老爸有招

Man with a Plan S04E01

Part 2 April 11, 2020, 11:41 a.m.

好够了
Okay, that's it.
你俩还是滚回去厮混吧
Go back to fooling around already.
顺便说一句我甚至知道
And by the way, I shouldn't even know
你们俩最近没厮混
you haven't been fooling around,
你们两个喋喋不休地一直说这事
but the two of you won't shut up about it.
我想跟人力资源部门提出抗♥议♥ 可我就是人资
I'd file a complaint with HR, but that's me.
兄弟我们确实碰到麻烦了
Look, we have a real problem here.
安迪要停用避孕药
Andi had to go off the pill,
现在没有好的解决办法
and none of the other options are good.
相信我要是有办法
Believe me, if there was a solution,
我们早就做了
we would have found it.
我有办法
Well, I have a solution.
太好了我们接受各种建议
Great. We're open to anything.
-输精管切除术 -什么
- Get a vasectomy. ?- What?!
我从来没想到过
I never even thought of that.
谁能想这个主意
Who would think of it?
听起来一刀不复回了洛厄尔
Sounds awfully permanent, Lowell.
这就是它的好处
That's what's great about it.
一个下午后就再也不用担心了
One afternoon, and you never have to worry about it again.
你觉得怎么样
What do you think?
这个我
Well, I, uh...
我得再听听这位
I think I need more information
把手术告知我妻子的专家怎么说
from the expert who brought it up in front of my wife.
对
Yeah.
走吧洛厄尔
Come on, Lowell.
我们去车道上来场男人的对话走
Let's go talk about it in the driveway man-to-man. Come on.
走啊走
Come on! Come on.
走吧
Come on.
你跟我什么仇什么怨
What are you doing to me?
当你说男人的对话时我就知道麻烦大了
As soon as you called me a man, I knew I was in trouble.
你绝对不能在任何男人家提起“切”这个字
You never say the v-word in another man's house.
我想帮忙而已
I was just trying to help.
数百万的男人都切了
You know, millions of guys get vasec...
你别说了
Stop saying it!
我告诉你洛厄尔
Let me tell you something, Lowell.
术是手术刀解剖刀和针
Surgery is knives and scalpels and needles,
这些东西绝对不可以
and none of those will ever come
靠近我最亲爱的朋友
anywhere near my favorite friend.
那就不做
S-So, then, don't do it. Yeah.
可她现在知道这个手术了
But now she's heard the word.
覆水难收
It's out there.
你惹麻烦了洛厄尔大♥麻♥烦
You did a very bad thing, Lowell. Very bad.
我不后悔
I'm not sorry.
你们俩在我面前打情骂俏的
You were both playing footsie with me under the table.
我必须阻止
I had to make it stop.
你要去哪
Where do you think you're going?
我的东西还在里面
My stuff's in there.
在你信口开河引起骚乱之前
Well, you should've thought about that
就该把这些事情想清楚
before you fired up your propaganda machine.
洛厄尔呢
Where's Lowell?
他走了
Oh, uh, he left. Yeah.
他觉得掺和我们俩的私生活
He felt bad about getting involved
不是太好所以
in our personal business.
他的主意确实可以帮我们解决问题
You know, h-his idea would solve our problem
且一劳永逸
once and for all.
可以考虑看看
I mean, maybe it's worth considering.
我给珍妮特打个电♥话♥问问
I'm gonna go call Janette.
她丈夫肯定切了
I think her husband had one.
超级大♥麻♥烦洛厄尔
Very bad, Lowell!
我可以坐过去了吗
Can I come sit with you guys yet?
不行就因为你
No. Thanks to you,
安迪说我们应该考虑看看
Andi says it's something we should consider.
她在给她朋友珍妮特打电♥话♥
She's calling her friend Janette.
珍妮特得到他的蛋时
When Janette got wind chimes,
我们也完蛋了
we got wind chimes.
你怎么能在朋友的妻子面前提“切”呢
How could you say the v-word in front of his wife?
他哪里得罪你了
Why do you hate him?
我不知道这个主意让你们这么害怕
I didn't know it was such a terrible idea.
好吧你回来吧
Fine, you can come back over.
但你绝对不能再提那个字了
