神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S07E10

Part 2 June 21, 2020, 10:27 a.m.

我是你爷爷不是你的指挥官
I'm your grandfather, not your commanding officer.
来一个
Now, come on.
-跟我握手 -好
- Give me a handshake. - Okay.
好的请进吧
Right, come on in.
真的是挺久没见了呢是吧
Wow, it's really been quite a while, huh?
你还在看那些卡♥通♥吗
Yeah. Are you still watching
就是那帮空手道乌龟
those cartoons about the karate lizards?
你是说《忍♥者神龟》吗
The "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"?
还在看他们最近又重启了
I am. There was recently a reboot.
这次他们对斯普林特老师
They did some interesting things
还有克朗的背景故事做了有意思的修改
with Splinter and Krang's backstories.
总而言之我是大人了你还好吗
Anyways, I'm an adult now. How are you?
我吗我想我...
Oh, me? Well, I guess I'm...
-爷爷 -怎么
- Grandpa? - What?
我刚才在问你近况如何呢
Oh, I was just asking how you were.
好得不得了
Oh, sharp as ever.
我很高兴你主动来跟我接触
I'm so glad you reached out to me.
我也很高兴我现在自己也要有个小孩了
Same, you know, now that I'm having a baby of my own,
我开始意识到
I've started to realize how important
父子祖孙之间的关系有多重要
father/son/grandfather relationships really are.
这提醒了我我爸也在来的路上
Which reminds me, my dad is also coming.
是吗
He is?
他想见我我很意外
I'm surprised he wanted to see me.
其实他不知道你来了
Well, he doesn't exactly know you're here.
我想着同时给你俩惊喜应该挺好的
I thought it might be cool to surprise both of you.
你知道还有谁也觉得惊喜很好吗
You know who else thought surprises were cool?
山本海军大将我们都知道之后发生了什么
Admiral Yamamoto, and we all know what happened then, huh?
-是吗 -珍珠港
- We do? - Pearl Harbor.
珍珠港对有些惊喜是惊吓
Pearl Harbor, right. Some surprises can be bad.
但这次不会的这次是好的惊喜
But this one's not gonna be. This one's gonna be good,
-就像... -中途岛战役
- just like... - The Battle of Midway.
"中秃的咱姨" 没错
The Bimble of Durbay. Yup.
我们异口同声说出来呢
We both said the same thing at the same time.
是我爸
Oh, that's my Dad.
等会的场面会很动人的
This is going to be amazing.
-杰克 -罗杰·帕拉塔
- Hey, Jakey. - Roger Peralta.
准备好相拥而泣吧
Prepare to hug and cry.
这是你父亲
This is your father.
爸你这个老不死的
Dad, you son of a bitch.
你居然揍了我
I can't believe you hit me.
对不起
I'm sorry.
我的脸好酸痛是恐龙鸡块耶
My face is throbbing. Hey, "Dino Bites."
我爸怎么会在这
What the hell is my father doing here?
你自己说想冰释前嫌的嘛
You said you wanted to reconcile.
我是指等他死了之后
I meant after he was dead.
我本打算站在他墓碑前
I planned on standing over his grave
大吼 "我原谅你了"
and yelling, "I forgive you."
这机会可能比你预想的更早来临
Well, you may get the chance sooner than you think.
他经常话说到一半就放空望着远方
He keeps trailing off and staring into space.
那是他的老招了
That's his old trick.
他遇到不想谈的话题
Whenever he doesn't want to talk about something,
就会这样那老混账
he does that. The old bastard.
听着我知道你不喜欢他
Look, I know you don't like him,
但你能不能看在我的份上友善一点
but can you at least try to be nice for me?
好吧
Okay.
我会友善的
I'll be nice.
你怎么还没死啊老狗逼
I wish you were dead, you lousy son of a bitch!
你不是说会友善的吗
You said you were gonna be nice.
我说谎了我为了骂他狗逼
I lied so I could say the "son of a bitch" thing.
-爸 -好吧
- Dad! - Okay.
你孙子希望我们和好
Your grandson would like us to make peace.
那你愿意道歉吗因为你是史上最烂的父亲
So, do you apologize for being the worst father in the history in the world?
比把自己孩子用铁链锁在地下室的父亲还糟糕
Even worse than fathers who chain their children in basements?
-我不道歉 -怪他吧我尽力了
- I do not. - That's on him. I tried.
-我真心觉得你没有 -杰克你不明白
- I really don't think you did. - Jake, you don't get it.
他是个无情的冷血动物
He's a heartless jerk.
我上高中时有一次差点死了
When I was in high school, I almost died.
他都没来医院探望过我
He didn't even visit me in the hospital.
