凶宅处理专员（2021）

SurrealEstate S01E01

Part 2 July 23, 2021, 2:23 p.m.

This is Father Phil. He does our title work, research,
背景调查尽职调查那一类的工作
background checks, due diligence--that sort of thing.
菲尔神父吗
Father... Phil?
堕落的神父你好
Fallen priest. Hi.
这位是奥古斯特·里普利
And this is August Ripley.
奥古斯特设计和维护
August designs, builds and maintains
我们的专有技术
some of our proprietary technology.
所以你是做IT的
You're the I.T. guy?
在工作中寻找乐趣是青春永驻之泉
To find joy in work is to discover the fountain of youth.
引自珀尔·S·巴克
Pearl S. Buck.
-你见过佐伊了办公室经理 -你好
- And you met Zooey, our office manager. - Aye.
她知道所有遗体的埋葬处
She knows where all of the bodies are buried.
可以这么说吧
So to speak.
不严格来说我知道那些可以让...
No. Seriously, I know things that could make--
你不妨让苏珊先填好新员工纳税登记表
Why don't you wait to take Susan to your dark,
再带她去你那昏暗
nihilistic places until after
虚无的世界怎么样
she's filled out her W-4, shall we?
准备好开工了吗
Ready to work?
我已经兴奋起来了
I'm psyched!
苏珊我要接个电♥话♥ 不如我们
Susan, I have to take this, but why don't we
一会在我办公室见吧
circle back to my office?
多诺万女士我们正在说你的事
Ms. Donovan! We were just talking about you.
多诺万女士梅根
Ms. Donovan--Megan...
我真的觉得这么做不妥
I really feel like you're making a mistake here
并且有潜在危险
and a potentially dangerous--
好吧
Yes.
我知道你的未婚夫心存疑虑
I'm sure your fiancé is skeptical.
我也明白在天光大亮时
And I realize things look very different
一切看起来大不相同
in the light of day.
天光大亮时很具有欺骗性
The light of day can fool you.
所以...
So...
我们听说了利文斯顿-肯特的那场火灾
We heard about that fire you guys had at Livingston-Kent.
你们大家...都没事吧
Is, uh... everyone all right?
对我们都没事
Ah, yeah. Everyone's super!
只是很小一起火情
It was a very small fire.
卢克和你解释过...
Has Luke explained the, um...
我们涉猎的这个市场细分部分
the niche of the market that we serve?
我做了尽职调查
Oh, I did my due diligence.
我知道你们都是专家
I know you people are specialists.
能把其他人卖♥♥不掉的房♥子成交
You close the houses no one else can.
有问题的房♥产
The problem houses.
而且通常都能达成承诺价或更高
And you usually get your asking price or better.
数据不会说谎
The numbers don't lie.
你们的老板卢克是在圈子里
And your boss, Luke, is kind of a mysterious figure
颇为神秘的人不过...
in the business. But...
房♥产业就该有点神秘有点浪漫
real estate should have some mystery, some romance.
你不觉得吗
Don't you think?
嗯对
Uh, yeah.
所以我来这了
That's why I'm here.
我的个人愿景目标是
My personal mission statement is,
"我想改变世界
"I want to make a difference in the world,
一所房♥子一个脚印"
one house at a time."
谢谢了选美小姐
Thank you, Miss Nebraska.
听起来...
It's...
售出
刚才来电的是客户
That was our client on the phone.
她把我们炒了
She fired us.
这种事常有
It happens a lot.
他们几乎都会再回来
They almost always come back.
所以我们像依然被雇那样继续工作
So, we'll proceed as if we're still hired
然后看后续怎么发展
and see how things go.
你见到大家了
You met everyone.
真是非常...不拘一格的团队
What an... eclectic team.
奥古斯特和菲尔在各自领域都很出色
August and Phil are really great at what they do.
但他们都不擅长和客户打交道但你擅长
It's just they're not great with clients. Okay? But you are.
我很会和人打交道
I am a people person!
你确实很会和人打交道我们也经常
You are a people person! And we serve a lot of people,
