美式主妇

American Housewife S03E14

Part 2 Dec. 9, 2019, 7:58 p.m.

I think I'm getting my period.
-你没有 -我跟你说
- No, you're not. - I'm telling you.
我能感觉我的子♥宫♥壁脱落了
I can feel my uterine wall loosening.
别用谷歌♥查东西了去收拾行李
Stop Googling stuff and go pack your bag!
能帮我一个忙吗
Can I ask you a favor?
-我需要... -不是我的问题
- I need -- - Not my problem.
很严重
This is serious.
那就真的不是我的问题
Then it's seriously not my problem.
说得好
That's good stuff.
我一转身卢瑟吞了妈妈的贵耳环
I turned around and Luthor ate Mom's expensive earrings.
你的麻烦大了
You're in so much trouble.
我在网上看到有时候要一个月
I read online it can take a dog a month
狗才能排出这种东西
to pass something like this.
但我明天就要耳环
But I need them by tomorrow.
-我怎么办 -我知道了
- What do I do? ?Oh, - I know.
别烦我
Leave me out of it.
说得太好了
I am on fire.
你总是说我是笨蛋
You're always calling me the dumb one.
我是笨蛋帮我
So I'm dumb. Help me!
好的我会帮你
All right, all right, I'll help you.
别忘了戴手套
Don't forget to wear gloves.
金句三连发
Three for three!
维芙你偷了我的车钥匙让我过来吗
Viv, did you steal my car keys so I'd come over?
没有
No.
是的
?Yes.
但是
?But, hey,
你能留下和我聊聊吗
would you just stay and talk to me for, like,
十分钟聊聊成人的事
ten minutes about anything adult?
随便挑个话题
Look, just pick a topic.
这是我的杂♥志♥吗
Is this my magazine?
你从我家厕所拿走的吗
Did you take this from my bathroom?
我把手♥机♥落在卧室里
I left my phone in the bedroom
我得像动物一样看洗发水瓶子上的文字
and had to read the shampoo bottle like an animal!
-维芙 -艾伦
- Hi, Viv. ?- Alan?!
你怎么进来的
How the hell did you get in here?
我用灵魂之光打开了门
I opened the door with the light of my soul.
还有我的钥匙钥匙还在还管用
And my key -- I still have my key, and it works.
这不再是你的家了艾伦
This isn't your home anymore, Alan.
你和维芙离婚了她一年前把你赶出去了
You and Viv are divorced. She kicked you out a year ago.
我知道我活该
I know, and I deserved that.
我一直在印度的修行处
And in that time, I've been in an ashram in India.
我一直在冥想
I've been meditating.
我一直在寻找自我看其他人的灵光
I've been finding myself, reading other people's auras.
你的乌云密布
Yours, by the way, is very cloudy.
这可不好
That's not good.
你最好去检查一下
You might want to have that looked at.
你想怎样艾伦
What do you want, Alan?
维芙我不是最好的老公
Listen, Viv, I wasn't the greatest husband.
但我希望我们能重新开始
But I want us to have a fresh start.
我意识到你是最重要的
And I realize you are the most important thing,
如果这次你再接受我
and if you take me back this time,
我会给你所有你应得的东西
I will give you everything you deserve --
香槟旅行
champagne, travel...
我会教你漂浮术
I will teach you to levitate.
看到了吗我说得很隐晦
Did you see that? It's very subtle.
我真的想相信你变了
I really would like to believe that you've changed.
让我让你看到我变了
Let me show you that I've changed.
如果你接受我我会确保你的能量是纯净的
If you take me back, I'll make sure your energy is pure
你的凉鞋是普拉达的
and your sandals are Prada. ?
想得美艾伦但维芙不再需要你了
Nice try, Alan, but Viv doesn't need you anymore.
她是坚强独♥立♥的女性
She is a strong, independent woman --
-其实 -不维芙
- Um, actually -- - ?No, Viv.
-再次其实 -维芙
- Um, actually, again. ?- Viv!
-凯蒂 -你不需要男人让你开心
- Katie. - You do not need a man to make you happy.
维芙这次只有我们你和我
Viv, it's just us this time -- you and me.
我的所有孩子都去读预科了
