公寓大楼里的谋杀案（2021）

(前情提要)
欢迎来到你们电影的结局
Welcome to the end of your movie.
他妈的不会吧
No fucking way.
但我巴不得能近距离做掉马修
But I would much rather have taken Marshall out up close, you know?
真不知道你怎么有办法说得那么撩人
I truly don't know how you make words like that arousing.
我是在这里的中庭结婚的 午夜时分
I got married in this courtyard, you know? Middle of the night with just the stars.
只有星星还有喷泉为证
And the fountain as our witness.
那带来了好运 - 好 祝你今天顺心
I think it's good luck. - Yeah, have a good day.
对 办一场婚礼 我们今天都会顺心
Eh, having a wedding. We'll have a good day.
布鲁克林的干洗大王尼奇卡齐米利欧
Nicky Caccimelio, the dry cleaning king of Brooklyn,
据报失踪了
has been reported missing.
当局表示目前没有不法行为的迹象
The officials say they do not suspect foul play at this time.
萨维奇先生 摩拉小姐 我想雇用你们找我先生尼奇卡齐米利欧
Mr. Savage, Miss Mora. I wanna hire you to find my husband, Nicky Caccimelio.
我们只调查大楼里的谋杀案
We only investigate murders in the building.
我是苏菲亚卡齐米利欧 如果你们改变主意就打给我
Sofia Caccimelio. Call if you change your mind.
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
莱斯特
Lester?
莱斯特
Lester!
莱斯特赫伯柯路卡 1948年出生于布鲁克林的法烈布殊
Lester Herbert Coluca was born in Flatbush, Brooklyn in 1948.
他在上西城深具代表性的亚柯尼亚大楼
He went on to serve 32 years as doorman for the iconic Arconia building
当了32年的门房♥
on the Upper West Side.
莱斯特身后留下妻子萝瑞琳 与两个孩子 法兰克和梅
Lester is survived by his wife, Lorraine, and two children, Frank and May.
恳辞鲜花
In lieu of flowers, please send donations
请捐款给全美奥杜邦赏鸟学会
to the National Audubon Birdwatching Society
或东好莱坞即兴表演俱乐部
or the Hollywood Improv East.
就这样 四行
That's it? Four lines?
这根本犯了亵渎讣闻罪
This is a crime against obits.
颜色呢 质感呢
Where's the color? The texture?
让大家说 「他就是那样」的迷人轶事呢
The-- the charming anecdote that makes everyone say, "That's our guy."
他们应该来找我的
They should have come to me.
来找你 而不是找他的太太或孩子
Come to you? Not like his wife or kids, maybe?
对 来找我
Yes, to me,
莱斯特生前每天都会悄声说
the man that, that, that Lester used to whisper to on the daily.
「你好 我最爱的房♥客」的对象
"Hey there, favorite tenant o' mine."
你比较气讣闻的事
You're more upset about that obit
而不是警方宣布莱斯特死于意外的事
than when the police declared Lester's death an accident.
不 别让我说起那回事
No, don't even get me started on that one.
我对整件事都很气 我很爱人家的
I'm upset about it all. I loved that man.
我只看过你指控他把你叫的披萨
The only thing I ever saw was you accusing him
上面的腊肠挑掉
of pilching pepperonis from your pizza delivery.
他是腊肠纠察队 但死党都会那么做
Well, he was a pepperoni pilcher. But that's what besties do,
互相嘲弄 你不会懂的
they rib each other. You wouldn't get it.
你居然在吃放了四天的婚宴虾子
Ugh, I can't believe you're eating four-day-old wedding shrimp.
如果有好好冷藏 可以吃五天
Well, you can eat it for five days if it's been on ice.
你最近感染过沙门氏菌的话是六天
Six if you've recently had salmonella.
真不敢相信外烩人员忘了上这道菜
I can't believe the caterers forgot to serve this.
你看起来不像爱吃虾的人
You just don't seem like a shrimp guy.
虾只是盛装美味鸡尾酒酱的容器
Ah, shrimp is but the vessel for the heavenly cocktail sauce.
再说 我讨厌浪费
Plus, I hate waste.
我好沮丧
I'm so depressed.
这里怎么有种在码头巡航的味道
Why does it smell like I'm down at the piers cruising the docks?
哈尔德 我不爱这种说来就来的风气
Howard, I am not a fan of this just-walking-in trend.
我不想过《拉维恩和雪莉》那种生活
I don't care to live inside an episode of Laverne and Shirley.
哈尔德 怎么了
Howard, what's wrong?
感谢关心 梅宝
Ah, thank you for asking, Mabel.
七号♥琳和肉汁热恋中 当我是空气
Sevelyn and Gravey are so in love, it's like I don't exist.
强纳森还在忙《蜜莉姑娘》巡演
Jonathan is still on tour with Thoroughly Modern Millie.
希望他没被某个合音男孩「蜜莉」到底
Hopefully not getting thoroughly Millied by some chorus boy.
我不知道那什么意思 而我独自面对的宠物情侣
I don't know what that means. So, I'm left alone with this pet couple
还期望我无微不至地伺候它们
who expect me to wait on them hand and paw.
等等 你还剩多少虾子
Hold on. How much shrimp do you have left?
冰箱里还有一盒 - 我能收买♥♥它们的爱
There's a second case in the fridge. - I can buy their love.
我想我们该走了
Well, I suppose we should get going?
莱斯特提出 在大厅让人瞻仰遗容的要求真不寻常
Such an unusual request Lester made, to lie "in state" in our lobby.
