老爸有招

Man with a Plan S04E05

Part 1 July 7, 2020, 2:44 p.m.

安迪是你吗
Andi, is that you?
是
Yeah.
我在厕所忘记带手♥机♥了
I'm in the bathroom and I forgot my phone.
你问我点脑筋急转弯吧
Ask me some trivia questions.
好我想到了
Okay. Here's one.
谁的妻子不喜欢
Whose wife doesn't like talking to you
跟在厕所里的人聊天
while you're in the bathroom?
可只有我一个人在这里
But it's just me and my thoughts.
简直像1980年
It's like 1980 in here.
安迪
Andi?
Siri
Siri?
有人吗
Anybody?
真有意思我看电视的时候你总想跟我聊天
It's funny, you always want to talk to me when I'm watching TV,
可是你知道我在哪里最专心吗
but you know where I'm a captive audience?
五谷轮回俱乐部
The Admirals Club.
我们结婚的时候我给你定过两条规矩
I told you I had two rules when we got married.
对吧不许出轨不许在厕所里跟我聊天
All right? No cheating and no talking to me from the bathroom.
就算你真的出轨她也不会喜欢的
Oh, and if you do cheat, she's not gonna like that, either.
妈
Hey, Mom?
今天学校没课
Since there's no school today,
你能不能带我们去买♥♥裙子
will you take me and my friends dress shopping
-参加春季舞会 -是说送你们过去吗
- for the spring formal? - You mean drop you off?
不因为要符合着装要求所以需要老人的意见
No, it has to pass dress code so we need an old person's opinion.
大概也就四五个小时
It'll only take, like, four or five hours.
我想不出拒绝的理由
Well, I can't think of a reason why not.
我太难了
Unfortunately.
迪伦会去参加舞会吗
Is Dylan going to the dance?
不知道他当时说"嗯" 我说"走啊"
I don't know. He was like, "Eh," and I was like, "Yeah,"
但后来就是"嗯嗯" 你懂吗
and we were like, "Meh," you know?
懂
Totes.
你总说"什么" 他就说"什么"
You're always like, "What?" and he's like, "What?"
然后我们就"哇"
and we're like, "Whoa."
不好意思
Uh, excuse me,
你知道她们在说什么吗
do you know what they're saying?
你看起来挺正常的
I mean, you seem normal,
但可能是因为你还没开口说话
but maybe that's because you haven't talked yet.
凯特你♥爸♥在跟我说话你懂的
Uh, Kate, your dad's talking to me and it's, like, you know?
好吧她跟其他人一样
Nope. She's just like the other ones.
好吧我带你们去
All right, girls, I'll take you.
谢了妈妈
Thanks, Mom.
你们好啊有人要跟我这个倾听者共享吸吸乐吗
Sup. Any of you gals want to share a Go-Gurt with a good listener?
你努力了泰迪
Nice try, Teddy.
注意到她们看我的眼神了吗
You see the way they noticed me?
我居然要陪她们在商场待一整天
I can't believe I have to spend the whole day at the mall with them.
是啊肯定不好玩
Yeah, that's not fun.
给她们买♥♥五美元的卷饼她们就咬一口
You buy them a five dollar pretzel and they take one bite.
她们的注意力时长都不够吃一个卷饼
They don't have the attention span to get through a pretzel.
我上次带她们去的时候试了顶帽子
Last time I took them, I tried on a hat
她们足足笑了我三个小时
and they laughed about it for three hours.
宝贝要是我能带她们去我会的
Listen, honey, if I could take the girls, I would.
好啊
Oh. Great.
-那就交给你了 -什么别别别
- They're all yours. u202d- What? No, no, no. No.
我只是说句好听的
I was just being nice.
你要允许我说不是真心的话
Let me say things I don't mean.
好的婚姻关系就是这样维持的
That's how a good marriage works.
你怎么在外面
Oh. u202dUh, what are you doing out there?
我本来是想等一个合适的时机
Well, I was waiting for a lull in the conversation.
后来被吸引了感觉像是电台节目
Then I got interested, like a good podcast.
亚当是否会继续在厕所里跟你聊天
Is Adam going to keep talking to you from the bathroom?
泰迪何时能找到真爱
Will Teddy ever find love?
你来干什么
Why are you here?
我在去办公室的路上
Uh, I stopped by on my way to the office
顺便过来说一声老唐今天想请假
to tell you Don's not coming in today.
他要照顾他的外孙帕克
He has to take care of his grandson Parker.
别闹了
Oh, please.
这肯定是他新想出来的翘班借口
