极品老妈

Mom S02E21

Part 1 Jan. 4, 2020, 12:32 p.m.

《极品老妈》前情提要
Previously on Mom...
喂
Hello?
克丽丝蒂
Christy.
你在哪里
Where are you?
我在监狱里
I'm in jail.
天啊
Oh, God.
你没事吧
Are you okay?
嗯刚酒驾了
Yeah, just got a DUI.
你怎么能让我在牢里待上一整晚
How could you let me spend a night in jail?
你怎么能瞒着我又开始喝酒磕药
How could you lie to me about getting loaded again?!
这不是我的错
It's not my fault.
那些止痛药是医生开的
I was prescribed those painkillers.
我才是受害人
I am the victim here.
你怎么在酒精测试仪上吹出了醉酒啊
How'd you blow a one-one on the Breathalyzer?
简单我喝酒是为了忘记我在磕止痛药
Easy, I was drinking to foet was hooked on painkillers.
现在
真的很感谢你陪我来
I really appreciate you coming with me.
就像以前一样
Hey, it's like the old days,
只是你不必再帮我写假条
except you didn't have to write me a note
让我翘课出来
to get me out of school.
你觉得你的律师朋友能行吗
Do you think your lawyer friend knows what he's doing?
他自己三次酒驾也没见他坐牢
He's had three DUIs himself, and he's not in jail,
应该能行吧
so yeah.
好消息
Good news.
我刚在法官旁边小便他不记得我了
I took a whiz next to the judge-- he doesn't remember me.
而且他不收律师费
Also he's doing this for free.
听着我跟地检谈过了罪名从酒驾
So, listen, I spoke to the D.A. and got the charges reduced
降低为鲁莽驾驶
from DUI to reckless driving,
就是说你可以拿回驾照
which means you can get your license back,
你只需要做20小时的社会服务
and you only have to do 20 hours of community service.
20小时
20 hours?
你不能再去趟厕所减为10小时吗
Can't you go back to the men's room and get it down to ten?
我是廉价律师不是廉价妓♥女♥
Hey, I'm a two-bit lawyer, not a two-bit whore.
有人可能觉得这两者差不多
Some might call that "Potato-potato."
相信我这协议不错了
Trust me, this is a good deal.
你只需要向法官表达你真诚的歉意
All you have to do is tell the judge you're very sorry,
保证这种事不会再发生了
and it'll never happen again.
那我什么时候才有机会从我的角度辩白呢
But when do I get a chance to tell my side of the story?
你这样做去公园
Here's what you do: go down to the park,
找一个流浪汉给他一个三明治
find a homeless guy, give him a sandwich,
他吃的时候你好好诉苦一番
and while he's eating, tell him your side of the story.
你没把我当回事
You're not taking me seriously.
看来骗不到你
No fooling you.
-妈照他说的做 -但事实是
- Mom, just do what he says. - But the thing is...
来事实了她总是有事实
Here comes the thing-- she always has a thing.
事实是那些止痛药是医生开的
The thing is, I was prescribed those painkillers.
妈妈
Mom, Mom.
"真是抱歉这种事不会再发生了"
"I'm very sorry. It will never happen again."
好的好的
Okay, okay.
-邦妮·普兰科特 -到我们了
- Bonnie Plunkett? - Here we go.
我们在法官大人
Present, Your Honor.
普兰科特女士对于鲁莽驾驶的轻罪指控
Miss Plunkett, I see here that you are pleading guilty
你已认罪
to the lesser charge of reckless driving.
是的法官阁下
That's correct, Your Honor.
在我宣判前你有话要说吗
Is there anything you have to say before I sentence you?
真是抱歉这种事不会再发生了
I'm very sorry, and it will never happen again.
但事实是
But the thing is...
狗♥娘♥养♥的
Son of a bitch.
医生给我开了易上瘾的止痛药治疗背痛
I was prescribed highly-addictive painkillers for a back injury,
所以在某种程度上
so in a way,
我是大型制药公♥司♥的受害人
I am the victim of Big Pharma.
跟你母亲道别吧
Say good-bye to your mother.
极品老妈第二季第二十一集
今天在学校还好吗
