无为大师（2015）

Master of None S01E04

Part 5 Sept. 6, 2020, 4:12 p.m.

No, there's two gay dudes in that show.
谁啊
Who?
Will 男主角呀
Will! The lead dude.
这是讲他的故事他是同志啊
The show's about him. He's gay.
真的吗
Really?
看来我从没看过那节目
Guess I never saw the show.
哇那还是90年代的戏
Wow, that was in the '90s.
为该剧组鼓掌啊
Props to Will & Grace team.
《摩登家庭》里有两位同志啊
Two gay dudes on Modern Family.
好啦我懂了两位同志可以有
All right, I get it! There can be two gays, all right?
有进步啦同志们万岁
Progress exists. Shout-out to gays.
我很抱歉我压力大得吃点东西或者什么的
I'm sorry, I got to stress eat or something.
-你有没开封的意大利面吗 -有啊
-You got any new pastas in there? -Yeah, yeah.
通心粉在特百惠盒子里
Bucatini. It's in the Tupperware.
有盐渍猪颈肉超好吃的
Watch out for that guanciale. It's delicious.
噢意大利面我能吃这个吗
Ooh, what about this spaghetti? Can I have this?
这不是意大利粉这是细条通心粉
That ain't spaghetti. That's bucatini!
傻瓜这就是厚点的面条嘛
It's a thicker noodle, dummy.
哟 Nush 你要点意大利面吗
Yo, Nush, you want some spaghetti?
老兄把那些垃圾拿远点
Get those carbs away from me, man.
你知道那些是我的克星啊
You know it's my kryptonite.
好吧
All right.
来聊聊下一步吧
Let's talk next steps.
我们要怎么做
What are we thinking?
下一步我也不知道
Next steps? I don't know.
我不觉得我们可以再泄漏那封邮件
I don't think we can leak the email anymore.
我就这么说吧
I'm just gonna say this:
你变得有点像Uncel Taj
you're being a bit of an Uncle Taj.
什么Uncle Taj啊
An Uncle Taj?
嗯 Uncle Tom Uncle Taj
Yeah, Uncle Tom, Uncle Taj.
噢别这啊
Oh, come on.
你为什么要保护这家伙
Why would you be protecting this guy?
就因为他带你去看篮球赛吗
Because he took you to a basketball game?
兄弟我没有在保护他
Dude, I'm not protecting him. Look.
他还是想签我们中的一个
He still wants to cast one of us.
那是大事情
That'd be a huge deal.
如果我们其中一个进了那剧组
If one of us was on that show,
演一个丰满的有深度的
playing an Indian character
印度人角色
that was well-rounded and had some depth,
而不是那种酱油角色
that isn't just some ethnic prop that they cut to to just go,
欢迎来到霹雳吧啦世界这次不一样
"Welcome to the bappadda buppada," That's huge, okay?
等下
...Hold on.
噢我经纪人打来的
Oh, it's my agent.
你好
Hello?
嘿《三个好朋友》剧组有什么新消息吗
Hey, is there any update on Three Buddies?
我正为此事打来
Yes, that's why I'm calling.
听着这是最新的消息
Look, here's the latest.
Danvers很喜欢你但
Danvers loves you, but look,
他选了其他演员
he's going with somebody else.
什么谁啊
What? Who?
另一个印度人
Another Indian guy.
一个叫Haymonth的单口相声演员
Some stand-up comedian named Haymonth.
我猜Danvers还没把洛杉矶的试镜看完
I guess Danvers hadn't seen all of the L.A. Auditions,
他就改变主意了
and he changed his mind.
你♥他♥妈♥逗我？另一个印度人
Are you fucking serious? Another Indian dude?
对不起我们会给你找其他工作
I'm sorry, man. We'll find you something.
噢给你找了个试镜
Oh, I got an audition for you
是《黑名单》中的一个角色
for a part on Blacklist
一印度人开了家印度餐馆
for an Indian guy who runs an Indian buffet
James Spader(黑名单男主)会在那吃饭
where James Spader eats at.
我不想做那破角色
I don't want to do that shit!
嗯我也不会干那破活的
Yeah, I wouldn't do that shit either.
好啦再说吧
All right, I'll call you later.
嗯拜啦
All right, holla!
发生什么事
What happened?
他们选了某个叫Haymonth的印度人
They're casting some dude named Haymonth!
Haymonth吗 Nush 你认识叫Haymonth的人吗
Haymonth? Nush, you know a Haymonth?