A-All my children are in prep school,
我们之间不会再有孩子
so there'll be no kids to come between us.
这是谁的宝宝
Whose baby is that?
凯蒂的
Katie's!
恭喜你凯蒂
Congratulations, Katie.
合十礼
"Namaste."
我学会的非常好的短语
That's a really neat phrase I learned.
意思是太好了
It means "Amazeballs."
一切都会和以前一样只是更好
Everything's gonna be just like it was only better.
我现在非常健康
Oh. ?I'm getting so healthy right now,
我尿的都是精油
I'm practically peeing essential oils. ?
你也会的
And you will, too.
迫不及待
I can't wait.
我先失陪我要去给咱家马桶
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go fill our toilet
装满桉树和依兰精油
with eucalyptus and ylang-ylang.
我的宝宝
My baby?
我不知道我只想到这个
I don't know. It was all I could think of.
她是你的宝宝维芙
She's your baby, Viv!
当然是的我只是...
Of course she is! I'm just --
放弃宝宝和你可怕的前夫再试一次
Giving up your baby for a shot with your terrible ex-husband?
不不会放弃她
No, not giving her up,
只是争取时间看我和艾伦能否和好
just buying time to see if Alan and I can work it out.
他会知道她的事
He's going to have to know about her.
她不是你的班卓琴可以放我家地下室
She is not a banjo you can store in my basement.
我以前有班卓琴吗
Did I used to own a banjo?
不有可能是任何东西只是个比喻
No, it could be anything. It's a figure of speech!
-我不明白 -维芙
- Well I don't understand it. - ?Viv!
凯蒂求你了照看维奥莱特一晚
Katie, please, just watch Violet for the night.
艾伦和我会复合
Then Alan and I will be back together,
我发誓我会说清楚
and I promise I will come clean.
那时他会非常爱我
By then he'll be so in love with me
他必须爱她
he'll have to be in love with her.
-这是个坏主意 -求你了
- This is a bad idea. - ?Please?
做单亲母亲太难了
Being a single mom is so hard.
我想变回金发
And I want my blond hair back.
深色头发会导致伤心悲惨的生活
Brunettes lead sad, miserable lives.
你最应该清楚
You of all people should understand that.
你为什么要我旧的...
Hey. Why'd you want my old --
不
Oh hell no!
你又生了一个
You had another one?!
他们没警告就从你身体里出来了
Do they just drop out of you without warning?
这是维芙的宝宝
It is Viv's baby.
我没时间拿她的婴儿车
I did not have time to grab a stroller from her.
你为什么要照看维芙的宝宝
Why would you want to babysit Viv's baby?
艾伦回来了
Alan is back
我得照顾小维芙
so I'm stuck taking care of little Viv here
直到她有勇气告诉艾伦她有孩子了
until she can get up the guts to tell Alan she had a baby.
你从什么时候开始为别人做好事了
Since when do you do such nice things for people?
我不知道
I don't know.
我正失去我的特别之处
I'm losing what makes me special.
最糟糕的是家里有这个小天使
The worst part is having this little angel at our house
让格雷格又想生孩子了
is making Greg baby crazy.
我不想再生孩子了
And I do not want another baby.
有时候治要孩子最好的办法
Sometimes the best cure for wanting a baby
就是和宝宝待在一起
is spending time with a baby.
没错
Yeah, it's true.
让格雷格照顾孩子一整晚
Make Greg watch the baby all night.
看他那时候还想不想要
See how he likes it then.
我总是说如果想劝人不结婚
I always say, if you want to talk someone out of marriage,
让那个人和我前妻聊天就行
just hang out with my ex-wife.
-这和孩子有什么关系 -我不知道
- What does that have to do with the baby? - I don't know,
我只是觉得我们谈我谈得不够
I just feel like we don't talk about me enough.
准备好去同学家过夜了
Ready for your sleepover?
很高兴认识你
It was nice knowing you, boy.
你的命不长而我却要先走了
You with your shorter life span, and here I am going first.
你明早就回家了