说唱王戴夫
Dave
第一季
剧集 | 说唱王戴夫 | 导航列表
说唱王戴夫
Dave S01E01
Part 1
April 5, 2020, 5:34 p.m.
♪我这辈子就想当个说唱歌♥手♪
♪ My whole life I just wanted to be a rapper ♪
♪当我长大 我终于走上说唱之途♪
♪ Then I grew'd up and the boy became a rapper ♪
♪我姐让我带上金包装避孕套♪
♪ And my older sister made me wear the golden wrapper ♪
♪她说 "当心 因为你也知道"♪
♪ She said, "Watch out, 'cause you know" ♪
♪"女人会缠住你"♪
♪ "The hos will trap ya." ♪
你好 我是梅克巴姆医生
Hello there. I'm Dr. Mecklebaum.
-我是戴夫·伯德 你好吗 -我很好 幸会
- I'm Dave Burd. How are you? - Good. Good to see you.
所以 你今天为什么而来
So, what brings you in today?
几天前 我在剃毛
So, a few days ago I was shaving,
我注意到毛区那儿有红色痘痘
and I noticed these red bumps on my pubiscus,
-我就想... -毛区
- and I just wanted... - P-Pubiscus?
大概不是那玩意儿的医学术语吧
That's probably not the medical term for it.
就是 如果你不剃的话
Like, where your pubic hair would be
阴毛所在的位置
if you didn't shave it all the way.
-明白了 好的 -对 对
- Oh, copy that. All right. - Yeah. Yeah.
那咱们来看看吧
So, well, let's take a look.
好的 尽管我知道这话听起来很荒唐
Yes, and I know this is gonna sound so absurd,
但在我给你看鸡♥巴♥之前
but before I can just show you my penis,
-我得向你解释一些事情 -好的
- I do have to kind of explain a few things about it to you. - Okay.
我下面的状况 比较奇特
I just have, like, a very bizarre situation down--
好吧 我出生的时候
Okay, when I was born,
尿道缠结在了一起
I came out of the womb with a tangled urethra,
所以他们马上给我做各种手术
so immediately they had to go in and do all types of surgery to it.
所以我下面有很多道疤
As a result, there's so much scarring down there.
-当然 -你也知道 阴囊表面的纹理
- Sure. - And then, I mean, you know how the skin on your testicles
和包皮并不相同
is a different type of skin than the skin on your penis?
褶子更多 还有许多毛囊
It's more... chicken-skinned or ribbed.
所以呢
Yeah?
所以我的包皮就是由这种褶子组成
So my dick skin is actually made of that exact same style of ribbing.
直到根部 都是褶子
All the way up my shaft-- ribs.
我的猜想是 当他们不得不换掉坏死的包皮时
So my theory is: when they had to replace the hacked-off dick skin,
他们用了我阴囊表皮来替换
they used my testicle skin to replace it.
也就是说 我的鸡♥巴♥ 是由蛋蛋组成的
Which would mean that my dick is made of balls.
这话我可不会轻易说出来
I couldn't be more precious about this information.
我女朋友对此都一无所知
My own girlfriend doesn't know anything about this
因为我很擅长调节灯光...
because I'm so good at controlling the lighting and...
如果你不介意的话
Well, if-if you're comfortable,
我很乐意看一眼
I'm-I'm more than happy to take a look.
我就是得解释一下
I just had to explain all that,
免得你看到了之后一脸...
'cause I didn't want you to look at it and be like...
-你懂吧 -懂
- You know? -Yeah.
行 没事
Yeah. Sure.
-好的 -好的
- Okay. - Okay.
我看着像剃毛引起的激凸
Those look like razor bumps to me.
好吧 但生殖器疱疹不是有相同症状吗
Okay. I mean, but can't genital herpes look like razor bumps?
谁说这是激凸的
Who's to say that it's razor bumps?
我说的 我是专业的
I'm to say. It's my job.
你应该知道 网络医疗社区
Well, you should know there's a very big disconnect
和实体机构之间
between the online medical community
还是有很大区别的
and the brick-and-mortar establishments, like...
你是说... 医生吧
You mean... doctors.
趁着我还没走 快速咨♥询♥一下
While I have you here, real quick,
我知道这是完全不同的医学领域
I know this is a totally different field of medicine.
但我背上长了很多莫名其妙的痘痘
I have all this acne on my back that came out of nowhere...
-我不懂 -囊块
- Yeah, not me. - Cystic.
这块不是我的专攻领域
Yeah, not it. No, it's not me.
我觉得你肯定比普通人知道的多
I just figured you must know more than, like, the common man.
我可以把你介绍给别的医生
I could refer you to somebody.
-不是我的领域 -谢谢
- Not my field. - Thank you.
-不客气 戴夫 -我该去哪儿付钱
- You're welcome, Dave. - Hey, where do I pay?
♪你好 我是戴夫♪
♪ Hi, I'm Dave ♪
♪我是利尔·迪基♪
♪ I'm Lil Dicky ♪
说唱王戴夫
第一季 第一集
♪你好 我是戴夫♪
♪ Hi, I'm Dave ♪
♪谁是戴夫♪
♪ Who's Dave? ♪
♪你好 我是戴夫♪
♪ Hi, I'm Dave. ♪
录音室
我走错房♥间了吗 这里是录音室A吗
Is this the right room? Is this Studio A?
