美式主妇

American Housewife S03E17

Part 2 Dec. 9, 2019, 7:58 p.m.

This is so stupid.
你知道我讨厌你让我面对这种处境
You know I hate it when you put me in these situations.
我怎么装有疝气
How am I supposed to act like I have a hernia?
这会有帮助
This'll help.
你们好
Hi!
生日快乐格雷格
Happy birthday, Greg!
大家好
Hi, everyone!
-待的时间够长了吗 -闭嘴
- Have we been here long enough? - Shut up!
欢迎我帮大家拿外套
Welcome! Let me take your coats.
-真高兴我们能来 -谢谢
- Oh! I'm so glad we could come. - Thank you.
很好
Good.
疝气
Hernia!
我有疝气
I have a hernia.
他的阴♥部♥还是肿的
His nether regions are still quite blown out.
强迫症女孩好好开心一下
Okay, OCD girl, have at it.
万圣节圣诞节
Halloween, Christmas...
这个
this.
能把手♥机♥充电器借我吗
Can I borrow your phone charger?
你能找到的话
Sure, if you can find it.
真恶心
This is disgusting.
我的围嘴上衣
My bib jersey!
我到处找
I've been looking everywhere for that!
你的什么
Your what?
围嘴上衣
My bib jersey.
我在房♥间里吃油腻的东西时
Whenever I eat something greasy in my room,
就会穿上这个保护衣服
I put on a jersey to protect my clothes.
天才对吗
Genius, right?
我担心你的未来
I fear for your future.
不敢相信我碰到了你的围嘴上衣
I can't believe I touched your bib jersey!
这里没有干净东西给我擦手
And there's nothing clean enough in here to wipe my hands on!
别担心上面太厚的食物
Don't worry -- it's covered in so much old food,
你不可能碰到衣服
there's no way you touched fabric.
你应该去坐牢
You should be in prison.
两位
Uh, guys?
失火了
The room is on fire.
妈
Uh, Mom?
可以看见的流血
Visible...blood!
好的
'Kay.
理查德怎么样
So, Richard, how are things?
克里西安吉拉告诉我你是心理医生
So, Crissy, Angela tells me that you are a therapist.
你觉得怎样
How do you like it?
更好的问题是
I think the better question is,
你觉得当妈怎么样
how do you like being a mother?
理查德你在输入什么
So, Richard, whatcha typing?
没有
Nothing?
好吧
All right.
我们怎么办
What are we going to do?
爸妈会杀了我
Mom and Dad are going to kill us!
爸会说教
Well, Dad's gonna lecture us,
妈会把我们的门拆掉
and then Mom's gonna take the doors off all our rooms.
对你来说太惨了奥利弗
That'd be really bad for you, Oliver.
我没什么可隐藏的
I have nothing to hide.
但同时我们的确需要掩饰
But, at the same time, we do need to cover this up,
唯一做的办法就是团结一致[粘在一起]
and the only way we're gonna do that is if we stick together.
就像泰勒数学书的这块披萨吗
Like this slice of pizza attached to Taylor's math book?
所以第三节课那么难懂
That's why third period is so confusing!
你的手真大
Oh. Your hand is so big.
谢谢
Thanks.
我现在觉得很安全
I feel very safe right now.
我很高兴
I'm so glad.
多瑞丝我们来比手
Doris, let's compare hands.
少来了
Knock it off!
天啊格雷格在找薄薄的诗歌♥书
Oh, God. Greg is going for one of his skinny poetry books.
那些是最糟糕的
Those are the worst kinds.
谁有心情听十四行诗
Who's in the mood for a sonnet?
-不 -差不多
- No. - Almost.
换话题
Changing subject.
格雷格你看起来恢复得不错
So, Greg, you seem to be recovering nicely.
恢复
Recovering?
你做过的疝气手术
From the hernia surgery... that you had.
是的手术很顺利没什么
Oh, yes. Well, the procedure went smoothly. It was no big deal.
凯蒂说很严重
Katie said it was a very big deal,
有很多并发症
with a lot of complications.
是的
Oh...yeah.
很顺利其实就是并发症
It going smoothly actually was a complication
因为医生以为会很坏
because they expected it to be bad,
但结果看起来很好
but then when it looked like it was good,
大家都糊涂了
it threw everyone off, and --
因为他们都说为什么没有不好
because they were like, "Aah! Why isn't this going bad?"
然后
And then, um...
我开始屁♥股♥流血
I started bleeding out of my...butt.
我去拿
I'll get that.
什么
What?
你刚做完疝气手术怎么拿得动
How are you carrying that if you just had hernia surgery?
那些
Oh, these...
该死的止痛药让我以为自己有力气
darn pain meds give me a false sense of strength.
希望我不会再次屁♥股♥流血
I hope I'm not bleeding from my butt again.
出什么事了
What's going on?!
好吧
Okay.
我们说谎了
We lied.
格雷格没做疝气手术
Greg didn't have hernia surgery.
她们是我们的朋友我们应该说出真♥相♥
They're our friends. We should tell them the truth.
是谢谢你
Yes, thank you.
上周我们没去吃晚餐的真正原因是
The real reason that we couldn't go to dinner last week is...
格雷格和我去做婚姻心理咨♥询♥
...Greg and I were in couples therapy.
我们的婚姻不太好
Our marriage is not great.
你们去做了婚姻心理咨♥询♥
So, you two are in couples therapy?
她不是爱管闲事这是职业问题
She's not being nosy. That's a professional question.
她是医生
She's a doctor.
我不是医生
I'm not a doctor.
我是心理学家
I'm a psychologist.
但她知道怎么扮医生
But she knows how to play doctor.
现在能走了吗
Now can we go?
理查德假装去厕所
Richard, pretend to go to the bathroom
你去玩手♥机♥ 就像在家一样
and play on your phone, like you do at home.
我们的婚姻有问题已经有段时间了
Our marriage has been in trouble for quite some time.
我知道很意外
I know -- it's shocking.
-是吗 -我能理解
- Is it? - Makes sense to me.
好的请就坐进餐
Okay. Please take your seats for dinner.
凯蒂能聊聊吗
Katie, if I could talk to you for a second?
我们要去谈我们可怕的婚姻
We're gonna go talk about our terrible marriage.
你就这样跟朋友澄清吗通过说谎
So, that's coming clean to your friends? Just another lie?
我只能这样
I had to! ?
你不能装疝气我只能改变话题
You couldn't fake a hernia, so I had to pivot!
现在所有人以为我们的婚姻有问题
Well, now everyone thinks our marriage is in trouble.
但不是的
But it's not!
你明白说谎是怎么回事吧
You understand how lying works, right?
但大家轻易就信了
But everyone bought it so easily.
没人说什么
No one was like, "Whaaaat?!"
我希望有人说什么
I wanted a "Whaaaat?!"
婚姻咨♥询♥是完美的谎言
Couples therapy is the perfect lie.
这是私人问题没人会继续问问题
It's personal, so no one will ask any follow-up questions.
我一点也不喜欢
I don't like it one bit.
我们赢了格雷格
We won, Greg!
接受胜利享受
Take the win! Enjoy it!
记住我们要假装关系不好
And remember, we need to fake like we're in a rough patch.
所以不要和平时一样觉得我很讨人喜欢
Don't find me as delightful as you usually do.
这不难
That won't be hard.
我不想显得太骄傲
Guys, I'm not trying to be cocky,
但我想我办到了
but I think we did it.
做得好泰勒