大嘴巴（2017）

Big Mouth S02E05

Part 1 Oct. 9, 2020, 11:01 a.m.

All right, guys.
各位
Today we're focusing on sexual education,
我们今天重点讲解性教育
which I am now qualified to teach
我很有资格
because I recently made thick in the warm.
因为我射入温巢了
Any questions? Nick Birch, row three.
有问题吗尼克·伯奇第三排
When you say thick in the warm,
你说摄入温巢
what do you mean by that? I had the same question.
是什么意思我也想问
I'm talking about emptying my guts into a lady.
我是说我内♥射♥了一位女士
Who could be anyone's mom.
谁的妈妈都有可能哦
Oh, I see.
明白了
So the lady is the warm,
所以这位女士是温巢
and then Coach Steve, he makes the thick?
史蒂夫教练射进去了
I hope you at least wore a condom.
希望你戴安全套了
A yogurt balloon? No. Those things taste terrible.
酸奶气球吗没有那玩意太难吃了
Aren't you worried about getting the woman pregnant?
你不担心把女人弄怀孕吗
Or like getting an STD?
或者得性病
I didn't even think of that. I was so busy gooping.
我没想过当时光想着射了
Maybe you should go to a doctor or a Planned Parenthood.
也许你该去计划生育协会看看医生
What's Planned Parenthood?
什么是计划生育协会
It's an abortion factory.
就是堕胎工厂
Jay, you don't know what you're talking about.
杰伊你都不知道自己在说什么
You've never even been to a Planned Parenthood.
你都没去过计划生育协会
For your information, I've been in the car and number of times
告诉你我爸开车送他前台
when my dad has dropped off his receptionist there,
去过好几次了我也跟着去了
and he calls it an abortion factory.
他就叫那堕胎工厂
Yeah, we seen his law commercials.
我们看了他的法律广♥告♥
Don't forget his Twitter feed. Pretty outspoken on Twitter.
别忘了推特动态他老发
I'm sorry, but they do a lot more than abortions.
抱歉但那里可不光是堕胎
Yeah, they save lives.
对他们还救命
By killing babies? Jay, please stop.
靠杀害宝宝吗杰伊闭嘴
Watch YouTube, guys.
看油管啊各位
Just watch YouTube.
看油管吧
Gentlemen, I think Jesse is referring to cancer screenings.
先生们杰西是说癌筛选呢
I don't understand.
真奇怪
Is there some sort of skit that we can watch
有什么滑稽短剧可以看吗
that'd be entertaining and informative,
又搞笑又益智
but also not too preachy?
但别太唠叨的
That is a fine line we're trying to walk.
我们也想这样
Well, we're gonna do our best. All right.
我们会努力的好吧
The year is 2126.
那是2126年
The evil Lord Bilzerian has declared women's healthcare "gay"
邪恶的比尔泽恩领主声称女性医保太轻率了
and outlawed all Planned Parenthoods.
宣布计划生育协会都不合法
Luckily, an elite medical team travels the galaxy,
幸好一只精英医疗小队穿越银河系
helping women in need,
帮助需要帮助的女性
led by Captain Missy Foreman-Greenwald. They are...
他们的领袖是米西·福尔曼-格林沃德船长
The Vagilantes!
阴♥道♥小队
Captain, we're getting an urgent transmission.
船长我们收到紧急信♥号♥♥
A female on Texania is due for a pap smear.
泰桑尼亚上有名女性要接受巴氏涂片检查了
Affirmative. Initiate hyper speed.
收到启动超高速
Texania. That's Bilzerian territory.
泰桑尼亚那是比尔泽恩的领土
Don't worry, Missy. I'll protect you.
别担心米西我会保护你的
Well, I'll protect her too.
我也会保护她
General Fillion and Janitor Glouberman, though I'm flattered,
菲利安将军和格劳博曼守卫虽然我受宠若惊
I'm fully capable of protecting myself.
我有能力保护自己
Excuse me, am I a janitor?
对不起我是守卫吗
Every person on this team is equally important.
这个团队的每个人都同样重要
Even the person who through our feces out of the window by hand.
哪怕是用手把粪便从窗户扔出去的人
What? Why do I have to do it that way?
什么我为什么要那么做
Fuck you, Glouberman, and go wash your hands.
操♥你♥妈♥ 格劳博曼去洗手
No matter how much you wash your hands,
不管你怎么洗
a trace amount of feces will always remain.
