老爸有招

Man with a Plan S04E09

Part 1 July 7, 2020, 2:44 p.m.

这里说黄石公园有一座超级火山
It says here there's a supervolcano in Yellowstone
会喷发爆♥炸♥ 毁掉全世界
that's gonna explode and destroy the world.
所以我再来一罐啤酒
So, yes, I will have another beer.
谁敲门
Who's that?
你认识的人不都在这了吗
We're everybody you know.
你知道谁进你家门之前
You know who's not gonna knock
不会先敲门吗超级火山
before they come into your house? Supervolcano.
亚当
Adam.
艾莉丝
Alice.
你们看是我的丈母娘
Look, guys, it's my mother-in-law
突然出现在我门前
at my door with no warning.
我只是想来看望一下家人
I just wanted a nice visit with my family.
安迪在哪里
Ah. u202dWhere's Andi?
她出去买♥♥新毛巾了
Uh, she's out buying new towels.
她还问我要不要一起去
Yeah, she asked if I wanted to go with her,
我现在后悔没答应她
and now I regret saying no.
亚当你这些小玩笑太可爱了
Oh, Adam, I love your little jokes.
-我打算上楼给孩子们个惊喜 -好吧
- I'm gonna go upstairs and surprise the kids. u202d- Okay.
老唐
Hey, Don.
你好我不认识的小个子男人
Hello, little man I don't know.
在我需要的时候你的超级火山呢
Where's your supervolcano when I need it?
-坚果味的更好 -你们找到我的布朗尼蛋糕了
- The nuts are better. - Oh, good, you found my brownies.
我本来想留着的
I was saving those.
艾莉丝呢
Where's Alice?
在楼上整理行李呢
Upstairs unpacking.
她还真不把自己当客人
She's really making herself comfortable.
已经把房♥间温度调到了27度
She already turned the thermostat up to 80.
安迪肯定不喜欢这个惊喜
Andi is not gonna like this surprise.
有什么问题吗艾莉丝看起来人不错
Well, what's the big deal? Alice seems nice.
她确实还好但是她会把安迪逼疯
Uh, she is, but she makes Andi crazy.
而且安迪还不喜欢跟她直说
And instead of telling her mom she makes her crazy,
总是把我夹在中间
Andi puts me in the middle.
而我必须接受因为我二十年前
And I have to take it, because of one promise
在教堂里许下了承诺
I made in a church 20 years ago.
安迪回来了我得到外面跟她说
Andi's home. I better go warn her outside,
不然打碎什么东西就不好了
away from anything breakable.
亲爱的
Hey, honey.
我买♥♥到毛巾了而且还给泰迪
I got the towels. Oh, and I picked up
新买♥♥了一个棒球棒
Teddy's new baseball bat. u202dOoh.
我来帮你拿
Let me hold that for you.
我想对你说
And can I just say
你真的好美
that you look beautiful
而我会永远爱你直至时间尽头
and I will love you until the end of time.
发生了什么事我会有多生气
What happened and how upset am I going to be?
很好你已经做好了心理准备
Good, your mind is prepared for something horrible.
你妈妈来了
Your mom is here.
什么
What?
但是我们没准备好我没蒸汽消毒
But we're not ready. I mean, I-I haven't steamed
没拖地没洗衣服完全没打理
or cleaned or washed or prepped.
里面看起来就是平时的样子
It looks like our regular house in there.
我把球棒扔了是不是很聪明
Smart to get rid of the bat, huh?
火山已经够糟糕
A volcano's bad enough,
超级火山肯定让人当场毙命
but a supervolcano will take your head right off.
妈
Hi, Mom.
你回来了
Oh, there she is.
老唐刚跟我说我们会怎么死
Oh, Don was just telling me how we're all gonna die.
真是惊喜
Ah, this is such a surprise.
你来了
You're here.
也没打电♥话♥ 没发短♥信♥ 不走寻常路
Without calling or texting or any of the things people do.
爸爸呢
Where's Dad?
他跟乔治和弗莱德度假去了
Oh, he's having a staycation with George and Fred.
是我们家的约克犬
Those are our Yorkies.
我们起了人类的名字这样它们上桌吃饭
We gave them human names so it wouldn't be weird
就不会显得很奇怪了
when they sit and eat at the table.
好了妈妈在你开口评价之前
Now, u-uh, Mom, b-before you say anything,
