无为大师（2015）

Master of None S01E01

Part 5 Sept. 6, 2020, 4:10 p.m.

So don't clean up or anything?
不需要
No.
我是大姑娘了
I'm a big girl.
很好这我能做到
Great. I got that.
好啦我就站在这角落
All right, so I'll just stand in the corner,
那你就自行解决问题了好不
and you do your thing, okay?
好
Mm-hmm.
你知道的别告诉任何人
And, you know, don't tell anyone
我带你进厕所
I took you to the bathroom.
这听起来有点怪
It's a little weird.
-是挺怪的 -好啦
- I know it's weird. - All right.
拉吧
Go for it.
这个我要制♥造♥些噪音
Uh, you know, I'm gonna make a noise
所以我不需要听到你在干吗好吧
so I don't hear what's happening, all right?
-好 -别害怕好吧
- Okay. - Don't get scared, okay?
好我不怕了
All right. I'm not scared.
-好了吗 -是的
- Done? - Yeah.
很好洗手吧
Cool. Wash your hands.
赶紧离开这里
Let's get the fuck out of here.
-好的 -我讨厌甜瓜
- Yeah! - I hate melons!
孩子们我们还有2分钟就到你们家了
Guys, we're two minutes from your house.
你们还要弄这些吗
Do you really need to do this?
-是的走吧 -太好玩了
- Yes, let's go! - Yeah, fun!
去死好啦
Ah, shit, okay.
我们要去给你妈妈买♥♥些啤酒
We got to go get some beer for your mom.
来吧走
Come on, let's go.
夏日爱尔啤酒
Hmm, summer ale.
嘿 Grant在哪呢
Hey, where's Grant?
不知道啊
I don't know.
Grant
Grant?
Grant
Grant.
Grant
Grant!
嘿 Grant
Hey, Grant!
你在哪啊
Where are you?
先生不好意思他是和你一起的吗
Excuse me. Is he with you, sir?
是的他是我朋友的小孩
Uh, yeah, he's my friend's kid.
一切还好吧
Everything okay?
他正拿着他的小鸡鸡
He's taking his penis
用它在所有冰冻华夫饼包装袋上摩擦了一遍
and rubbing it on all the packages of frozen waffles.
这...Grant
Wha... Grant!
你不能这么做啊你为什么要这么做
You can't do that! Why are you doing that?
很冷啊当我把我的
It's cold, and when I put
小肠肠贴过去感觉很爽
my wiener against it, it feels good.
先生我需要你为那些华夫饼买♥♥单
I'm gonna need you to pay for the waffles, sir.
好啦给我吧我会买♥♥了它
All right, fine. Just give it to me. I'll buy it.
不是的我觉得你要买♥♥
No, I'm gonna need you to pay for all 30 packages
展示柜里所有的30包
in the display case.
30包少来老兄
30 packages? Come on, man.
他就消失了一分钟
He was gone for a minute.
他才没把那玩意儿蹭在所有包装袋上
He didn't put his thing on all those packages.
我们不能把那些和小男孩生殖器
We can't sell waffles that have made contact
有过接触的华夫饼出♥售♥
with a young boy's genitals.
就买♥♥了这些华夫饼吧
Just pay for the waffles.
好啦我会给钱的
All right, fine. I'll pay for it.
我买♥♥得起我有带钱包
I can pay for it. I have a wallet.
这是谁的钱包啊
Whose wallet is this?
我从派对上捎的
I took it from the party.
这是Kyle的钱包
This is Kyle's wallet.
他带我去厕所了
He went to the bathroom with me
还让我别跟其他人说
and said not to tell anybody.
讨厌的
Goddamn.
嘿老兄
Hey, man.
不好意思我猜Grant刚才偷了你的钱包
Sorry, I guess Grant stole your wallet earlier.
哦谢谢放那就可以了
Oh, thanks. Just put it anywhere.
好的
All right.
你介意我用你的厕所吗很快的
You mind if I use your restroom real quick?
可以在楼上
Yeah, it's upstairs.
我带你去吧
I'll show you.
谢谢
Thanks.
嘿你们坐在这
Hey, you guys, you sit here.
别碰任何东西你也别偷任何东西
You don't touch anything. You don't steal anything.
好啦 Grant 你也要远离那些冰箱
Okay, and Grant, you stay away from the freezer.
老兄我只是照顾他俩就一个小时
Man, I was just watching those guys for, like, an hour,
我要被搞残了
and I'm destroyed.
你有个一岁大小孩
You had a kid for a year.
你怎么能做到的你有啥秘诀吗
How do you do it? What's your secret?
我的秘密是我要离婚了
My secret is, I'm getting a divorce.
什么你说真的
What? Are you serious?
我们最近一直在争吵
We've just been dealing with some issues lately.
我们尝试解决问题但我不认为能成
We tried to figure it out. I don't think it's gonna work.
我还以为一切都很好呢
I thought everything was going really well.
那你之前说的都是什么
What about all that stuff you said earlier?
哦得了吧
Oh, come on, man.
那都是在派对上随口乱说的
That's bullshit you say at a party.
那我能怎么说呢
What am I supposed to say?
我都不睡觉我一年都没和人滚过床单了
I don't sleep. I haven't fucked in a year.
我没空见朋友我讨厌我老婆
I never see my friends. I hate my wife.
天啊
God.
是的我猜那不是什么派对的好
Yeah, I guess that's not really good party...
那是什么词来的
What's the word?
派对
Party...
好料
fodder.
好料对
Fodder, yeah.
很难过啊老弟
It's tough, man.
我们那时候只约会了6个月
We'd only been dating six months.
Brenda就怀孕了
Brenda got pregnant,
我们真想过我们可以撑下去的
and we really thought we could pull it off.
一开始还好
It started off okay,
但接着事情变得有点不稳定了
but then things got a little rocky.
事情发展太快了
It was just too soon.
然后在这混乱中还有个小孩的存在
And then you throw a kid in the mix...
Zach很好啦
And Zach's awesome.
我们不能更爱他了
We couldn't love him any more,
但这都不足以让我们继续在一起
but it just wasn't enough to keep us together.
无论如何厕所在这里
Anyway, here's the bathroom.
好的
All right.
老兄这里闻起来真好
Man, it smells really nice in there.
你得拿这个蜡烛打我？？？
You got to hit me with the deets on that candle.
抱歉
Sorry.
这是一款很好的蜡烛
It is a great candle.
爸爸到家啦爸爸回来了
Daddy's home! Daddy's home!
我们发现面粉了
We found the flour!
你们不可能瞒得过我们的
You can't hide it from us!
把安全带扣好
Put your seat belts on!
你们在干吗
What are you doing?
可爱的小孩傻瓜
Cute kids, idiot.
猜猜看谁回家啦
Guess who's home.
妈妈
Mommy!
嘿
Hey!
嘿 Nathan带着三明治来了
Hey, Nathan's coming with the sandwiches.
-噢很好 -嘿小企鹅
- Oh, great. - Hey, penguin.
怎么样啦
How did it go?
哦我的天啊
Oh, my God.
感觉过了十年那么久
It felt like ten years.
只要我转身他们都能制♥造♥出破坏
Anytime I turned around, they were just causing mayhem.
我肯定你做得很好了
I'm sure you did fine.
我没弄出见红事件所以是不错的
I didn't see any blood, so that's good.
嘿我带了三明治
Hey, I got sandwiches.
Nathan
Nathan!
-嗨怎么样啦 -还好
- Hi, how's it going? - Yay.
你们饿了吗