美式主妇

American Housewife S03E10

Part 1 Dec. 9, 2019, 7:57 p.m.

妈我们能行
No, no, Mom. We've got this.
不用帮忙
Don't offer to help.
早想到了
Ah, way ahead of you.
你们为什么这么晚
Why do you put off getting your tree
才去买♥♥树
until the last second?
就快过圣诞了
It's almost Christmas.
这样没人要的树会有好价格
We wait so we get a better price on the reject trees.
省一分钱就多一分尴尬
Because a penny saved is a penny embarrassing.
这棵才15块
This one only cost us 15 bucks
因为里面有白蚁
because it's infested with termites.
但有趣的地方是我们是租户
But here's a fun fact -- we're renters!
你一定要戴着这个恶心的东西
Do you have to keep walking around
到处乱走吗
in that creepy thing?
是的
Yeah. I do.
我没得到《胡桃夹子》的主角
I didn't get the lead in "The Nutcracker,"
所以我得习惯这个该死的鼠王面具
so I'm stuck getting used to this stupid Mouse King mask.
已经是这样的了认命吧
Well, it's happening, so suck it up.
今年我只想要一个平静的圣诞
All I want this year is a peaceful Christmas.
我只想要一个蒂芙妮手镯
All I want is a Tiffany Infinity Bracelet.
我只想要一个年老的亿万富翁
All I want is an aging billionaire
而且他讨厌婚前协议
who has an aversion to pre-nups.
今年圣诞我只想要
And all I want for Christmas...
你妈走人
is for your mother to leave.
她待了好久了我想要回办公室
She's been here forever. I want my office back.
我已经厌倦了我想看书时
I'm tired of you guys making fun of me
你们嘲笑我
whenever I want to read a book.
书是呆子看的呆子
Books are for nerds, nerd!
爸爸
Daddy!
小凯蒂
Kitty-Kat!
外公
Grandpa!
小可爱小宝贝
Oh, hi, cutie. Oh, hi, sweetheart.
小子你好吗
Hey, pal. How are you?
你把他的行李拿上楼
Why don't you take his bags upstairs?
帮我拿这个
Oh, yeah, grab that one for me, would you?
我不知道你要来爸
I didn't know you were coming, Dad.
-你为什么没打电♥话♥ -我打了
- Why didn't you call? - Well, I did.
我跟那边的小傻瓜说了
I told that little knucklehead right there.
对了妈外公圣诞时会来
Oh. Mom, Grandpa's coming to town for Christmas.
我喜欢你来爸爸
I love that you came, Daddy.
只是有一点
There is just one hitch --
妈在这
Mom's here.
她还在这里
She's still here? ‭
我以为她已经搬走了
I thought she would've moved on by now.
-几个月了 -谢谢
- It's been months. - Thank you!
外公
Grandpa!
我们把礼物放在树下
Come put those presents under the tree.
这下惨了
This is very, very bad.
我的父母不能同处一室
We can't have my parents in the same house.
大家有共识他们只在婚礼
There's an understanding -- they only see each other
和葬礼上见面
at weddings and funerals.
他们已经分开25年了
It's been 25 years since they split up.
我相信他们已经放下了
I'm sure they've moved on by now.
马蒂
Marty?
凯特
Hey, Kate.
马尾真好看
Nice ponytail.
融合了最后的莫希干人和魔茧
It's very "Last of the Mohicans" Meets "Cocoon."
你怎么这么美
And how do you look so good?
你傍上了自己吗
Did you make a deal... with yourself?
看来你还穿着短裤
And I see that you're still wearing cargo shorts.
对不起
Oh, I'm sorry.
我会打扮好
I would have gotten all dressed up
如果我知道我要见英国女王的话
had I known I was meeting the Queen of England.
过圣诞了
Well, deck the halls.
美式主妇第三季第十集
你不必把东西收走
You don't have to clear out of your room.
我可以睡地板
I can just sleep on the floor somewhere.
得了外公
Come on, Grandpa,
不能让你睡地板
you're not gonna sleep on the floor.
我睡安娜凯特的沙发床
I'll just sleep on Anna-Kat's pullout.
谢谢你孩子
Thanks, kiddo.
我很期待看你跳舞
Hey, I'm excited to go see your dance thing.
别太期待
Don't get too excited.
我不是主角
I didn't get the starring role.
我是鼠王戴着面具
I'm the Mouse King. I wear a mask.
没人会记得我
No one will even remember me.
蝙蝠侠戴面具
Hey. Batman wore a mask.
超人戴面具
Superman wore a mask.
超人没戴面具
Superman didn't wear a mask.
蝙蝠侠戴面具
Batman wore a mask.
你们在说什么
What are you two talking about?
外公在给我一些建议
Uh, Grandpa was just giving me some advice.
有问题找外公就对了
Your grandpa is the best person to go to for problems.
对我来说他又当爹又当妈
He was a father and a mother to me.
-当这俩家伙开始长大 -没事了
- When these started coming in strong... - I'm good.
我去找他
...I went to him.
他带我去买♥♥了第一个文胸
He took me to get my first bra.
大多数女生一开始戴少女文胸
Most girls start with a traiing bra.
-我的凯蒂可不是 -没事了
- Not my Katie. ‭- Still good.
他还教我怎么刮腿毛
He also taught me how to shave my legs.
怎么换车胎
And how to change a flat,
扔弧线球涂睫毛膏
throw a curve ball, and put on mascara.
你得用上手腕的力
You got to flick your wrist a little bit
否则就是一团
or it gets all clumpy.
为什么外婆不教你
Why didn't Grandma do this stuff with you?
因为她给自己找的工作
Because she found herself a job
能够尽可能的不必当妈
that would keep parenting opportunities to a minimum.
你不用为我换床单
You don't have to change the sheets for me.
还是不要睡在15岁少年的床单上为妙
You do not want to sleep in a 15-year-old boy's sheets.
妈
Mommmmm!
你说得对对不起亲爱的
You're right. I'm sorry, honey.
最好在浴室穿人字拖
You should also probably wear flip-flops in the shower.
真不敢相信
Ugh! I can't believe
你用锡箔纸包礼物
that you wrapped those presents in aluminum foil.
怎么了
Why?
不需要胶带
You don't need tape,
盒子上就有切刀
and a cutter is right on the box.
不必担心剪刀
You don't have to worry about scissors,
拆开后还可以用来
and when you unwrap, you can use it
包最爱的圣诞剩菜
to cover your favorite holiday leftovers.
这个就是你女儿为什么
All right, this is why your daughter
在最后一分钟才买♥♥圣诞树
buys last-minute Christmas trees
重复使用烘衣纸直到它们融解在衣服中
and reuses dryer sheets until they dissolve into her clothing.
你真讨人喜欢
Oh, you are a delight.
看来我们家的圣诞节
Well, looks like our family Christmas
被拉到垃圾箱后
is getting dragged behind a dumpster
被一袋子电池揍了一顿
and beaten with a sack of batteries.
恐怕你得让你父母离开了
You're just gonna have to ask one of your parents to leave.
我不能在圣诞节赶走他们
I can't kick my parents out on Christmas.
为了拥有平静圣诞
The only thing that we can do
唯一的办法
to have a peaceful holiday
就是分开他们
is to keep them apart.
我带我妈去上班
I will take my mom to work
你娱乐我爸
and you entertain my dad.
我和他做什么呢
What am I supposed to do with him?
他是个手巧的人让他修东西
He's a handyman. Have him fix something.
修什么没东西坏了
Fix what? Nothing's broken.
好了
There.
修这个
Fix that.
好
All right.
这是《恐怖小店》的
There's the new understudy
新主角替补