凶宅处理专员（2021）

SurrealEstate S01E01

Part 1 July 23, 2021, 2:23 p.m.

业主出♥售♥房♥屋
《外科解剖学》技艺和手法
镇定一点
Get a grip, girl.
有人吗
Hello?
你好
Um, hi.
我是卢克·罗曼
I'm Luke Roman.
很抱歉深夜造访我是为房♥子的事而来
Sorry to drop by so late. I'm here about the house.
六卧四个半卫的老房♥子
Historic six‐bedroom, four‐and‐a‐half bath,
多层硬木地板大量定做木制家具
multi‐level hardwood floors. Lots of custom woodwork.
这房♥子想杀了我
The house wants to kill me!
卖♥♥家很积极
Seller motivated.
不是针对你多诺万小姐
It's not you, Miss Donovan.
是这房♥子有问题我能帮你
It's the house. I can help you.
你是谁
Who are you?
你是牧师吗
Are you a priest?
不女士
No, ma'am.
我是房♥产经纪
I'm the real estate guy.
凶宅处理专员
第一季第一集
我打给我未婚夫了他会来接我
I called my fiancé. He's coming to pick me up.
你也许该喝脱因咖啡
Maybe that should be a decaf.
我可能永远也睡不着了
I may never sleep again.
那房♥子到底出了什么问题罗曼先生
What's wrong with the house, Mr. Roman?
叫我卢克就好这有点难解释
It's Luke, please, and it's sort of difficult to explain,
所以我准备了关键词演示文稿
so I have this Keynote presentation here
说清楚这个问题
that sort of lays it out.
火♥辣♥[超房♥专家]Smep?
你都不知道我们焦点小组提出了多少涉黄双关梗
Oh, you have no idea how many euphemisms we focus‐grouped
罗曼地♥产♥ 超房♥专家
超自然现象房♥产专家
才忽然想出"超自然现象"这个词
before we hit on "metaphysically‐engaged."
我没明白
I don't get it.
我们本来想拼出很酷的缩写类似"幽灵"
Well, we were hoping to spell out something cool like SPECTRE,
但没成功
but oh, well.
不 "超自然..."是什么意思
No, what is a "metaphysically... ?"
结果不算太糟之前差点决定用"阴垢"呢
Could have been worse. We were dangerously close to SMEGMA.
你是指闹鬼的房♥子吗
You're talking about haunted houses?
焦点小组把那说法给毙了
Well, focus groups, they slaughtered that one.
但这个词他们很喜欢
But here is a term they loved.
受辱房♥产
"受辱房♥产"
A "stigmatized property"
是指受到不幸事件影响
is one whose market value has been affected by
而惨遭贬值的房♥产
unfortunate occurrences.
待售
景色优美
在房♥屋内发生的悲剧事件
Tragic events associated with the property,
包括但不限于谋杀
including, but not limited to, murder...
待售
低于估价
自杀
... suicide...
待售
降价
甚至是意外死亡
even accidental death.
待售
贱卖♥♥ 急需出手
或是感知到与上述不幸事件
... or the perception, real or imagined,
有关的残留不快
of any residual unpleasantness
不管是真实的还是想象的
related to said unfortunate occurrences.
残留不快
Residual unpleasantness?
下一段有点吓人
This next slide is a little scary.
你能承受吗
Can you take it?
受辱房♥产有可能损失高达35%的市值
A stigmatized property could lose up to 35% f its market value.
可能要花3.17倍时间才卖♥♥得出去
It could take up to 317% longer to sell.
就因为有一只鬼吗
Because of a ghost?
我有提过鬼吗你看到"鬼"这个字了吗
Did I mention ghost? Do you see the "g" word?
不很多受辱房♥产其实完全正常
No, many stigmatized properties ‐‐ they're totally normal.
但哪怕只是有毛骨悚然的感觉也会影响出♥售♥
But even the perception of creepiness, it just kills them.
即使真出现了怪异现象
And even when phenomena are present,
绝大部分其实都有合理解释
most of the time there's a totally rational explanation.
奇怪的回声实则是管道声音或老鼠
Weird reflections. Noisy pipes. Mice.
向下的气流能让壁炉...
A downdraft that can make a fireplace...
伸出来抓你
