老爸有招

Man with a Plan S04E04

Part 1 July 7, 2020, 2:44 p.m.

能给我20吗
Can I have $20?
我不会白给你20的你得付出努力才行
I'm not gonna just give you $20. You have to work to earn money.
我都跟你待一天了
I've been hanging with you all day.
你不是去看电影了吗
Hey, I thought you were at the movies.
是啊然后泰迪发来短♥信♥说
Oh, I was, and then Teddy texted,
"妈紧急情况急需除臭剂"
"Mom, emergency, need deodorant ASAP."
不太妙啊除臭剂就像降落伞
That's not good. Deodorant's like a parachute--
如果突然发现自己需要一般已经晚了
if you suddenly realize you need it, it's probably too late.
我家的汗臭小子呢
Where's my sweaty boy?
在他房♥间里
He's up in his room.
你不提醒她一句吗
You're not gonna warn her?
那还有什么意思
Where's the fun in that?
女孩
Girl!
我刚才看到泰迪和一个女孩在房♥间里
I just caught Teddy in his room with a girl.
而且你知道吗她比他大一岁
And get this, she's a year older than him.
他还挑战了高难度
Kid's punching above his weight.
你早就知道吗
You knew about this?
对他们只是一起写作业没什么的
Yeah, well, they're just doing homework. It's innocent.
里面有毯子亚当
There are blankets in there, Adam.
你知道毯子能藏住什么吗
Do you know what blankets hide?
我当然知道要是我当初车里没放毯子
Of course I do. If I hadn't kept a blanket in my truck,
我们每次停车超过五分钟
we would've gotten arrested every time we parked
都得被人发现
for more than five minutes. u202dUgh.
我想说两件事
Two things.
第一我还在呢你们把我恶心到了
One, I'm in the room and you're grossing me out.
第二
Okay, two,
你们把我恶心到了我就想多说一次
you're really grossing me out. I just wanted to say that again.
等等你要干什么
Hold on, what're you doing?
我要把毯子拿走
I'm getting those blankets out of there.
得赶在我儿子被她的蛛网缠死之前救下他
I'm saving my baby before he gets tangled in her web.
你能别打扰人家吗
Would you leave them alone?
泰迪几乎连青少年都不算亚当
Teddy is barely a teenager, Adam,
结果房♥间里就有女孩了
and he has a girl in his room.
说得有道理我得跟他说爸爸很骄傲
That's a good point. I should go tell him I'm proud of him.
是这样我和你妈聊了聊...
Okay, your mother and I had a talk...
你是说她负责说你负责听
You mean, she talked, you listened.
我见过
I've seen it.
其实这次是我负责说
Actually, this time I talked.
我跟她解释了你这样很正常
I explained how all of this is normal,
她也保证下次不会乱叫"女孩"了
and she promised not to yell "girl" anymore.
作为交换你得时不时跟她共享奶昔
In exchange, you'll have to share a milkshake with her every so often.
一个杯子两根吸管
One glass, two straws.
不过如果你要邀请女孩来家里恭喜你
But if you're gonna have girls over, which-- congratulations...
得给你定点规矩
...there are rules.
首先女孩在你房♥间里时不能关门
Okay, first, no girls in your room with the door closed
而且不能坐在床上
and-and no sitting on the bed.
可以隔着两个抱枕坐在沙发上
Now, couches are okay with a two-cushion buffer.
只能看不能摸懂吗
Look, but don't touch, hmm?
跟电风扇是一个规矩
Same rules as the ceiling fan.
不会摸的我们只是朋友
There's no touching, we're just friends.
但是我希望她能当我女朋友
But I wish she was my girlfriend.
泰迪你说希望她当你女朋友
Teddy, wh-when you say you want her to be your girlfriend,
是怎么个意思
what does that mean to you?
就是希望午饭跟她坐在一起吃
Well, I'd like her to sit with me at lunch.
她帮我占西班牙语课的位置
Save me a seat in Spanish class.
很好啊
Mm-hmm. u202dThat's nice.
还有下周杰里米的轮滑派对上
And next week at Jeremy's roller-skating party,
我想跟她做...
I'd like to go all the way...
什么
What?!
做全场最靓的组合
...around the rink with her.
就是
You know,
双人轮滑的时候拉着她的手
hold her hand during couples' skate.
-哦这个意思啊 -好
