金色年代

The Goldbergs S02E16

Part 2 Dec. 8, 2019, 8:12 p.m.

If you don't like it, use the stall.
我的妈呀
Mother of mercy.
那里出了什么事
What happened in there?
墙上有
It's on the walls.
墙上有
It's on the walls.
麻烦快点
Please hurry it up.
在这里什么也不做感觉怪怪的
I feel weird being in here not doing anything.
在那一刻
In that moment,
我体验了所有男人在所难免的经历
I had what all men experience at one point or another --
怯场
Stage fright.
我尿不出来
I couldn't go.
我心里想尿但膀胱说不行
My mind said yes, but my bladder said no.
我尿完了
I'm done.
咱们快离开这里
Let's get the hell out of here
我可以再次用鼻子呼吸
so I can breathe through my nose again.
我逃离恐惧时
While I was running away from my fears,
巴瑞和爱丽卡正亲历一场恐怖秀
Barry and Erica were sitting through a real horror show,
我说的不是电影
and I don't mean the movie.
哪个男孩走丢了
So, which boy is lost?
他可怜的妈妈一定会疯掉
His poor mother must be going insane.
我偷偷带了一些零食
Oh! I snuck in some snacks.
微波炉爆米花薯片
Got microwave popcorn, some chips,
还有个漂亮的番茄
and a beautiful tomato.
我不吃番茄
I don't want a tomato!
今天是保质期最后一天
Well, it's the last day before it turns.
总得有人吃
Somebody's gonna eat it.
今天真是开心死了
This has been the best day.
真丢人现在结束了
Yeah. It's a real shame it's over.
没必要啊
Oh, it doesn't have to be.
我要在红龙虾餐厅订晚餐的位子
I'm gonna make us a dinner reservation at red lobster.
现在没有龙虾十月小虾九月或蛤一月的优♥惠♥
Now, it's not lobstober or shrimptember or clamuary,
你们点菜时要小心
so you're gonna have to order carefully.
出什么事了
What the hell happened out there?
出了妈这个事
Mom happened.
她又打内疚牌让我们和她在一起
Whew. You know, she guilted us into hanging out with her again.
这真的不正常十几岁的少年
You know, it is seriously not normal for teenagers
和母亲这样频繁地共度时光
to spend this much time with their mothers.
我坐了火车
I rode the train, man!
我坐了小火车
I rode the tiny train!
看
Look.
她拍了照片
She took a picture and everything!
你们这样受苦我看不下去了
Okay, I can't watch you suffer like this anymore.
跟我来我要改变你们的人生
Follow me. I'm about to change your lives.
-怎么变 -我要教你们击败你们的母亲
- How? - I'm gonna teach you how to defeat your mother.
青少年和父母分开是很正常的事
It's natural for teenagers to separate from their parents.
但你们母亲太爱你们了
But your mother loves you so much,
她永远不会允许这样
she'll never let that happen.
所以我的工作是
That's why it's my job to --
你为什么要穿这身衣服
Why are you wearing that outfit?
你不是要教我们打赢妈妈吗
You're gonna teach us how to fight mom, right?
不我是要教你们打赢她的内疚牌
No! I'm gonna teach you to combat her guilt.
这下有道理多了
Ohhhh! That makes more sense.
我要换回衣服吗
Should I go change back?
跟我说就行他明白多少是多少
Just focus on me. He'll get what he gets.
你们注意就会发现
If you've noticed,
你们妈妈向我打内疚牌时是没用的
when your mom tries to guilt me, it doesn't work.
那是因为我有简单的口头禅
That's because of my simple mantra --
这不是真的别上当
"It's not real. Don't feel."
什么不是真的
What's not real?
她经历的痛苦
The pain she's in.
她的内疚牌与泪水只是控制你们的手段
Her guilt and tears are just a manipulation.
别相信
Don't fall for it.
老爷子如果你的办法这么简单
Pops, if your thing was so easy,
我们很久前就用了
we would have done it a long time ago.
你是对的
Oh, you're right.
我只是愚蠢的老头子
I'm just a silly old man.
我应该回家叠袜子上♥床♥睡觉
