公寓大楼里的谋杀案（2021）

So, how well do you know Jay?
你们两个一起打牌很久了吗
Have you-- have you two been playing together for long?
我只知道杰输的时候 会像小孩一样闹脾气
All I know about Jay is he has a tantrum like a toddler when he loses...
很不幸 也很有趣
...which is tragic and amusing.
抱歉 但这屋里的每个房♥间都需要我
I'm sorry, but every room in this house needs me.
你的壁纸是 史塔特勒和沃尔多夫的包厢吗
Are those the Statler and Waldorf balconies on your wall?
我是剧场导演
Well, I'm-- I'm a theater director.
所以你觉得 「我应该把剧场指导挂在墙上」
So, you thought, "I should put theater directing on my walls"?
这地方的美妙之处在于它的故事
Well, but, the-- the beauty of this place is really its stories.
我前妻很喜欢这些窗帘 所以我奋力留下它们就为了泄愤
Uh, like my ex-wife, uh, loved these drapes, so I fought to keep them out of spite.
那不是我最光彩的时刻
Not necessarily my finest moment,
但这里的故事未必都很精彩
but, uh, not all the stories in here are great.
这看起来很棒
Well, this looks great.
这确实很棒
This is great.
这是我的新太太
It's my new wife.
她搬进这些布置中
And she moved in... to all this?
还没有
Uh, well, n-- Uh, not yet,
但是 我是说...
but, uh, you know, I mean...
我爱香橙鸭胸
I love duck à l'orange.
战争期间 只有圣诞节才能吃鸭肉
During the war we only had duck at Christmas.
哪一场战争
Oh, and-- and which war was that?
三枝荷兰芹 我来切
"Three sprigs of parsley." Uh, I'll chop.
我几十年没下厨了
Haven't cooked in decades.
所以你有一阵子没用切肉刀了
So, you haven't used a-- a cleaver in a while.
你知道还有谁可能用过切肉刀吗
You know anybody else who might have used a cleaver?
这是不是很有趣 我们都不会留下手写的食谱
Isn't it interesting? None of us will leave behind written recipes.
未来的世代只会在厨师机器人上用书签
Future generations will just have bookmarks on chef robots.
对 没错 很悲哀
Yeah, it's, uh... it's true, it's sad.
时代在改变 尤其对我们这些老人来说
You know, the-- the times are changing, especially for us old guys in our--
你说你几岁
How old did you say you were?
那得视器官而定
That depends on the organ.
查尔斯 自怨自艾会让你少活六年 朵乐希帕克告诉我的
Charles, wallowing takes six years off your life. Dorothy Parker told me that.
她夺走了我的童贞
She took my virginity.
重点是 不与时俱进的人才会变老
Point is, you're only old if you don't change with the times.
科技帮助我保持年轻 但自我革新才是真正的关键
You know, technology's helped me stay young. But reinvention is the real key.
对 要费很多力气才能跟上
Yeah, that-- it-- it takes a lot of energy keeping up.
对 没错
Yeah, it does.
我每让一个太太住进照护中心 必须从头开始
Every time I've put a wife in assisted living and had to start over,
我都怀疑自己是否办得到
I've had moments of doubt that I could do it.
但我做到了 你可以的
But I did. And you can.
谢谢你
Well, thank you.
要加多少橙皮到曾祖母的...
Now, how much orange zest goes in great-gran's--
糟了
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
曾祖母没了 没了 不
My great-gran is gone! It's gone. No!
查尔斯海登萨维奇
曾祖母的香橙鸭胸食谱说要加多少橙皮
How much orange zest is in Charles-Haden Savage's great-gran's duck à l'orange recipe?
那份食谱里有一茶匙半的橙皮
There are one-and-a-half teaspoons of orange zest in that recipe.
它怎么会知道
How did it know that?
让我看查尔斯海登萨维奇 做香橙鸭胸的样子
Show me Charles-Haden Savage making duck à l'orange.
听起来有很多皮 布拉奏斯
That sounds like a lot of zest, Brazzos.
我很俏皮 雷吉斯
I'm zesty, Regis.
对 你多才多艺 我很欣赏这样的人
Yes, you're a multi-talented guy. I admire guys like that,
- 你会的不只一种... - 我只是...
- that could do more than one thing. - I just revel in it.
十分钟后可能会发生不可思议的事
Probably in ten minutes, something unbelievable is gonna happen.
我怎么觉得我会帮你做香橙鸭胸
Why do I think it's gonna be me making your duck à l'orange?
雷吉斯 因为你会通灵
Well, Regis, because you're psychic.
我们先进一段广♥告♥ 回来后再揭晓
We're gonna take a commercial break and make it happen in the next segment.
我都忘了有那回事 我的曾祖母永垂不朽
I forgot I did that. My great-gran lives on.
谢谢你
Thank you.
这就是我做这行的原因
This is why I do what I do.
在对的人手中 科技应该能让过去永远留存
In the right hands, technology should keep the past alive, preserved,
就像我每晚都被保存起来 在我的胶原蛋白槽里漂浮
like I'm preserved every night floating in my tank of collagen.
- 我也有过悲伤的家 我的第一个家 - 好
- I also had a sad home. - My first one.
一个深爱美丽事物的年轻女孩
A young girl with a deep love of beauty,
父亲是赌场大亨 母亲是前歌♥舞♥女♥郎
born to a casino magnate and his former showgirl wife,
在雷诺的桃红色街景中长大
raised amidst a sea of hot pink in Reno.
我很遗憾
Eww, so sorry.
我一满18岁就搬到康乃狄克州
The moment I turned 18, I moved... to Connecticut.