How was school today?
还好
Fine.
法庭那边怎么样
How was court?
你告诉他了吗
You told him?
为什么不能说我不觉得这事丢人
Why not? I have nothing to be ashamed of.
你丢人了
Yes, you do.
这不是外婆的错是大农场主的错
It's not Grandma's fault, it's a big farmer.
大型制药厂[两词音近]
Big Pharma.
我说的就是这个
That's what I said.
我们换个话题
Let's change the subject.
你的数学试验成绩怎么样
How'd you do on your math test?
-我得了100分 -好样的
- I got a hundred. - Way to go!
你外婆正好要在高速公路旁边
That's also how many hours Grandma has to pick up trash
捡100小时的垃圾
on the side of the highway.
-不是说改变话题吗 -没错
- I thought we were changing the subject. - You're right.
外婆还丢了驾照
Grandma also lost her driver's license.
你在沙发下面找了吗
Did you check under the couch?
我在那里找到过不少东西
I find lots of stuff under there.
-不如你去看看 -好的
- Why don't you go look? - Okay.
好吧有话就说
All right, let's have it.
你一定要长篇大论一番
You had to give a speech.
你就是不能只说
You couldn't have just said,
我很抱歉这种事不会再发生了
"I'm sorry. It'll never happen again."
现在我必须购买♥♥所有的生活必需品
Now I have to do all the grocery shopping,
做所有家务活
all the errands.
我得接送他上学
I have to drive and pick him up from school.
对你一点也指望不上
I can't count on you for anything.
公平来说我现在也没在家做什么事
Hey, to be fair, I don't really do much around here now.
我才有资格对你的差劲开玩笑
Hey, I make the jokes about how much you suck.
我找到3毛7分钱
I found 37 cents!
给外婆她需要公车钱
Give it to Grandma; she'll need it for the bus!
这是笑话之一
That's one of my jokes.
大家好我是雷吉娜我是酒瘾者
Hi, I'm Regina. I'm an alcoholic.
你好雷吉娜
Hi, Regina.
我只想很快说一下
I just want to say real quick
我心中有多少感激
how much gratitude is in my heart.
我今天早上醒来
When I woke up this morning,
睁开眼睛依然觉得我在监狱里
I opened my eyes, still thinking I was in jail.
但我却在百万豪♥宅♥里的超大号♥床上
But I was in a king-sized bed in a million-dollar mansion,
我知道我要感谢一个人
and I knew I had one person to thank.
那就是耶稣
Jesus Christ.
也许你应该感谢
Maybe you should thank the person
买♥♥了床和豪♥宅♥的人
who bought the bed and the mansion.
你是说你前夫吗
You mean your ex-husband?
我就说这么多
That's all I got.
谢谢大家
Thank you.
-下面谁来分享 -我来
- Okay, who'd like to go next? - I'll go.
大家好我是邦妮我是酒瘾者
Hi, I'm Bonnie, and I'm an alcoholic.
你好邦妮
Hi, Bonnie.
今天我已经戒酒五天了
Today, I have five days sober.
怎样不鼓掌吗
What, no applause?
好冷哦
Brrr, chilly.
说这话不容易
It's not easy to say this,
但我经常骗大家
but I lied to you guys a lot.
甚至连不必说谎的也骗
Even about stuff I didn't have to.
对于这点我并不骄傲
And I'm not proud about that.
我骄傲于这些谎言是多么的天衣无缝
I mean, I'm proud of how well-crafted the lies were,
因为能把一件事做好本身就是奖励
because, you know, doing anything well is its own reward,
但你们的信任
but your trust
对我来说很重要我非常抱歉
means a lot to me, and I'm very sorry.
这种事不会再发生了
It'll never happen again.
但事实是
"But the thing is..."
但事实是
But the thing is...
这不全是我的错
...it's not all my fault.
医生制药公♥司♥
I mean, the doctors, the pharmaceutical companies,
康复中心他们全勾结在一起
the rehab centers-- they're all in cahoots.
如果我的背伤是因为洗澡的浴缸
I would not be surprised if my back injury was the result
故意设计为
of showering in a bathtub