为全球各地客户服务没人能做我们的工作
all over the world. No one really does what we do.
听起来很棒
Sounds exciting.
确实可以很棒
Can be.
那么我们到底做什么
What, exactly, do we do?
我这有一个关键词演示文稿
I have this brief Keynote presentation here.
说清楚这个问题
Sort of lays it out.
太棒了
Super!
罗曼地♥产♥
火♥辣♥[超房♥专家]Smep?
斯坦博斯基诉艾克里案中纽约最高法♥院♥
In Stambovsky versus Ackley, the Supreme Court of New York,
上诉分庭判决闹鬼房♥实际存在
Appellate Division, ruled that haunted houses are real
只要房♥产因存在灵异事件
insofar as the reputation of the house
而导致价值受损即可
being haunted impacts its value.
很多地♥产♥机构帮助他们的客户
Some agencies, they help their clients
清除杂物或者
sell their houses by reducing clutter,
往高温灯泡上滴香草精
or by putting drops of vanilla extract
制♥造♥出新鲜烘焙曲奇的香气来卖♥♥♥房♥♥子
on hot light bulbs for that fresh-baked cookie smell.
我们通过让房♥子的墙不再滴血的方式帮他们
We help them by stopping the walls from bleeding.
对这些人来说问题不止是房♥子
For these people, it's not just their houses,
还关乎他们的生活
you know, it's their lives.
他们的生活变成了
Their lives have become a
史蒂芬·金的恐怖短篇小说
Stephen King short story.
所以他们需要与和善聪明的人去沟通
And they need someone nice and smart to talk to.
一个想改变世界的人
Someone who wants to make a difference.
一个房♥子一个脚印
One house at a time.
如果你对这工作改主意了
Look, if you change your mind about the job,
也没关系
you know, it's okay.
我确信鲍勃·利文斯顿愿意让你回去
I'm sure Bob Livingston will take you back.
鲍勃·利文斯顿把我炒了
Bob Livingston fired me.
我们有过一段
We had a thing.
我们双方都不专业都有错
It was unprofessional and wrong on both of our parts.
你们在一起
And how long were your parts...
多久了
together?
一年我知道这不对
A year. I knew it was wrong.
但这事很复杂
But it got complicated.
他答应过会离开他妻子
He promised to leave his wife.
他说我们会在一起
He said we'd be partners.
他两周前在特立尼达和多巴哥重申婚姻誓言
Two weeks ago, he renewed his vows in Trinidad and Tobago.
当他回来后就炒了我
When he got back, he fired me.
看看我
Look at me.
我都34了
I'm 34.
还没对象
I'm not in a relationship.
背着高于优♥惠♥利率的房♥贷
I am locked into an above‐prime mortgage rate!
现在成了《捉鬼敢死队》里的温斯顿·泽德摩尔
And now I'm Winston Zeddemore from Ghostbusters.
这地方把我们难住了
So, this place has us stumped.
现象表明是恶作剧鬼但我们的检测却发现不是
The phenomena says poltergeist, but our tests say no.
然而没什么比悬浮在操作台上两英尺处的
Still, nothing like a rotisserie chicken floating two feet
漂浮烤鸡更能吓跑看♥房♥♥客人了
off the counter to scare off the looky‐loos.
房♥屋代售
丽塔·维斯
丽塔·维斯吗气氛突然吓人
Rita Weiss? This got scary fast.
你好你父母在家吗
Hi. Is your mom or dad here?
你们是捉鬼师
You're the ghost guy.
我是房♥产经纪
I'm the real estate guy.
你是个穿阿玛尼爱幻想的油腻混♥蛋♥
You are a delusional, oily ballsack wrapped in Armani.
很好丽塔在个孩子面前
Nice, Rita. In front of the kid.
我不是孩子就...把这东西赶走
I'm not a kid. Just... get rid of this thing.
既丢人还影响了我的社交
It's embarrassing and impacting me socially.
丽塔你认识苏珊吧
Rita, you know Susan.
-我们见过 -我们见过
- We've met. - We've met.
苏珊刚加入我们团队
Well, Susan just joined our team.
勇敢的选择
Brave choice.
老二教皇十二世
So, where's Pope Penis the Twelfth
和弗兰肯斯坦的屁♥股♥替身在哪里
and Frankenstein's butt‐double?
抱歉
Excuse me.
似乎无法找到关于这幢房♥子的任何原始文件
Can't seem to find any original documents on this house.