老爸有招

Man with a Plan S04E10

Part 1 July 7, 2020, 2:45 p.m.

好的发成绩单的日子
All right, it's report card day.
我小时候的噩梦
The least fun day when I was your age,
现在的娱乐时间
but the most fun day now.
交上来
Hand them over.
包您满意
I think you'll be pleased.
A B B A Abba乐队
Ooh, a, b, b, a. Abba.
我最爱的乐队也是我最爱的成绩
My favorite band and my favorite grades.
成绩不错嘛凯蒂
Wow. Nice report card, Katie.
但够考上哈佛吗不够
Is it good enough to go to Harvard? No.
我们供得起哈佛的学费吗不能刚刚好
Can we afford Harvard? No. Right in the sweet spot.
我牢记你的嘱咐爸爸任何州立大学
I remember what you said, Dad, any college that ends in State.
全都是笑脸
Wow, all smiley faces.
还能说什么大家爱我
What can I say? People love me.
姑娘们成绩不错
Okay, girls, great work.
继续保持
Keep those grades up.
干得好姑娘们我们赶紧走吧
Excellent job, ladies. Let's get out of here.
泰迪
Teddy.
在父亲
Yes, Father?
你的成绩单呢
Where's your report card?
我们学校现在不打分了
Oh, my school's not doing grades anymore.
主要看我们的感觉如何
It's just based on how we feel,
我感觉不错
and I feel great.
我看到你把它塞进裤子了交出来
I saw you shove it in your pocket. Hand it over.
快点紧身裤
Come on, tight pants.
老天爷啊 Z
Good God, a "Z"?
我想在校车上把D改成B
I tried to change a "D" to a "B" on the bus.
可太颠了
It was bumpy.
老师还说你不写作业
Your teachers say you're not doing your homework.
我们不要求你的成绩有多好
Look, your grades don't have to be perfect.
只希望你尽力就行
We just expect you to try your best,
可现在看来你完全没努力过
but this looks like you're not trying at all.
好好解释一下小伙子
Explain yourself, mister.
我只是想过一种不同的生活方式
I'm just looking for a different lifestyle.
不同的生活方式
A different lifestyle?
你想跟姑娘约会没问题先把作业写了
Look, date who you want, but do your homework.
作业最扫兴了我想要自♥由♥
Homework's a bummer, man. I want to be free.
泰迪回你房♥间去
Teddy, go to your room.
没错
That's right.
我们俩要讨论一下对你进行什么惩罚
We need some privacy to talk about your punishment,
这么说吧我们可选择的手段太多了
and I'll just say this-- everything is on the table.
讲得不错嘛
That was good.
我们可选择的手段太多了吓人
"Everything's on the table." Scary.
跟尼姆连森的电影学的
It's from a Liam Neeson movie.
他居然以为我们会吃生活方式那套
Did he think we were gonna buy that lifestyle stuff? u202dUgh.
你想不交作业
I mean, if you blow off your homework,
说作业丢了或者被狗吃了也行
you say you lost it or the dog ate it.
这才叫经典的借口
They're classics for a reason. Yeah.
从养凯蒂的经验中知道了从某个阶段开始
Well, we learned with Katie, at some point,
孩子就不爱写作业了
kids stop doing their homework,
我们就威胁泰迪把他送到
so we're gonna threaten to send Teddy
威胁过凯蒂的地方
where we threatened to send her.
军事学校
Military school.
吓唬他的可他不知道
It's a bluff, but he doesn't know that.
还记得凯蒂一听到军事学校这几个字
Remember, as soon as Kate heard the words "military school,"
眼睛瞪得像铜铃嘴唇抖得像筛子
her eyes got big and her lip trembled.
一下就知道搞定她了
That's when we knew we had her.
我们俩应该写本育儿书
We should write parenting books. u202dYeah.
等他们长大了就吓唬不住了
You know, someday they're gonna be too old to scare.
所以我们机不可失时不再来
Let's enjoy it while we can.
我和你父亲商量了一下
Your father and I have discussed
要怎么处理你这次的成绩单
the consequences of your report card.
我们已经做好了决定
And we've decided what needs to be done.
这对一个母亲来说太难了
This is very hard for a mother,
所以我情绪有些激动不要奇怪只是
so forgive me if I get emotional, it's just
我会非常想念你的
I'm gonna miss you so much.
坚强一点安迪
Get ahold of yourself, Andi.
这是为了他好 -我知道
- It's for his own good. - u202dI know.