Reach out to grab you
把你的尖叫瞬间吸进地狱
and suck you screaming feet‐first into hell?
偶尔也需要不合理解释
Occasionally irrational explanations are required.
我看了一天的尸体解剖照片
I had been looking at autopsy photos all day.
我是名医学生
I'm a med student.
我没暗自评判你啊
I wasn't judging.
那加上两杯红酒
So, that, plus two glasses of chardonnay and...
突然之间你就成了歇斯底里害怕雷暴雨的
Suddenly you are a hysterical, helpless woman
无助女人吗
scared of the thunderboomers?
当时屋里有别的存在
There was something there.
我相信这种事但你相信吗
See, I believe that. But do you?
这么说你是个...
So, you're a...
猎鬼人
Ghost chaser.
多诺万小姐我可以叫你梅根吗
Miss Donovan. Megan? Megan.
我只关心一件事保护屋主的权益
I'm about one thing: preserving homeowner equity.
保护你被上天赐予的受市场驱动的
Protecting the God‐given, market‐driven value
房♥产价值不受这个世界
of your property from anything in this world,
或另一个世界的侵害
or the next.
我不相信世上有鬼
I don't believe in ghosts.
我也不信
Neither do I.
我只是和他们共事
I just work with them.
梅根
Megan!
那是布洛克
Oh, that's Brock.
让你见笑了他喜欢那样耍帅
I'm sorry. He does that.
没事
It's okay.
他没电到我
He missed me.
-好了吗 -嗯
‐ Okay? ‐ Yeah.
我们可以谈谈房♥子的事我...
We can talk about the house. I'll, uh‐‐
那我明天打给你
Oh, I'll call you tomorrow.
真的谢谢你
And thank you. Really.
非常感谢
So much. Huh.
卡隆中心[这个词亦指冥府渡神]
罗曼地♥产♥
委托人叫梅根·多诺万
The client is Donovan, Megan.
她从祖父那继承了房♥子
She inherited the place from her grandfather.
男朋友和她住在一起是名律师
Boyfriend lives with her. A lawyer.
你们知道该怎么做完成念力鉴别分类
You know the drill. Complete psychokinetic triage,
恶意存在评估
malevolent entity evaluation.
尽量别吓坏她了好吗
Try not to totally spook her out, okay?
这个世界的良心太过不安
The conscience of the world is so guilty
以至于它往往假设
that it always assumes
调查异端邪说的人必定是异教♥徒♥
that people who investigate heresies must be heretics.
阿莱斯特·克劳利
Aleister Crowley.
著名神秘学者
真是一点都不会吓到她呢奥吉
Way to not spook her out, Augie.
我们来谈谈勒诺的房♥子吧
Can we talk about the Lenore's place?
有恶意评估结果了吗
Did we get the M.E. results?
没问题
Clean.
抽屉有东西飞出来镜子破裂
There was stuff flying out of drawers. Mirrors cracking.
碟子自己摔碎恶意报告结果居然没问题
Plates breaking. The M.E. came back clean?
就这么奇怪
Squeaky.
转介经纪人坚称那里有个恶作剧鬼
Well, the referring agent is certain there is a poltergeist.
这位转介经纪人是谁
Who's the referring agent?
丽塔·维斯
Rita Weiss.
那我要给丽塔·维斯致电说我们一无所获吗
So, I have to call Rita Weiss and tell her we came up empty?
让新来的女孩做这事
Make the new girl do it.
苏珊你一定在打喷嚏吧
Susan! Your ears must be burning!
各位这是苏珊·爱尔兰我们的新经纪人
Everybody, this is Susan Ireland, our new agent.
我们从利文斯顿-肯特把她挖来的
We stole her from Livingston-Kent
她在那里连续八年
where she spent eight years straight
都是尊贵白金圈成员
in the Platinum Ring of Esteem.
能来这里我很高兴
I'm so excited to be here...
尊贵白金圈是什么
What's the Platinum Ring of Esteem?
就是一个由连续十二个月
It's just this club for people
业绩突破千万美金的经纪人
who do ten million dollars
组成的一个俱乐部
in volume over a twelve-month period.
所以并不是一件首饰
So it's not an actual piece of jewelry.
不是
No.
这是菲尔神父他负责所有权工作研究