大嘴巴（2017）

Big Mouth S02E01

Part 2 Oct. 9, 2020, 11 a.m.

Don't listen to him! You're gonna break your dick, Nick!
别听他的你会把鸡♥巴♥拧断的尼克
Now, pull your hands apart real fast,
用手往两边拉
like you're opening a telescope.
就像打开望远镜那样
Don't you dare! Everybody shut up!
你敢都闭上嘴
Nick! You're gonna cum blood!
尼克你要射血了
Shut up! Whatever is supposed to be happening isn't happening.
闭嘴这没按套路来啊
That was legendary, Nick.
历史时刻啊尼克
And always remember, if it's numb,
记住了如果没感觉
use your thumb.
就用手指头
Put my thumb in my urethra?
你是说把手指头插尿道里
What are you gonna do?
那你想怎么样啊
Andrew, you've hardly touched your salami and eggs.
安德鲁你都没怎么动香肠和鸡蛋
What's wrong? Are you worried about Jay and Jessi?
怎么了你是担心杰伊和杰西吗
Oh, please. It's been 48 hours!
都过了48小时了
We need to move on as a community.
我们得一起向前看
What this one should be worried about
他应该真正担心的是
is his ineffectiveness as a big man.
他那么大块头完全没用
What a waste of length. Enough of the big man stuff, okay?
个子白长了别再说大块头了
Well, you are big! I mean, look at you.
你块头就是大啊看看你
You're the size of an uncle.
快跟你叔叔差不多了
I'm just trying to blend in and be normal.
我只想当个普通人
Normal? You're a 12-year-old with a mustache.
普通人你十二岁就长胡子了
Marty! Argh! Look at that thing!
马蒂你看看那玩意儿
I can't eat.
我吃不下去了
Is nobody gonna eat their salami and eggs?
你们都不吃香肠和鸡蛋了
Barbara, we gotta fix him. Fix me?
芭芭拉我们得把他修理好修理我
I don't know about this, Marty.
马蒂真的吗
He's too young to have a mustache.
他这么年轻不应该有胡子的
It just seems cruel.
这个太狠了吧
Whoa! What the hell are they doing? They're waxing my lip.
他们要干什么拔我胡子
Jesus! Help, Maury.
老天救命啊莫里
I'm gonna call a friend of mine to take care of this.
我给个朋友打电♥话♥求救
I'll hold his head, you rip the thing off.
我按住他的头你来撕
Bruce Willis, please. Mom, you don't have to do this.
请接布鲁斯·威利斯妈不要啊
He's in asshole jail?
他在监狱
I'm sorry, Andrew...
安德鲁很抱歉
Then how was he in the last Expendables movie?
那他怎么会在最新的《敢死队》里
Oh, they shot the whole movie in the jail?
整部电影都是在监狱里拍的
Right, 'cause they're all assholes. Yeah, that makes sense.
因为他们都是混♥蛋♥ 好吧有道理
Do it!
动手
No!
不
My boy. Look how they massacred my boy.
看看他们是怎么谋杀我的孩子的
Mom, why would you do that?
妈你为什么要这样
Oh, my poor baby.
可怜的孩子
For some reason, now I'm starving.
你猜怎么着我饿了
I'll kill you. Not if I kill you first.
我要弄死你我先弄死你
Oh, you'll kill me? I'll kill you so hard.
你要杀我我整不死你
Jay, this place is scary.
杰伊这个地方太恐怖了
I can't believe I've been dealing Oxycotin with a liar.
我居然在跟一个骗子交易奥施康定
Hey! Knock it off!
别吵了
You're freaking out my very serious girlfriend!
你们把我正式女朋友吓坏了
Sorry about that, sir. Sorry, sir.
对不起了抱歉先生
Sorry I called you my girlfriend. I don't know what it is.
抱歉我说你是我女朋友我都不懂
I just, I want to protect the shit out of you.
我只是特别想保护你
No, it was okay.
没关系的
I weirdly kind of don't mind the idea of being your girlfriend.
我居然也不介意做你的女朋友
If that's still what you want.
如果你还想的话
Yeah. A real life girlfriend? Yeah, I'm alive.
一个活生生的女朋友我是活人
Who's not a pillow? I'm not a pillow.
不个枕头我不是枕头
Or a bath mat? Neither of those things.
不是浴垫也不是浴垫
That's a good thing, right? It should be.
这很好啊应该吧
Oh, yeah, I'm 40.
我40了
Wait, what? You're 13.
等会什么鬼你才13
No, you know, in my brain, for this, I'm 40.
不我只是觉得自己40了
Okay, see, the thing is, like... I'm a grown man.
我是说我很成熟
I'm 13, so, your fantasy about being 40 kind of makes this...
