老爸有招

Man with a Plan S04E01

Part 3 April 11, 2020, 11:41 a.m.

这样问题就解决了不用切输精管了
Then problem solved-- no vasectomy.
-洛厄尔 -我听到了
- Lowell! ?- I heard it.
我坐回去就是了
I'll go back over there.
我真的没想到
You know, I am so impressed
你居然真的会考虑
that you would even consider this.
我觉得做一场咨♥询♥挺好的
Well, a consultation seemed like a good idea.
我在做决定之前喜欢先做功课
I like to do my homework before I make a decision.
做功课永远没错
You can never go wrong with homework.
你看起来好性感
You look hot.
真的吗
I do?
我也不知道太久没做了
I don't know. It's been too long.
哪怕你再留那个丑胡子
You could grow that stupid mustache again.
我也会扑上去
I'd be all over you.
伯恩斯夫妇医生请二位进去
Mr. And Mrs. Burns, the doctor's ready for you.
你还好吗
You okay?
-紧张吗 -不紧张
- You nervous? - ?No.
不过是场咨♥询♥
It's a consultation.
咨♥询♥就是咨♥询♥
A consultation is just a consultation.
大家都会有点不自在
Everybody feels uneasy,
但是跟医生聊过之后会放松下来
but once they talk to the doctor, they relax.
有些人甚至会在咨♥询♥途中做手术
Some guys even do the procedure during the consultation.
珍妮特的老公就这样
That's what Janette's husband did.
是吗
He did, huh?
那位无蛋鲍勃
Old wind chime Bob?
亚当
Adam?
你在这儿呢我一直在找你
There you are. I've been looking all over for you.
你怎么进来的钥匙在我手里
How did you get in the house? I had the keys.
我用了瑞士军刀
Oh, I used my Swiss Army knife.
藏在了我的手术服下
I hid it under my dress.
医生一把刀我也一把刀很公平
Doctor has a knife, I have a knife. Fair is fair.
你能告诉我怎么回事吗
Care to tell me what happened back there?
我做不到
I can't do it.
我实在不想做
I can't do it so much,
以至于连假装考虑一下都不行
I can't even pretend to think about doing it.
你之前在假装吗
You were pretending?
对我希望你觉得
Yes. I wanted you to think I was open-minded
我对这场手术很开明但其实不是
about that procedure, but I am not.
你知道他们在手术室里干什么吗特别野蛮
Do you know what they do in that room? It is barbaric!
不是你提出来的吗
It was your idea.
不是洛厄尔提出来的
No, it was Lowell's idea.
我绝对不会提的
I would never suggest that.
那简直是
It would be
抹杀我在这座星球上的一切意义
taking away my whole purpose on this planet.
小亚当们怎么办
What about the little Adams?
你是说孩子们吗
What, you mean, like, babies?
对
Yes.
那是我存在的意义
That's what I'm here for.
传递我这一身优良品质
To pass on all this good stuff.
但是孩子已经生了
But we already had babies.
我们不需要更多了
And we don't need any more.
听我说我知道孩子有了
Look, I... I know we did,
我的意思是
but I'm just saying.
万一呢
What if?
你是说万一我忽然被闪电劈死
You mean what if I get struck by lightning
而你想跟其他女人生孩子
and you want to have kids with some new woman?
是这种万一吗
That "What if"?
不是
No.
是更伟大更无私的那种
It's bigger and less selfish than that.
万一我想跟很多女人生孩子呢
What if I want to have kids with lots of women?
你说什么
Excuse me?
就是假如发生了自然灾害
I mean, if there's a natural disaster.
很大的那种
You know, the big one.
陨石或者外星人入侵
Meteor or alien invasion.
所有人都死绝了
Everybody gets wiped out
只有我和另外五个年轻女人
except me and five young women.
哎哟还是年轻女人懂了
Oh, they're young now. I see.
有很多女人而且还都很年轻
There's lots of 'em, and they're young.
是啊肯定得年轻啊
Well, yeah, they have to be young.
只有年轻人才能熬过毁灭性灾害
Those are the only people that survive the big one. Uh-huh.
那你是怎么活下来的
Then how did you survive?
我什么都能受得住我有瑞士军刀
I can survive anything. I got my Swiss Army knife. ?Ugh.
我想说的是万一人类繁衍都靠我了呢
My-my point is, I may have to populate the human race.
以前也有过我名字不是叫亚当吗
It's happened before. My name is Adam.
好吧所以你的担心
Okay, so your big worry
就是末日群♥交♥性幻想吗
is a doomsday orgy fantasy?
对
Yes!
你不想换个理由吗
And you don't want to change that story?
不换
No!
为什么
Why?
为什么
Why?
对啊为什么
Yeah. Why?
他们警告过我的
I was warned about this.
好吧
All right, fine.
要是做了手术...
If I had that operation, uh...
我会觉得自己没那么男人了
I would feel like less of a man.
那你为什么不直说
Why didn't you just say that?
因为没有男人想承认
Because no man wants to say that.
我们甚至都不想承认
We don't even want to admit the possibility
有这种可能性
that we could be less of a man.
你觉得我不很好奇芒果玛格丽塔的味道吗
You don't think I'm curious about the mango margarita?
看起来很美味但我绝对不会点
It looks delicious, but I will never order one.
你这可真是
That is some deep,
扭曲而陈旧的幼稚心理
ancient boy stuff.
我们有很多想法的
We think things.
不会全告诉你但确实会想
We don't tell you all the things, but we think 'em.
首先我永远不会逼你
Hey, first of all, I would never want you
做你不愿意做的事
to do something that you didn't want to do.
其次
And second of all,
你对我来说永远不会少了男人味
you could never be less of a man to me.
真的吗
Really?
真的
Really.
你知道吗
You know, uh...
今天风还挺大
it's windy today.
我在往家跑的时候
And when I was running home,
一直在按着衣服
trying to keep my dress down...
然后我就想到
...it occurred to me
我可能是反应过激了一点
that I may have overreacted a little bit.
-不止一点 -不止一点
- A lot. ?- A lot.
我爱你
I love you.
我也爱你
I love you, too.
但是我们还是不能做♥爱♥
But we still can't have sex.
就是啊
I know.
你在卧室里第二想做的事是什么
But what's our second-favorite thing to do in the bedroom?
我们可以看《购♥房♥♥人》
We can watch House Hunters.
好
Okay.
不过先说好要是他们在地毯下发现木地板
Hey, but you can't hug me when they find wood floors
你不能抱我不然可能得生第四个孩子
under the carpet, or we might have a fourth kid.
可是每次我都好性奋
But it turns me on so much!
你看起来脸色不好
You don't look so good.
昨天又素了一夜
I had another nookie-free night.
我要疯了
I'm going crazy.
我好像一个困在谷仓里的赛马
I'm like a racehorse stuck in a barn.
我知道你意思就像奥利匹克运动会
I know what you mean. It's like the Olympics.
要是每两年不看一次
If I don't get it every two years,
就会觉得好像错过了什么
I feel like I missed something.
亚当亚当我刚跟医生打完电♥话♥...
Adam? Adam, I just got off the phone with my doctor...
洛厄尔
Oh. Lowell,
你得走了快点
you have to go. Now!
走为什么
Now? Why?
因为你的东西都出去了
Because all your stuff's out there.