总是会有微量的粪便
Captain, our sensors have detected
船长我们的传感器检测到
a Bilzerian patrol in the area.
该地区有支比尔泽恩巡逻队
The patient is ready.
病人已就绪
Brace yourself, people! Initiating shrink down.
振作起来各位启动收缩
I wish there was a way to shrink my burning desire
我希望有办法缩小我燃烧的欲望
to be with you, Missy.
来和你在一起米西
Well, I wish we could shrink the feces.
我希望我们可以缩小粪便
I mean we obviously have the technology.
我们显然有技术
Prepare for pelvic exam!
准备盆腔检查
You know, I'll never get used to this part of the job.
我永远也不会适应这份工作的
Extending the swab, captain.
船长伸出拭子
Okay, now scan the sample for abnormal cells.
好现在扫描样本异常细胞
Captain, another ship has entered the vagina.
船长另一艘飞船已经进入阴♥道♥
What sort of space ship would enter a vagina without consent?
什么飞船会在未经同意的情况下进入阴♥道♥
The Bilzerians. Yeah, the Bilzerians.
比尔泽恩是的比尔泽恩
I was totally gonna say that.
我本来就要这么说的
You heard me say it first though. Right, Missy?
你先听我说的对吗米西
Oh, boys. Please.
男生们拜托
Attention! Your ship is in violation of Bilzerian Space Law 69,
注意飞船违反了比尔泽恩太空法规第69条
but only on the guy. Surrender immediately.
只对男生有效立即投降
Not on my watch, friend.
我在就不可能朋友
We'll lose them in the fallopian tubes. I guarantee it.
我们在输卵管甩掉他们我保证
It's gonna be a tight squeeze.
会很狭窄
Oh Missy, if anyone can do it, you can.
米西如果有人能行就是你
Kiss butt much, Fillion?
真会拍马屁菲利安
Well, I'd rather kiss butt
我宁愿拍马屁
than take what comes out of a butt by hand
也不愿意用手抓屁♥股♥出来的东西
and fling it out the window.
在扔出窗外
You know, you're 50 years old.
你已经50了
Missy, I need you to know I am only in my mid-forties.
米西我才40多
Oh, sweet mother Gaia.
天啊
Look at all of these beautiful ova.
看看这些美丽的卵子
When the average woman is born, she has 300,000 eggs.
一般女性出生时有三十万卵子
Gracious me! Do you see what I see?
天啊看到我看到的了吗
An ovarian cyst!
卵巢囊肿
Oh, fuck. I mean, Chewbacca sound!
他妈的不是
We have to remove in case it ruptures.
我们必须去除以防它破裂
I'm going out there.
我要去
No, Missy. It's too dangerous.
不米西太危险了
For once, I agree with Mr. Shit.
这次我同意屎先生的
Do you see how mean he is to me?
你看他怎么说我的了吗
Guys, I have to do it.
伙计们我必须这么做
This woman's reproductive health might be at stake.
这名妇女的生殖健康可能有危险
Approaching cyst.
接近囊肿
It looks cyst-y.
看起来就囊肿了
Missy, we've got a problem.
米西有个问题
Is it that you're 46 and she's 13?
是你46 她13吗
Stop right there.
住手
We've got you surrounded.
我们把你包围了
Any last requests, science lesbo?
最后还有问题吗科学女同
Actually, yes. Just one.
其实有只有一个
I ask you to look around
请你们四处看看
at the majesty of the female reproductive system,
在女性生殖系统的光环下
because it is this very system
因为这就是这个系统
that brings each and every one of us into the world.
使生出了所有人
Even you, Bilzerians.
哪怕是你们比尔泽恩
You are of us.
你和我们一样
You know, she's right.
她说得对
The female reproductive system is how you make...
是女性生殖系统把男孩们
boys. Go now, Missy,
生出来的走吧米西
and I will see to it that we protect these beautiful factories
我们会为男性的卓越
for male excellence.
保护这些美丽的工厂
Come on, boys! Dudes!
走吧小子伙计
Okay, not exactly the point I was making, but I'll take it!
我不是这意思但我接受了
Vagina wipe!
阴♥道♥擦拭
Missy, we've analyzed the cells,
米西我们分♥析♥了细胞
and our patient is gonna be okay.
病人会没事的
What an exciting adventure this has been.
多么激动人心的冒险啊
Yes, it really makes you think about what's important.
是的会让人思考什么最重要