This is just his latest scam to get out of work.
好了你先去办公室
All right, you go to the office,
先泡一壶咖啡我先去抓老唐
put on a pot of coffee. I will be right there
然后马上就到
as soon as I bust Don.
他说的也许是实话
No, he could be telling the truth.
我知道帕克在他们家住着
I mean, I know Parker's staying with them.
他老婆在家里怎么可能是他照顾孩子
He's not taking care of that kid with his wife in the house.
这话什么意思
What's that supposed to mean?
帕克是孩子玛茜是女人
Parker's a kid. Marcy is a woman.
你这话什么意思
What's that supposed to mean?
别回答你直接蜷成球就好了
Don't answer, just curl up into a ball.
我可以回答因为科学站在我这边
I can answer because I have science on my side.
女人的身体构造就是用来照顾孩子的
Women are designed to take care of kids.
你们有特殊的部位能够生产食物
You have special body parts that make food.
从我身体出来的东西可没什么好处
Nothing that comes out of me helps anybody.
其实男性也可以分泌乳汁
Well, technically, men can lactate.
我在外面等
I'll wait outside.
你说的话也太性别歧视了吧
What you said is so sexist.
性别歧视
Sexist?
你的身体能够提供孩子需要的一切
Your body provides anything a child could need.
你简直就是婴儿专用便利店
You're like 7-Eleven for babies.
你要是对此有意见
And if you have a problem with that,
你可以跟大自然母亲投诉她也是女人
take it up with Mother Nature, a woman.
是吧洛厄尔
Right, Lowell?
你是我见过最勇敢的男人
You're the bravest man I've ever known!
《老爸有招》第四季第五集
好吧你不喜欢意大利面
Okay. You don't like spaghetti.
他不喜欢意大利面
He doesn't like spaghetti.
我得说一句我没想到你真的在照顾他
I've got to say, I didn't believe you were really watching him.
但我能看出来是真的因为很不顺利
But I can tell it's true 'cause it is not going well.
帕克
Hey, Parker,
要不你进屋去吧先不要在这里了
why don't you go in there and not be in here for a while?
你看起来好像科学怪人
You look like Frankenstein.
每次听到都难受
Hurts every time.
玛茜在哪里
Where's Marcy?
玛茜食物中毒两天了
Marcy's had food poisoning for two days,
所以我在照顾外孙
so I'm taking care of my grandson.
他好像不太友好
Ah. u202dHe might not be a nice person.
我也遇到了问题
I got problems, too.
今天跟安迪因为女权的事情有点分歧
I just got into a whole thing with Andi about feminism.
你知道跟女人解释女权有多难吗
You know how hard it is to explain feminism to a woman?
鸡肉沙拉这才像话
Ooh, chicken salad. Now we're talking.
别放回去玛茜就是吃这个才难受的
No, no, no. Put that back. It's what made Marcy sick.
那你为什么没扔掉
Well, then, why don't you throw it away?
那是玛茜的活她负责把垃圾扔进垃圾桶
That's Marcy's job. She puts stuff in the trash,
我负责倒垃圾我要坚守本分
I take the trash out. I stay in my lane.
我家那位乖乖的曾外孙在哪里
Where's my sweet great-grandbaby?
妈爸玛茜病了你们能帮我看帕克吗
Mom, Dad, Marcy's sick. Will you watch Parker for me?
不行我们已经不是从娃娃抓起了
Oh. N-No, we're-we're not hands-on anymore.
我们会去动物园但是不负责照顾动物了
We visit the zoo, we don't handle the animals.
走吧贝芙咱们掉头
Come on, Bev. Reverse engines.
其实要不是这么好笑我都要同情你了
You know, I'd feel bad for you if it wasn't so funny.
玛茜你起来了你恢复了
Marcy, you're up, you're better.
你来照顾帕克吧
You can take care of Parker.
我只是恢复了一点
I-I'm a little better.
我还需要一个周末来休养
I still need the weekend to recuperate.
那是什么
What's that?
我去扔垃圾
I'm taking out my trash.
扔垃圾是我的活
I take out the trash.
好吗你要安守本分宝贝
Okay? Stay in your lane, baby.
对了帕克说你想给他吃意大利面
By the way, Parker told me that you tried to feed him spaghetti.
只有动物才会早上吃意大利面
Only animals eat spaghetti for breakfast.
她看起来像生病了吗
Does she still look sick to you?
她脸色不错也没有出汗
Well, her color's good, she's not sweaty
而且还伤害了我的感情
and she hurt my feelings.
我觉得她已经痊愈了