老爸有招

Man with a Plan S04E06

Part 2 July 7, 2020, 2:44 p.m.

Andi wasn't even close to suggesting a boat.
她只觉得我醉了相当鸭子
She just thinks I got drunk and want to be a duck.
玛茜说得对
Marcy was right.
带她去做夫妻情感咨♥询♥
Take her to couples therapy.
不可能
No way.
心理咨♥询♥师总站在老婆那边
Therapists always agree with the wife.
心理医生的第一课
The first class you take in shrink school is
“丈夫如何将自己的男子气概锁起来”
"Husbands: How to Put Their Nuts in a Box."
查克医生总站在我这边
Dr. Chuck always sides with me.
等他换了阵地你就不是男人了
Until he doesn't, and then it's boxed nuts.
你们不知道
You don't get it.
我是在健身房♥认识查克的
I met Chuck at the gym.
当时他刚刚离婚闹得很难看
He's going through a bad divorce,
非常仇视妻子
so he's pretty mad at wives.
当我听说他也做夫妻情感咨♥询♥
When I heard he did couples therapy,
马上就定下来了
I locked that down.
最好的是老唐很愿意去做咨♥询♥
The best part is Don's excited to go to therapy.
我是劝不动亚当
I could never get Adam to go.
我也很难敞开心扉
Well, it's hard for me to open up, too,
但心理咨♥询♥的过程之一就是
but part of the therapy process is acknowledging
认知到自己是个有缺陷的人并且接受自己
that I'm a flawed human being, and that's okay.
这些话我不收钱也可以跟你说
I could've told you that for free.
总之
Anyway.
心理咨♥询♥中我最喜欢的是
The thing I like most about therapy
诚实
is the honesty.
完全是个阴谋
It's totally rigged.
查克医生也许就是你的办法亚当
Dr. Chuck could be your answer, Adam.
我建议你找查克帮忙
I say get on the Chuckwagon.
我自己能做到的事
I'm not paying some quack 150 bucks
才不会给夸夸其谈的人150元
to do what I can do myself.
我还有一周时间我可以用我的大脑
I still have a week-- I'll just use my brains
我的魅力去征服安迪
and charisma to get Andi on board.
船是保不住了
So we're not getting a boat.
别小瞧了我
Don't underestimate me.
超人可以飞
Superman can fly.
蝙蝠侠有蝙蝠车
Batman has the Batmobile.
我可以软磨硬泡女人
I can wear a woman down.
你在这儿呢
There she is.
我把最后一块布朗尼蛋糕留给了我美丽的新娘
I saved the last brownie for my beautiful bride.
你想要什么上♥床♥
What do you want, sex?
不是也行
No. Well...
不是不是我只是很开心
No, no. I'm just happy.
这就是我心中的完美生活
This is my idea of a perfect life.
不过可以更加完美
The only thing that would make it more perfect
要是这个沙发能变成
would be if this couch was--
也许是一艘船
I don't know... A boat.
原来是为了这个
That's what this is about?
天啊我们不能只上个床吗
Well, yeah. Aw, man, can't we just have sex?
在船上吗当然可以
On a boat? Sure.
我们只需要躺在那里
Yeah, we could just lay there
其他交给波浪
and let the water do the work.
行了我们不会买♥♥船的
Okay, we are not getting a boat.
知道吗你要是想要一个又费钱又漏水的东西
All right, if you want something expensive that leaks,
我们可以再生个孩子
let's just get another kid.
我知道你反对
I know you're against it,
可我看向车道而那里没有船的时候
but when I look out in the driveway and don't see a boat there,
会让我质疑自己为什么要生活在地球上
it makes me wonder why I'm even on this crazy blue ball!
夸张了吧
Too much?
拜托我们买♥♥艘船吧
Come on, let's get a boat!
我甚至可以用你的名字命名
I'll even name it after you.
也许
Probably.
抱歉亲爱的
Sorry, honey.
好吧我本来不想用这招的但是
Okay, I didn't want to have to do this, but...
孩子们出来一下谢谢
kids, could you come in here, please?
你们告诉妈妈为什么一直如此难过
Would you tell Mommy why you're so sad all the time?
因为我们没有船
Because we don't have a boat.
健康的小孩需要呼吸新鲜空气
Healthy children need fresh air.
在船上就可以离学校里的男生们远远的