一般家里会比现在更整齐
o-our house is usually much neater.
看起来挺好的
Oh, it looks fine.
好吧
Yeah, sure.
我们去客厅吧
Um... let's go into the living room, huh?
沙发上的靠枕应该是拍过的
Where the couch pillows better be fluffed.
也许吧
They might be.
我从来听不懂你这话是什么意思
I never know what you mean when you say that.
他知道蓬松的枕头是什么意思妈妈
He knows what a fluffy pillow is, Mom.
你不能听他的他喝了啤酒
You can't listen to him. He's on the beer.
老爸有招第四季第九集
我"喝了啤酒"
I'm "on the beer"?
我去年靠回收你的红酒瓶赚了三百块
I made $300 last year recycling your wine bottles.
抱歉我知道你没做错
I'm sorry. I-I know you didn't do anything wrong.
我只是我妈妈在的时候
It's just, you know, when my mom is here,
我必须很完美
I have to be perfect.
你记不记得你妈妈来之前
Hey, hey. Remember when your mom wasn't here?
是不是很好
That was great, right?
我只是不想让她失望
I just don't want to disappoint her.
我总感觉自己好像才十岁
You know, it's like I'm ten years old.
你为什么不能直接跟她说
Why can't you just tell your mom
她在旁边的时候你总感觉不能做自己
that you don't feel like you can be yourself around her?
我觉得她需要听到这句话
I-I think she needs to hear that.
你说得对她确实需要听到这句话
You're right. She does need to hear that.
你终于懂了
Finally.
但是要调整一个小细节
But with one small adjustment.
是这样
You see, I think
我觉得这话应该由你来说
that she needs to hear it from you.
什么不
Wha-- No.
不行你总让我夹在中间
No. You're always putting me in the middle.
对啊你就是我的缓冲层
Yeah, yeah. You're my buffer.
我健壮强大的缓冲层
My big, buff buffer.
但是我不喜欢
Yeah, but I don't like it.
你记得吗上次感恩节
You know? We're barely over last Thanksgiving,
你让我跟她说她的蔓越莓沙拉
when you made me tell her that her cranberry salad
看起来像是吞了炸♥药♥的浣熊
looked like a raccoon that swallowed a firecracker.
别这样嘛再帮我一次
Come on. Once more for me?
最后一次
One last job.
你知道吗电影里
You know, in the movies,
大多数人都死在最后一票上
they always get killed on that one last job.
没事啦会很顺利的
I-It... It'll be great. It'll be great.
晚饭之后我回房♥间睡觉你跟她聊聊
After dinner, I'll go to bed and you can talk to her.
这样等我醒来之后坏事都过去了
And then, when I wake up, all the bad stuff will be over.
就像手术一样
Just like surgery.
好吧我跟她说
Fine. I'll talk to her.
但是我说之前得先喝点啤酒
But I'm gonna be on the beer when I do it.
好了
Okay.
孩子们都睡下了
Kids are all tucked in.
-安迪呢 -已经躺床上了对
- Where's Andi? - Uh, already in bed. Yeah.
不知怎么只剩我们俩了
Somehow I got you all to myself.
不过
But, um,
也是好事因为我需要跟你说点事
it's good, because, uh, I need to talk to you about something,
而且有点敏感
and it's a little delicate.
好吧在说之前
Okay. Before we get to that,
我得告诉你一件事可能比较私密
I have to tell you something, and it's-it's pretty personal.
听起来好像不太适合跟我说
That sounds like an anybody-but-me situation.
你知道我一直把你当儿子看待的
Oh, but you know that I love you like a son.
而且从我们认识的那天起
And you've been so wonderful to me
你一直都对我很好
from the first moment that we met.
我觉得你误会了
Oh, I-I think you misunderstood.
我当时只是想跟你女儿上♥床♥
I was just trying to sleep with your daughter.
亚当你真幽默
Adam, you're so funny.
我要说的是我跟安迪的爸爸分开了
But the thing is, I've left Andi's father.
什么
What?
对没关系的
Yeah. Oh, no, it's okay, it's okay.
我和弗兰克早就知道会有这么一天
Oh, Frank and I have known this was coming for a long time.
上周四弗兰克打了个喷嚏太大声我就崩了