黑色星期一

Black Monday S02E09

Part 4 July 14, 2020, 12:12 p.m.

我们都害怕
Oh, we're both scared
因为你永远都不能做好万全的准备
because you can never be too prepared to become...
为人父母
parents.
没错
That's right.
蒂芙妮怀孕了
Tiffany is with child.
我们的第一胎小布莱尔无论男女
Our firstborn, Blair Jr.--boy or girl.
我说得对吧
Am I right?
赶紧切掉这个直播
Dump this feed right now,
否则我就诅咒你的孩子
or I will put a hex upon your kid
让你们世代不得好死
that'll span generations!
切掉这个直播切掉这个直播
Dump the feed. Dump the feed!
如果刚才的消息还不够好
And if that news wasn't amazing enough...
我们还有个小惊喜要告诉各位
we got one more little surprise in store for y'all.
伟大的牧师本人
The master pastor himself
多年来第一次降落了
has landed for the first time in years.
女士们先生们
Ladies and gentlemen,
请大声赞美欢迎纽威尔·斯沃福德牧师
please "Praise" the roof for pastor Newell Swafford!
出来吧神父
Come on out, Father!
赞美他
Oh, praise him!
蒂芙来加入我
Tiff, come and join me.
来吧
Come on.
来吧
Come on.
过来赶紧
Come, come.
如果不是这个男人
Oh, if it wasn't for this man
还有他无与伦比的矫正项目
and his amazing conversion program,
我肯定还深陷屁♥眼♥史册无法自拔
I would still be deep in the annals of anal.
但他的工作需要你们大家的支持
But his work needs your help to continue.
所以如果你信任这个男人和他治愈的能力
So if you believe in this man and his power to heal,
请拿起电♥话♥ 拨这个号♥码
please dial the number on your phone
现在就捐款
捐款捐款捐款
and donate, donate, donate!
牧师看看这猛涨的数字
Pastor, look at the numbers climb.
天呐
Oh, boy.
太赞了
Yes!
赞美他
Praise Him.
操作员已经就位
Oh, operators are standing by.
蒂芙蒂芙
Tiff. Tiff.
我们都是今晚奇迹的见证者
Ooh, we are a witness tonight miracles do happen.
-老天 -基斯基斯
- Oh, Jesus. - Keith. Keith.
我不知道我兄弟跟你说了什么
I-I don't know what my brother told you.
没什么就是他还活着
Uh, nothing, just that he's alive,
你不是我朋友从来都不是
that you're not my friend, you never were,
而且一直以来你都在利用我
and this entire time, you've been using me.
到头来你只会把我扔进监狱
You're just gonna throw me back in jail.
也对这就是我们的计划
Well, yeah, that's an accurate description of our plan,
但他漏掉了一部分
but what he left out was the part where
我了解了你
I got to know you.
-我真的很喜欢你 -你就放屁吧
- And I genuinely like you. - Yeah, right.
所以我收到你的留言后第一时间就赶了过来
That's why I rushed over here the second I got your note.
听着从我兄弟遭遇事故后
Look, ever since my brother's accident,
他内心就有一股黑暗
there has been this darkness in him--
或者说更多的黑暗
or more darkness--
他只是嫉妒我们之间的感情
and he's jealous of what we have.
但你知道吗
But you know what?
我压根不在乎他怎么想
I don't give a rat's ass what he thinks.
你不在乎
You don't?
我不在乎基斯
I don't, Keith.
不如你收起你的轮滑鞋
Now why don't you put those wheel-boots away,
我来证明给你看
and I'll-I'll prove it to you?
自己赚钱去你个垃圾
Make your own money, ya piece of shit!
自己买♥♥表去傻子
Get your own watch, sucker!
你找到天命了先生
Oh, you've found your calling, mister.
谢谢
Thank you.
蒂芙妮
Tiffany!
你不会现在生气了吧
You cannot possibly be upset right now.
观众爱我们
They love us.
我解决了一切你得到了想要的所有东西
I fixed everything, and you got everything you wanted
还怀孕了
and a baby.
我还在同一个句子里说了"史册"和"屁♥眼♥"
And I used "Annal" and "Anal" In the same sentence.
我想离婚
I want a divorce.
