无为大师（2015）

Master of None S01E05

Part 5 Sept. 6, 2020, 4:12 p.m.

I'll see you on set.
晚安
Good night.
你知道我那天是怎么想的吗
You know what I was thinking about the other day?
(BGM: XTC - Making Plans For Nigel)
地铁上有很多表演者
There's a lot of entertainers on the subway, right?
(BGM: XTC - Making Plans For Nigel)
(BGM: XTC - Making Plans For Nigel)
但魔术师在哪儿
But where's the magicians?
(BGM: XTC - Making Plans For Nigel)
但魔术师在哪儿
But where's the magicians?
我觉得魔术师能狠赚一笔
I feel like that guy could make a killing, you know.
比如下一站 42街
Like, next stop, 42nd street.
然后他会说不我们在布鲁克林
And then he's like, "Nope, we're in Brooklyn."
非常有意思
That's really interesting.
不好意思你介意我接个电♥话♥吗
Sorry, do you mind if I take this?
我朋友Steve来电了
It's my friend Steve.
哦接吧
Oh, sure, yeah. Go ahead.
嗨
Hey there.
嘿
Hey.
我是Nina 记得吗
It's Nina, remember?
我们最近上过床
We had sex pretty recently.
我超级棒你还凑活
I was amazing, and you were okay.
嘿你能小声点吗
Hey, can you hush?
我们现在在公众场合
We're in, like, a public place.
我和别人在一起
I'm here with somebody.
哦她也结婚了吗
Oh, is she married too?
-你最近迷上勾搭已婚妇女了么 -不是
- Is this your thing now? - No!
闭嘴
Shut up!
她漂亮吗
Is this a hot date?
算是吧
Yeah, maybe.
别装了这不是约会
Come on, this is... This is not a date.
你为什么这么说
Why would you say that?
你见她穿的是什么吗
Did you see what she was wearing?
一件连帽运动衫和NB鞋么
A hooded sweatshirt and New Balances?
她决定穿得随意点
She just decided to keep it cas'.
这不是女生想要和一个
That is not what girls wear
男生上♥床♥时穿的衣服
when they want to have sex with a guy.
这是她们待在家里吃曲奇饼时穿的衣服
That's what they wear when they stay home and eat cookie dough.
你在哪儿认识她的
Where'd you meet her?
专属的约会网站
I met her on a very exclusive dating website.
你必须有至少一个共同爱好
You have to have at least one shared interest
才能配对
before you get matched up.
我们都喜欢电影
We both like movies.
好吧这就讲得通了
Okay, well, that explains it.
很明显她是那种为了
Clearly, she's one of these girls
免费食物才和男人约会的女人
who dates guys online for free food.
靠她是点了两份主菜
Damn, she did order two entrees.
Mark今晚飞洛杉矶
Mark's flying out to LA tonight,
短♥信♥联♥系♥我
so text me later.
Steve一切都好吗
Everything okay with Steve?
他刚刚给我讲了一个超好笑的故事
Oh, yeah, he just had to tell me this super funny story.
我们该聊电影了吗
Should we talk about movies?
哇今晚过得真愉快
Um, wow, it's a really nice night.
你想去喝一杯吗
Do you want to go grab a drink, maybe?
嗯我有点累了
Eh, I'm kind of tired.
而且我也应该把鲈鱼放到冰箱里了
I should probably put the sea bass in the fridge too.
没错
Yeah.
更不用说排骨
Not to mention the short rib.
还有鸡肉和可丽饼
And the chicken and crepes.
我今晚过得很开心
I had a great time tonight.
我们应该下周再去吃晚餐
We should get dinner again next week.
有一家很棒的寿司店我一直想去试
There's this amazing sushi place that I want to try.
哦好听起来不错
Oh, all right, cool. That sounds good.
呃好吧出来挺好玩的
Um, all right, well, it was fun hanging out.
是
Yeah.
好吧再见
All right, bye.
再见