我刚下去绕了一圈 试着跟大家八卦一下
I was just down there doing a lap, trying to get a sense of the buzz.
最热门的话题是监视器画面
Biggest headline is the security camera footage.
让我猜猜
Let me guess.
莱斯特的死根本不是悲惨的意外
So, Lester's death wasn't a tragic accident after all.
这里可是亚柯尼亚
Well, I mean, it is the Arconia.
我们发现他时 那怎么看都不像是意外
When we found him, nothing about that looked accidental.
好了 福尔摩斯汉堡 说得好 哈尔德
Whoa there, Sherlock Nursing Holmes. Good one, Howard.
很遗憾 影片证实 莱斯特的死是悲惨的意外
The footage sadly confirms Lester's death was tragically accidental.
大家都在讨论新门房♥帅不帅
The buzz is about whether or not the new doorman is hot.
我算到15人想扑倒他 两人不想 还有一人弃权 无趣的乌玛
I've tallied 15 smashes, two passes, and one abstain from No Fun Uma.
总之 楼下见 等我喂完那对情侣
Anyway, I'll see you downstairs. After I feed the lovers.
所以是悲惨的意外
So, it was a tragic accident?
我不知道 感觉还是...
I don't know. Still seems...
有点可疑
well, a little fishy.
也许这样最好 没有谋杀案代表没有线上电台
It's probably for the best. No murder means no podcast.
没有线上电台代表我能享受新婚生活
No podcast means I get to enjoy being a newlywed.
你可以当30多岁的纽约客 而你能...
You get to be a 30-something in the city, and you get to...
我不知道你都做什么
I don't know what you do.
什么
What?
我有很多活动 - 我不知道该怎么回应
Oh, I got stuff. - I don't really know what to say to that.
奥利佛 - 不 梅宝
Oliver. - No, no, Mabel.
老实说 我看过他的活动 没啥好得意的
Truthfully, I've seen his stuff, and it's nothing to gloat about.
奥利佛 - 我越界了吗 查尔斯
Oliver. - Oh, have I crossed a line, Charles?
奥利佛 - 干嘛
Oliver! - What?!
为什么你拿着的虾子有指甲
Why does the shrimp you're holding have a fingernail?
《破案三人行》
第五季第一集

(纽约警局)
(第五季 第一集) (棺材上的钉子)
这是手指 对吧
It is a finger, right?
我觉得不是脚趾
I don't think it's a toe.
是男性的手指吗
Is it a male finger? Female?
女性 我甚至看不出种族
I can't even tell what race it is.
我想它的主要特征是死亡
I think its main attribute is dead.
看来指甲上有某种绿霉菌
Looks like there's some sort of green fungus on the nail?
别捡起来
Don't pick it up!
她捡起来了 - 我就知道她会捡
She picked it up. - I knew she would!
好 奥利佛 你的婚礼上 有人提到厨房♥发生意外吗
Okay, Oliver, did anyone at your wedding mention an accident in the kitchen?
有 梅宝 但我没说出去 再努力一点
Yes, Mabel, but I kept it to myself. Do better!
拜托
Please,
没人会不小心切下自己的手指 再不小心把它放进
nobody accidentally slices off their finger and then accidentally puts it into
复古的鲜虾高脚杯里 - 他说得对
a vintage shrimp goblet. - He's right.
我们不能再说「意外」了 这是讯息
We gotta quit saying "accident." This is a message.
好诡异
Ugh. So creepy.
就像《教父》里的马头 很有黑帮风格
It's like the horse head in The Godfather. Very mobby.
对了
Hey.
(打给我 苏菲亚卡齐米利欧)
苏菲亚卡齐米利欧 - 谁啊 那是什么
Sofia Caccimelio. - Who is that? What's that?
在你的新婚之夜
On your wedding night,
莱斯特死掉那晚 一个神秘的女人...
the night Lester died, this mysterious woman...
真正的蛇蝎美人
A real, uh, femme fatale.
...请我们帮忙寻找她失踪的黑帮丈夫尼奇
...asked us to help her find her missing mobster husband, Nicky.
黑帮太太
A mob wife?!
你们怎么说 - 说我们不是侦探社
And what did you say? - That we weren't a detective agency.
你们拒绝黑帮太太 天啊
You turned down a mob wife?! Oh, my God.
给我看苏菲亚卡齐米利欧的照片
Show me a photo of Sofia Caccimelio.
看看他们 典型的黑帮夫妻
Oh, look at them. A classic mob couple.
(苏菲亚与尼奇卡齐米利欧)
老实的男人不会戴那么大的花
No honest man wears a flower that big.
他们在我婚礼那晚来找你们 而你们没考虑后果
They came to you on the night of my wedding, and you turn them down without considering
就拒绝了他们
the consequences.
《教父》 我知道那部电影
The Godfather. I know that one.
太棒了 教育有用 - 白兰度模仿得很好
Fantastic. The education is taking. - That's a good Brando.
是很好 但你得挺起下巴
That was a good Brando. But you need to jut your chin out
用指关节外侧刮脸
a little, scratch your face with the back of your knuckles.
好 你得让声音深沉一点
Hey, bunkie, you gotta get your voice a little bit deeper.
让我的声音再低沉一点
Get it, my voice a little low.
我给他一个他无法拒绝的提议
I came to you... Yeah, I made him an offer he couldn't, uh, decline.
好 很抱歉我岔题了
Okay, you know what? I'm so sorry that I started this.