无为大师（2015）

Master of None S01E03

Part 4 Sept. 6, 2020, 4:11 p.m.

所以我给了她一些你懂得算礼貌的借口例如很忙
So I gave her a few, you know, polite, busy excuses.
-嗯哼 -然后就给回了这么一出
- Mm-hmm. - Then this happened.
嘿 Denise
Hey, Denise,
我是Michelle 你可以喊我爱情小公主
it's Michelle, AKA Princess Love.
收到你的短♥信♥了你很忙不打紧
Got your text. You're busy. It's cool.
但你喜欢鬼屋吗
But do you like haunted houses?
我哥是那的保安他肯定能让我们蒙混进去
My brother's a bouncer at one, and he can totally hook us up.
等下她哥还在鬼屋当保安吗
Wait, her brother's a bouncer at a haunted house?
怎么回事难道还有盗尸者时不时出来捣乱还是什么
What happens, sometimes the ghouls act up or something?
哇 Denise 你果然是个大忙人
Wow, Denise, you are a busy lady.
但我会继续给你打电♥话♥
But I'm gonna keep calling.
我是爱情小公主
It's Princess Love.
又是我爱情小公主
Princess Love here!
非常遗憾你没去我侄女的诗歌♥朗诵演出
Sorry you couldn't make it to my niece's slam poetry show.
但听着今天下午出来吧
But look, come out this afternoon.
我要买♥♥毛巾
I'm shopping for towels.
我是爱情小公主又叫Lil' Funyuns
Princess Love, AKA Lil' Funyuns.
现在她又弄了个新别名吗还Lil' Funyuns
Now she has another nickname? Lil' Funyuns?
哟我想我认识这妹子
Yo, I think I know this girl.
她有时在我的按♥摩♥课做DJ
She DJs at my massage class sometimes and she plays
而且她把东方音乐和寒潮音乐演绎得很好
a cool mix of Eastern and chill wave.
她长得很娇小
And she's definitely little.
而且她一定超爱吃那些洋葱玉米圈
And she definitely loves those Funyuns.
这就是为什么你对此不感兴趣
That's why you don't engage.
这个我都懂
I mean, I get that.
但听着我不是Lil' Funyuns
But look, I ain't Lil' Funyuns.
我也不是爱情小公主
I ain't Princess Love.
我是大好人 Dev
I'm nice guy, Dev.
而且演唱会就在明天了
And this concert's tomorrow.
我到底要带谁去
Who am I gonna take?
Dev 你现在应该这么做
Dev, here's what you do.
你就... 如果你喜欢哪个姑娘
You just... If there's any girls that you like,
你就邀请她们去演唱会吧
you just invite them to the concert,
无论是谁只要她答应你就带上她
and whoever says yes, you take her.
Brian 但如果有两人都答应了咋办呢
But what if two people say yes, Brian?
那我该怎么做呢
What do I do then?
那我就没辙了
Then I don't know.
你告诉第二个回你的人
You tell the second one,
抱歉票被人拿走了
"Sorry, ticket got taken."
我都是这么干的
I do it all the time.
每个人都很喜欢我
Everybody likes me.
没有人受伤没有人会发疯
No one gets hurt. No one gets mad.
好吧
All right.
那么我去问那个记者
So I'll ask Journalist,
我会问头巾女
I'll ask Headband,
我会去问Sarah
and I'll ask this girl Sarah
我从前在Jane旅馆认识的
that I met at the Jane Hotel once.
哇 Dev
Wow, Dev.
看来这些女人只是你手♥机♥上的按键
It's as if all these women are just bubbles on your phone.
说到重点了
That hits deep.
-被你发现了 Denise -嗯哼
- You got me, Denise. - Mm-hmm.
我成了我最厌恶的那类人
I've become the thing I hated the most.
短♥信♥都发出去了
And the texts are off.
好啦
All right.
神探夏洛克第一季第一集
Sherlock, season one, episode one.
刷剧吧
Let's do this.
我要坐中间挪一下来了
Center seat, make some room, coming in.
尼古丁贴片
Nicotine patch.
有助于我去思考
Helps me think.
现在在伦敦
Impossible to sustain a smoking habit
不可能再继续吸烟了
in London these days.
我觉得这会是我的新欢剧
I feel like this is my new favorite show.
你看每个电视剧都这么说
You say that about every show.
上周你最爱的节目是厨艺大战
