神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S07E08

Part 3 April 2, 2020, 11:36 a.m.

泽夫不会吧有可能是杰夫
Zeff? No, it's probably Jeff.
更像一个普通人的名字
You know, like a normal human name.
名字本来就是人起的
Names are all made up.
根本没有所谓的普通名字
There's no such thing as a normal name.
"泰瑞"
"Terry."
我不会在那张卡上印"泽夫"的
I am not putting "Zeff" On that card.
反正要死也是你死
It's your funeral.
你找到我的名片了吗
Have you found my business card?
你猜怎么着
Uh...you know what,
其实我不小心把它带回家了
I actually brought it home by accident.
我拿错是因为我认识一个人也叫名片上的名字
I got confused because I know someone with that name.
你也认识叫泽夫的人吗
You know another Zeff?
是的他娶了莎伦的朋友祖迪
Yeah, he's married to Sharon's friend, Zudy.
我们每月都跟泽夫和祖迪吃晚饭
We have dinner with Zeff and Zudy once a month.
我要回家取名片了
You know, I'm gonna go home and get it.
失陪
Excuse me.
我觉得他们玩换妻
I think they swing.
最后它不止是一台自动贩卖♥♥机
So in the end, it's more than a vending machine.
它贩卖♥♥的是体验
It's a vending experience.
一台能给你买♥♥炸章鱼球体验的贩卖♥♥机吗
A vending experience that serves fried octopus balls?
它还提供鳗鱼球和蛤蜊球还有...
It also serves eel balls and clam balls and...
其实只有这三种球
it's really just the three kinds of balls.
好吧趁这恶心内容到一段落时
Oh, okay. On that horrifying note,
斯卡利和希契科克到你们了
Scully and Hitchcock, it's your turn.
请允许我为你介绍这款Q3400
Allow me to introduce you to the Q3400.
它供货齐全薯片糖果饮料应有尽有
She's got it all. Chips, candy, soda,
也更有档次
and a whole lot of class.
零食方面还不错
That sounds great for snacking,
但如果我在办公室工作到很晚怎么办
but what if I'm stuck working late at the office?
来一片一人份的速冻披萨怎么样
How about a personal-sized frozen pizza?
然后呢
And then what?
我还得亲自把它拿到微波炉那边去吗
I have to carry it all the way over to the microwave on my own?
谁有这个时间啊
Who has the time?
你很走运因为...
Well, you're in luck, because...
我明白了这台机器能帮你加热披萨
I get it! It cooks the pizza for you.
它能帮你加热披萨
It cooks the pizza for you.
* 你知道的 *
* And you know *
Paula Abdul - Opposite attract
* 这不是小说里的情节 *
* It ain't fiction *
* 就是个自然的事实 *
* Just a natural fact *
* 我们走到一起 *
* Ooh We come together *
* 因为异性相吸 *
* 'Cause opposites attract *
没人鼓掌吗
No applause?
我还是有点困惑
I'm still just a little confused.
到底肖恩是谁
Who is Sean, really?
为什么你妹妹说他是个条子[告密人]
Why'd your sister say he was a NARC?
-他是条子吗 -他不是条子
- Is he a cop? - He's not a cop.
他抓到我出轨然后跟我男朋友告密
He caught me cheating on my boyfriend and he snitched.
他当时的做法很卑鄙
It was a real dick move,
但我已经原谅他了
but I have since forgiven him.
只是我们谁都没有听说过他有点奇怪
It's just weird that none of us have ever heard of him before.
我们起疑心是因为
And we're paranoid because
道格还在跟那个纽约警局的条子做朋友
Doug still has that cop friend in the NYPD.
-那个人不是我朋友 -没错
- That dude is not my friend. - Yeah.
-他傻透了 -没错
- He dumb as hell. - Yeah.
-我每次都骗到他 -也不是每次啦
- I'm always tricking him. - Well, not every time.
-而且他很矮 -谁跟你比都矮
- Plus, he's short. - Everyone's short to you.
-你就是个大块头 -可能从来没做过爱
- You're a giant. - Probably never even had sex.
不太可能他是个成年人
Seems unlikely. He's an adult.
但重点是我是肖恩高个子肖恩
But the point is, I'm Sean. Tall Sean.
好吧很高兴听到你不是警♥察♥
Okay, well I'm glad to hear you're not a NARC,
否则想到我们刚才做的事就很尴尬了
'cause it'd have been real awkward considering what we did earlier.
在你刚才办入住的时候
While you were checking in,
我们从那个住顶楼的有钱俄♥罗♥斯♥人那里
we stole $10 million worth of diamonds
偷了价值一千万的钻石
from that rich Russian dude in the penthouse!
钻石闪闪宝贝
Bling, bling, baby!