Bye.
操
Fuck it.
靠
Oh, shit.
-靠是Mark 藏起来 -什么
- Oh, shit, it's Mark. Hide. - What?
-他会伤着我的 -操快躲
- He's gonna hurt me. - Fuck, hide now.
望远镜后面么
Behind the telescope?
靠
Shit!
躲到衣柜里不要吭一声
Just get in the closet and don't make a goddamn sound.
操
Fuck.
嘿
Hey.
嘿宝贝
Hey, babe.
你在家干什么呢
What are you doing home?
原来飞机不是今晚
Well, turns out my flight's not till tomorrow.
Greg这个白♥痴♥搞乱了我的行程
Greg the moron screwed up my itinerary.
不行你♥他♥妈♥别跑
No, you fucking don't!
-Nina 这是谁 -冷静点
- Nina, who is this? - Calm down.
Mark 冷静一下
Mark, just calm down.
-这他妈是谁 -我是个承包商
- Who the fuck is this? - I'm a contractor.
我来这修衣柜
I'm just here to fix the closet.
我正想转租这间公♥寓♥
I was just thinking about subletting the apartment.
我和他滚床单了
He's a guy I was sleeping with, okay?
我和他上♥床♥了
I slept with this guy.
你背着我和一个矮印度人偷♥情♥
You're cheating on me with a little Indian guy?
你不用特意强调我的种族和身高
You didn't have to bring up my ethnicity or my size.
等一下我认识你
Wait a minute. I know you.
我怎么认识你的
Wait. How do I know you?
你在冰淇淋店插♥我♥的队
You cut in line in front of me at the ice cream store.
你记得吗
You remember that?
什么
What?
所以你上了我老婆
So you fucked my wife?
那是最后一份金刚香蕉船
It was the last King Kong Banana Split!
你甚至都没吃就扔进垃圾桶
You didn't even eat it! You threw it in the trash!
冰淇淋是咋回事
What is this ice cream thing?
你♥他♥妈♥怎么能这么对我
How the fuck can you do this to me?
消停点吧 Mark
Oh, give me a fucking break, Mark.
好像你一回来不会去上几个实习生似的
Like you weren't gonna bang some intern as soon as you landed.
你知道吗我没法和你吵
You know what? I can't do this.
这次我要离开永远的
I'm gonna leave, and this time, I'm leaving for good.
你为什么还在这
Why are you still here?
你刚才说要离开
You just said you were leaving.
我觉得如果我们一起
I thought it might be awkward if we were
坐电梯会很尴尬
in the elevator together.
你想要先走吗还是我先走
Would you like to go first? Should I go first?
快他妈滚出我家
Get the fuck out of my house!
好吧我先走拜
Okay, I'll go first! I'm sorry, bye!
忘拿裤子了
Forgot my pants.
一个月后
我个人觉得烘干机很扯淡
Personally, I think dryers are full of shit, man.
比如这个无褶皱选项
Like, the whole no-wrinkle setting?
拜托解释来听听
Please, come on. Explain it to me.
烘起来有什么不同吗
How is the heat different?
老兄每个人都知道无褶皱
Dude, everybody knows the no-wrinkle setting
设置不是真的
isn't a real thing.
只要一烘完你会马上把衣服拿出来
You just get your shit out of there as soon as it's done.
尽可能快地把衣服叠起来
Hurry up and fold it as soon as you can.
否则衣服就会保留
Otherwise, the clothes get used to being
褶皱的样子
in the wrinkled position.
是的但
Yeah, but...
哦靠
Oh, shit.
你干什么
What are you doing?
那是Mark
That's Mark.
就是那个我上了他老婆的男的
That's the dude whose wife I slept with.
我都忘了你上了那个已婚妇女
Oh, I forgot you slept with that married woman.
太搞笑了
That was hilarious.
老兄闭嘴
Dude, shut up!
你是真的做了还是为了惊艳到我而撒谎
Did you really do that or just lie about it to impress me?
Dev 是你吗
Dev, is that you?