剧集 | 说唱王戴夫 | 导航列表
♪ My whole life I just wanted to be a rapper ♪
♪ Then I grew'd up and the boy became a rapper ♪
♪ And my older sister made me wear the golden wrapper ♪
♪她说 "当心 因为你也知道"♪
♪ She said, "Watch out, 'cause you know" ♪
♪ "The hos will trap ya." ♪
Hello there. I'm Dr. Mecklebaum.
-我是戴夫·伯德 你好吗 -我很好 幸会
- I'm Dave Burd. How are you? - Good. Good to see you.
So, what brings you in today?
So, a few days ago I was shaving,
and I noticed these red bumps on my pubiscus,
- and I just wanted... - P-Pubiscus?
That's probably not the medical term for it.
Like, where your pubic hair would be
if you didn't shave it all the way.
-明白了 好的 -对 对
- Oh, copy that. All right. - Yeah. Yeah.
So, well, let's take a look.
Yes, and I know this is gonna sound so absurd,
but before I can just show you my penis,
- I do have to kind of explain a few things about it to you. - Okay.
I just have, like, a very bizarre situation down--
Okay, when I was born,
I came out of the womb with a tangled urethra,
so immediately they had to go in and do all types of surgery to it.
As a result, there's so much scarring down there.
-当然 -你也知道 阴囊表面的纹理
- Sure. - And then, I mean, you know how the skin on your testicles
is a different type of skin than the skin on your penis?
It's more... chicken-skinned or ribbed.
So my dick skin is actually made of that exact same style of ribbing.
All the way up my shaft-- ribs.
So my theory is: when they had to replace the hacked-off dick skin,
they used my testicle skin to replace it.
也就是说 我的鸡♥巴♥ 是由蛋蛋组成的
Which would mean that my dick is made of balls.
I couldn't be more precious about this information.
My own girlfriend doesn't know anything about this
because I'm so good at controlling the lighting and...
Well, if-if you're comfortable,
I'm-I'm more than happy to take a look.
I just had to explain all that,
'cause I didn't want you to look at it and be like...
- You know? -Yeah.
- Okay. - Okay.
Those look like razor bumps to me.
Okay. I mean, but can't genital herpes look like razor bumps?
Who's to say that it's razor bumps?
I'm to say. It's my job.
Well, you should know there's a very big disconnect
between the online medical community
and the brick-and-mortar establishments, like...
You mean... doctors.
While I have you here, real quick,
I know this is a totally different field of medicine.
I have all this acne on my back that came out of nowhere...
- Yeah, not me. - Cystic.
Yeah, not it. No, it's not me.
I just figured you must know more than, like, the common man.
I could refer you to somebody.
- Not my field. - Thank you.
-不客气 戴夫 -我该去哪儿付钱
- You're welcome, Dave. - Hey, where do I pay?
♪ Hi, I'm Dave ♪
♪ I'm Lil Dicky ♪
♪ Hi, I'm Dave ♪
♪ Who's Dave? ♪
♪ Hi, I'm Dave. ♪
Is this the right room? Is this Studio A?
The fuck is that smell, man?
Oh, man, this dude always coming in here with this tuna fish shit.
Okay, are we leaving?
I'm gonna be right back.
Why the fuck would you just walk into a session like that?
You said "come anytime," those were your words.
是啊 过来 在大厅晃晃
Yeah, come by, kick it in the lounge and, like,
见见人 跟人聊聊 混混熟
I don't know, meet people, talk to people, make connections.
Don't come into a fucking studio session
with tuna fish. It smells crazy.
Well, forgive me for not knowing this incredibly specific rule.
Is that YG? Oh, my God.
没错 那是YG 他们过来了
They're-- Yep, that's YG. They're coming.
Whup their ass when you see 'em, straight like that.
- Yeah. - What's up?
Studio smell like tuna, man. This shit stank.
Fuck going on?
That's a scary group of men.
He had tattoos on the creases of his neck.
I'm so scared. I don't know if I'm supposed to speak
or not speak when I'm spoken to or...
Doesn't sound like a very collaborative setting to me.
- Not at all. - Is there any window for you to show them my video?
No. These gang members obviously do not like dick jokes.
Know your audience, my dude. I love you like a sister.
I have to leave.
- Text me. - Nope.
♪ My dick sucks, my dick sucks. ♪
Hold up. Hold the fuck up.
Ain't you the YouTube rapper with the small dick and all that?
- I've seen that video. - Did you like it?
Yeah, that shit go hard.
You have no idea how happy this makes me.
Like, I live my entire life trying to impress people of your...
-我是戴夫 -戴夫 你就是个白♥痴♥
- I'm Dave. - Dave, you a fool.
I'm Gata, like alligator.
I just rolled this chopstick.
You trying to smoke some weed?
Smoke weed? Do I want to smoke wee...?
I don't think-- No, no, thank you.
So you a rapper, and you don't blow bud?
I didn't say that, I smoke.
I treat it like a glass of wine at the end of the day.
If I smoked this early, I'd feel like a total waste of life.
But did you see that YG's here?
Yeah, why you think I'm here?
My nigga Bino sell him tree all the time.
How would I go about getting a rapper like YG on one of my songs?
Because I feel like, until I do that,
no one's gonna take me seriously.
Everyone's just gonna think I'm a YouTube rapper.
Shit. It's all about the gander.
范儿 你得动一动 准备好 表演一场
The gander, nigga. You got to wiggle, set yourself up, make a play.
Right now you're in the studio,
all these rappers in here popping,
结果你来一句 "你们好 我叫戴夫"
and you talking about, "Hi, my name is Dave."
Like, what the hell? Like, you should be, like,
"哥们儿咋样 我叫利尔·迪基" 得有范儿
"What's up? It's Lil Dicky." Like, own that shit, bro.
I do think it's gonna be the biggest name in hip-hop,
真的 利尔·迪基[小·鸡♥巴♥]honestly. Lil Dicky.
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