无为大师（2015）

Master of None S01E07

Part 1 Sept. 6, 2020, 4:12 p.m.

咱们到底还喝不喝得上这杯酒了
Are we ever gonna get to order a drink?
这逗比已经在那碾了二十分钟的黄瓜了
This clown's been muddling cucumbers for 20 minutes.
哥们咱们这么办
Bro, here's the move.
你瞅他一眼然后再晃晃手里的钱
You make eye contact, then you flash the cash.
看着啊
Check this out.
看有效果他正往这边看呢
Hey, it's working. He's looking over here.
是啊是啊
Yeah, yeah.
唉计划失败
Aw, man. Game over.
瞧瞧
Look at that.
多么出其不意
Big surprise.
所以他就这么把一个玉树临风身材伟岸的白人
So he's gonna serve the hot girl
和他风流倜傥的印度朋友晾在一边
instead of tending to the lovely, large Caucasian man
转脸去给那个性感妞提供服务
and his charming Indian friend.
如果那个弱智觉得他这么耍我玩
If that bozo thinks he's getting a tip
还能从我这里拿到小费的话
after this bullshit,
那他真是神机妙算
he's right.
我还是比较担心
I'm actually too afraid of the awkwardness
要是不给小费会很尴尬
of not tipping.
你可以先给他一美刀
You could always give him a dollar
然后再用眼神戳死他
and then give him a mean mug afterwards.
就像
Just like...
这样就很好
That's good.
-这好刻薄啊 -谢谢你夸我
- Real mean. - Thank you.
-你好我是Derek -你好Derek
- Hey, hi. I'm Derek. - Hi, Derek.
我刚刚给咱俩点了一杯龙舌兰
And I just got us both a shot of tequila.
不啦我不太想喝
Oh, nah, I don't really want a shot.
我刚刚给钱啦
Great, so I just paid for these
难道现在让我把它们泼了吗
and now I have to throw them out?
你说什么呢
Um, sorry?
没什么
Whatever.
嗯咱俩偶尔应该出去逛逛
So, uh, we should hang out sometime.
-能给我你手♥机♥号♥吗 - 哦好啦
- Can I get your number? - Oh, that's so nice.
我我得...去找我朋友了
I, uh... I got to... I'm gonna catch up with my friends.
什么
What?
但我们还有点事...
But we got something...
你和那紫衬衫妞是什么情况
Uh, so what's up with you and purple shirt over there?
天呐她超火♥辣♥的不是吗
Oh, my God, so hot, right?
我们已经魅力四射了一个晚上了
We've been vibing all night,
喝喝酒跳跳舞
doing some drinks, doing some dancing.
这妞挺不错啊
It's a great girl.
你干嘛回来找我去和她聊啊
Why'd you come back to talk to me? Go talk to her.
哥们你得让咱们歇歇
Dude, you got to let them breathe a little bit,
得耍一下欲擒故纵的把戏
play a little hard to get.
你知道的这些小妞都在追求她们得不到的东西
You know these girls want what they can't have.
是啊
It's true.
他♥娘♥的♥
Fuck!
啊不好意思兄弟
Uh-oh. Sorry, bud.
顺便说一句我觉得我很讨厌酒吧
Well, on a side note, uh, I realize I hate bars.
到处都是汗津津的
I don't want to be here in this sweaty mess.
我情愿在家抱着Rachel
I'd much rather be at home watching TV,
看电视
cuddling with Rachel.
我太嫉妒你了哥们
Dude, I'm so jealous of your setup, man.
我在这跪舔五分女
I'm out here chasing random women,
你在家和你娇俏玲珑
and you're at home with this beautiful,
的真命天女
intelligent girlfriend you actually
逍遥自在
like spending time with?
你还在炫耀自己彪悍的人生...
You're nurturing this fulfilling and rich...
我天她和那哥们没再卿卿我我了
Oh, my God, she stopped making out with that dude.
我得行动了
I got to make my move.
我觉得她真挺喜欢我的
I think she really liked me.
但她还是和那个和
But she did go home with that guy
她亲热的男的回家了
that she was making out with.
女人真是烦
