美式主妇

American Housewife S03E12

Part 4 Dec. 9, 2019, 7:58 p.m.

我不喜欢你们这对组合
I don't like this pairing.
令我不安
Disturbs me.
来吧
Hey. Come on.
发到强尼·戴蒙德的脸书页上
Let's go post this on Johnny Diamond's Facebook page.
#搭建#狗屋
Hashtag building a hashtag doghouse
和我#儿子
with my hashtag son
为我们的#另一#钻石狗
for our hashtag other hashtag Diamond Dogs.
#
Hashtag.
我也不想消极爸
Trying to stay positive, Dad,
但你对#的滥用已经到了令人担心的程度
but you're misusing hashtag to an alarming degree.
奥利弗这些人都在发报道
Oliver, all these people are posting reports
强尼·戴蒙德被捕了
that Johnny Diamond got arrested.
-什么 -联调局突袭了他在犹他州的农场
- What? - ?The FBI raided his ranch in Utah.
他强迫别人给他写书
He had people being held against their will writing his books.
他是个大忙人
Okay, so he's a busy guy.
他必须外包一些工作
He had to outsource a little labor.
他让孩子们给他制♥造♥商品
And he had children making his merchandise.
你让一个孩子搭建狗屋想想看
You're making a child build a doghouse. Think on that.
他出♥卖♥♥♥所有追随者的身份
He sold all his followers' identities.
我的信用积分
My credit score!
这家伙太可恶了
This guy sucks so hard.
奥利弗我们不需要强尼·戴蒙德
Oliver, we don't need Johnny Diamond.
我们可以自己将关系发挥到极致
We can maximize our relationship by ourselves.
爸我不敢相信我这么说
Dad, I can't believe I'm saying this,
但强尼·戴蒙德是个骗子
but Johnny Diamond's a fraud.
就是说我们的感情建立在谎言上
Which means our entire bond is built on a lie.
结束了
It's over.
我高中时的恶霸死了
My high school bully is dead.
这里有一些让你父母再次喜欢你的主意
Here's some ideas so your parents can like you again.
-你会做饭吗 -不会
- Can you cook? ?- No.
你能预知未来吗
Can you tell the future?
如果我能我就会在20秒前
If I could, I would have walked out of the room
你放屁之前离开房♥间
before you farted 20 seconds ago.
你可以做家里搞笑的那个
Oh, you can be the funny one of the family.
你要学会下流笑话大人们喜欢那些
You need to learn a dirty joke. Adults love those.
好
Okay.
很棒的下流笑话
"Good dirty jokes."
不明白
I don't get that.
不明白
I don't get that.
这个里面的词很好笑
Oh, that one has a funny word.
对
Oh, yeah.
好我学会了稍后讲给爸妈听
Okay, I'll learn it and tell it to my parents later.
我不应该吃那支护唇膏
I should not have eaten that ChapStick.
你为什么扔掉T恤
Why are you throwing that shirt out?
强尼·戴蒙德不是你的英雄吗
I thought Johnny Diamond was your hero.
他是个骗子他被抓个现行犯了十项罪行
He's a fraud. He got busted for, like, 10 felonies,
那些帮助我成功的建议根本没意义
so all his advice to help me succeed is meaningless.
你总是在找让自己崇拜的人
You know, you are always looking for someone to worship.
看外面
Well, look outside.
看那个人
See that guy?
你应该崇拜他
That's the guy that you should worship.
他尽全力和你增进感情
He went out of his way to try to connect with you.
你也应该这样做
You should do the same.
太遗憾了
It's really unfortunate
我当妈当得这么出色的时刻
when I have a great parenting moment,
格雷格没在这里表扬我
and Greg is not here to give me credit.
那个
So, uh,
蛮奇怪的
that was pretty weird
今天我们
today when we went...
我在和你进行尴尬的对话泰勒
I'm trying to have an awkward moment with you, Taylor.
好的
Okay. Fine.
抱歉冲你发脾气
I'm sorry that I blew up at you,
但你做错时我必须骂你
but when you screw up, I have to come down on you.
-这是我的工作 -你的工作做得非常好妈
- It's my job. - ?You're very good at your job, Mom.
你这一生会有很多朋友
You're gonna have a lot of friends in your life,
但只有一个妈
but only one mother.
我拒绝放弃这一角色
And I refuse to give that role up.
但是你想做朋友的
But you're the one who wanted to be friends.
总有一天我们会是朋友但现在
And one day we will be, but right now,
我需要你怕我
I need you to be afraid of me,
但要知道如果你在外面
but know, if you're ever out in the world
发现自己身处困境
and find yourself in a bad situation,
你可以打我电♥话♥ 我会来救你
you can call me and I'll come get you.
-不问问题 -不
- No questions asked? ?- No.
问无数的问题
Like a thousand questions asked.
-什么事 -安娜凯特有个笑话
- What's up? - Anna-Kat has a joke
-想讲给我们听 -太好了
- she wants to tell us. ?- Great.
三个人乘船出事流落到岛上
Okay, so three guys are shipwrecked on an island
被当地人抓住了
and are captured by locals.
首领对第一个人说
Their leader says to the first guy,
你必须选择死还是乌嘎木嘎
"You must choose: death or ooga-mooga,"
第一个说我选择乌嘎木嘎
so the first guy says, "I choose ooga-mooga."
然后他们把他扔进...
Then they throw him down...
看到前两个人的遭遇后
So after seeing what happened to the first two guys,
第三个人说我选择死
the third guy says, "I choose death,"
首领说好
and the leader says, "Okay.
死于乌嘎木嘎
Death by ooga-mooga!"
富兰克林你听懂这个笑话了吗
Franklin, do you even get the joke?
她说了乌嘎木嘎
She said "Ooga-mooga."
安娜凯特太恶心了
Anna-Kat, that was filthy.
你为什么要讲这样的笑话
What would possess you to tell a joke like that?
我害怕我不再是家中
I was afraid I was losing my position
最受宠的孩子
as the favorite in the family,
所以我想我可以做搞笑的那个
so I thought maybe I could be the funny one.
亲爱的你永远是最小的那个
Honey, you're always going to be the baby,
所以你永远是最受宠的
so you always are going to be the favorite.
这是事实
That's just a fact.
你让我发疯了
You got me all crazy.
你在网上查这种笑话你被禁足了
You are super grounded for looking up that joke online.
回你房♥间
Go to your room.
能送我去快餐店吗
Can someone drop me off at Arby's?
我要和我妈约会
I have a date with my mom.
你能给安娜凯特设置家长监控
Can you set Anna-Kat's parental control
拦截所有黄色内容吗
so it blocks all the dirty stuff?
我还会屏蔽那个她喜欢的网站
I'll also block that weird website she likes
专播死囚最后一餐饭的
that shows death row inmates' last meals.
那个
That...
真是个好笑的笑话
was a really funny joke.
乌嘎木嘎
?Ooga-mooga.
卢瑟说做得好小伙子们
Luthor says, "Great job, boys!"
奥利弗虽说强尼·戴蒙德是个骗子
Oliver, Johnny Diamond might have ended up being a fake,
但我和你增进感情享受的乐趣不是假的
but the fun I had bonding with you wasn't fake at all.
我很高兴你妈♥逼♥我们完成狗屋
I'm glad your mom forced us to finish it.
我也是
Yeah, me, too.
我开始明白你看上她什么了
I'm starting to get what you see in her.
你们还需要帮忙搭建什么吗
You guys need help building anything else?
不用谢谢给你
No thanks. Here you go.
你不用给我钱
You don't have to pay me.
我们是钻石狗
We're Diamond Dogs!