无为大师（2015）

Master of None S01E09

Part 1 Sept. 6, 2020, 4:13 p.m.

无为大♥师♥
第一季第九集
早晨
(BGM: Serg Gainsbourg - Je T'aime Moi Non Plus)
嘿
Hey.
-嘿 -你能小点声吗
-Hey. -Can you keep it down?
这还有人想睡觉呢
Some people are trying to sleep.
不好意思
Sorry.
我要去上班了
I have to go to work.
你为什么要这么早去上班
Why do you have to go to work so early?
你就不能辞掉这份工作然后去Boning Industries干吗
Can't you quit and just start working at Boning Industries?
什么是Boning Industries
What's Boning Industries?
是我一手建立起来整天一起做♥爱♥爱的公♥司♥
It's a company I started where we just bone all day.
噢
Ooh.
对了你走之前能帮我掖下被子吗
Oh, can you tuck me in before you leave?
-好的马上 -谢谢
-Yeah, hold on. -Thank you.
-这就帮你掖 -谢谢
-I'll tuck you in. -Thank you.
不行
Ah! No!
你掖的叫什么玩意
That's not a good tuck.
(BGM: The Zombies - You Make Me Feel Good)
嘿在干嘛呢
Hey, what are you doing?
等下
Wait, what?
-你是从上面挤的吗 -是啊
-You squeeze it from the top? -Yeah.
你得从下面挤那样太浪费了
You got to squeeze from the bottom. That's so wasteful.
本宝宝就要从上面挤
No, I just squeeze from the top,
挤不出来的时候我就把它扔掉
and then when it doesn't come out anymore, I throw it away.
你得从下面挤看就像这样
You got to squeeze from the bottom. See, like this.
要做按♥摩♥吗
Can I give you a massage?
好啊好极了
Yeah. That'd be actually really nice.
我的手法♥会♥让你上天
Great. I give the best massages.
-准备好了吗 -嗯哼
-You ready? -Mm-hmm.
噢噢噢噢
Ow! Ow, ow, ow!
一二三快喊困在壁炉中
One, two, three. Say, "Stuck in the fireplace."
困在壁炉中
Stuck in the fireplace!
-哦这也太舒服了 -是吗
-Oh, that's good. -Yeah?
-穴位很对啊 -你喜欢吗
-Oh, that's the right spot. -You like that?
嗨
Hi!
行了谢谢
All right, thank you.
嗯
Mm!
我的老天
Oh, oh, God.
噢
Oh!
-好了 -喔
-All right. -Whew.
这是最后一个箱子了
That's the last box.
我正式搬进来啦
I am officially moved in.
你是但
You are, but, um,
我改变主意了你走吧
I kind of changed my mind, and I think you should leave,
带着你的铺盖卷滚蛋
so can you pack your shit up and get out of here?
噢
Oh.
这是常事了
Yeah, it happens.
好吧好消息是我已经收拾好东西了
Well, good thing I'm already packed.
这样搬的话会比较容易
It'll make this easy.
好嘞那慢走不送
Great. All right, see you later.
那你和我给你准备的乔迁贺礼
I guess you don't want that housewarming present
也无缘再见了
that I got you.
什么贺礼
What present?
我喜欢别人送我东西
I love presents.
能给我吗拜托了
Can I have it, please?
你能再搬回来吗求你惹
Can you move back in? Please, please?
-好吧好吧 -耶
-Okay, sure, yeah. -Yeah!
准备好了吗
Ready?
当当当当
Ta-da!
面条机吗我喜欢啊
A pasta maker? I love it!
是啊你那么喜欢吃面
Yeah, you love eating pasta so much,
我就想你说不定也会喜欢做面条
I thought you might enjoy making it, too.
我一直想学怎么擀面
I've always wanted to learn how to make fresh pasta,
但是懒癌晚期谢谢啦
but I've been too lazy, thank you.
对不起扔了你一地的衣服
Sorry about all the clothes on the floor.
没事不用担心
That's all right. Don't worry about it.
嘿我的电♥话♥会议推迟了
Hey, my conference call got pushed.
我有多余出来的时间了
I got a little extra time.