离开那个家激发了我美化世界的使命
Leaving that home jump-started my mission to beautify the world,
让我成为亿万富翁
and it turned me into a billionaire.
我还是白手起家的
And I started with nothing.
你是说我和罗芮塔应该重新开始 找个新地方吗
So, are-- are you saying that Loretta and I should start fresh? Get a new place?
这里的基本结构很棒 你只需要改变一切
These bones are remarkable. You just need to change everything.
说说手指的事吧 我必须知道
So, uh, come on, the finger? I gotta know.
我唯一的罪就是身为丢脸的富二代
The only crime I'm guilty of is being an embarrassing nepo baby
想用祖先的血汗钱做点好事
who's trying to do some good with his ancestors' blood money.
好 进展如何
Yeah, and how's that going?
我自创了非营利组织 雇了一位执行长
I started my own nonprofit, hired a CEO,
一个我信任的朋友 结果他拿走所有的钱
a friend of mine I trusted, who then took all the money.
大家都觉得我是骗徒
Everyone thinks I'm a swindler,
但其实我只是不知道该相信谁
but really, I'm just shit at knowing who to trust.
那一定会再次发生的
I'm sure it'll happen again.
那你何必继续尝试
Then, why keep trying?
因为我想向大家证明我不是废物
Because I wanna prove to everyone that I'm not a... fuck up.
你知道当红流行歌♥手THē吗
Are you aware of the pop sensation THē?
那个THē女孩 知道 怎么了
Uh, the "The" girl? Yeah, why?
她是我误以为能信任的人
She is someone I incorrectly trusted.
她真的气死我了
She couldn't be more frustrating,
我忍♥不住想让她刮目相看
and I... I can't stop wanting to impress her.
所以我骗她说 我们要跟Wondify签约 但其实没有
So, I lied and said we were getting a deal at Wondify, and we aren't.
所以我现在得努力让它成真
So, now I have to try to make that happen.
但我确定不会成功 而我恨死自己了
I'm sure it won't. And I hate myself for that.
希望你是我 你一定很希望你是我
? Wish that you were me, bet you wish that you were me ?
我真的会杀了你 那是她写的 我觉得是在写我
I will literally kill you. She wrote that, I feel like, about me.
写得很好 很朗朗上口
It's really good. It's catchy.
尼奇死掉那晚 我在跟这些蠢蛋打牌 但我没有杀人
I was playing with these bozos the night Nicky died, but I did not kill anyone.
那你的手指怎么了
So, what happened with your finger?
只是一连串错误决定中 另一个错误的决定
Just another bad decision in a long line of bad decisions.
趁现在没人打扰
While we have a quiet moment,
我想帮你确保 你不会被扯进我们的小故事里
I wanna help you make sure you stay out of our little story.
但杰的手指怎么了
But what happened to Jay's finger?
好吧
Fine.
莱斯特死掉那晚 尼奇拿着一把切肉刀出现...
The night Lester died, Nicky showed up with this cleaver.
他在生谁的气吗 也许是杰
Wa-- Was he mad at someone? Maybe Jay?
他为电影《四海好家伙》气愤不已
He was livid and raving about the film "Goodfellows"?
他的鼻子底下有大量白色粉末
He had an inordinate amount of white powder under his nose.
我会称之为白雪白 或是圣诞老人的胡子白
I'd call it a Snow White white, or perhaps a Santa's beard white.
他疯了 他想打人
He was nuts. He was gonna hit someone.
我试着阻止他...
I tried to stop him.
巴斯全身的皮肤跟婴儿一样嫩 但他蛮老的
I mean, Bash is covered in baby skin, but he's pretty old.
我试着安抚他 但杰偏偏要逞英雄
Well, I tried to calm him down, but Jay had to be the hero,
所以尼奇就砍掉他的手指
and so Nicky-- "chh!"-- chopped off his finger.
我当然离开了 因为现场乱成一团
I obviously left because of the mess.
而且最后离开派对很没礼貌 所以...
And also, it's rude to be the last to leave a party, so...
我叫杰别激动 但刀下指断 然后我们都跑出去了
I told Jay not to escalate, but chop-chop. Then we all ran out.
当下没时间找它 所以我才回到那里
There wasn't time to look for it, which is why I went back.
没有手指掉在那里会比较好
It'd be nice not to have a finger floating around, ya know?
你不会刚好在里面看到它吧
You didn't happen to see it in there, did you?
好 香橙鸭胸再2小时45分钟就好了 谁饿了
Okay. Duck à l'orange is ready in two hours and 45 minutes. Who's hungry?
我上午11点过后就禁食了 但我们有回答你们所有的问题吗
I don't eat after 11 a.m., but have we answered all your questions?
有 我得知尼奇砍断杰的手指
Well, yes, I learned that Nicky chopped off Jay's finger,
然后巴斯 卡蜜拉和杰跑掉了
and then Bash, Camila, and Jay ran out.
对 杰是这么说的
Yeah, that's what Jay said.
莱斯特和尼奇当时还活着 所以...
And Lester and Nicky were still alive, so...
你们没说谎栽赃我耶 你们真的在乎我
Huh, look at you two not lying to pin it on me. You do care.
结案了
Case closed.
既然我们把话说清楚了
And now that we've cleared this up,
我相信未来的集数不会有我的名字了
I trust I won't hear my name on future episodes.
好 香橙鸭胸2小时44分钟后上桌
Okay, duck à l'orange in two hours and 44 minutes.
下次吧 我忘了我有邀几个朋友来攀岩
Ah. Next time. Forgot I have some friends coming over to do some rock climbing.
梅宝 谢了
Mabel... thanks.