公寓大楼里的谋杀案（2021）

So, Charles...
你的决定是什么
what's it gonna be?
这个嘛... - 注意安全 妈
Oh yeah. - Be safe, Mom!
(你说机器人 我说机气人 )
(别让AI接管亚柯尼亚 )
(今日中午在大厅召开大楼会议)
你们好
Hello. - Hi.
你们好吗 - 很高兴见到你们
Hi. How are ya? - Good to see you.
有查尔斯的消息吗
Any word from Charles?
没有 但我们不该惊慌 查尔斯是大人了...
Nothing. But we shouldn't panic. Charles is a grown man...
他不断崩坏 还嗑起睪固酮
who's on a downward spiral and strung out on T.
对 他可能死在垃圾箱里了
Yes, quite possibly he's dead in a dumpster.
另一个坏消息是 我上网搜寻「舌头汤米」
Well, in other bad news, I went on the internet to search "Tommy the Tongue".
没找到任何不是色情片的东西
Didn't find anything that wasn't porn.
我甚至求威廉斯在警局查他的名字
I even begged Williams to run his name at the station.
梅宝 我跟妳说 这场大楼会议是我们的机会
Mabel, I'm telling you, this building meeting is our ticket.
我们让员工爱上我们
We make the staff fall in love with us
说出有关舌头汤米的一切
and tell us everything we need to know about Tommy the Tongue,
在垃圾车到这里之前
all before the garbage truck gets here.
这个小把戏对你的排名没什么帮助
Well, this little stunt isn't gonna do much for your ranking.
我的排名
My ranking?
昨晚我用雷斯特的改造应用程序 来尝试新的胡子造型
Last night I was using LESTR's makeover app to try new beard styles,
结果我偶然发现一个功能
and I stumbled upon a feature.
大楼里每个住户的排名系统
A ranking system for each tenant in the building.
我们都有一个数值 是不是既反乌托邦又超棒的
We all have a numerical value. Isn't that dystopian and fabulous?
机器人要怎么决定我们的数值
And the robot decides our value how?
它会结合已经上传的
Some combination of dead Lester's paperwork,
已故莱斯特的笔记
which was all uploaded,
我对他的聆听装置低语的八卦
gossip that I've whispered into his listening device,
还有它永远不会透露的 一种难以言喻的特质
and a certain je ne sais quoi, which he will never reveal.
也不用问你的排名了 因为你到死都不会知道
And don't bother asking your ranking, because you will have to die not knowing.
好 梅宝 妳是第四名 - 我是第四名
Okay, Mabel, you're four. - I'm four?
还不错
That's not bad.
等等 THē比我高吗 - 我不需要知道我的排名
Wait, is THē above me? - I do not need to know my number.
我对我在大楼里的地位很有信心
I'm very confident with my place in this building.
随你怎么说 237先生
Whatever you say, Mr. 237.
237
Two-thirty-seven?!
总共有多少...
Outta how ma...
我跟你说 我不需要知道
You know what? I don't need to know.
欢迎来参加我的大楼会议
Welcome, welcome! Welcome to my building meeting.
欢迎各位 我们开始吧 好吗
Welcome, all of you. Let's begin, shall we?
我是奥利佛帕南 废话就不多说了
So, I'm Oliver Putnam and all that hoopla.
我很高兴能为各位主持亚柯尼亚大会
And I am thrilled to be your host at Arconia-Con,
史上第一届住户与员工交际大会
the first ever tenant-staff mingle fest.
我们没有点心
There are no snacks.
今天我们要真实了解大楼里的改变
Today we're gonna get real about changes in the building,
还有大家的感受
and real about feelings.
说重点 《诱惑岛》十分钟后开始
Get to it, Temptation Island starts in ten.
我知道这件事很难以置信 因为我无懈可击的发际线
Now, I know it's hard to believe based on my impeccable hairline
和婴儿般光滑的腿
and baby smooth legs,
但我在这栋大楼住了很久
but I have lived in this building a long time.
当然 这些年来它改变了
And of course, it's changed over the years,
这是预料中的事
that's to be expected.
但有些改变是我们不该容忍♥的
But there are some changes that we shouldn't stand for.
我想我可以代表所有住户说
And I think I speak for all of us tenants when I say
我们不会坐视不管 让我们心爱的员工
that we are not gonna sit back and let our beloved staff
被没有灵魂的机器取代
be replaced by soulless machines.
没错
Yeah! That's right!
我爱这些员工 但身为长♥期♥患有传染性结膜炎的人
Now, listen, I love the staff, but as a man with perpetual, contagious pink eye--
这真的会传染
and I mean it's really contagious.
我两天前又得了结膜炎
A-And I just got it like two days ago again,
我可能会太用力眨眼...
and I could blink too hard and ugh!
你就完蛋了 小子
I mean, that's it for you, kid.
我喜欢由机器帮我送包裹
I like to have my packages delivered by machines.
真的假的
I like that I don't have
我喜欢我不用跟机器人闲聊
to make small talk with the robot.
或是给它小费 - 对
Or tip it. - Yeah.
我相信大楼的重点在于人
I believe a building is about the people.
所以我逐渐认识你们每一位
That's why I've gotten to know each of you.
