神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S07E11

Part 1 June 21, 2020, 10:27 a.m.

神烦警探
波尔津吉斯走了也好
I don't miss Porzingis.
我看到尼克斯队把他交易走还挺开心的
I'm glad the Knicks got rid of him.
他们疯了吧
That's crazy.
永远不该把一个能射3分球的2米2长人给换走
You never trade a seven-footer with three-point range.
为什么警局里全都是兔子
Why is the precinct full of bunnies?
走走走走走
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
-他们还没完啊 -什么东西还没完
- This is still going on? - What is?
六个月前
女士们先生们欢迎来到今年的万圣节大窃案
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Halloween heist!
10月31号♥
万圣节快乐
Happy Halloween.
我看到大家都做好战斗准备了
I see you all have your game faces on.
特别夸奖一下艾米很明显她穿南瓜装
Special shout-out to Amy who is clearly only wearing
纯粹是为了遮掩她的盗窃装备
that pumpkin costume to conceal her heist equipment.
才不是
Nuh-uh.
我本来是万圣节派对祝贺孩子们节日快乐
I was greeting kids at the Halloween party.
没人信你
Nobody believes you.
总之今年是会有新人成功加冕
Anyhow, will there be a new champion crowned this year,
又或者我会成为史上首次三冠王
or will I become the first ever three-time winner,
让我的第1届与第5届冠军更显辉煌
building on my glorious victories in heists one and five?
你才没有赢第五届呢
You didn't win the fifth heist.
你跟我求婚时我赢了
I did when you proposed to me.
那年赢的人是我
I won that year.
你最终得到的只不过是改装版的冠军腰带
You ended up with a modified version of the cummerbund,
而且你能得到纯粹是靠"睡"来的
and you only got that because you slept your way into it.
长官很遗憾没有人愿意上你
Sorry, sir, that no one here wants to bone you,
你个又老又土的老骨头
you dusty, old skeleton.
这刚好带到我接下来要讲的点礼仪
Okay, so this segs me nicely into my next point--decorum.
这本该是充满欢乐的一天
This is supposed to be a fun day
令大家的友谊更为紧密
that brings us all closer together,
但在过去几年的活动中我发现到
but in the past few years, I've noticed it
这种精神已经慢慢地变质了
trending in the opposite direction.
你提这个是因为我在你家装了监视系统吗
Is this about the surveillance system I set up in your apartment?
睡吧睡吧傻♥逼♥丑八怪们
Sleep, sleep, you ugly morons.
本来不是但现在是了
No, but it is now.
好啦我的重点是今年当大家组队时
All right, look, the point is, this year when we team up,
不会再有背后插刀的事因为说到底
there will be no betrayals because at the end of the day,
我们大家都是朋友我们爱着彼此
we're all friends, and we love each other,
而且你跟你的搭档会被铐在一起
and also you'll be handcuffed to your partner.
擅自解开手铐者自动淘汰
If you undo them, you lose.
面前的这几个信封里有选手的名字
Now, in each of these envelopes is a name.
4位旧日冠军得主将上前抽出搭档
The last four champs will pick their partners,
既然我都在这里了我就先来抽吧...
and, since I'm already up here, I'll just go first so--
不行
Nope.
你很明显动过手脚来得到最好的搭档
You've obviously rigged this to get the best teammate,
但今年我不会再上你的当了
but I'm not falling for that crap this time.
所以我今年要跟...
So I am going to partner with
斯卡利一队
Scully.
其实呢我们是朋友最好的死党
You know what? We are friends, best friends.
很抱歉我抢了你的信封
Sorry I took your envelope.
不不不太晚了
No, no, no! It's too late.
-博伊尔铐上他们 -没事的罗莎
- Boyle, cuff 'em. - It's okay, Rosa.
今年我会认真玩
I'm focused this year,
这是我史上最有斗志的一次了
and I'm more determined to win than ever.
另外我真的非常着急去厕所一趟
I also really have to go to the bathroom.
你为什么不在他把我们铐上前说
Why didn't you say that before he put the handcuffs on us?
好吧接下来我来抽
Okay, I'll go next.
我抽到了...
I have...
-杰佩托 -是的
- Geppetto? - Yeah.
这肯定是查尔斯
Ugh, that must be Charles.
因为我是个操偶师
It is because I'm the puppeteer,
而你们全都是被我玩弄在股掌间的小木偶
and you're all my little puppets.
我们可以用手铐勒死我们的搭档吗
Can we choke our partner to death with our handcuffs?
没问题请开勒泰瑞
Sure, choke away. Terry?
我不玩
I'm out.
泰瑞要退出窃盗江湖
Terry is retiring from heisting.
我去年赢过之后已经无欲无求
I don't have anything left to prove after my win last year.