兄弟我不认识
Nah, I don't know him, bro.
谁他妈是Haymonth啊
Who the fuck is Haymonth?
我不知道来自洛杉矶的某个单口相声家伙
I don't know. Some stand-up comic from L.A.
-天啊 -好吧去死吧
-God! -All right, fuck this dude.
我们公开这封邮件吧
We're leaking the email.
你知道我们得找谁吗
You know who we need to call?
Nush的朋友 Prashanth
Nush's friend Prashanth.
你还记得Prashanth吗
Yo, you remember Prashanth?
Prashanth
Prashanth!
哟 Prashanth负责辩护小组里
Yo, Prashanth runs all the Indian stuff
所有和印度有关的东西
for this advocacy group.
你还记得那芭比薯片公♥司♥的广♥告♥吗
You remember that popchips commercial?
你是说Kutch假扮印度人吗
Oh, you mean when the Kutch went brownface?
我记得那破玩意
I remember that shit.
他们把这事公布于众了
These guys blew that thing wide open.
Kutch不单止亲自登门道歉
Not only did the Kutch show up to their office and apologize,
他还送来一大堆薯片
he gave them a shit ton of popchips.
噢帕比的薯片好好吃啊
Oh, popchips are great, man.
他们像小脆饼
They're like little popadams.
好吧去找他
Yeah. Let's do it.
让一队印度人水军
Let's get a bunch of Indian people
在推特上用口水淹死这家伙
tweeting all sorts of mean shit at this dude.
我是应该换成壶铃
So should I switch to kettlebells,
还是我们出发呢
or are we making moves?
嘿
Hey.
你们是Dev和Ravi吗
You guys Dev and Ravi?
嘿 Dev怎么了
Hey, what's up? Dev.
-很高兴见到你 -我是Ravi
-Great to meet you guys. -I'm Ravi.
我是Rick Romero 我是中心的主任
I'm Rick Romero. I'm the director here at the center.
我很高兴你们能联♥系♥我们
I'm so glad you guys got in touch with us.
我们很乐意帮你们
We'd love to help you out.
但有些坏消息
But, um, listen, some bad news.
我们最近不得不让Prashanth离开
We actually had to let Prashanth go recently.
噢糟糕
Oh, that sucks.
现在没有足够的印度新闻
There just wasn't enough Indian stuff coming in,
他基本上总是坐在这里
and he was just kind of sitting around a lot.
对整个印度社区来说是好事但对于他来说就不是了
Good for Indians in general, bad for that specific Indian.
还想去看华盛顿红人队吗
Still on the to-do list, huh, Redskins?
噢是的我也不知道还能干什么
Oh, yeah, man, I don't know what else to do.
自从1994年后一直在清单上
That's been on the docket since, like, '94.
嗯这看起来像是很简单的事情
Yeah, seems like it should have been one phone call, right?
嘿这是种族歧视你介意改改吗
"Hey, that's a racial slur. You mind changing that?"
不一点都不介意
"No! Not at all."
去年球队打得好我特别得意
Yeah, I got pretty cocky last year when it got some traction.
我甚至弄了个实体模型
I even made a mock-up.
很酷啊
Cool.
这是什么
What is that?
这是我关于改名的提议
This is my pitch for what they should change the name to:
应该改成华盛顿面包棍队
the Washington Breadsticks.
真的吗你认真的吗
Is this real? Are you serious?
嗯听起来像红人队啊
Yeah, I mean, it sounds like Redskins.
认真听一下面包棍和红人队
Listen closely. Breadsticks. Redskins.
面包棍红人队
Breadsticks. Redskins.
说得过去
It just makes sense.
嗯我不知道
Yeah, I don't know if it does.
不太像不行
It doesn't, no.
我们有什么最好的办法可以搞垮Danvers
What is the best way for us to stir shit up about Danvers?
-嗯 -我们之前也做过这些
-Yeah. -Oh, we've done this kind of thing before.
首先我们得发篇新闻稿
The first move is a press release from us,
然后向我们整个用户群发送邮件
followed by an email blast to our entire user base.
你们的用户有多少啊
How many people are in the user base?
四万人相信我
Forty thousand, and trust me,
啥都能激怒这班人
they get pissed about anything.
我能说点什么吗很快的