美式主妇

American Housewife S03E20

Part 3 Dec. 9, 2019, 7:59 p.m.

他应该去参加安娜凯特的校外考察
He's supposed to be on Anna-Kat's field trip!
-藏起来 -为什么那样我就见不到你♥爸♥
- Guys, go hide. - Why? Then I won't get to see your dad.
就是要你见不到
That's the point.
你不用理解计划怎么管用的
You don't need to understand the plan for it to work.
我们走朋友
Let's vamanos, compadre.
快我们得装出病的样子
Come on. We got to make ourselves look sick again.
孩子们
Hey, guys.
我不去安娜凯特的校外考察了
I'm not going on Anna-Kat's field trip anymore,
所以我回家看看你们怎么了
so I came home to see how you're doing.
我还是不舒服
I still feel sick.
我的感觉和泰勒一样可怕
I feel like Taylor reads -- terrible.
不听起来你们更严重了
Oh, no. Sounds like you're getting worse.
我最好留下来照顾你们
I better stay here and take care of you guys.
我们病了不代表你要留在家
Y-You shouldn't stay home just because we're sick.
不如去过一下优质的格雷格时光
Why not grab some quality Greg time?
对去看电影
Yeah, go catch a movie.
现在有两部大♥法♥官金斯伯格的电影
There's two Ruth Bader Ginsburg films out.
她是你的名人幻想床伴
She's your celebrity hall pass, for God's sake.
我很乐意照顾你们
I'm happy to take care of you two.
我会给你们做我母亲著名的鸡汤
I'm gonna make you some of my mother's famous chicken soup.
你们知道秘密食材是什么吗
Do you know what the secret ingredient is?
是爱吗
Is it love? ?
不是
No. It's --
我不想告诉你们
I don't want to tell you anymore.
现在不能逃学出去玩
Now instead of ditch day,
我们必须待在家装病
we have to stay home and pretend to be sick.
我知道我也在场
Yeah, I know. I was here, too.
别走散走在一起
Don't wander off. Stay together.
别爬那个
Don't climb on that!
考德威尔农场是功能齐全的
Caldwell Farms is a fully functional
水果动物农场
fruit and animal farm.
但不是《动物农场》
But not an "Animal Farm"
不是乔治·奥威尔写的讽刺小说
like George Orwell's allegorical novella
批评俄♥国♥革命的言论
that criticized the rhetoric of the Russian Revolution.
一直都这么好笑一直都是
Always funny. Always.
我也骄傲地指出
I'm also proud to point out
考德威尔农场最新版本
Caldwell Farms' newest edition --
这座美丽的凉亭
this gorgeous gazebo
建造者正是你们的阿布林校长
built by none other than your Principal Ablin.
你为什么为他们建造凉亭
Why would you build them a gazebo?
因为我爱这里
Because I love it here,
希望我以后被埋在下面
and I hope to be buried under it someday.
要你好看
So in your face.
我脸皮很厚
Well, my face is a shield,
所以在我脸上弹了弹两倍重的弹回你脸上
so it bounces off and hits your face twice as hard!
双倍要你好看
Double face!
双倍要你好看
Double face?
这是最差劲的要你好看
That's the worst of all faces.
在我们去宠物动物园之前
Uh, now, before we move on to the petting zoo,
有人有问题吗
does anyone have any questions?
说
?Yes.
你后面是什么东西
What are those things behind you?
你是指苹果吗
You mean the apples?
苹果
Ooh! Apples!
非常有趣
Very interesting.
它们是做什么的
What do they do?
它们只是
They just...
它们是苹果
They're apples!
妈别玩第一天到地球
Mom, no. Don't play First Day on Earth.
我们去宠物动物园
Let's just go to the petting zoo.
稍等
One second.
杰拉尔德这些苹果
Gerald, so, these apples,
它们的父母呢
where are their parents?
我想
Well, I suppose...
在某种程度上是我
in a way, that's me.
妈请你停下
Mom, please stop!
你妈真是不知道苹果是什么吗