Last week, your favorite show was Chopped.
Chopped(厨艺大战)：美国美食真人秀节目
因为厨艺大战很好看啊
Because Chopped is amazing!
事实上现在所有的电视剧都很棒
I mean, right now, actually, all shows are amazing.
这是电视剧的黄金时代
It's the golden age of television.
兄弟我们看剧时能不说话吗
Dudes, can we please not talk during the show?
请尊重我的Cumberbatch好吗
Respect my Cumberbatch!
Benedict Cumberbatch: 卷福, 神探夏洛克男主
抱歉
Sorry.
噢头巾女说我哥也能去就太酷了
Oh, Headband says, "Cool if my brother comes?"
不头巾女那怎能叫酷呢
No, Headband, why would that be cool?
不好意思票已被拿走
Sorry, ticket got taken.
演唱会前23小时
我是对的吧
Was I right?
兄弟我可以看卷福干任何事情
Dude, I could watch Benedict Cumberbatch do anything.
说真的他可以演一个昏迷的人
For real, he could play someone in a coma,
就坐在那儿动也不动
just sat there, not moving.
我还是会被迷倒
I'd still be down.
等一下
One sec.
Laura 就是那个记者说
Laura, AKA Journalist, says,
嘿 Dev 我很乐意去
"Hey, Dev, Would love to go.
但先说好了这只能是朋友之间的
But just to be up front, it'd have to be as friends."
看见没这才叫做有格调的人
See? That's classy.
够诚实我尊重她
Honesty, I respect that.
所以你准备以朋友身份带她去咯
So you're gonna take her as a friend?
才不
No.
很抱歉票被人拿走了
Sorry. Ticket got taken.
演唱会开始前22小时
我用不到一小时的时间就找到答案
Took me less than an hour to find the right skip.
-噢 -噢老兄你还来
- Aw. - Aw, come on, man.
在Jane旅馆认识的Sarah说
Sarah, girl from Jane, says,
好啊我愿意去
"Yes, would love to go!
好激动啊告诉我在哪见吧
So excited. Let me know where to meet you."
搞定了
I did it!
恭喜你
Congratulations.
你在九百万人口的城市里找到了一个
You found a girl in a city of nine million people
愿意跟你这混♥蛋♥去看场免费演唱会的姑娘
who's willing to go to a free concert with your ass.
点播放啊朋友
Hit Play, man.
你们没觉得这口音很难懂吗
Are you guys having a hard time with these accents?
整部戏下来我连一个词都没听懂
I haven't understood a single word of this entire show.
我爱这视觉效果但我想说
I'm loving the visuals, but I'm like,
卷福你在说啥呢
"What's that, 'Batch?"
演唱会开始前3小时
内格罗尼酒
Negroni.
啊谢谢兄弟
Ah, grazie, hombre.
你知道我那天想什么来着
You know what I was thinking about the other day?
如果我连着打三个月桌球
If I played pool all the time for, like, three months,
我想我能成为桌球高手了
I think I could be a pool shark.
比如你知道练出行家的水平
Like, how good you got to be to get to shark status?
然后装作水平很烂这感觉有多妙吗
And then the whole pretending to be bad?
我是说我真的能装得很好
I mean, that I can do really well.
老兄和保龄球一样
Dude, same with bowling.
如果我坚持一个月每晚都去练
If I bowled every night for a month,
我都能达到球球全中的水平了
I would be on that nonstop strike status.
是啊专业的保龄球手也只是
Yeah, pro bowlers are just people
那些坚持练习的普通人罢了
that practice bowling all the time.
我想我们说的是如果你做某事足够久
I guess what we're saying is, if you do something long enough,
你也会变得很擅长
you're gonna be good at it.
嗯是啊
Mm, yeah.
我们说这些有什么深远意义吗
This conversation isn't that insightful.
噢谁的短♥信♥
Ooh, who's this?
是Alice
It's Alice.
她说她调班了
She said her work schedule changed.
她今晚能去演唱会了
She can go to the concert tonight.
靠
Fuck!
兄弟你取消跟那个女孩的约会吧
Dude, you cancel on that other girl.
不我不能那么做
No, I can't do that.
那太没礼貌了
That's rude.
兄弟这票可是特么的VIP啊
Bro, that ticket is some VIP shit.
你带Alice去啊