这他妈是什么味道
The fuck is that smell, man?
天哪 这家伙总是带着金枪鱼味走进来
Oh, man, this dude always coming in here with this tuna fish shit.
好吧 我们要出去吗
Okay, are we leaving?
我马上就回来
I'm gonna be right back.
你为什么要这样闯进录音现场
Why the fuck would you just walk into a session like that?
你不是说"随时都可以来"吗
You said "come anytime," those were your words.
是啊 过来 在大厅晃晃
Yeah, come by, kick it in the lounge and, like,
见见人 跟人聊聊 混混熟
I don't know, meet people, talk to people, make connections.
你别在录音的时候闯进来啊
Don't come into a fucking studio session
还带着金枪鱼味 难闻死了
with tuna fish. It smells crazy.
原谅我不知道这条特别规定
Well, forgive me for not knowing this incredibly specific rule.
那是YG吗 天哪
Is that YG? Oh, my God.
没错 那是YG 他们过来了
They're-- Yep, that's YG. They're coming.
看见他们就直接抽他丫的 别废话
Whup their ass when you see 'em, straight like that.
-嗯 -怎么了
- Yeah. - What's up?
录音室里一股金枪鱼味 臭死了
Studio smell like tuna, man. This shit stank.
怎么回事
Fuck going on?
那群人真可怕
That's a scary group of men.
他的颈纹上有纹身
He had tattoos on the creases of his neck.
我很害怕 当我跟他们说话的时候
I'm so scared. I don't know if I'm supposed to speak
我不知道我该不该说
or not speak when I'm spoken to or...
听起来很不好合作的样子
Doesn't sound like a very collaborative setting to me.
-确实 -你有没有可能让他们看看我的视频
- Not at all. - Is there any window for you to show them my video?
没门的 这些帮派分子不喜欢下流笑话
No. These gang members obviously do not like dick jokes.
你得了解你的听众 你就像我的亲姐妹
Know your audience, my dude. I love you like a sister.
我得走了
I have to leave.
-短♥信♥联♥系♥ -不
- Text me. - Nope.
利尔·迪基 -《我的鸡♥巴♥弱爆了》(官方版视频)
♪我的鸡♥巴♥弱爆了 我的鸡♥巴♥弱爆了♪
♪ My dick sucks, my dick sucks. ♪
等等 等等
Hold up. Hold the fuck up.
你不是油管上鸡♥巴♥很小的说唱歌♥手吗
Ain't you the YouTube rapper with the small dick and all that?
-我看过那个视频 -你喜欢吗
- I've seen that video. - Did you like it?
喜欢啊 还挺硬核的
Yeah, that shit go hard.
你不知道你这话让我有多开心
You have no idea how happy this makes me.
我这辈子都在努力讨好你们这种...
Like, I live my entire life trying to impress people of your...
血统的人
pedigree.
-我是戴夫 -戴夫 你就是个白♥痴♥
- I'm Dave. - Dave, you a fool.
我是盖塔 鳄鱼的那个盖塔
I'm Gata, like alligator.
我才卷好这根
I just rolled this chopstick.
你想抽点大♥麻♥吗
You trying to smoke some weed?
抽大♥麻♥ 我想不想抽大...
Smoke weed? Do I want to smoke wee...?
还是算了吧 谢谢你
I don't think-- No, no, thank you.
所以你是个说唱歌♥手 却不吞云吐雾
So you a rapper, and you don't blow bud?
我没说我不抽 我抽的
I didn't say that, I smoke.
我抽大♥麻♥就像睡前一杯酒一样
I treat it like a glass of wine at the end of the day.
如果我抽得太早 我会觉得我在浪费人生
If I smoked this early, I'd feel like a total waste of life.
你刚刚有没有看到YG在这里
But did you see that YG's here?
是啊 不然你以为我为什么会在这里
Yeah, why you think I'm here?
我哥们比诺一直给他供货
My nigga Bino sell him tree all the time.
我怎么才能让YG那样的大佬来跟我合作一曲
How would I go about getting a rapper like YG on one of my songs?
因为我觉得 如果我不那么做的话
Because I feel like, until I do that,
没人会把我当回事
no one's gonna take me seriously.
每个人都会觉得我就是个油管上的说唱歌♥手
Everyone's just gonna think I'm a YouTube rapper.
这都得看范儿
Shit. It's all about the gander.
范儿
The gander?
范儿 你得动一动 准备好 表演一场
The gander, nigga. You got to wiggle, set yourself up, make a play.
现在你在录音室里
Right now you're in the studio,
所有的说唱歌♥手都在这嗨呢
all these rappers in here popping,
结果你来一句 "你们好 我叫戴夫"
and you talking about, "Hi, my name is Dave."
你搞什么鬼 你应该这样
Like, what the hell? Like, you should be, like,
"哥们儿咋样 我叫利尔·迪基" 得有范儿
"What's up? It's Lil Dicky." Like, own that shit, bro.
我不觉得这会是嘻哈音乐界最响亮的名字
I do think it's gonna be the biggest name in hip-hop,
真的 利尔·迪基[小·鸡♥巴♥]honestly. Lil Dicky.
玩儿蛋去吧
说唱王戴夫
Dave
剧集 | 说唱王戴夫 | 导航列表