Does your mom really not know what apples are?
她只是在玩愚蠢的游戏
She's just playing this dumb game
她以为好笑
that she thinks is funny
但绝对不好笑
but is definitely not funny.
安娜凯特你怎么了
Anna-Kat, what is wrong?!
凯蒂
Katie?
看这是吃的
See, you eat it.
我知道苹果是什么阿布林
I know what a damn apple is, Ablin.
你会比你想象中更早
You are gonna be buried under that gazebo
被埋在那个凉亭下
sooner than you think.
借过
Excuse me.
我刚打给大学的老朋友
I just got off the phone with an old college friend
他在梅约诊所治疗传染性疾病
who works in infectious diseases at the Mayo Clinic.
他说奶制品的食品中毒
He said that food poisoning from dairy products
非常严重
is very serious.
我觉得已经排出去了
I think it's out of our systems.
没有
It's not.
但会排出去的
But it will be.
我朋友给了明确指导
My friend gave very specific instructions
怎么帮你们排毒
on how to flush the toxins from your bodies.
通过流汗
We're gonna sweat it out.
我们得这样在这里多久
How long do we have to stay in here like this?
一小时
Just an hour.
一小时不可能
An hour?! No way!
我看起来像被夏卡康了
I look like I've been Chaka Khanned!
你知道谁是夏卡康
You know who Chaka Khan is?
是个人吗
Oh. That's a person?
我以为是表示被电死
I thought it meant being electrocuted.
待在这里我一小时后来看你们
Stay here. I'll be back to check on you in an hour.
太差劲了
This sucks!
我讨厌生病
I hate being sick!
你没有真的生病
You're not really sick.
是的
Oh, yeah.
-旅行怎么样 -糟透了
- Hey. How's the trip going? - ?Terrible.
我需要好爸爸的建议
I need the nice parent's perspective on the situation.
我一整天都想和安娜凯特开心地玩
I have been trying to have fun with Anna-Kat all day,
但她一直拒绝我
but she keeps shutting me down.
我一直在做我们最爱的活动
I've been doing our greatest hits --
唱歌♥ 第一天到地球
sang songs, First Day on Earth.
也许你太强求了做你自己就行
Maybe you're trying too hard. Just be yourself.
如果做我自己我根本不会来
If I were myself, I wouldn't be on this field trip.
她是安娜凯特你知道她喜欢什么
It's Anna-Kat. You know what she likes --
犯罪小说大自然母亲的愤怒
true crime fiction, the wrath of Mother Nature,
睡着的熊掉下树的网上视频
YouTube videos of sleeping bears falling out of trees.
还有小马
And ponies.
也许我不是太强求
Maybe I'm not trying too hard,
而是强求的还不够
but, actually, I'm not trying hard enough.
所以和我刚说的相反
So the opposite of what I just said?
我当你是回声板格雷格
I use you as a sounding board, Greg.
我不是要你提供答案
I don't come to you for answers.
你帮我和孩子增进感情
I'll give you a Jolly Rancher
我就给你水果糖
if you help me bond with my kid.
现在你是我的了
You're mine now.
第二步
Now, step two.
把这个涂到脸上和身体上
You need to put this all over your faces and bodies.
-这是什么 -这是自♥制♥药膏
- What is that? - It's a homemade salve
有芥末姜黄大蒜
of mustard, turmeric, and garlic.
现在毒素出来了
Now that the toxins are out,
你们要马上把这个涂到毛孔上
you need to put this in your pores immediately.
没这必要爸我们好多了
That's not necessary, Dad. We're feeling much better.
-你们知道碱性肝炎12吗 -不知道
- Do you guys know what alkaline-hepatitis-12 is? - ?No.
你们不这样做就会得
Well, you can get it if you don't do this.
涂好后回到浴室
When you're done putting it on, get back in the bathroom.
现在要用高温
Okay, now you have to let the heat