好吧也许你可以先叫他为这事道歉
Okay, so maybe start by asking him to apologize for that.
不他才该为自己住院道歉
No, he should apologize to me for being in the hospital.
我开始看出他冷血了
I'm starting to see the heartless thing now.
我小时候他有艘船那是他的珍宝
Growing up, he had a boat. Meant everything to him.
他用自己的名字"沃特"给船命名
He named it "Walter," after himself.
她是我无缘拥有的女儿
She was the child I never had.
我是你货真价实的儿子啊
I was the child you did have.
总之有一天我开小沃特出去绕一圈
Anyway, one day I took Walter Junior out for a spin.
我是想撩其中一个住在湖边的女孩
I was trying to impress one of the lake girls.
我遇见你妈前是个花心渣男
Before I met your mom, I was a bit of a ladies' man.
我知道你遇见我妈后还渣了很久
Yes, that continued long after you met my mom.
-他一向风流成性 -当时天色很暗
- He's always been a floozy. - It was dark.
我撞到了码头醒来就在医院了
I crashed into the dock; I woke up in the hospital.
-那女孩怎么样 -她肢体超柔软
- How was the girl? - Flexible.
妈呀她的腿能折到这边...
Man, she could put her leg-- total--
不我是指事故之后
No, I was-- after the accident.
原来是这个意思
Oh, right! No.
她毫发无伤谢天谢地
She was totally unhurt, thank goodness.
但我在医院躺了足足三周
But I was in the hospital for three weeks,
屁♥眼♥海军上将一次都没来看过我
and Admiral Ass never visited me once.
我警告过你不准私自开船出去
I warned you not to take the boat out.
你做错事就要自己承担后果
You make mistakes, you got to accept the consequences.
-我是你亲儿子啊 -而沃特是我亲女儿
- I'm your son! - And Walter was my daughter.
好了你们俩都闭嘴
Okay, both of you, stop.
你们像幼稚小屁孩一样斗嘴
You're acting like children. You know what?
够了如果你们要耍幼稚
That's it, if you're gonna act like kids,
那我就只能扮演家长了
then I'm gonna act like a parent.
-《虎哭龙泣》[虎胆龙威] -没错
- "Cry Hard with a Vengeance"? - Yeah.
是布鲁斯·威利斯写的育儿书
It's Bruce Willis' book about parenting.
我们要一起看
And we're gonna read it.
我又接到最悲催助理检察官的来电
I just got another call from the saddest ADA in the world.
他还在生气希契科克和斯卡利有进展了吗
He's still pissed. Did Hitchcock and Scully get anywhere?
不好说
Hard to say.
他们的案卷夹杂了很多与案件无关的文件
Their file contains a lot of non-case related documents.
是一堆菜单吗
A bunch of menus?
折扣商店寄来的禁止令
A cease and desist letter from TJ Maxx.
多份对"枕头鞋"的专利申请
Multiple patent submissions for something called a "pillow shoe."
到"斐嫉"分时度假的申请书
An application for a time share in Figi.
-你是指斐济吧 -不就是斐"嫉"
- You mean Fiji. - No, Figi with a G.
他们被坑了
They're getting scammed.
等等这个很有用
Wait. This is good.
有个目击证人看到了全过程
There was a witness who saw everything.
指认了盗贼甚至详细描述了逃跑车辆
Identified the thief, they even described the getaway car down
连右保险杠有凹痕都说了我们中头奖了
to a dent in the right bumper. We're golden.
但希契科克和斯卡利忘记记下
Yeah, but Hitchcock and Scully forgot to write down
这个证人的名字和联♥系♥方式
the witness' name or contact info.
什么不会吧
What? No, that's insane.
就算是他们也不至于那么蠢吧
Even they wouldn't do something that dumb.
说我蠢不好意思
Dumb? Excuse me.
我才不用听你人身攻击
I don't need this crap.
我现在就可以去"斐嫉"的沙滩度假
I could be on the beach in Figi right now.
如果开庭审理我们就需要这名证人作证
If we go to court, we're gonna need the witness to testify.
但现在我们没办法联♥系♥上他
But now, we have no way of contacting him.
就不能定罪了
So there's no case.
你们怎么能不记下证人的联♥系♥方式
How could you not take down the witness' contact info?
我们跟你们这些呆瓜不一样不会死板地
Well, unlike you dorks, we don't do everything
"照章办事" -我们自有一套方式
- "by the book." - We play by our own rules.
我们能取得成果
And we get results.
你们能个屁
No! You don't!
所以才搞成现在这样啊
That's why we're here!
《虎胆龙威》的主角靠不住
So John McClain's advice wasn't great,
但我还有其他书这本说
but I have other books. This one says