Girls are so annoying.
很抱歉兄弟
Sorry, buddy.
有人和我顺路吗
Is anybody going this way?
-我要叫俩出租车 -好
- I'm getting a cab. - Okay.
我们坐地铁走就行
Yeah, we're just gonna grab the subway.
行吧再见
All right. I'll see you guys.
-再见 -拜
- See you. - Bye.
(BGM: John Carpenter & Alan Howarth - Laurie's Theme)
这可比他们说的要冷多了
Man, it's colder than they said it was gonna be.
(BGM: Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry Be Happy)
这可比他们说的要冷多了
Man, it's colder than they said it was gonna be.
(BGM: Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry Be Happy)
明天应该就好了
It's supposed to be nice tomorrow.
(BGM: Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry Be Happy)
明天应该就好了
It's supposed to be nice tomorrow.
你想一直这么谈论天气吗
You want to keep talking about the weather?
我怎么都行
I could go either way.
继续吧
Let's keep going.
是这么个事
Here's a thing.
如果外面很冷他们也应该
If it's cold outside, I think they should
把屋里面弄得很冷
make it cold inside also.
因为比如我穿了很厚的衣服
'Cause, let's say I'm dressed for the cold
屋里面却不冷的话
and it's not cold inside,
我去哪都得汗流浃背
now I'm sweating wherever I go.
他们应该让所有地方都保持同一温度
They should make every place one temperature.
"他们"是指谁
Who's the "They" In that scenario?
老板们啊
Business owners, man!
嘿如果从公园穿过去会快一些
Hey, it's faster if we cut through the park.
好的
Oh, cool, man.
嘿
Hey!
是我酒吧里那个
It's me from the bar!
记得吗
Remember?
我们就不能聊会吗
Well, can't we just talk for a second?
小心小心
Watch out! Watch out!
小心什么啊
What, what, what?
你踩到狗屎了
You stepped in dog poop.
我靠这特么可是我最喜欢的鞋
Aw, fuck! My favorite sneakies!
我得把上面的翔擦掉
Now I got to wipe out the poo.
算了走吧
Ah, just go.
咱们去吃点墨西哥卷饼吧
Let's go get some tacos!
走吧老兄
Dude, please leave.
别啊
Come on.
给好男人一个机会
Give a nice guy a shot.
就听他一次
Let a nice guy win for once.
我开始觉得
Oh, man, I'm starting to feel like
这段关系进行不下去了
this relationship's not working out.
嗨
Hello?
告诉我我哪里做的不对了坦诚地全都告诉我
Tell me where I went wrong. Just lay it out for me.
-我我需要帮助 -诚实点
- Yeah, I, uh, need assistance. -Be honest.
哥们
Oh, man.
太阳当空照烧烤时间到
The sun is out, and that means barbecues.
园艺中心里
At Garden Depot, they have the best deals
价低货又好
on the biggest grills.
夏天到了
It's summertime.
让你的厨房♥工作起来吧
Let's get cooking.
最好牌子的烤炉高达六折的优♥惠♥
Save up to 40% on our top grill brands
折扣持续一整个夏天
all summer long.
趁热
Get them...
打铁买♥♥了它
while they're hot.
看着不错啊
That looks fantastic.
大家干得漂亮
Great work, guys.
精力充沛
Great fucking energy out there.
女士们看上去都很好
You're looking good, ladies.
好再来一个镜头
All right, we'll do one more take.
咱们把这个烧烤广♥告♥拍得最棒的
Let's shoot the fuck out of this Garden Depot ad.
好
Yeah!
你周末过得怎么样做什么趣事了吗
How was your weekend? Do anything fun?
啊我朋友周六晚上在169酒吧
Uh, well, my friend had this birthday party
开了个生日趴
at 169 Bar Saturday night.
是吗我也在那个酒吧
Oh, whoa. I was at that bar too.