老爸有招

Man with a Plan S04E05

Part 3 July 7, 2020, 2:44 p.m.

Teddy, no!
泰迪别烦你姐的朋友
Teddy, leave your sister's friends alone!
好小伙
What a guy.
说出来你肯定不信
You're not gonna believe this.
老唐也病了
Don is sick now.
什么
What?
真是一个大反转
That is a crazy turn of events.
是啊所以我回来了玛茜得照顾帕克
Yeah, so I came home, because Marcy has to watch Parker.
那么
Well...
起码现在你可以带姑娘们去商场了
at least now, you can take the girls to the mall.
不过你都计划好了
Oh, well... but you were already planning on it.
所以就你去嘛
So why not you?
-为什么你不去呢 -为什么你不去呢
- Or why not you? u202d- Or why not you?
好的
u202dOkay.
这样
You know what,
我们别那么幼稚
let's not be childish about this.
-好吗 -好的
- Okay. - Yeah. u202dOkay?
凯特你♥爸♥准备好带你们去商场了
Kate, your dad's ready to take you to the mall!
或者是你妈
Or your mom!
反正是我们其中一个
One of us!
我赌是你妈妈
My money's on your mom!
-你在干嘛 -你在干嘛
- What are you doing? - What are you doing?
听着我
Look, I...
就是不想去
I just don't want to go.
我也不想去啊
Well, I don't want to go either.
这样吧
Okay, you know what,
就这件棘手的问题
this is clearly a thorny issue.
我们俩谈谈吧
Let's keep talking about it.
很好
Well, great.
好的首先关于去商场一事
Okay, well, first of all, in terms of mall trips,
我之前肯定执行过好几次
I have definitely done more of those...
继续说
Keep talking.
我在厕所但听着呢
I'm in the bathroom, but I am listening.
所以我让老唐把鸡肉沙拉吃了
So I got Don to eat the chicken salad,
所以现在安迪在商场
and now Andi is at the mall.
你还挺骄傲
And you're proud of this?
有点吧
A little bit, yeah.
我这代人将打造好的天堂传给儿子们
My generation handed down a paradise to our sons.
男人十指不沾阳春水
Men didn't lift a finger.
结果冒出个笨蛋
And then some sap comes along,
抽着根骆驼香烟说
smokes a jazz cigarette and says,
我觉得我的家务活做得太少了
"I don't think I'm doing enough around the house."
我们坚守阵地呢
Hey, we're holding our own.
你们已经堕落了还给自己人下毒
You've sunk so low, you're poisoning yourselves.
承认吧两性战争中你们已经输了
Face it, you've lost the battle of the sexes.
我们没输
I-- We didn't lose.
只是换成了游击战
We're just using guerilla warfare now.
你不会懂的很有战术技巧
You wouldn't get it. It's very tactical.
我几乎是海军的海豹突击队队员
I'm basically a Navy SEAL.
所以你没死在阴沟里啊
So you're not dead in a ditch.
你的手♥机♥还好好的有意思了
And your phone works. Interesting.
我煮了六壶咖啡
I made six pots of coffee!
抱歉洛厄尔我忙起来
I'm sorry, Lowell, I got busy
忘了告诉你我不去了
and forgot to tell you I wasn't coming in.
然后呢
And?
然后从今往后我会更加照顾你的感受
And from now on, I will try to be more sensitive to your feelings.
谢谢
Thank you.
怎么了
What?
在泰迪·罗斯福眼里你都不算个男人
Teddy Roosevelt wouldn't even recognize you as a man.
我收到你的信息了红色警报是什么
I got your text. What's the code red?
老唐把他们这些蠢货做的事告诉了我你都不能信
You're not going to believe what Don told me those idiots did.
玛茜火烧火燎的
Marcy, it burns.
太好了
Good!
亲爱的
Hey, honey. u202dHey.
你去哪了
Where you been?
没错去商场了
Oh, that's right, the mall.
怎么了你拿的什么东西
Why, wh-what do you got there? Oh.
我去看了眼老唐和玛茜
Uh, I stopped by to check on Don and Marcy,
找到一些鸡肉沙拉
and I found this chicken salad.
没想到他们还有这种东西
I had no idea they had that.
我想反正他们生病不能吃
Yeah, well, I figured they're too sick to eat it,
不如拿来给你做三明治吧
so I thought I'd make you a sandwich.
看你吃我就很高兴了
It'll make me so happy to watch you eat it.
那什么我
You know what, I, uh...
我以后不吃鸡肉了
I think I'm done eating chicken.
-真的吗 -真的
- Really? - Yeah.
你有没有拥抱过鸡
You ever hold a chicken in your arms? Huh?
它是很美丽的生物
It's pretty beautiful.
会把小嘴搭在你肩膀上
It'll lay its little beak right there on your shoulder.
好吧既然你不想吃
Okay, well, if you don't want it,
那我就自己吃吧
I guess I'll eat it.
好吃吧
Okay, go ahead.
我要吃了亚当我要吃下去了
I'm gonna do it, Adam. I'm gonna take a bite.
你想吃你就吃嘛
Well, if you want to, you should.
你的身体你做主
Your body, your choice.
这就是平权
That's equal rights.
住嘴
Stop!
为什么有什么问题
Why? What's the problem?
好吧我还是承认吧等等
Okay, I should probably admit-- Wait.
我等会说你知道多少了
Before I do, how much do you know?
一清二楚
Everything.
老唐把一切都交待给玛茜了
Don told Marcy everything.
你为了不去商场给自己亲哥下毒
You poisoned your own brother to get out of going to the mall.
是的我下了
Yes, I did.
可你也不清白
But your hands aren't clean either.
你知道玛茜已经好了
You knew Marcy wasn't sick anymore,
还假装去照顾她
but you pretended to take care of her
好逃避去商场的任务
so you could get out of going to the mall.
你居然指责我这件事
You would accuse me of that?
你我感到惊骇
You-- I am appalled.
你又惊骇了啊
Oh, oh, you're appalled again, huh?
没有第二次了妹妹
Not this time, sister.
你只是想让我内疚
You're just trying to make me feel bad
掩饰你自己的罪行
to cover up your own crimes.
我的罪行跟你的比起来不值一提
My crimes are nothing compared to yours.
因为你说的那些关于女性身体的话
You said all that stuff about
才把我气到了
women and body parts, so I got mad.
这些年我不是一直跟你分享我的简陋思想嘛
I've been telling you my poorly thought out theories for years.
-为什么今天就成问题了 -因为
- Why do you have such a problem today? - u202dBecause...
因为我不想去商场
Because I didn't want to go to the mall,
所以想利用这点
and I thought I could use that.
我感到惊骇
I am appalled. u202dOkay.
好吧
You know what,
我们俩都惊骇了
we're both appalling.
我们俩都不想去做的一件事
Neither of us wanted to do something,
却没有想办法解决
and instead of working it out,
而是互相陷害
we tried to screw each other over.
对是我们会做的事
Yeah, that sounds like us.
万一我们不是好人怎么办
What if we're not good people?
你不这么想就没事
That's only true if you think about it.
亚当我觉得我们现在应该好好反省自己
Adam, I think we need to do some real soul searching here.
知道吗我
You know? I me--
我在楼上有一本关于这件事的感情练习册
I have a relationship workbook upstairs about this very thing.
行了等一下等等
Okay, all right. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
咱先别疯
Let's not go bananas.
我们不是坏人
We are not bad people.
我们很普通
We're normal.
也许是普通中的下等
Maybe low normal.
坏当中的好人
Upper bad.
我们是世界上最坏的人吗不是
Are we the worst people in the world? No.
能提高吗可能费劲