- Oh, o-okay, okay. - Yeah, okay.
对
Yeah.
但是我不知道怎么把她从朋友变成女朋友
I just don't know how to get her from friend to girlfriend.
泰迪你真是找对爹了
Teddy, my boy, you were born to the right father.
这就像李小龙的儿子说他想学功夫一样
This is like Bruce Lee's son saying he wants to learn kung fu.
他也可以自己慢慢学
Or he could just learn it on his own.
-安迪 -怎么
- Andi. u202d- Yeah.
我等这一天已经等了14年
I've been waiting 14 years for this moment.
我从他出生那天开始等到现在
I didn't go through all that time from when he was born
我容易吗我
to now for nothing.
泰迪明天开始给你上课
Teddy, the lessons will begin tomorrow.
谢了爸
Thanks, Dad.
上课
Aw. u202dLessons?
这孩子有天赋
The kid's got natural talent,
有他爸的风范
like his father before him.
你懂吗我是出了名的撩妹高手
Okay? I am a well-known wooer.
泰迪是伯恩斯家的男人
Teddy is a Burns man,
他终于找到了自己的根基
and he has finally found his thing.
我就是担心他的"根基"
His "thing" is what I'm worried about.
《老爸有招》第四季第四集
你听好走出"朋友区"是很难的
Now listen, getting out of the "friend zone" is tricky.
我只是听说我没遇到过
I've heard. It's never actually happened to me.
你们好啊
Hey, what's up, fellas?
爸爸在教我怎么追女孩
Dad's teaching me about girls.
不带我们吗
Without us?
对故意不带你的
Yes, intentionally without you.
我要帮他把一位朋友变成女朋友
I'm helping him turn a friend into a girlfriend.
很不容易
It is not easy to do.
我已经当伴娘当了三次了
Take it from a guy who's been a maid of honor three times.
别听他们的听我的
Don't listen to them, listen to me.
刚才那个只是一个大规律
And that's just a good rule in general.
每个浪漫瞬间都是一场复杂行动
Now, any romance is a complicated operation;
需要精密的战略规划
it requires strategic planning.
如果没有规划好会怎么样泰迪
And what happens when we don't have a plan, Teddy?
会迷路跟妈妈吵架然后看地图
We get lost, argue with Mom, and then eventually look at a map.
那是奥兰多的城市设计太差了
Orlando is a poorly designed city.
重点是我们需要计划
The point is, we need a plan.
不他不需要计划
No, he doesn't need a plan.
你要是非得干涉的话
I mean, if you must get involved,
至少别误导他呀
at least don't teach him nonsense.
你怎么会来这里
What are you doing in here?
我在除尘
I'm dusting,
我经常这样的
like I do.
你从来不除尘
No, you don't.
你那都不是真掸子
That's not even a real duster.
是你买♥♥性感万圣节制♥服♥送的
It came with your sexy maid Halloween costume.
反正我来了我有话要说
Well, I'm here now, and I have something to say.
泰迪
Teddy...
泰迪感情是不能计划的
Teddy, relationships can't be planned.
它们会随着化学反应自然滋生
They-they blossom naturally through chemistry.
这是一种魔法
It-It's magic,
魔法是不能伪造的
and magic can't be faked.
所有魔法都是伪造的
Literally all of magic is fake.
不许你这样说
Don't you say that.
我同意亚当的观点
Look, I agree with Adam.
有时候做自己是不够的
Sometimes being yourself isn't enough.
大家都安静听这位离异男讲话
Oh, everyone be quiet, the divorced guy's talking.
我从来没计划过
Look, I've never had a plan,
所以好多次约会都以友好握手告终
and I've had a lot of dates end with a friendly handshake.
我参加许多次婚礼
I've walked into a lot of weddings
都是挽着伴郎的胳膊去的
on the arm of the best man.
行了知道你赞同我
We get it, you agree with me.
你去除尘吧
Go dust something.
我只是想说有些瞬间是不能伪造的
I'm just saying that there are moments that can't be faked.
比如我们刚开始约会的时候
Like, when we were first dating,
有个服务员来到我们桌前说
a waitress came to our table and she said,
"你们真是太般配了天造地设"
"You two are the cutest couple. You're perfect for each other,"
当时我就知道对了
and that's when I knew it was right.
这就是魔法承认吧