I-I should just go home, ball up my socks, and go to bed.
-别对不起 -别这样我们爱你
- No, don't. I'm sorry. - Don't do that! We love you!
这不是真的别上当
It's not real! Don't feel!
慢着你刚才是演戏吗
Wait. That was just an act?
是的
Yes!
老天你们真够没用的
My god, you're weak and soft!
跟我一起说这不是真的别上当
Say it with me. "it's not real. Don't feel."
这不是真的别上当
It's not real. Don't feel.
大声点
Louder!
这不是真的别上当
It's not real! Don't feel!
别这么大声
Not that loud.
她会听到的那我们都有麻烦了
She'll hear you, and then we're all in trouble.
我哥和我姐学习反击时
As my brother and sister were learning to fight back,
我在对抗膀胱里6♥4♥盎司的汽水
I was battling the 6♥4♥ ounces of mountain dew in my bladder!
爸我又要尿尿了
Dad, I have to pee again.
什么你刚去了
What? You just went!
好吧我就不掩饰了
All right, I'm not gonna sugarcoat this.
我尿不出来
My bladder shut down.
尿槽那里压力太大了
There's too much pressure at the trough.
那你干嘛不用隔间
Well, why don't you use the damn stall?
永远别再说隔间
Don't speak of the stall -- ever!
太迟了球员就位了
Well, it's too late. The bases are loaded.
我不会带你去了你自己去
I'm not taking you again. So just go!
这里有没有高级的私密性好的厕所
Isn't there some private executive washroom
里面有香皂而不是满是尿液的巨大金属槽
with scented soaps instead of a giant metal river of whiz?!
父母要管你到什么时候
When will the hand-holding end, already?!
这辈子哪怕就这一次做个男人
For once in your life, be a man.
你觉得我不是男人吗
You don't think I'm a man?
我用这个问题来回答你的问题
All right, let me answer that question with this question.
你今天穿的内♥裤♥上是哪个超级英雄
What superhero is on your underwear right now?
我几个月前就不♥穿♥这种内♥裤♥了
I outgrew those months ago!
我让你看看我自己去
I'll show you! I'll go!
去吧
Go!
很好我去
Fine! I'm going!
很好这正是我想让你做的
Good! You're doing what I want you to do!
我当然生我爸的气
Sure, I was mad at my dad,
但主要我还是生自己的气因为他是对的
but mostly I was mad at myself, 'cause he was right.
所以我着手彻底一次证明我的男子气概
So I set out to prove my manhood once and for all,
第一步就是自己去尿尿
and the first step was going potty by myself!
不
Nope.
打扰下去上面怎么走
Excuse me. Which way to the upper level?
我觉得越高越高级
I'm thinking the higher you go, the fancier it gets.
于是我去了我以为非常高级的700级
So I headed up to what I figured was the super-fancy 700 level.
不高级一点也不高级
Not fancy. Not fancy.
我最终放弃想回座位
I finally gave up and headed back to my seats.
只是有一个问题
Just one problem --
我不知道我的座位在哪里
I had no idea where my seats were.
死定了
Oh, balls!
晨鸟优♥惠♥晚餐结束了爱丽卡和巴瑞
Early-bird dinner was over, and Erica and Barry
已经和老妈共度了整整6小时
had been with my mom for six straight hours.
她打算延长到7小时
She was going for seven.
我好饱
Wow. I am stuffed.
我们回家
What do you say we go home
玩钉亮片消耗这些卡路里怎么样
and burn off some of these calories with a little bedazzling?
别这样
Ugh! Make it stop!
和你在一起太长时间了
It's too much time with you!
对不起但我受够了
I'm sorry, but I'm done.
如果和母亲在一起对你们来说是折磨
If spending time with your mother is some kind of torture,
那我走回家好了
then I'll just walk home.
停车
Stop the car.
这就是她的标志性内疚牌
And there it was, her signature guilt move --
愤然下车让我们求她上车
Storming out of the car and making us beg her to come back.
我走了
Here I go.
我可能被卡车轧死反正你们也不在乎
I'll probably get flattened by a truck, not that you'd care.
老天她下车了