凶宅处理专员（2021）

SurrealEstate S01E09

Part 2 Sept. 22, 2021, 10:03 a.m.

然后我还杀害了我们的蛋糕
Then I murdered our cake.
你应该离我远点
You should stay away from me.
亲爱的...
Honey...
这是为了你好
For your own good.
这些都没关系
It's all good.
听我说
Look,
我们几周后就结婚了
in a few weeks we'll be married
然后就会去斐济
then we'll be off to Fiji.
然后我们会一起开始美丽的余生
And then we'll have a whole, beautiful life together.
老天我希望如此
God, I hope so.
什么也不能阻止我娶你
Nothing's gonna stop me from marrying you.
我和宾客们说蛋糕有覆盆子内馅
So, I told the guests the cake had raspberry filling in it
厨房♥的热度让内馅膨胀
and the heat from the kitchen caused pressure to build,
所以用刀切开后它...
so when the knife cut in, it...
情况真的是这样吗
Is that what happened?
普丽娅怎么样
How's Priya?
她崩溃了
She's a wreck.
这婚礼会把我们都折磨死
This wedding is going to kill us all.
我听说她摔倒的事了
I heard about her fall.
还有差点被厨柜砸到
And her close call with the hutch.
那孩子虽说没有芭蕾舞首席那种精准脚步
That girl has never been a prima ballerina,
但自从他们俩订婚后
but ever since those kids got engaged
她就总是撞到这个碰倒那个的
she's been bumping into this and falling down that.
都发生在这里吗
And this all happened here?
没错
That's right.
在这幢房♥子里
In this house?
你想说什么
What are you getting at?
也许不是普丽娅的问题
Maybe it's not Priya.
更不是婚礼
Or the wedding.
也许是房♥子有问题
Maybe it's the house.
我的同事们
The people I work with,
他们都有
they have
很特别的技能
a very particular set of skills.
我记得你在房♥地♥产♥业
I thought you were in real estate.
对但我们我们公♥司♥
Yes, but we-our agency-
擅长处理那些...
specializes in houses that have some...
有挑战的房♥产
challenges.
这种问题比你想象的常见
It happens more than you might think.
让我们帮你
Let us help you.
我们会帮普丽娅完成婚礼
We'll get Priya through the wedding.
之后我们帮你卖♥♥掉这幢房♥子
Afterward, let us sell this house for you
再给你找一个坐落在阳光海岸的
and we'll find you a lovely condo
美好公♥寓♥
on a sun‐soaked beach.
我喜欢你苏珊
I like you, Susan.
你一直都是普丽娅的好朋友
You've always been a good friend to Priya.
她总喜欢请你来过夜因为你总会
She loved having you over because you would always
把她房♥间打扫干净
clean her room.
管家总是忘记
The housekeeper always forgot to clean
清扫地脚线上面
the top of the baseboards.
你的小技能还在吗
Can you still do the things?
只有特别需要的时候才用
Only when I absolutely have to.
我还记得之前你来家里的时候
I remember having you over for dinner all those times.
从来不需要任何人帮你递盐瓶
Nobody ever had to pass you the salt.
说回这房♥子
So, the house.
可以让我们帮忙吗
Can we help you?
太好了我会准备好合同
Wonderful! I'll put together the contracts.
我觉得不用着急
I don't think there's any rush.
你在这里做什么露比
What are you doing here, Ruby?
我认识你吗
Do I know you?
我是普丽娅的妈妈
I'm Priya's mom.
利昂的普丽娅
Leon's Priya!
她真的很可爱
She's so lovely.
你是普丽娅吗
Are you Priya?
不是我是普丽娅的朋友
Oh, no. I'm Priya's friend.
我叫苏珊
I'm Susan.
你想坐到窗边吗
Would you like to sit by the window?
我以为我就在窗边呢
I thought I was.
利昂说过露比有时意识模糊
Leon says Ruby has occasional glimmers of clarity
但我也是第一次遇到
but I've yet to witness one.
露比姑妈要不要我们倒杯酒或者什么给你
Aunt Ruby, can we get you a glass of wine or something?
还会有更多的
There's only more to come.
更多酒吗
More wine?
更多血
More blood.
我听说
I heard
业务已经烂的一塌糊涂
business is in the crapper.
现在确实小幅下滑
Oh, we've been better.
是这样的我有个房♥源
Well, here's the thing: I have a property.
其实是几处房♥源
Several properties, in fact,
可以...
that could...
让你
benefit
发挥一下你品牌的
from your particular brand of
垃圾特长
horseshit.
你要聘用我们
You want to hire us?
就是做点咨♥询♥
On a consulting basis.
你想聘用我们
You want to hire us.
在基于双方同意基础上分成为...
For an agreed‐upon percentage of-
得了吧
Come on.
你必须把那几个字说出来
You gotta say the words.
我...
I...
想...
want...
...聘用你
...to hire you.
这是为了你好还是为了我好
Was it as good for you as it was for me?
你像片充满了医疗废物的
You are such a used diaper
尿不湿那样垃圾
full of medical waste.
-有什么隐情 -你什么意思
- So, what's the catch? - What do you mean?
你正在做的事
Well, what you're doing could be considered
在某些文化里
in some cultures...
会被认为是善举
a nice thing.
别抬举你自己
Don't kid yourself.
我有客户
I have clients.
他们的房♥产有点问题
They have houses with problems
美国恐怖片
也许你和你公♥司♥《林中小屋》的其他卡司
that you and the rest of the cast of Cabin In The Woods
能解决一下
might be able to solve.
最终
In the end,
赚钱的人是我
I am going to make money.
赚大笔的钱
A lot of it.
如果这需要让我欢乐的小直升机
If that makes me the happy little helicopter
扔下一根帮你解脱的救命绳
that lowers a rope to help you save you from yourselves,
我也不得不接受这一点
I'll just have to live with that.
谢谢你
Thank you.
说真的
Seriously.
你欠我的太多了
You owe me big time.
外加垃圾桶
Plus dumpster.
我的天啊
Just wow!
别告诉我妈妈我让你看了
Do not tell my mom that I showed you.
真是太美了
Oh, it is magnificent.
确实不差
It doesn't suck.
外面怎么了
What's going on out there?
我在商店试的时候没这么紧
Hm, it didn't feel this snug at the shop.
苏珊我现在委任你
Susan, I am deputizing you.
如果你看到我
Hit me with a Taser
在婚宴前吃糖就拿电击枪电我
if you see me consuming any sugar before the reception.
苏珊
Susan?
没人听到我说话
No one hears me!
没人听
No one listens!
露比
Ruby!
要我帮忙吗
Can I help you?
我想修好这个但做不到
I tried to fix it, but I can't.
没事的你转过来就好
It's okay. You're‐you're just turned around.
苏珊