我才13 你把自己想成40就显得吧
No! Like, super illegal and gross.
别不但非法还糟心
No! And I'm not interested in that.
不是我没有这种恶趣味
I understand what you're saying, but you're consenting.
我明白你的意思可你也挺由着我啊
No, I could never give my consent to a 40-year-old man.
我才不会由着40岁大叔啃我
That's the whole point.
这点没得商量
You're making a bigger deal out of this.
你非要把这事闹大
This is just like a Roman Polanski situation.
不过就是学罗曼·波兰斯基老牛吃嫩草
Yeah, he's a rapist. He raped a child.
他是强♥奸♥犯还强♥奸♥儿童
No, but I didn't give you a lewd.
什么嘛我都没对你怎么样
If you're 40, that makes you a pedophile.
如果你40 就是恋童癖了
What? No! I'm not a -- Goddamnit, Jessi!
什么鬼我怎么会是杰西
Why won't you let me be a 40-year-old magician
你怎么就不能把我脑补成戴着白金劳力士的
with a white gold Rolex?
40岁魔术师呢
Because you're not, you psycho!
因为你不是啊神经病
I am not a psycho!
我才不是神经病
You sound like a psycho. I took that test,
你听起来就像神经病我去医院查过
and it was negative!
医生说我没病
It's so smooth, like a dried dolphin.
光滑程度堪比微风吹干的海豚
Don't touch it, okay? I'm hideous.
别摸了行吗我丑哭了
I'm a big hairy beast.
我就是只大毛怪
Well, at least you can grow hair. I'm like a Tic Tac with shoes.
你好歹能长胡子了我光溜得像裹了层糖衣
Are we just a couple of freaks?
我们两个都是怪物吧
No! You're the man!
不你是堂堂男子汉
Nick? Yeah?
尼克怎么了
Do you remember when that fish stick fell behind the fridge,
你记不记得那根从冰箱后面掉出来的鱼条
and it was covered in hair and fungus,
被毛发和霉菌裹得里三层外三层的
and then we put a googly eye on it? I do.
我们还给它粘了死鱼眼我记得
I'm quite certain that fish stick is behind you.
它应该就在你身后
You're the man. What the hell is that?
你是堂堂男子汉这都是什么鬼
And you're also the man too, as well.
你也是堂堂男子汉
That's my hormone monster. That's your guy?
那是我的荷尔蒙怪物你的长这样啊
Oh, no, Nick. Maybe there is something wrong with you.
不是吧你可能真的是病了
That's what I've been saying! I need help.
我一直这么说啊我需要帮助
What about your guy? Maury? Maybe I can switch or something.
你的怪物呢莫里我们要不换换
No, you don't want Maury.
不行你会喜欢莫里才有鬼
He's the worst. What was that now?
他最烂了你说我什么
I thought we had fun together. Fun?
我们在一起多开心啊开心吗
My father waxed my lip because you made me so grotesque.
我爸把我胡子拔光还不是因为你让我欲壑难填
I hate you.
我恨你
Thanks, Rick. I thought it was pretty harsh, too.
谢了里克我也觉得怪扎心的
No, my horn unraveled.
坏了我的角出来了
What are you gonna do?
接下来怎么办
Guy makes me laugh. He's like Tracy Morgan.
大兄弟真带劲和崔西·摩根一样逗
I don't know if he knows he's being funny,
不知道他知不知道自己多逗
but he's fucking funny.
但他真鸡儿逗
What happened?
怎么回事嘛
We started kissing and he freaked out.
我们一开亲他就闹情绪
The kid's a little weirdo. Yeah, he's nuts.
那小孩儿怪得可以是哦疯子一个
And you like him! Why you like a little weirdo?
那你还喜欢他你为什么喜欢怪小孩
I don't know!
不知道啊
What is wrong with me?
我怎么了
You're gonna be one of those weak women who goes for bad guys
你不会是那种专挑大猪蹄子的贱♥货♥吧
with stupid brains and garbage dicks!
那些男人弟♥大♥物♥勃♥ 智商却令人沉默
Oh my God!
我的老天啊
I'm going to end up living in Tampa, Florida.
我怕是要沦落至佛罗里达的坦帕了
And you're gonna have dirty ass kids
你还会生一地脏小孩
with juice stains around their mouths.
嘴边残留着不明液体
I think maybe we should go home. What?
我们要不回家吧啥
And let your mom win? Never.
你想看你妈得意吗想都别想
Let's just relax and take ourselves a nice hot bubble bath.
就在这好好放松洗个热泡澡
I can't. There's a doll hand stuck in the drain.
不行啊排水口还卡了个娃娃的手
No! Oh, God.
别啊天爷啊
Let's get Chick-fil-A, and not tell anybody.
我们点个外卖♥♥ 别跟别人说
Jessi! I'm sorry I freaked out!
杰西抱歉我失态了