金色年代

The Goldbergs S02E13

Part 1 Dec. 8, 2019, 8:12 p.m.

八十年代单口相声正流行
Back in the '80s, stand-up comedy exploded.
杰出演员的表演我们一看就是几小时比如山姆·金尼森
We'd spent hours watching the greats like sam kinison,
盖瑞·桑德林比利·克里斯托
garry shandling, billy crystal,
以及我的个人最爱戴斯
and, my personal favorite, the diceman.
真不敢相信他这样说
I can't believe he said that!
就是啊
I know!
他们不仅是我的英雄
They weren't just my heroes.
也是我的灵感
They were my inspirations.
当然我从来没有
Sure, I never stood
拿着麦克风站在红砖墙前
in front of a red brick wall with a microphone.
但我依然想象自己是杰出的喜剧演员
But I still fancied myself quite the comedian.
好歹碰到框了
Nothing but rim.
为了博大家一笑我不怕弄脏自己的手
Yep, I wasn't afraid to get my hands dirty to get a laugh.
-你这里有东西 -这里吗
- Oh, you got a little something. - Uh, right here?
-这里 -这这这里
- Right here. - Oh, right -- right -- right here, yeah.
我知道有一天
And I knew one day I'd get
我会达到喜剧界的终极成就
the get the ultimate achievement in comedy --
-成为班级活宝 -对不起我迟到了年鉴真是要我的命
- Class clown. - Sorry I'm late. Yearbook is killing me.
我来帮你拿
Here, let me carry that for you.
这样你可以看到谁被选为班级活宝
So you can see who's getting voted class clown?
想得美
Nice try.
拜托了让我看看
Please. Just let me see it.
为了你的糖果熊
For your sugar bear?
给你
Just take it.
太棒了我是最佳秀发
Yes! I got best hair on a man.
-太棒了 -闭嘴金戴夫
- Oh, yeah. - Shut up, Dave Kim.
看完就哭吧我是...
Read it and weep. I am...
遗憾地是我是和活宝正相反的人
Unfortunately, I got the opposite of that.
"最好的人" 你耍我吗
"Nicest guy"? Are you freaking kidding me?
-怎么啦这是好事 -不是
- What? It's a good thing. - No, it's not.
"最好的人"是指
"Nicest guy" is code
无聊的人头发一般
for "boring guy who just has okay hair."
谁是班级活宝
So, who's getting class clown?
最好别是迈克·利维
Better not be mike levy
牛奶从鼻子里出来可不是他的本意
'Cause he didn't choose for milk to come out of his nose.
他有鼻中隔弯曲症真幸运
He has a deviated septum. So lucky.
大卫·西罗塔绝对优势当选
David sirota -- by a landslide.
你开玩笑吗
Are you kidding me?
大家觉得那个笨蛋比我搞笑吗
People think that putz is funnier than me?
好了不管是谁快停下
Okay. Whoever's doing that, just stop it!
马上停下
Just stop right now.
大卫·西罗塔不是搞笑他是荒谬
David sirota isn't funny. He's ridiculous.
总是在过道里跳舞在体育课上说坏话
Always dancing in the halls and talking trash at gym.
而且对付伍德伯恩老师的这招
And this bit with Mr. Woodburn --
太业余了
Amateur hour.
大家都知道模仿放屁很低级
Everyone knows making poots is cheap.
我是成年人是教育工作者
I am an adult and an educator,
我以史蒂夫·霍金的名义
and I command you to stop right now
命令你立刻停止
in the name of stephen hawking.
快住手
Just stop it!
西罗塔比我搞笑吗
Is sirota funnier than me?
当然了小弟你并不搞笑
For sure, bro. You're not funny.
我当然搞笑这是事实
Of course I am! It's a fact.
就像非洲很热太阳在西边落下一样
Like africa's hot or the sun sets in the west.
我不知道这些事
I don't know about that stuff,
但我肯定知道你不搞笑
but I definitely know you're not funny.
爱丽卡替我说话
Erica, back me up here.
我也想但巴瑞是对的
I'd like to, but barry's right.
你把笑话当作是防御工具
You use comedy as a defense mechanism,
这并没有让你成为
but that doesn't make you
逗大家乐的搞笑的人
a funny person that people laugh with.
而是成为被大家取笑的逊角色
It makes you a lame-o that people laugh at.
但搞笑是我的专长
But funny's my thing.
我不是运动员不是尖子生不是戏剧明星
