无为大师（2015）

Master of None S01E05

Part 2 Sept. 6, 2020, 4:12 p.m.

No, I know, I'm trying to get rid of this weirdo over there.
就假装和我说几句话
Just pretend you're talking to me for a little bit.
哦好吧
Oh, okay.
我需要角色扮演Vineet吗
Um, do I need to get in character as Vineet,
还是当我自己就行呢
or can I be myself?
不用当你自己就行
No, you can... You can be yourself.
克莱尔·丹尼斯客串
主演《国土安♥全♥局♥》等
曾获艾美奖、金球奖最佳女主角
不用当你自己就行
No, you can... You can be yourself.
克莱尔·丹尼斯客串
主演《国土安♥全♥局♥》等
曾获艾美奖、金球奖最佳女主角
如果我想当另一个印度人呢
What if I want to be a different Indian guy
卖♥♥拖拉机的叫Darwish
named Darwish who sells tractors?
好吧 Darwish 拖拉机生意怎么样了
Okay, Darwish. How's the tractor business?
不大好
Not good.
目前为止卖♥♥了零台拖拉机
So far, I've sold, mm, zero tractors.
-哦太糟了 -是啊
- Oh, no. - Yeah.
很显然曼哈顿里没有农田了
Apparently there's no farmland in Manhattan.
在这开商♥铺♥是错误的
It was... It was a bad place to set up shop.
我是 Dev
I'm Dev.
嗨我是Nina Stanton 美食评论家
Hey, I'm Nina Stanton, the food critic.
啥
What?
这工作真如听起来般傻白甜么
Is that job as ridiculously awesome and easy as it sounds?
你最近去过最好的餐馆是哪个
What's the best restaurant you've been to recently?
-Dirty French -你最喜欢哪道菜
- Dirty French. - What was your favorite dish?
鸡肉和法式薄饼
Uh, the chicken and crepes.
把你说的写下来就是一篇评论了
Write that shit down. You just wrote a review.
哇哦
Whoa.
所以你在餐厅定位的时候
So when you make a reservation at a restaurant,
你是用别名还是真名
do you use an alias, or do you use your real name?
这个嘛现在大家都知道我长啥样了但
Well, people know my face at this point, but yeah,
我预定的时候必须用假名
whenever I make a res, I have to use a fake name.
所以你看这就是为啥我能当个好评论家
Yeah, see, this is why I'd be a good critic.
我有很多假名
I got so many aliases.
Bartholomew Cubbins
Um, Bartholomew Cubbins,
Yahweh Manchester
um, Yahweh Manchester,
还有我的最爱 Essence
uh, and my favorite: just Essence.
哦看吧你挺有天赋的
Ooh, see, you're a natural.
如果我需要学徒就你了
If I ever need an apprentice, I'll hit you up.
哇哦我很愿意
Ooh, I'm down.
你想在我"下面"工作吗
You want to work under me?
哇这发展过快了吧
Whoa! Uh, that's pretty forward.
那是当然
Yes, sure.
很好啊你真棒
This is cool. You're cool.
有人跟你说过你的吻技一流吗
Has anyone ever told you your makeout game's on fleek?
你想尝些大♥麻♥吗
Hey, um, do you want some weed?
这是Purple Pineapple的
It's Purple Pineapple.
我做♥爱♥前都要来一点
I always smoke it before I have sex.
天哪你现在就要吸啊
Oh, shit! You're smoking it now!
这太酷了
This is so cool.
太赞了
This is awesome.
我喜欢这一切
I like all of this.
Nina 你实在太赞了
Nina, you are so cool.
你就是我的菜
I just like your whole vibe.
我甚至都不知道
I don't even know...
这简直就是我遇到过
This is, like, the coolest thing
最赞的事了
that's ever happened to me.
我们是不是该停下享受下这美好的瞬间
Can we just take a moment to acknowledge how cool this is?
啥
What?
你还有个这么屌♥爆的公♥寓♥
You have, like, a sick-ass apartment too?
这太疯狂了
This is crazy.
我是在做白日梦吗
Am I in a lucid dream right now?
我这是要上天了吗
Am I, like, Vanilla Sky-ing myself right now?
嗯我要喝点酒你要么
Um, I'm gonna have some wine. Do you want some wine?
