无为大师（2015）

Master of None S01E03

Part 5 Sept. 6, 2020, 4:11 p.m.

You take Alice.
下周带另一个女孩去喝珍珠奶茶
Take the other girl to boba tea next week.
朋友放别人鸽子太粗鲁了
Ah, it's pretty rude to flake, man.
兄弟听我说
Bro, listen to me.
你被姑娘们放了多少次鸽子了
How many times have girls flaked on you?
想想她们给你带来多少心理压力
Think about all that emotional stress they caused.
嗯
Mm.
-我在听你说着 -啊
- I'm hearing what you're saying. - Huh?
越听越有道理
It's starting to make a lot of sense.
呃或许我从错误的角度看待了这件事儿
Eh, maybe I've been looking at this from the wrong angle.
你知道吗
You know?
嗯我的意思是管他呢
Yeah. I mean, whatever.
现在我们可以对别人卑鄙点
We can be shitty to people now,
而且大家都能接受
and it's accepted.
这是活在当今最棒的事之一
It's one of the great things about being alive today.
我要带Alice去
I'm taking Alice.
我太为你骄傲了
I'm so proud of you.
-来这儿 -耶
- Come here! - Yeah!
-嘿 Alice 最近怎么样 -嗨
- Hey, what's up, Alice? - Hi.
-你好吗 -不错
- How are you? - Good.
所以计划有点小改变
So slight change of plans.
Father John Misty的演出取消了
Um, Father John Misty canceled.
现在是Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
It's now Bone Thugs-N-Harmony.
希望你不介意
I hope that's okay.
噢我不介意
Oh, no, yeah.
乐团因单曲 "Tha Crossroads"获得了格莱美奖的"最佳说唱表演奖"
我希望它们唱Crossroads
I hope they do Crossroads.
我们进去吧
Uh, should we go in?
-嗯 -咱们走吧
- Mm-hmm. - Let's do it.
你在Delmano做了多久啊
So, uh, how long you been at Delmano?
差不多三年吧
About three years.
啊酷
Ah, cool.
你是做什么的
And what do you do again?
演员对吧
Uh, actor, right?
呃是的大部分是拍广♥告♥
Uh, yeah. Mostly commercials.
我发誓我之前在其中一个快餐广♥告♥的
I swear I heard your voice once
结尾部分听过你的声音
at the end of one of those, uh, fast-food commercials.
我没搞错吧
Am I wrong?
我不知道你错了吗
I don't know. Were you?
Wendy家的味道不错
Wendy's. It just tastes right.
噢我的天呐
Oh, my God!
-那是你啊 -是的
- That was you. - Yeah, yeah.
噢那太赞了
Oh, that's great.
嗯我们喝点什么吗
Yeah, um, should we grab some drinks?
不不票你搞定了
No, no, you got the tickets.
让我来买♥♥这些吧
Let me grab these.
不别啊拜托了
No, no, come on, please...
不行你得尊重我说的话
No, no, no, you will respect my authority!
噢是在模仿Cartman吗
Oh, is Cartman in the mix?
Eric Theodore Cartman：电视剧《南方公园》的角色
但老妈
But, Mom!
你喜欢电视剧南方公园吗
Do you like South Park?
嗯挺有趣的电视剧
Uh, yeah, it's a funny show.
你要点什么
What can I get you?
(南方公园里Eric Cartman爱吃的一种虚构的奶酪味零食)
Cheesy poofs
Cheesy poofs!
不啦我只是开玩笑我能来两罐啤酒么
No, I'm just kidding. Can I get two beers?
当然可以
You got it.
你喜欢旅行吗
Do you like to travel?
喜欢
Uh, yeah.
不久前我去了一趟蒙特利尔
I went to Montreal not too long ago.
你去过那儿么
Have you ever been there?
嗯我爱那个地方
Yeah, I love that place.
比如那里有最棒的美食
Like, the best food.
还能让你有置身于欧洲的感觉
And it feels like you're in Europe.
很好玩的
It's so fun.
你能给我拍个Vine视频吗
Oh, can you take a Vine of me real quick?
当然可以
Uh, sure.
好啦把整个舞台和每样东西都抓到镜头里了
Uh, all right, yeah, got the whole stage and everything.
准备好了吗
Ready?
开始啦
And go.
怎么了全世界
What up, world?
我是Alice
It's me, Alice.
我在这超级神秘的Father John Misty演唱会
I'm here at the super secret Father John Misty show.
哇嗷
Whoo!
-嗯 -好的
- Mm. - All right.
让我再录一个一个卖♥♥蠢版的
Let me do one more. Let me do a silly one.
好的卖♥♥蠢版
All right, a silly one.
开拍
And action.
州长你好
Hello, governor.
这是Alice
It's me, Alice.
我在Father John Misty的演唱会上
I'm at the Father John Misty show.
哇嗷迈阿密
Whoo! Miami!
好了这也拍下来了
Well, um, got that one as well.
太棒了
Great.
你为什么要喊迈阿密呢
Why'd you yell, "Miami"?
这是我和闺蜜们之间的梗
Um, it's an inside joke with me and my girls
来自我们迈阿密之行后
from our Miami trip.
你们就去迈阿密
You guys just went to Miami
然后一起大喊迈阿密吗
and yelled, "Miami," A bunch?
是啊还歇斯底里的
Yeah. It was hysterical.
好了准备好了吗
All right, ready?
来点快速游戏
Quick game, quick game.
如果你能在这个世界上任选一个地方居住
If you could live anywhere in the world,
你会住在哪里
where would you live?
开始
Go!
5 6 7 8 1 2 ……
And five and six and seven and eight and one and two...
呃啊意大利
Uh, Italy?
很好简单
Yes! Easy.
Alice 你会住在哪儿
"Alice, where would you live?"
火星没问题了你现在可以喘口气儿了
Mars, no question. You can breathe there now.
什么
What?
(BGM: Father John Misty 的 Chateau Lobby #4(in C for Two Virgins))
如果我直接在那吮吸那家伙的老二
How crazy would it be
那会有多么疯狂啊
if I just started sucking that guy's dick over there?
是啊
Yeah.
那是真的疯了
That'd be pretty nuts.
噢你会怎么做呢
Oh! What would you do?
我不知道
I don't know.
我或许会是
I would probably be like,
嘿 Alice 为什么你要在一个公共场所
"Hey, Alice, why are you sucking a stranger's dick
和一个陌生人进行口♥交♥
in a public place?"
是啊然后我只会说啥
Yeah, and then... And then I'd be all like, "Huh?"
噢嘿
Oh, hey.
嘿
Hey.
看那边那件夹克衫
Look at that jacket over there.
你说我敢去偷它吗
You dare me to steal it?
不
No.
不要这么做
Don't do that?
但那件夹克很酷
But it's a cool jacket.
我想要它
And I want it.
而且大家看演出时总会丢夹克的
And people lose jackets at shows all the time.
嗯我要去拿走它
Mm, I'm just gonna take it.
你真的就这么拿走它吗
Are you really just gonna take that?
是啊多好玩啊
Yeah, it's funny.
这有点像你直接偷走它
It's kind of like you just stole it.
我知道
I know!
你知道做什么听起来不错吗
Mm! You know what sounds good?
让我们弄点可乐然后玩激光枪战吧
Let's go do some coke and then play some laser tag.
噢不我没打算玩那些
Oh, no, I'm not up for that.
来吧
Come on.
嘿尼玛什么情况那是我的夹克
Hey, hey! What the fuck? That's my jacket.
-呃 -她试图偷走我的夹克