But you can never say that word again.
我不提发誓刚刚那八分钟
I won't, I swear. That was a cold,
真是无比冰冷孤独
lonely eight minutes.
问题是我现在该怎么办
The question is: What do I do now?
我肯定是不会去
Obviously, I'm not gonna get a...
我都说不出来
I can't even say it.
我们就称之为洛厄尔惹的大♥麻♥烦
Let's just call it Lowell's terrible idea.
你可以给安迪一个更好的解决办法
You could make Lowell's terrible idea go away
这样洛厄尔惹的麻烦就解决了
if you give Andi a better solution.
-比如呢 -还有其他的避孕方式
- Like what? - Well, there are other forms of birth control.
我和你妈用的是安全期避孕法
Your mother and I used the rhythm method.
只失败过两次一二
It only failed twice-- one, two.
或者也可以用女上位
Or you could just do it with lady on top.
让重力来帮你
Let gravity do the work.
你怎么没生20个出来
How do you not have 20 kids?
重力啊
Gravity. Mm.
这些她不会同意的
She's not gonna go for any of those.
是啊别听老唐的馊主意
Yeah, don't listen to Don's terrible idea.
这馊主意才叫馊呢
That's the new terrible idea.
别笑话别人这事是你搞出来的
Don't get cocky. You started this.
洛厄尔刚提到的时候
Look, the minute Lowell mentioned it,
你们知道我想到什么了吗
you know what popped into my head?
我们之前的狗莱克斯
Our old dog Rex.
-是啊 -做完手术之后它完全变了
- Oh. - ?After we had him fixed, he was never the same.
是啊狗小子连飞镖都不追了
That's true. Poor guy stopped chasing the Frisbee.
可能是觉得没意义了
Just didn't see the point anymore.
它生命的唯一意义就是制♥造♥小莱克斯
His one purpose in life was to make little Rexes,
结果全被医生夺走了
and the doctor just took it away.
后来一切就结束了
And then, of course, there was the end.
什么结束了莱克斯怎么了
The end? What happened to Rex?
直接跑到了图书馆车前面
Ran out in front of the bookmobile.
我们也说不好是故意的还是意外
We'll never know if it was on purpose or not.
但如果它有大拇指可能会留下遗言
But if he had thumbs, I bet he would have written a note.
我需要一个万全之策
I just need a surefire way
让整件事悄然过去
to make this whole thing disappear.
也许我可以直接说"不行"
I mean, I guess I could just say "No."
好与你相处很愉快莱克斯
Okay. Nice knowing you, Rex.
不行的你的"不行"站不住脚
Yeah. It won't work. That "No" won't stick.
-为什么 -因为如果你只是下意识说不行
- Why not? - ?Because if you hit her with a knee-jerk "No"
没有任何论据支撑她会问你一句"为什么"
without anything to back it up, she'll hit you with a "Why."
然后你就死了
And then you're dead.
有道理
Right.
所以每次玛茜提出一些疯主意的时候
So whenever Marcy suggests some nutty thing,
我就会透彻研究了解清楚情况
I go through the motions, I get informed,
然后再说"我考虑过
and then I say, "I thought about it,
研究过但是我觉得不行"
I did my homework, but it's a 'no.'"
这个"不行"站得住脚吗
And that "No" sticks?
绝对的老婆们就喜欢你做功课
Oh, yeah, the wives love it when you do your homework.
是的内心深处她们都是老师
Yeah. ?Deep down, they're all teachers.
那可是思虑周全非常开明的"不行"
It's a thoughtful, open-minded "No."
人♥妻♥们很喜欢这种嬉皮士文艺范
Mm-hmm. ?Wives dig that hippie crap.
好
Okay.
这样行不行
How about this?
我去找一位洛厄尔惹的麻烦领域的专家
I'll go for a consultation with a doctor who specializes
做一场咨♥询♥
in Lowell's terrible idea.
不是我发明的我只是提了一下
I didn't invent it. I just said it.
到时候带上安迪
And I'll bring Andi with me.
她就会看到我在努力做功课
Okay, she'll see me doing my homework
因为我在问医生的意见我花一两天时间
by listening to the doctor, I take a day or two
开明地考虑这个提议
to consider it with an open mind,
然后跟安迪说一个站得住脚的"不行"
then I give Andi a "No" that sticks.