之类的
There's always debris and, like, cake down there.
-你不会想舔的 -蛋糕
- You don't want to eat that. - Cake?
你不会想知道那是什么意思的
Yeah. You don't want to find out what that means.
好吧 我说那些话只是因为你那首歌♥
Okay, well, I only said it because of your song.
说唱的歌♥词里有 我想你可能会喜欢
And you were rapping about it, and I thought you might like it
可能我也会喜欢 那一起做一下岂不美哉
and I might like it, and it'd be fun to do together.
我明白这是怎么回事了 你在歌♥里听到了这句话
I totally understand what's happening now-- you heard it in the song.
没错
Yeah.
说唱是一种带有强烈性♥欲♥的流派
Rap is a very sexually charged genre.
你在我的歌♥里唱到一些东西
Just 'cause you hear me say something in a song
并不意味着我就想这么做
does not mean that's what I want to do.
我只是在给人们唱他们想听到的东西
I'm just kind of, like, giving the people what they want.
好吧 你想干什么 你想做些什么
Okay, well, what do you want? What do you want to do?
-哪方面的 -性方面的
- About what? - Sexually.
-跟我说说 -你知道的
- Enlighten me. - You don't-- you know,
我觉得你... 我不觉得
I think you-- I don't think that, you know,
我觉得你应该都知道
I don't think there's much you don't know.
比如传教士体♥位♥ 我喜欢69式
Like, missionary. I like when you flip around.
不 我是说 你会对着什么撸管
No. I mean, okay, what do you jerk off to?
普通的黄♥片♥ 真的 黄♥片♥
Like, regular porn, honestly. Like porn.
-哪种黄♥片♥ 你看哪种 -高清的
- What kind of porn? What do you watch? - HD.
-戴夫 -我没开玩笑 高...
- Dave. - I'm serious. Like, high...
-我也没开玩笑 -你会惊讶于
- I'm serious, too. - High-- You'd be shocked
多少片子的分辨率都到不了720P
at how many things are, like, below 720,
-看那些玩意儿会被抓起来的 -好吧 但是
- and you get in there and you're handcuffed. - Okay, but,
你会看哪种奇怪的黄♥片♥
like, what's the weird thing that you watch?
-每个人会有奇怪的点 -我不知道
- Everybody has, like, a weird thing. - I don't know.
-我没什么奇怪的点 -你肯定有
- I don't have a weird thing. Like, I... - Yes, you do.
-快点 告诉我 -挤奶片
- Come on. Tell me. Tell me. - Milking porn.
-好 我现在就到你下面去 -我懂了
- Oh, yeah, I'm gonna get under you now. - Okay, I get it.
这个桌子上有个洞
So there's a big board with a hole in it,
你把鸡♥巴♥塞进那个洞里
and the penis goes in the hole.
没错
Yeah.
然后我就钻到桌子底下
And then, I would go under it,
这就叫挤奶 就是给你撸管
and that's the milking, is the jerking off.
-还是你想让我给你口♥交♥ -不不不
- Or would you want-- Do you want me to blow you? - No, no, no.
-我可以给你口 -不不不
- I could blow-- Like... - No, no...
我不想让你对我做这些事
I don't want you to do any of this to me. That's...
你问我 我对着撸过的最奇怪的东西
You asked me the weirdest thing I've ever jerked off to, like,
我就想到了这个
this is what popped into my head.
但我并没有"我们来试试"的意思
This is not me saying, "Let's go do this."
好吧 我不会
Okay. I'm not, like,
-对你评头论足什么的 -好吧 什么
- judging you or... - Yeah. What?
-什么 -不 我知道 挺好
- What? - No, I know. Good.
-咱俩没事了吗 -算是吧
- Is that-- Are we good? - Y-Yeah. Yeah.
你... 是的
You're-- Yeah.
-好吧 -挤奶
- Okay. - Milking.
挤奶 我们去睡觉吧
Milking. Let's go to bed.
-好的 -晚安
- Okay. - Good night.
晚安
Good night.
我爱你
I love you.
我也爱你
I love you as well.
我的苹果账户总是自动注销
I keep logging out of my Apple I.D.,
现在我都没办法看费西的演出了
and now I'm not gonna be able to stream this Phish show.
-真烦人 -费西是什么
- This is so annoying. - What's Phish, bro?
-是一个乐队 -所以戴夫现在才会一脸懵逼
- It's a band. - Oh, that's why Dave's all in a fucking trance.
因为他看不了费西的演出了
'Cause he can't stream his Phish.
不 我一脸懵逼是因为你毁了我的人生
No, I'm in a trance because you ruined my life
还让艾丽留在了录音室
and you let Ally stay on the session.
她听到了那段舔屁♥眼♥的说唱
She heard the rap I had about eating ass,
现在她想让我舔她的屁♥眼♥
and now she wants me to eat her ass
还要体验各种奇怪的性癖
and do all these crazy sexual things.
-你听到了吗 -没错 你毁了我的人生
- You hear this? - Yeah. You've ruined my life.
谢谢你允许她留下
Thank you for allowing that.
等等 你舔屁♥眼♥了吗
Hold on, bro. You be eating ass?
-没有 -我们刚刚腾出一张桌子
- No. - We are just clearing a table,
如果你们跟我来 就能入座
but we can seat you if you'll come this way.
太好了 多谢
Oh, amazing. Thank you so much.
老哥 你生我的气是因为
Bro, you're upset with me because
她想和你体验更刺♥激♥的性♥爱♥吗
she wants to have cooler sex with you?
-这我就不懂了 -没错 就因为这个
- I don't understand that. - Yeah, exactly.
我不想要更刺♥激♥的性♥爱♥
I don't want to have cooler sex.
我就喜欢那种平平无奇
I like my sex the way it is where it's plain
毫无任何期待的性♥爱♥
and there's zero expectations.
我不想有这种感觉 比如
I don't want to have to feel like,
-"还可以再挑逗一下这姑娘的欲望" -很明智
- "Oh, this girl needs her appetite whet," You know? - Very smart.
无聊的性♥爱♥ 这才是真爱永恒的关键 太明智了
That's how love lasts. Boring sex. Smart.
是因为你对自己的...
It's 'cause you're uncomfortable about your...
是啊 当然了
Yeah, yeah.
等等 都坐在这了 就不能再藏着掖着了
Hold on. Ain't no room for no inside info at this table.
到底怎么回事 给我补充一下背景信息
What's going on? Catch me up to speed.
你不能告诉别人 他们俩是
You can't tell anybody. They're, like, the only two people
-唯一知道这件事的人 -千万不能告诉别人
- that know this. - Don't tell anybody.
-我不会的 -我是认真的
- I'm not, man. - I'm serious. I'm...
-他非常认真 -我嘴巴封好了
- He's being dead serious. - I'm-I'm locked in.
好吧 我的鸡♥巴♥有先天缺陷
All right, so I have birth defects on my penis,
我必须得去做手术
and, like, I had to have surgery on it.
别说了 哥们 我可不想听
I'm cool, bro. I ain't trying to hear all that, bro
说唱王戴夫
Dave
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