好啊
Yeah.
嚯看这景色
Pfft! Look at this view!
额你每写一个餐厅评论
What, do you get, like, $1 million
能挣一百万吗
per restaurant review?
嗯差不多吧
Yeah, around that.
芥末雪海胆虽然概念上很有野心
The uni with wasabi snow, while conceptually ambitious,
但其实很令人失望
was a disappointment.
一百万美元梆
$1 million. Boom!
你有避孕套吗
Do you have a condom?
嗯我有
Uh, yeah, I do.
嗨那个
Hey, wha...
海滩上那人是谁
Um, who's that guy that's at the beach?
哦我哥
Oh, that's my brother.
呃呃呃
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
为为啥这看着
Wh-wh-why does it look like
你在那张相片里和你哥结婚了
you're getting married to your brother in that photo?
好吧我结婚了
Okay, I'm married.
- 噢靠拜托 - 别
- Aw, fuck! Come on! - No.
我就知道这事好的太难以置信了
I knew this was too good to be true.
Nina 别
Nina, no.
我不能这么做
I can't do this.
没事没事
No, it's fine. It's fine.
不行不行
No, no...
我可不想你丈夫来谋杀我
I don't want your husband to murder me.
我也不想当小三
Or I can't be, like, some home wrecker person.
没没没你不是在出轨
No, no, no, you're not cheating.
我是说我的婚姻是我自己的事
I mean, my marriage is my business.
如果我对此都无所谓
If I'm okay with this,
你就不用担心啦
you don't have to worry about it.
我是说
I mean...
我有点想这样做但
I kind of want to do this, but...
不我不能这不是个好主意
No, I can't. It's not a good idea.
你关心环境问题吗
Do you care about the environment?
我丈夫的公♥司♥是哈德逊河的
My husband's company is the number one polluter
第一大污染排放源
of the Hudson River.
他要为当地几千只
He is personally responsible for the death
死亡的鸭子负责
of thousands of local ducks.
所以如果你关心咱们国家的河流湖泊
So if you care about our country's lakes and rivers,
我们就该马上滚床单
we should totally have sex right now.
Nina 你很迷人
Nina, you're very attractive.
而且我对那些鸭子感到很痛心但是
And I feel horrible about those ducks, but...
我觉得我特么还是该离开这
I think I should get the fuck out of here.
好吧
All right.
我把手♥机♥号♥存在你手♥机♥里
I'm putting my number in your phone.
你什么时候改变主意了给我发短♥信♥
And when you change your mind, text me.
哇哦你可真有自信
Wow, you are so confident.
哦这个很酷的这是无菌室
Ooh, this is cool. This is the clean room.
病毒失控的那场戏就在这里拍的
It's where we shot the scene where the virus gets loose.
好吧
Okay.
拜托 Denise 激动起来啊这可是电影的魔力
Come on, Denise, get excited. This is movie magic, boo.
好吧很神奇我超级嫉妒你
Fine, it's amazing, and I'm extremely jealous of you.
所以你昨晚干啥了
So what happened to you last night?
你比我先走的
You left before I did.
哦是啊
Oh, yeah.
Carla 那强势的浅肤色妹子
A powerful redbone named Carla
昨晚来了场高贵的体验
had a Denise experience last night.
啥这是啥意思
What? What does that mean?
就是昨晚我们翻云覆雨了一番
It means I went to town on the puss.
她半小时内差不多高♥潮♥了八次
She came, like, eight times in 30 minutes.
然后她想对我做同样的事
Then she tried to do the same thing to me,
但她根本不知道自己在干啥
but she didn't know what she was doing,
所以我只有大概三次高♥潮♥
so I only came, like, three times.
很可爱
It was adorable.
等等她半小时内高♥潮♥了八次么
Wait. She came eight times in 30 minutes?
这怎么可能
Like, how is that even possible?
听着我没空
Look, I don't have time
给你解释女同问题好吧
to explain lesbian shit to you, okay?
我们比谁来得都多