你个蠢货他是纽约警局的人
You idiots. He's NYPD.
道格的条子朋友
That's Doug's cop friend.
你把道格的单身派对毁了楚蒂
Wow...way to ruin Doug's bachelor party, Trudy.
可真扫兴啊大家说是不是
What a buzz kill, right, guys?
我早就知道邀请条子来是个错误
I knew it was a mistake to invite a cop.
这就是你只能和同道中人
That's why you should only interact with people
一起玩的原因
who are exactly the same as you.
该教导的事不是这个吧
That's a terrible lesson.
很多事情并不是什么教导
Sometimes things aren't lessons.
它们只是扭曲的事实罢了
Sometimes things are just messed up facts.
兄弟们放轻松杰克从没想过逮捕你们
Guys, relax, Jake wasn't gonna arrest anybody.
-不我肯定想过 -基于什么证据
- No, I definitely was. - With what evidence?
钻石都不在这儿
The diamonds aren't even here.
他们在我面前认了罪
They confessed right in front of me.
你们为什么在我的单身派对期间
Why would you pull a heist
搞一场盗窃
in the middle of my bachelor party?
你也在我婚礼期间搞了一场盗窃
You pulled a heist during my wedding.
嘘他是条子拜托冷静点
Shh--he's a cop, man. Come on, chill.
-朱迪 -别闹了我们要怎么办
- Judy. - Come on, guys. What are we gonna do?
要我说把这个警♥察♥绑起来
I say we tie this NARC up,
让他活活饿死再带着钻石消失
leave him to starve, and disappear with the diamonds.
-查克 -我们不会那么做的
- Chuck. - We're not doing that.
-谢谢 -那样会毁了我的单身派对的
- Thank you. - It'll ruin my bachelor party.
原来你是因为这个吗
That's your issue with it?
我为了这个周末下了很大功夫
I put a lot of work into this weekend.
我给大家准备了印着 "道格的兄弟们"的衬衫
I got us all shirts that say, "Doug's Dudes."
对不起但木已成舟
Sorry, but what's done is done.
我们不可能再把钻石放回去了
It's not like we can put the diamonds back.
等等那是个好主意
Hold up, that's a great idea.
我们来个反偷天换日
We pull a reverse heist.
俄♥罗♥斯♥人知道钻石丢了吗
Does the Russian know his diamonds are missing?
不知道吧我们换成赝品了
No, we swapped them for fakes.
很好说明他还没报♥警♥
Perfect, that means he hasn't reported it.
-没人受伤害就没犯法 -好了等一下
- No harm, no foul. - Okay, wait.
我很喜欢这个假设
I mean, obviously I love the premise
我觉得反偷天换日可以拍一部精彩的电影
and I think a reverse heist would make for a great movie
我已经想好宣传语了"今夏且看浪子回头"
and I already have the tag line, "This summer there are takebacks."
爱这个宣传语
Love that.
电影海报是我们两个背靠背双臂交叉
The poster would be you and me back-to-back with our arms crossed,
但不行我不能参与这件事
but no, I'm not onboard with this.
我是名警♥察♥
I'm a cop.
警♥察♥的工作就是防止犯罪
And a cop's job is to prevent crime
你要做的正是防止犯罪啊
and that's what you'd be doing.
拜托杰克就当为了我
Please, Jake. For me?
好吧因为这是你的单身派对
Okay, fine. 'Cause it's your bachelor party
但我要亲眼看到他们把钻石放回去才行
and only if I see them put back with my own eyes.
好成交反偷天换日宝贝
Yes! Deal. Reverse heist, baby.
《浪子回头》这个秋天 HBO倾情上演
The Takeback. Coming this fall to HBO.
现在又变成电视剧了吗
It's a TV show now?
HBO出品必属精品嘛
Well that's where all the best content is.
你怎么看
So what do you think?
哪一个口香糖看上去最像图片中的样子
Which gum looks the most like the one from the picture?
太粉了太湿了太小了太扁了
Too pink, too wet, too small, too chewed,
太滑了太湿了全错了太粉了
too smooth, too wet, all wrong, too pink,
太新了太脏了太干净了
too fresh, too dirty, too clean.
没有一张像的你完了
None of these work. You struck out.
我们没什么时间了怎么办
We don't have any time. What do we do?
我不知道选一张然后祈祷吧
I don't know. Pick one and pray.
那我就...选你了
Uh...I'm gonna go with...you.
不是那张
Not that one.
选这张
This one.
没有我印象中的那么粉了
Hmm...it's a little less pink than I recall.
但人们可能容易夸大所爱东西的美丽
But I suppose we exaggerate the beauty of those we love.
很高兴你回来了老朋友
It's good to have you back, old friend.
我能问问为什么这张卡那么重要吗