谁养宠物
Who... Who owns a pet.
你们之中谁比较可能忘记带雨伞
And which one of you is more likely to forget their umbrella.
雷斯特都知道
LESTR knows all that.
照字母顺序 会忘记雨伞的人是...
Umbrella forgetters, in alphabetical order:
闭嘴 《大英雄天团》 我就说了
Shut up, Big Hero 6! I'll say it.
不是这个机器人走 就是我们走
Either this robot goes, or we do!
- 没错 - 对
好 那么...
Okay, well,
来合唱缓和一下紧张气氛吧
how about a little sing-along to break the tension?
我们不会为你唱歌♥的 你把这里变成谋杀大楼了
We're not gonna sing for you. You turned this place
一点也没错
into the murder building!
要不是你 人类莱斯特还会是我们的门房♥
Lester the human would still be our doorman, if it weren't for you!
感觉有点牵强 但还是来合唱吧
Feels like a leap. But let's get back to the sing-along.
谁会唱《小丑进场》 - 茱蒂柯林斯版还是格莉妮丝约翰斯版
Who knows Send in the Clowns? - The Judy Collins or the Glynis Johns?
你觉得呢
Who do you think?
别麻烦了
? Don't bother ?
他们来了
? They're here! ?
查尔斯 怎么回事 你的另一只鞋在哪里
Hey, Charles? What the hell's going on, and where's your other shoe?
我不需要另一只鞋也能...
I don't need my other shoe to do...
好吧 首先 不行
Okay, yeah. First of all, no.
不管这是怎样 都不用让别人看到
And whatever this is, nobody else needs to see it.
跟我来
Come with me.
布拉奏斯变成醉鬼了
Brazzos just became Booze-os.
他们没把这当一回事
They're not taking this seriously.
好 回来讨论机器人的事
Okay, uh-- uh, let's get back to the robot, can we?
回来讨论机器人 好吗
Yeah, let's get back to the robot, shall we?
各位 拜托
Everybody. Everyone.
这不只是一栋大楼 这是我们的小区
P-- Please, this is more than just a building, this is our community.
这个机器人是这栋大楼遇过最棒的事
This robot is the best thing that ever happened to this building.
- 别胡说了 - 对
事实上 过来 雷斯特 让他看看你的能耐 宝贝
In fact, come here, LESTR. Let's show 'em what you can do, babe.
宝贝
Babe?
宝贝 等等 它去哪了 我的矮国王呢
Babe! Wait, where'd he go? Where's my short king?
天啊 它被带走了
Oh, sweet Jesus. He's been taken.
好 梅宝 我知道我通常不会跟妳分享情♥色♥的事
Alright, Mabel, I know I don't normally share with you on matters of erotica.
对 很合理
Yeah, for good reason.
对 但是昨晚
Yeah. But last night...
我们接吻了 - 什么
kissing happened. - What?
在苏菲亚的休旅车后座发生的
It happened in the back of Sofia's minivan,
那可不容易 因为她儿子的曲棍球装备
you know, which is not easy because of...you know, all the boys' hockey equipment
还有午餐盒的旧包装纸黏在我们皮肤上
and the, uh, old Lunchable wrappers, you know, sticking to our skin.
但那是很神奇的一夜
But it was kinda-- kind of a magical night.
查尔斯 睪固酮影响了你的大脑吗
Charles! Has the testosterone affected your brain?
对 我知道那件事 别生奥利佛的气
Yeah, I know about that. And don't get mad at Oliver.
是新的垃圾清洁工揭穿你的
It was the new trash guy that outed you.
什么 盖瑞怎么了
What? What happened to Gary?
妳看 我想起他的名字了
You see that? I remembered his name.
对 睪固酮发挥作用了 我变得更敏锐
Yes, the testosterone is working, it's making me sharper.
你勾搭上嫌犯了 她可能在利用你
You hooked up with a suspect! She could be using you.
如果她在利用我 为什么是我得到所有信息
Oh, well, if she's using me, how come I'm the one who came away with all the information,
她却什么都没得到
and she went away with nothing?
好 说说你发现什么
Fine, tell me. What'd you learn?
我跟妳说 有些小趣闻 像是...
Oh, I'll tell ya a few, uh, little tidbits.
首先 那个女人能用嘴接东西
Like, uh, well first of all, that woman can mouth-catch
就像熊在逆流抓鲑鱼一样
like a bear going for upstream salmon.
我不知道那证明了什么 但我要写到板子上
I don't know what that proves, but it's going on the board.
那舌头汤米呢 你有查到什么吗
What about Tommy the Tongue? Did you get anything on that?
我没查到关于汤米的事 但我确实体验到...
Well, didn't get anything on Tommy, but I did get a little--
查尔斯 - 我是要说舌头
Charles! - I was gonna say "tongue".
天啊 - 别再荡♥妇♥羞辱我了
Oh, my God! - Stop slut-shaming me!
太棒了 我们对汤米还是一无所知
Great. So, we are still exactly nowhere on Tommy.
好吧
Alright.
好吧 是我不好
Okay. This is my fault.
最近我觉得有点沮丧
Uh, you know, I-- I've been feeling a little down lately,