你和什么军队
You and what army?
一队律师
An army of fucking attorneys,
这就是我的军队你个变♥态♥
that's what goddamn army, you fucking psycho.
斯沃福德牧师真是个意外的惊喜
Pastor Swafford, what a pleasant surprise.
我希望你不会太晕地面以至于没注意到
I hope you're not too ground-sick to notice
你刚创造了一天内的募捐款纪录
you just made a one-day fundraising record...
还在不断攀升
and climbing.
只可惜你的会众要发现
Hate for your flock to find out
这些都是谎言
it's all based on lies,
是你泄露了录像带或矫正治疗纯粹是胡扯
that you leaked the tape or that conversion therapy is utter bullshit.
我低估了你法夫
I underestimated you, Pfaff.
我这辈子从未被人看准过
I've never been accurately estimated in my entire life.
那你想要什么
So what do you want?
我知道你和州长关系不错
I know how close you are with the governor.
你要请他帮我个忙
You're gonna ask him to do me a favor.
他说 "你想拿着什么"
Oh, he said, "What do you wanna be holding?"
我不知道随口说"气球"
I didn't know. I said, "Balloon."
今天真有趣
What a fun day.
只要不用
I mean, any day not spent
帮我兄弟清空屎盆子我都觉得开心
emptying my brother's shit bag is a fun day for me.
谢谢基斯
Thank you, Keith.
我很开心你能回到我的生活
I'm happy to have you back in my life
当然是作为朋友
as a friend, of course.
我保证从今以后坦诚相待
And I promise, I'll be honest from now on.
我也是
Me too.
其实有件事我想告诉你
There's actually something I've been meaning to tell you.
小基斯说吧但说无妨
Hey, Keithy, come on. You can tell me anything.
你记得那个日元交易吧
You know the Yen trade?
当然
Sure.
联调局得到了风声
The FBI caught wind that
那是次内♥幕♥交易
that was insider information,
他们要来查我们了
and they are after us.
联调局要来查我们了搞什么鬼基斯
The FBI are after us? What the fuck, Keith?
你♥他♥妈♥对我们干了什么
What the fuck did you do to us?
我兄弟会杀了我
My brother's gonna kill me.
他已经对我经营公♥司♥的方法很有意见了
He's already up my ass about how I'm running the company,
然后他听说了日元交易
and then when he hears that the Yen trade
我们因为非法操作损失了一大笔钱
that we lost a fortune on is highly fucking illegal...
都是我的错对不起好吗
It's my fault, and I am sorry, okay?
但我有办法弥补
But I have a plan to make this right.
相信我好吗
Just trust me, okay?
我们只需要找个替罪羊好吗
All we need to do is pin it on a patsy, all right?
人们一直这么做奥斯瓦尔德 O型圈
People do it all the time; Lee Harvey Oswald, the O-ring.
会很简单的
It'll be easy.
好吧但你得跟我一起去告诉莱尼
Okay, but you gotta come with me to tell Lenny.
他肯定会气疯的
I mean, he's gonna be crazy-pissed,
但他会知道找谁做替罪羊
but he's-he's gonna know who to pin it on.
-好 -而且你们俩需要言归于好
- Okay. - Besides, you two need to bury the hatchet.
你该来我们的年度沃尔夫湖露营之旅
Oh, you should come to our annual camping trip at Wolf Lake.
-我不想 -不会很棒的
- Oh, I-I-I wouldn't-- - No, it'd be great.
那是我们儿时最爱去的地方
It was our favorite place to go when we were kids.
本来想说相爱
对我们就是在那里相...相互摔在泥土里
Yeah, it's, uh--it's where we fell in mud,
本来想说童贞之身
然后失去了贞...维珍妮牌女烟
where we lost our Virg-inia Slims.
我们小时候喜欢偷妈妈的烟
When we were kids, we would steal our mother's cigarettes,
然后扔到泥土里
and then we'd throw them in the mud.
好吧有好多诡异的停顿但没问题
Okay, a lot of weird pauses in there, but sure.
抱歉停顿了那么多
Sorry about the pauses.
我♥操♥
Fuck.
他输了
He lost?
-什么 -选举夜