I think a boat will keep me away from all those boys at school.
他们脑子里只有一件事
They only want one thing.
抱歉亲爱的少数服从多数
Sorry, honey, you're outnumbered.
我要去买♥♥SS了也许叫安迪
I'm off to go shopping for the SS Maybe Andi.
我们不会买♥♥船的
We're not getting a boat.
她拒绝了那我们还可以去买♥♥船吗
Can we still go out for ice cream even though she said no?
你们的演技都不对
You didn't even sell it.
学校的话剧里你演彼得潘
You were Peter Pan in the school play.
现在你的魔法呢
Where was that magic?
现在海平面正在上升
You know, the oceans are rising.
我都不知道
I'm just wondering
-到时候没船该怎么活 -不买♥♥
- how we're gonna survive without a-- - u202dNo.
查克医生是吧
Dr. Chuck, huh?
没做过弊就不算尽过力
Well, you ain't cheating, you ain't trying.
亲爱的我说的那些买♥♥船的话让你不开心了
Honey, I know I'm driving you crazy with this boat talk,
可我也控制不住自己
but I can't help myself.
也许你说得对
Maybe you're right.
我们得去看看查克医生
We need to see Dr. Chuck.
你想去看心理医生了
You want to see a therapist?
为什么不呢
Well, why not?
他是公平的第三方
He's an impartial third party.
如果他都站在你那边我就再也不提买♥♥船的事了
And if he agrees with you, I will drop the boat idea forever.
行吧
Wow! Um, o-okay.
我预约一下下周去
I'll make an appointment next week.
越快越好周二之前比如说
Sooner's better-- before Tuesday, for example.
好我得说亚当我刮目相看了
Yeah, I got to say, Adam, I'm impressed.
十年前的你
Oh. u202dI mean, ten years ago,
只会先买♥♥艘船然后跟我撒谎
you would've just bought a boat and then lied about it.
不敢相信亚当居然同意去做咨♥询♥
I can't believe Adam agreed to go to therapy.
是啊他还从来没这么开明过
Yeah, he has never been this open-minded.
我也可以趁这个机会
Yeah, I might ride this wave
让他试试吃藜麦
and see if I can get him to try quinoa.
我也逼乔去了
I'm making Joe go, too.
他有问题
He has issues.
总是穿着内♥裤♥去外面取报纸
The man goes out to get the paper in his underwear.
邻居们因为这件事还开了个会
The neighbors had a whole meeting about it.
贝芙你有满足乔的需求吗
Bev, are-are you meeting Joe's needs?
妻子是有某种功能的
'Cause there's certain things a wife can do.
你觉得他为什么只穿内♥裤♥呢
Why do you think he's in his underwear?
好了我们走吧贝芙
All right, let's get going, Bev.
我晚餐想吃炸鱼条
I feel like fish sticks for dinner.
-你想要炸鱼条乔 -对
- You want fish sticks, Joe? - Yeah.
我想要个穿裤子的丈夫
I want a husband who wears pants.
还是因为取报纸的事吗
Is this about me getting the paper again?
好像是
I'm afraid so.
女邻居们可喜欢了
Well, the neighborhood ladies like it.
她们因为这件事还开了个会
They had a whole meeting about it.
好了我也得走了
Okay, well, uh, I better get going, too.
我要挑一身最适合去做心理咨♥询♥的衣服
I want to pick the perfect outfit for therapy.
显露出我愿意改进错误
Something that says that I'm willing to work on my faults,
可我是完美无瑕的风格
but that I don't have any.
希望你比我更喜欢
Well, I hope you like it more than I do.
我考虑不再去了
I think I'm gonna stop going.
怎么了这是
Wha-- What happened?
每次我提到老唐做过的荒唐事
Whenever I bring up something crazy that Don did,
查克医生都说是我的错
Dr. Chuck says it's my fault.
真的吗
Really? u202dMm-hmm.
你有没有跟他说过那次
Did you tell him about the time
老唐说要去洗车
that Don said he was going to the car wash
结果跑到拉斯维加斯过周末了
but he really went to Vegas for the weekend?
我的错因为我让他感到窒息
My fault because I was smothering him.
什么这完全不合常理啊
What? That doesn't make any sense.
你在哪找的这个医生
Where did you find this doctor?
不是我找的老唐找的