无为大师（2015）

Master of None S01E01

Part 3 Sept. 6, 2020, 4:10 p.m.

My dude's one, he's already got more friends than you.
你得加把劲了哥们
Yeah, you got to step up your game, man.
嘿 Hilary
Oh, hey, Hilary.
嘿我们等下再聊好吧
Hey, we'll talk soon, okay?
好的很高兴见到你们
All right. Good to see you guys.
谢谢你邀请我们
Thanks for having us.
你就是那个Go-Gurt广♥告♥里的家伙吧
You're that guy from the Go-Gurt commercial, right?
嗯是的
Uh, yeah.
我就知道
I knew it!
你做了这个广♥告♥以后
Yo, so you do a spot like that,
就和Go-Gurt搭上线了对吧
you get a hookup on Go-Gurt, right?
也不全是
Uh, not really.
老弟你要跟你经纪人提一下建议
Dude, you got to talk to your agent about that.
我儿子做了个Combos的广♥告♥ 能吃一辈子Combos
My boy did a Combos spot... Combos for life.
很酷嘛
Wow. Cool.
是的但他换人了
Yeah, but he changed, man.
好吧尽情玩
All right, y'all have a good one.
再见
See you.
他们还在播那个广♥告♥吗
They're still airing that spot?
是的老兄
Yeah, dude.
这么多年来一直是我付房♥租的来源
It's covered my rent for years now.
兄弟这钱来得真简单
Dude, that's some easy money.
嘿当你出门就抓一个Go-Gurt吧
"Hey, when you're on the go, grab a Go-Gurt."
这活儿我也能做啊
I could have done that.
才不是呢是这么着的
No, no, no. It's like this.
如果你忙个不停就吃一个Go-Gurt吧
"If you're on the go, grab a Go-Gurt."
靠果然不错啊
Damn, that's pretty good.
老实说我都想吃一个Gurt了
It's actually making me crave a 'Gurt right now.
听着那弹弹屋在呼唤我啊
Listen, that bounce house is calling my name.
等下见老兄
I'll see you later, dude.
不好意思
Excuse me.
让一让
Excuse me!
我要穿过去啦让一下
Coming through, excuse me!
兄弟你都当爹啦
Dude, you're a dad now.
太疯狂啦
That's crazy.
当爸爸的生活怎么样啊
How's fatherhood?
哦非常美好
Oh, it's great.
我感觉自己现在特别有成就你知道吗
I feel like I'm part of something bigger now, you know?
就像我人生更有意义了
Like I've got this deeper sense of purpose.
但一定会有很多事情要干对吧
But it's got to be so much work, right?
我是说难道你不想念以前和大家一起出去消遣的日子吗
I mean, don't you miss going out and all that stuff?
这么说吧有一天晚上
Okay, so the other night,
Zach从凌晨4点多开始哭
Zach starts crying at 4:00 a.M.
我累死了
I'm so tired.
我就怒了
I'm pissed.
但我还是爬起来了
But I get up.
我过去开了灯
I go over, I turn the light on,
抱起他
pick him up...
然后就在那一瞬间
and at one point,
他看着我微笑
he looks up at me, and he just smiles
然后开始冲我大笑
and starts laughing at me.
接着我们都笑作一团了
And then we both just start laughing.
我和这个我创造出来的小生命一起开怀大笑
I'm laughing with this person I created,
是的和我小孩
right, with my kid,
这个我准备看着长大的小家伙
this person I'm gonna watch grow up
然后希望有朝一日他能成大器
and do great things one day... hopefully.
搞不懂啊老弟
I don't know, man.
就算去派对嗨了一个晚上灌了N杯酒
I just can't think of one night of partying or drinking
也及不上这种感觉的百万分之一啊
that made me feel even one millionth of that feeling.
他♥娘♥的♥
Fuck.
我今年最有成就的一件事是
Highlight of my year was when I crashed
硬闯了Zachary Quino（星际迷航里的Spock）的万圣节派对
Zachary Quinto's Halloween party.
记得么学习好坏是你将来成败的关键
Remember, your education is the key to a prosperous future.
我真的为你俩值得骄傲
I'm really proud of both of you.
