美式主妇

American Housewife S03E05

Part 2 Dec. 9, 2019, 7:57 p.m.

Do you know who has a lot of scary stories?
安吉拉的脱毛师
Angela's waxer.
知道还有谁有很多可怕的故事吗
You know who else has a lot of scary stories?
多瑞丝的孩子
Doris' kids.
那是当然
You're damn right they do.
不知道西拉·约翰逊的派对上有什么
Wonder what they're doing at Sierra Johnson's party.
也许我可以偷些点子
Maybe I can steal an idea from them.
约翰逊家开派对吗
The Johnsons are having a party?
泰勒要去
Yeah, Taylor's going.
太意外了
I'm surprised to hear that
她父母在安提瓜岛
since her parents are in Antigua.
泰勒说她的父母在会
Taylor told me her parents would be there.
说谎我就知道
Liar! I knew it.
先别发飙可能我错了
Okay, before you explode, I could be wrong.
没错
Yeah, not wrong.
他们刚发了在沙滩上的照片
They just posted a pic of themselves on the beach.
我不敢相信她骗我
I can't believe she lied to me!
我的孩子不能骗我
My kids don't lie to me.
我骗他们才对
I lie to them.
你为什么一开始让她去笨蛋
Why'd you let her go in the first place, dumb-dumb?
她太漂亮不能相信
She's way too hot to be trusted.
我刚打算开始盘问
I was just starting my interrogation
格雷格就跳出来同意了
when Greg jumped in and gave her permission.
你就这样纵容他
And you just let him?
我懂
You know, I get that.
他有一种低调的力量
He has an understated strength
能让所有女人软化
that would back off any woman.
他的嘴唇
Oh, and those lips!
丰满柔软的嘴唇
Those full, pillowy lips,
像过分膨胀的泳池玩具
like an overinflated pool toy.
让女人想
Oh, it just makes a woman want to, like,
脱掉...
take off her p--
多瑞丝
Doris.
我跟你说过多少次了
How many times have I told you
别在我吃东西时幻想格雷格
not to fantasize about Greg while I'm eating?
那就叫格雷格别那么迷人
Well, maybe ask Greg to be less desirable!
你想过吗
You ever think of that?!
你决定了今年想扮哪个僵尸吗
Have you decided what kind of zombie you want to be this year?
很难超越老虎托尼僵尸
It's gonna be hard to top when you went as Zombie Tony the Tiger.
这是脑髓
Theeeeey're brains!
今年没感觉
This year, nothing's speaking to me.
也许我不会扮装去要糖
Maybe I just won't dress up and go trick-or-treating.
也许我已经长大了
Maybe I've grown out of it.
你确定吗不要免费的糖
Are you sure? You're giving up free candy?
拜托
Please.
学校有糖
Between candy at school
厢式车里的奇怪男人也有糖
and candy from the weird guy in the van --
-安娜凯特 -你真好骗
- Anna-Kat?! - You're so gullible.
我跟你说过多少次
How many times have I told you
厢式车笑话不好笑
I don't think van jokes are funny?
泰勒呢
Where's Taylor?
还在学校排练戏剧
She's still at school, practicing for the play.
好吧她真会演
Well, she's quite the actress.
西拉·约翰逊的父母在安提瓜岛格雷格
Sierra Johnson's parents are in Antigua, Greg.
泰勒当面骗我们
Taylor lied to our faces
这样可以参加派对喝醉
so that she could go to the party, get drunk,
和特里普鬼混
and mess around with Trip.
不好说
We don't know that.
也许她只是想和朋友玩
Maybe she just wants to hang out with her friends,
她只能说谎有家长监督
and she had to lie about there being parental supervision
我们才会让她去
so that we would let her go.
你在为她的谎言辩护吗
Are you defending her lie?
如果她说了实话
If she had told the truth,
-你会说什么 -不行
- what would you have said? - ‭No!
你让她不得不说谎
You put her in a position where she was forced to lie,
就像你做了宝石美甲
just like when you asked me how I felt
问我的感受一样
when you bejeweled your fingernails.
你说我看起来特别有品味
You said I looked classy.
我当然得那么说
Of course I did.
你两只手都有两寸长的爪子
You had two-inch claws on both hands.
我们不能让泰勒参加派对
Well, we are not letting Taylor go to that party.
我们应该让她去看看结果如何
I think we should let her go and see what happens.
这话从何说起
Where is this all coming from?
两年后
In two years,
她会进入三流大学
she's going to a third-rate college
奥利弗会嘲笑她
that Oliver will mock her for.
我的班上有很多大一新生
My classes are full of freshmen
他们初尝自♥由♥ 变得疯狂
that have their first taste of freedom and go crazy.
是时候松开她的链子了
It's time to let her off the leash.
她的结果会和你松开卢瑟的链子结果一样
She is going to do exactly what Luthor does when you let him off the leash.
它以为塑料袋是街上的松鼠所以追上去
Chase a plastic bag she thinks is a squirrel into the street
造成三辆车的意外
and cause a three-car accident?
对但是笨蛋人类的版本
Yes, but the human-stupid version of that.
我们总是教她做正确的事
We've always taught her to do the right thing.
这是相信她的机会
This is an opportunity to trust her
看我们做父母是否成功
and see if we succeeded as parents.
好
Fine.
如果泰勒喝醉了回家
So, if Taylor comes home drunk
或是做出了错误决定
or makes any bad decisions,
那可全怪你
then it's all on you.
你没意见
You comfortable with that?
-没 -好
- I am. - ‭Okay.
如果你错了
So, if you're wrong,
基本上你就不可信了
that pretty much torpedoes your credibility
以后不能再做决定
to make any future decisions.
我没意见
Not going to be a problem
因为泰勒不会让我失望
because Taylor's not gonna let me down,
然后我会做出更多决定
and then I'm gonna make more decisions.
重要决定
Big decisions. ‭
薄皮厚皮我说了算
Thin crust, thick crust, whatever I say.
瞧你
Well, look at you.
你的嘴唇真的像泳池玩具
Your lips really do look like pool toys.
什么
What?
派对策划的怎么样
How's the party you're planning going?
去詹妮弗·艾斯托尼家的孩子们一定会吓尿
The kids at Jennifer Estony's are definitely going to lose it.
我租了个真人♥大♥小的外星人
I've rented a life-size alien.
会令人毛骨悚然而且黏黏的
It's going to be all spooky and slimy.
你应该做解剖
Ooh! You should do an autopsy
在身体内放干冰
and put dry ice in the body cavities
这样切开时内脏会冒烟
so when you cut it open, the guts smoke.
我不知道我对你
I don't know whether I did
是做了特别错的事
something terribly wrong with you
还是特别对的事
or terribly right.
凯蒂我需要你
Katie! I need you!
我得接
I gotta take this.
凯蒂那是你的手
Katie, that's just your hand.
好的
Okay, look.
我知道答案
I know the answer to this,
但我还是要问
but I'm just gonna ask it anyway.
我的动感控制的篝火坑
Is my motion-controlled fire pit
不合适宝宝吗
going to be a problem with the baby?
是的
Yes.
天啊我做不到
Oh, God! I can't do this!
我做不到
I can't do this.
天啊
Oh, God.
谢谢
Thank you.
谢谢
Oh, thank you.
为什么库珀的包裹寄到这里
Why is Cooper getting mail here?
到了
It came!
我没想到我的人生会是这种结局
It's just not how I saw my life ending up.
被搞大肚子变穷被男人甩