泰迪如果你再不写作业
Teddy, if you don't start doing your homework,
我们就会把你送去军事学校
we're gonna send you to military school.
-什么 -没错
- What? u202d- That's right.
跑顶峰军事学校
Runcrest Military Academy.
之所以叫跑顶峰是因为他们会逼你一直跑
They call it Runcrest because they make you run
跑到顶峰
to a crest.
顶峰在山上
That's a hill.
只要想到我的宝贝要在满是蝎子的山上
Just thinking about my baby running up
跑来跑去简直让我心都碎了
that scorpion-infested hill, it just, it breaks my heart.
所以你怎么选泰迪
So what's it gonna be, Teddy, huh?
写作业还是去军事学校
Homework or military school?
太简单了
Well, that's easy.
军事学校
Military school.
-再说一遍 -什么东西
- Come again? - u202dWhat's that now?
有组织训练一下我挺好的什么时候出发
I could use the structure. When do I ship out?
泰迪回你房♥间去
Teddy, go to your room.
这就是我的房♥间
This is my room.
那就到你房♥间里的另一个地方
Then go to a different part of your room.
听你♥爸♥的话
You heard your father.
去去那个吸尘器吸不到的角落吃灰
There, in-in the dusty corner where the vacuum can't reach.
老爸有招第四季第十集
到你房♥间里的另一个地方
"Go to a different part of your room"?
真是我说的话
I actually said that.
就像恶龙一开口喷出一堆彩虹糖
It's like a dragon opened its mouth and jelly beans shot out.
别自责了我们是吓到了
Don't blame yourself. We were in shock.
哪种孩子愿意去军事学校啊
What kind of kid wants to go to military school?
这招在凯蒂身上用着多有效果啊
That trick used to work so well on Katie.
是啊可泰迪就没有铜铃眼睛可颤抖嘴
Yeah, but Teddy didn't give us the big-eye lip tremble.
我希望我的孩子们悲伤又恐惧我才觉得自己是个好家长
I want our child sad and scared, so we know we're good parents.
《悲伤又恐惧》我们的书名有了
Sad and Scared-- that's a good title for our book.
他猜我们是在吓唬他
Well, he called our bluff.
要是孩子们知道我们只是吓唬他们
Yeah, if the kids know we're bluffing,
家庭这列列车的轮子就要掉了安迪
the wheels come off this whole family, Andi,
所以我们只剩一个办法了
so there's only one thing left to do.
真的要把他送进军事学校
We're gonna actually send him to military school.
好的跑顶峰军事学校
Okay, Runcrest Military Academy.
什么什么蝎子山怎么办
Whoa-whoa, what-what? What about Scorpion Hill?
那是你自己编的
You made that up.
说得我自己都信了
Oh, it's so real to me now.
好的看
Okay, look.
学费300美元还是掏得起的
Tuition, $300, we can swing that.
那是申请费这才是学费
That's the application fee. This is the tuition.
他要辍学在家永远跟我们住在一起了
He's gonna flunk out of school and live with us forever.
我才不要成为去超♥市♥逛街
I don't want to be that lady walking around Target
旁边跟着老儿子跟我要钱买♥♥热狗吃
with her giant son begging her for hot dog money.
我不行亚当
I can't do it, Adam.
抱歉安迪你没听到吗
Oh, sorry, Andi, didn't you hear?
他想要不同的生活方式
He wants a different lifestyle.
他得明白
Well, he's got to learn that
努力工作直到死亡
Work hard, then die.
这才是美国梦
It's the American dream.
我们可以挽回的毕竟家里还是我们说得算
We can fix this, okay? We're still in charge here.
对你说得对
Okay, yeah, you're right.
我们就让泰迪提前感受下
We'll, uh, we'll just give Teddy a preview
不交作业的孩子未来会过怎样的生活
of what happens to kids who don't do their homework, yeah.
这个生活可是会很惨的
And we'll make it look real bad. u202dYes.
他肯定没那么精明看不出来
I mean, he can't be that hard to outsmart.
他成绩什么样我们知道
I mean, we saw his report card.
对最棒的是
Yeah, yeah, and the best part is,
我们是两个人对付他一个
there's two of us and there's only one of him.
你绝对不能告诉爸爸妈妈是我在帮你
You can never tell Mom and Dad I'm helping you.
我不会的你让我摆脱了作业我欠你的
I won't. You're getting me out of homework, I owe you.
告诉我你说你想去军事学校的时候
I got to know, what happened when you said
他们是什么反应