日安夫人今晚要来杯鸡尾酒吗
Good day, milady. Fancy a cocktail this evening?
离我远点
Get away from me.
我没有零钱了
I don't have any spare change.
不不我不是流浪汉
No, no. I'm not homeless.
我只是只大龄鸟
I'm just an older single man
还没稳定下来
that's never settled down.
嘿我刚刚和Kyle谈了会
Hey. I just talked to Kyle.
你不能再错了
You could not have been more wrong.
他看起来很开心啊
He seems so happy.
我现在不能闲聊
I can't talk right now, man.
你影响到我玩弹弹屋了
You're distracting me from my bounce.
不好意思先生
Excuse me, sir!
您能从屋子里出来吗
Can you please get out of the bounce house?
你刚把我儿子Tristan都弹出来了
You just bounced out my son Tristan.
无意冒犯女士
With all due respect, ma'am,
你儿子只有20磅
your son's 20 pounds
而且他还占用了我弹跳的地方
and he encroached on my bounce space.
这不关我事是Tristan自己的问题
That's not on me. That's on Tristan.
嘿 Amanda 怎么呢
Hey, Amanda. What's up?
嘿 Dev 你好
Hey, Dev. Hi.
嘿朋友们怎么样了
Hey, what's up, guys?
Lila 最近怎么样你还好吧
Lila, what's going on? How are you?
我听说你最近刚结婚啊
I heard you got married recently.
为啥我没受到婚礼邀请呢
How come I didn't get invited to the wedding?
我没有结婚啊
I didn't get married.
这不是我听到版本啊我听说你有老公啦
That's not what I heard. I heard you have a husband.
那是个小型仪式只有亲人和朋友
It was a small ceremony, just family and friends.
好吧随便啦我懂了
Fine, whatever. I get it.
我没结婚
I'm not married!
好吧那我就把那
Okay, well, I guess I'll just keep
果汁机留着自己用了
that blender for myself, then.
Grant 怎么样啦老弟
Grant, what's up, man?
放屁
Farts!
很好这很酷嘛
All right, well, that's cool.
你想要来场掰手腕较量吗
Um, you want to arm wrestle?
-好啊 -来吧
- Sure. - All right.
天啊
Oh, God.
我的手臂啊
Oh, my arm!
你太弱了
You're so weak!
好了朋友们不如去吃点小吃吧
All right, you guys. Why don't you get some snacks?
-好的 -看看他们
- Yeah. - Ooh, look at the spread.
这太疯狂了
That's crazy.
Grant像现在像个小屁孩
Grant is, like, a little dude now.
是的他是但他有时候还是很难搞
Yeah, he is, but he can still be a real dick sometimes.
少来他对我总是很好的
Come on. He's always nice to me.
那是因为你一个月只见到他什么不到五分钟
That's 'cause you see him for, like, five minutes a month.
如果你时时刻刻对着他
If you saw him all the time,
他会做对着你的鞋拉便便之类的事
he would, like, take a shit in your shoe or something.
-什么 -是的
- What? - Yeah.
Grant上周才在我的鞋上放屎弹
Grant took a shit in my shoe last week.
这是他的新花招说这叫做"便便鞋"
It's his new thing. He calls it "Poop shoes."
我一开始也不赞成的
I wasn't on board initially,
但是便便鞋听起来是个好牌子
but "Poop shoes," That's just good branding.
嗯现在James出城了
Yeah, right now, James is out of town.
我一个人带他们
I got them solo. Ugh.
简直累成狗
It is a real bear.
嘿你想要来串门吃饭吗
Hey, do you want to come by for dinner?
Nathan也会过来的
Nathan's coming over.
他会从Parm带些三明治过来
He's gonna bring some sandwiches from Parm.
我爱啊好啊肯定去
I'm into that, yeah, for sure.
-很好 -嘿 Grant
- All right, cool. - Hey, Grant.
想要些蛋糕吗
You want some cake?
-当然 -蛋糕啊
- Sure! - Ooh, cake.
给你
There you go.
说谢谢啦 Grant
Say thank... Grant!
好臂力啊
Good arm.
你还发生什么事情了吗