但我们需要你啊
But we need you.
要是我们有人设计了需要大力出奇迹的计划呢
What if one of us has a plan that involves a big, strong brute?
你这推销词差了些啊杰克
Not a great sales pitch, Jake.
-泰瑞要在最顶峰急流勇退 -好吧
- Terry is going out on top. - Ugh, fine.
那这样接下来就轮到我来抽搭档
I guess that makes it my turn, so I will pick my partner.
我抽到的是...
And it is...
雷蒙德·霍特
Raymond Holt.
哎哟哟看起来
Well, well, well, it appears
最早的两位窃案赢家要强强联手啦
the original two heist champs are teaming up.
要不要干脆跳过过程
Should we just skip ahead
大家现在就可以俯首称臣了
so everyone can bow down to us now?
对啊你们都听到他说的了俯首称臣吧
Yes, you all heard him. Bow down.
博伊尔你先来
Boyle, you first.
他才不会俯首... 他已经跪倒在地了
He is not gonna bow do--ugh, he's already doing it.
他们稳赢的我这算是先拍龙屁为敬
Well, they're gonna win. I'm currying favor.
所以今年的大奖是什么呢众人问到
So what prize are we playing for, you ask?
等等那我呢没人选我的信封
Wait, what about me? Nobody picked my envelope.
所以今年的大奖是什么呢众人问到
So what prize are we playing for, you ask?
是《复仇者联盟》的无限手套
Ooh, the infinity gauntlet from "The Avengers."
是也不是
Yes, except not quite.
电影原版1比1复♥制♥品超级贵
The actual movie replica was extremely expensive,
所以我只能去俄♥罗♥斯♥网上买♥♥便宜货
so I had to get something off Russian eBay.
跟"无嫌手淘"打招呼吧
Say hello to the Infinitude Gobbler.
这跟电影《父丑者连萌》中"咩霸"
It's identical to the one that Thaboo wore
戴着的是一模一样的同款
in the movie "Avangaboys."
-这个手套 -手淘
- This glove... - Gobbler.
装载三颗塑料宝石
Contains three plastic jewels...
"无嫌宝石"
The Infinitude Gems.
每一颗都代表着窃案赢家强大的一面
Each representing one aspect of a heist winner.
"厉害""人类""天才"
"Amazing," "human," "genius."
谁能在午夜前手握这三颗宝石
Whoever possesses these stones at midnight
谁就能被加冕为王
will be named champion.
但"我会碰到什么困难呢" 你可能会问自己
But what obstacles will I face, you may ask yourself.
无嫌宝石将会被
Well, the Infinitude Gems will be guarded
残忍♥又可怕的守卫所镇守
by a ferocious and daunting sentry.
好朋友们
Hey, best friends.
我们不是你的好朋友比尔
We're not your best friends, Bill.
这由不得你决定
You don't get to decide that.
比尔将会把宝石藏在他的口袋里
So Bill will hide the gems in his pockets.
你们可得真的努力翻找才能找出来
You're really gonna have to root around in there.
我烘干了我的牛仔裤所以现在它缩得超紧
I dried my jeans, so they're extra tight.
你说得对艾米我应该买♥♥保险箱来守的
You were right, Amy. I should have got a safe.
是我不好各位开始万圣节大窃案吧
Sorry, everyone. Let the heist begin!
我真不敢相信最强的两个参赛者被分到一队
I can't believe the two strongest competitors got partnered up.
我们就像92年夏季奥♥运♥会的梦之队
We're a dream team like in the 1992 Summer Olympics.
我知道你不是说在篮球
Okay, I know you're not talking about basketball,
所以你就告诉我
so just tell me what weird sport
这个梦之队是哪项奇葩运动的吧
you think the Dream Team was from.
运动
Sport?
我说的是开幕式上
I'm talking about the opening ceremonies.
安娜斯·巴尔莎和阿弗雷多·克劳斯
Agnes Baltsa and Alfredo Kraus
合唱咏叹调
singing back-to-back arias.
很好没错我们就像安娜斯和阿弗雷多
Wonderful, yes, we are just like Agnes and Alfredo
这都多亏了我
all thanks to me.
-什么 -是真的
- What? - Oh, yeah.
我对信封动过手脚确保我们能组队
I rigged the envelopes so that we could team up.
但你一开始选了斯卡利
But you chose Scully initially.
那是因为我知道一旦我说要先选
Only because I knew as soon as I tried to go first,
罗莎就会抢过去然后我还
Rosa would jump in, and then I made sure
把我们的信封沾满奇多碎渣
no one picked our envelopes by marking them
确保不会被人选走
with Cheeto thumbprints.
那样所有人都会以为
Oh, so everyone would assume
奇多信封是希契科克和斯卡利的
that they were Hitchcock and Scully's.
太机智了