美式主妇

American Housewife S03E03

Part 4 Dec. 9, 2019, 7:56 p.m.

你像你妈
You're like your mom.
谁想到呢
Well, what do you know?
你长成了和我一样
You grew up to be just like me.
我想全吐出来了
I think that's all of it.
她说的只是...
All she said was --
格雷格拜托
Greg, please.
我没东西可吐了
I don't have anything left to throw up.
我这辈子都在努力不要像我妈
I have dedicated my life to not being like my mother.
怎么会这样
How did this happen?
我也是这样
Listen, it happened to me, too.
我从来不想像我父亲一样
I never wanted to be like my dad.
不知不觉我贴上了"我为乔叟刹车"的
Next thing you know, I'm putting an "I Brake for Chaucer"
保险杠贴
bumper sticker on my attache.
还好吗
Is everything okay?
我的天
Oh, my God.
我完全和她一样
I am just like her.
我总是问还好吗其实我一点也不关心
I always ask if everything's okay without really caring.
我关心
I care.
我的天
Oh, my God.
我和我妈一样
I'm just like my mother.
说谎时更假
I double down even when I'm lying.
所以这种行为是遗传的
So, this behavior is hereditary.
基因里有的
It's in the genes.
有些家族遗传高血压
Some families pass on high blood pressure.
你们家遗传可怕
Yours passes on terribleness.
妈格雷格可能说到点子上了
Mom, Greg might be onto something.
必须停止
This has got to stop.
我不能把这种行为传给我的孩子
I cannot pass this down to my kids.
你是对的这一切在今天结束
You're right. No, this ends today.
你是认真的还是更假地说谎
Do you really mean that, or are you just doubling down?
我不知道了
I don't even know anymore.
听着我意识到你们所处的情况
Listen, I recognize the situation that you're in
有部分是我的错
is partially my fault.
作弊是为了胜利
The whole "Cheating is for winners" Thing
这话可能是错的
might have been a mixed message.
对但我应该聪明到
Yeah, but I also should've been smart enough
想上哈佛就不作弊
not to cheat when I want to go to Harvard.
我怎么办
What am I gonna do?
你要做的就是不让你的一个错误
What you're gonna do is not let one mistake
毁掉整个人生
derail your whole life.
泰勒我可能没给你最好的建议
And, Taylor, I may not have given you the best advice.
你说什么呢你的人生太棒了
What are you talking about? Your life was awesome.
是的的确是的
It was. Oh, it really was.
相信我如果有机会
Trust me, you get a chance
在大溪地和里卡多·蒙特尔班共度周末
to spend a weekend in Tahiti with Ricardo Montalban,
你别放过
you take it.
下次再说这个故事
Story for another time.
重点是
‭The point is...
你要上大学
You need to go to college.
做什么
What for?
我做你做的就行
I mean, I'll just do what you did.
你的人生太美好了
Your life was amazing.
但如果你上大学
Uh-huh, but if you go to college,
这样你的航♥空♥公♥司♥破产拿走你的退休金时
then you'll have other options for when your airline goes bankrupt,
你会有其他选择
taking your pension with it,
最后不会没钱有六个德国人
and you won't wind up broke with six Germans
挤在你的公♥寓♥里用你的iTunes
crammed in your apartment ordering weird movies
订购奇怪的电影比如说《芬格林》
with your iTunes like "FernGully"
而你却在两个州以外在孩子家蹭吃蹭住
while you're two states away, sponging off your kid.
有后备计划是个不错的主意
It's just a real good idea to have a back-up plan
因为你也许没我这么幸运
'cause you might not be as lucky as me
有这样一个女儿
and get a daughter like I did.
我可以去大学里看你
And then I can visit you in college.
兄弟会的男生可喜欢我了
Oh, frat boys love me.
-对吗 -是的
- Right? ‭- Yeah. Yeah.
如果我去康奈尔大学
Well, if I go to Cornell,
我会靠近尼亚加拉大瀑布
I'll be next to Niagara Falls,
我太沮丧时就跳进一个桶里
so when I get too depressed, I'll just hop in a barrel
把自己扔进去
and throw myself over.
奥利弗你为什么总是这么忧郁
Oliver, why do you have to be so melancholy all the time?
慢着我用对了吗
Wait, did I use that right?
是的
I did.
不
Oh, no!
我在学习
I'm learning things.
你妈要睡多久
How long is your mom gonna sleep?
我今天必须进办公室
I have to get into my office sometime today.
她和妈妈有很多共同点
She and Mama have so much in common
也许我们开包肉桂卷
that maybe if we open up a package of cinnamon rolls,
她也会醒来
she'll wake up, too.
我得走了
Well, I better be going.
谢谢你凯瑟琳给我难忘的夜晚
Thank you, Kathryn, for an unforgettable night.
不谢谢你腹肌林校长
Oh, no, thank you, Principal Abs-lin.
好了
Yeah. Okay, then.
奥利弗你的记录没了
Oliver, your record is wiped clean.
我自己做了点木工活
I did a little woodworking of my own.
外婆你最好了
Grandma, you're the best.
瞧我说了我能帮忙
See? I told you I could be helpful.
你是耍手段
That was some move.
你不会以为你进杜克大学
You don't think you got into Duke
是因为你打曲棍球吧
just because of your field hockey, do you?
亲爱的
Honey...
外婆利用美色
Just because Nana used her nah-nah
让阿布林校长放过你
to get you off the hook with Principal Ablin
不代表你作弊不受罚
doesn't mean you're off the hook for cheating.
怎样
So, what is it?
禁足没电视和手♥机♥ 什么什么的
I'm grounded, no screens, blah, blah, blah?
不
No.
糟糕多的
Something much worse.
钟对于教堂就像角[喇叭]对于...
So, bell is to church as horn is to...
犀牛
rhinoceros?
不是车
No. Car.
我相当确信犀牛有角
I'm pretty sure a rhino's the one with the horn.
这太残忍♥了
This is inhumane.
爸妈说给我辅♥导♥是对你的惩罚
Mom and Dad said it was your punishment to tutor me.
妈我求你别的都行
Mom, I beg you, anything else.
教卢瑟杂耍更简单
It'd be easier to teach Luthor how to juggle.
我让你选不是这个
I'll give you a choice -- it's either this...
就是多瑞丝
or Doris.
这样还是好一些
This is still better!
放蜜蜂
Release the bees.
小伙子
Hey, champ.
你的外婆提到了我吗
So, did your, uh, grandma say anything about me?
没她很忙
No, she's been busy.
酷
Oh. Cool.
我也很忙
I've been busy, too.
好的我得走了
Okay, um, I've got to get going.
数学课
Math class.
回见阿布林校长
See you around, Principal Ablin.
知道吗
You know what?
你可以叫我阿布林外公
You can go ahead and call me Grandpa Ablin.
我不想这样叫
I-I don't want to do that.
-爷爷 -不
- Gramps? ‭- No.
老爹
Pappy?
更亲和
It's more folksy.
别担心我们会想到的
Don't worry, we'll find it.
我的好孩子
That's my boy.
别这么用力这门是我做的
Hey, not so hard. I built that door.
整间学校都是我建的
I built this whole school.