想去吃早餐吗
You want to go get breakfast?
嗯...好啊
Um... yeah.
或者我们来一发怎么样
Or... we could just bone.
啊哈
Ah!
嗯一个小问题
Hey, quick question.
你想在那张椅子上颠鸾倒凤吗
Do you want to fuck me on that chair?
嗯简单回答一下
Um, quick answer.
想死了
Yes, I do.
-感觉舒服吗 -舒服啊
-Does that feel good? -Yeah.
我的老天爷
Oh, God.
疯了吧
That was insane.
如果我高♥潮♥时是这样的呢
What if whenever I came, I was like this?
我就这么做
That's all I did.
这就是酷哥干大事的方法
That's how cool guys fuck.
他们就像...
They're just like...
嗯如果我高♥潮♥时我...
Um, what if, when I came, I was like-- I was like,
欧爽啊
Oh, yeah!
-爽啊爽 -爽...
- Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh... - yeah...
哦别啊
Oh, no, please.
爽爽爽爽
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh... yeah...
天啊别别别
God, no, no, no.
-爽啊 -停
-Oh, yeah. -No, stop.
别再日我了
Stop fucking me.
嘿 Rachel
Hey, Rachel.
家里铺的是硬木地板你知道吧
You know we have hardwood floors?
我就这么憋一眼都能看到你这一地衣服
I just got a glimpse through all your clothes down here.
好好我一会就把它们收拾了
Okay, I'll clean it up later.
没事
It's all right.
反正我通常都是恋爱中比较爱干净的一方
I'm usually the clean person in a relationship, anyway.
嗯
Um...
你是说我们俩里
are you implying that I'm the dirty one
我是爱脏的人吗
in this relationship?
我是说如果要选的话我肯定是干净的那个
I mean, if we got to pick, clearly, I'm the clean boo.
你是爱脏的那个
You're the dirty boo.
哦那好吧净哥哥你把酒杯全摆在那里
Oh, okay, well, clean boo, you left all the glasses
还把金巴利酒洒了一桌子
and spilled Campari on the kitchen counter.
净哥哥的套路我不太懂啊
Is that a new clean boo move I don't understand?
那是在厨房♥ 总有东西泼泼洒洒的
That's in the kitchen. Things spill every now and then.
我一会会收拾
I'll clean it up later.
我就是说啊我觉得
I'm just saying, I feel like
你应该对我的家尊重点
you should be respectful of my place
如果你想住在这的话就干净一点
if you're gonna live here, you know, and be clean.
你的家吗
Your place?
嘿别
Hey, come on.
我住在你的家吗
I'm living in your place?
不好意思我之前不知道我一直住在你家
I'm sorry, I didn't know that I was staying in your place.
我还以为这是咱俩的公♥寓♥呢
I thought this was our apartment.
我以为咱俩是一起生活的
I thought I was living here and we were living here together.
不不不你懂我的意思
No, no, no, you know what I meant.
你知道我在说什么吧
You know what I meant. Come on.
-不我不懂 -别装蒜
-No, I don't know what you meant. -Don't do that.
你干嘛不解释一下你的意思呢
Why don't you explain what you meant?
我我是说
I'm-- I meant...
咱俩是一个团队是一根线上的蚂蚱是一个干净整洁的团队
we're a team, and we're in this together, and we're a clean team.
行了别扯那些没用的来垫背
Okay, don't try and save yourself with those bullshit phrases.
你是一直认为我住在你的家里
You think that I'm living in your place.
-不 -好这么着
-No-- -Fine, you know what?
我这就把地板上的脏东西都清理干净
I'll clean up the floor.
-好啊 -那什么
-Great. You know what? -Come on.
我就做你的女仆吧
I'll be your maid.
打搅了客房♥服务
Oh, excuse me? Room service.
非常抱歉先生原来您在这里
Oh, sorry, sir. You're here.
我听说您想找人来拖地板