I mean, I'm not an athlete or a brain or a theater star.
如果我不搞笑那我是什么
So, if I'm not funny, what am I?
你是个好人
You're really nice.
别再这样说
Stop saying that!
我很搞笑
I'm funny,
你和其他人说什么
and there's nothing you or anyone else can say
也不能改变我的想法
that can change my mind.
没错小宝贝
That's right, squishy.
我觉得你是全世界最搞笑的男孩
I think you are the funniest boy in the whole wide world.
我方陈述完毕
We rest our case.
你是个狂野疯狂的家伙
You're a wild and crazy guy!
再一次我方陈述完毕
Again, we rest our case.
金色年代第二季第十三集
那是一九八几年的5月10日我爸在沉思
It was may 10, 1980-something, and my dad was pondering
令所有父亲最头痛的问题
the number-one issue plaguing all fathers.
我要去兰妮家
Okay, I'm going to lainey's.
慢着
Not so fast!
你昨晚没把油加满
You didn't fill up the car last night.
你回家时要加满不准找借口
I want a full tank when you get home, no excuses!
和所有父亲一样我爸对油箱很执着
Like all dad's, mine was obsessed with the gas tank.
我今早开了车还有很多油
I drove the car this morning. There's a ton of gas in it.
那我们去看看好吗
All right, let's take a walk, shall we?
看油表快看
Look at the gas gauge! Look at it!
怎样还有一半
Yeah, so? It's half full.
和空的一样
Which is as good as empty!
又来了
Ugh, not this again!
永远不能少于一半
We never break the half-a-tank threshold.
我的车我的规矩
My car, my rules!
好的从此以后
Fine, then I'll just walk everywhere
我去哪里都走路
for the rest of my life!
出去走吧
Yeah, go out walking in that.
我爸和我姐就是这样
This is how it went with my dad and my sis.
他们是世界上最固执的两个人
They were the two most stubborn people on the planet.
我跟你说了戴着牙箍不能吃泡泡糖
I told you, no chewing gum with your braces!
只是一点点我想做什么都行
God, it's just a pinch! I can do what I want!
我的泡泡糖我的规矩
My gum, my rules.
小小的争论也可以持续几个月
Yep, the tiniest of arguments could last months.
两人都要赢没人肯让步
Both had to win, and neither would ever back down.
我赢了
Ha! I win!
哪怕意味着
Even if it meant
因为泡泡糖受伤要去医院
going to the hospital with a bubble-gum-related injury.
爱丽卡求你了
Erica, please.
-外面可能有闪电 -很好
- There might be lightning outside. - Good.
我宁愿被灼热的天火劈中
I would rather get struck by a bolt of red-hot sky fire
也不向他愚蠢的想法屈服
than cave to his stupid will.
这样吧我去加满
Okay, you know what? I'll fill up the tank.
不这次你得支持我
No. You got to back me up on this.
我的车我的规矩
My car, my rules.
每件愚蠢的小事我都支持你
I support you on every stupid, little thing.
你是说坐在沙发上盲目地大叫
You mean sit in your chair and blindly yell,
"听你妈妈的"
"Listen to your mother"?
-正是 -不
- Exactly. - No.
别支持他他错了你知道的
Do not back him up on this. He is wrong, and you know it.
照你♥爸♥说的做
Just do what your father says.
你们真是不可理喻
I can't deal with you people!
似乎第一回合爱丽卡赢了
It seemed round one went to erica.
老天我真是等不及离开这个家
God, I can't wait to get out of this house
远离你们
and get away from you!
但实际上第一回合我爸赢了
But actually, round one went to my dad.
教育孩子就得这样
And that is how you parent.
巴瑞和爱丽卡说的让我放不下
Man, barry and erica have really got in my head.
我不搞笑吗
Am I unfunny?
大家是取笑我而不是被我逗乐吗
Are people laughing at me, not with me?
当然不是
Absolutely not.
你的幽默感可是遗传我的
You got your sense of humor from me,
我可搞笑了
and I'm hilarious.
我的女友有只猫
* My girlfriend had a kitty *
-她来自堪萨斯 -老天停下