神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S07E08

Part 2 April 2, 2020, 11:36 a.m.

Yeah, you're Mark Cuban.
美国知名投资人与球队老板
你们怎么认识的
How do you guys know each other?
道格来上《创智赢家》
Doug came on "Shark Tank"
力荐他的创意 "秘密爱爱毯"
to pitch his idea for the Smush Shush.
真人秀节目发明者获取富豪主持嘉宾投资的平台
库班是其中一名主持嘉宾
就是能让人偷偷打炮的隔音毯子
It's a noise-cancelling blanket for secret sex.
产品展示进行得不太顺利
The product demonstration did not go well.
另一个主持罗伯特晕倒了总之好好享受飞机啦
Robert fainted. Anyway, enjoy the jet.
只要把飞机完整无损地带回来就行
Just bring it back in one piece, okay?
这我可不敢保证哦马克·库班
No promises, Mark Cuban.
但我们的确想确保
I mean, we do wanna make sure
飞机不散架的吧
the airplane stays in one piece though, right?
不我看过《迫降航♥班♥》如果发生什么意外
Nah, I saw, "Flight." If anything goes wrong,
就把飞机颠倒过来飞
fly the plane upside down.
对哦我忘记《迫降航♥班♥》这部电影了
Oh, right, I forgot about "Flight," the movie, "Flight."
好吧我们把飞机拆了吧
All right, let's rip it up!
-这是在搞什么 -我在量空间
- What's going on here? - Oh, measuring the space.
插座的修缮计划终于批了
We finally got a work order approved to fix the outlet, so...
修好我们就能摆第三台自动贩卖♥♥机了
we can get a third vending machine.
什么
What?
第三台自动贩卖♥♥机
A third vending machine.
你为什么要这么小声说买♥♥新自动贩卖♥♥机的事
Why are you whispering about getting a new vending machine?
-新自动贩卖♥♥机 -什么型号♥的
- New vending machine! - What model number?
原来如此
Oh, that's why.
我们问你是什么型号♥
We asked you what model number.
我不知道普通的那种
I don't know, a normal one
前面是玻璃的
with glass in the front.
你不是吧你到底有没研究过数码零食600E型号♥啊
Seriously? Did you even look into the DiGiSnax 600E?
高档机器我也会喜欢啊
I'd be into a fancy machine, too.
我刚刚才读到说日本有一种机器
I was just reading about a Japanese one
还卖♥♥贝类
that serves shellfish.
我们才不会买♥♥贝类贩卖♥♥机
We're not getting a shellfish machine.
是的博伊尔我们要买♥♥会根据
Yeah, Boyle, we're getting a smart machine
你所选薯片推荐搭配汽水的智能贩卖♥♥机
that suggests soda pairings based on your chip choice.
或者是含有能帮你淋肉汁功能的机器
Or one with a make-it-wet gravy feature!
听着不如你们把提议写在一起给我
Okay, look. Why don't you get a few options together
然后我再决定好吗
and then I'll decide, okay?
至少泰瑞不在这试图逼我买♥♥一台瑜伽机
At least Terry's not here to try to make me get a yogurt machine.
我听到有人提到瑜伽
What was that about yogurt?
这架飞机太屌♥了
This jet is insane.
机上配有私人♥大♥厨你想吃什么都能做
There's a private chef that'll make anything you ask for,
不管有多贵
no matter how expensive.
我刚点了龙虾幸会[法语]
I just ordered lobster enchante.
-靠那是什么好东西 -我不知道啊
- Oh, damn, what's that? - I don't know.
我只是把能想到的最高级的词说出来
I just said the fanciest words I could think of.
那我要点首相小牛肉
Oh, I'm gonna get the Veal Prime Minister.
听起来好好吃啊
Mm, that sounds good.
对了你想试用秘密爱爱毯吗
Hey, you wanna try out the Smush Shush?
什么你带来了吗
What? You have one with you?
-我到哪都随身携带着亲 -真的有呢
- I take it everywhere, baby. - Yeah, there it is.
-没错 -所以它能隔音
- Yeah. - So it's noise canceling?
好沉啊快压碎我骨头了
It's so heavy. It's crushing my bones.
没错《创智赢家》也是嫌它太重
Yeah, that was the Shark's problem with it, too.
我无法呼吸了拿开
I can't breathe. Get it off me.
快把毯子拿开
Get it off me.
你和主持人芭芭拉当时的口气一模一样
Yeah, you sound exactly like Barbara right now.
我对你好失望杰克
Disappointed in you, Jake.
飞行员说开始降落了
Pilot says we're starting our descent.
-那我们换衣服啦兄弟们 -换衣服
- Then let's get changed, boys! - Changed?
但这套是我最酷的衣服了
But these are my coolest clothes.
我看完橄榄球星卡姆·牛顿的照片后
I got them from a targeted Instagram ad
从图享网推送的定向广♥告♥里买♥♥的
after looking at photos of Cam Newton.
这套衣服很好看但没有迈阿密气场
The outfit's beautiful, but it doesn't really say, "Miami."
穿什么才有迈阿密气场
What does say, "Miami?"
你确定我一个白人这么穿没问题吗
Are you sure this is culturally okay for me?
-等会就知道了 -好吧
- We're gonna find out. - All right.
靠朱迪这地方好豪华啊
Damn, Judy, this place is nice.
是啊有个俄♥罗♥斯♥大亨订了顶层套房♥
Yeah, some Russian oligarch got the penthouse,
不过这是第二好的房♥间了
but this is the second nicest room.
-惊不惊喜 -楚蒂·朱迪
- Surprise! - Trudy Judy!
你怎么会在这我以为你蹲号♥子去了
What you doing here? I thought you were in prison!
不我人见人爱
Nope, I was a real sweet pea,
所以他们说我表现良好放我出来了搞毛
so they let me out for good behavior. What the hell?
这个条子怎么会在这
What's this NARC doing here?
-你刚才搞什么 -你差点揭穿了我的假身份
- What the hell was that? - You almost blew my cover.
他们现在都起疑心了
they're all suspicious now.
你得帮我们说服他们杰克不是警♥察♥
You have to help us convince them that Jake's not a cop.
为毛我不明白你邀请他干嘛
Why? I don't understand why you invited him.
这个周末本来应该狂野又精彩
This was supposed to be a crazy
充斥着奶♥子♥和翘臀
weekend of boobs and butts.
楚蒂·朱迪你这个周末
Trudy Judy, you're not gonna see
别想看到奶♥子♥和翘臀了
boobs or butts this weekend.
老娘要是想看翘臀没人能拦着我
I'll see butts if I wanna see butts.
杰克来是因为他是我的朋友
And Jake is here because he's my friend
他真的很想来一起玩
and he really wanted to come.
不他肯定在打鬼主意
No, he's up to something.
他八成是来逮捕查克的
He's probably here to arrest Chuck.
我绝对不会逮捕查克的不过
I would never arrest Chuck-- but, I mean,
你为什么这么说查克干了什么
why'd you say that? What did Chuck do?
哟条子真是时刻不忘本职
Wow...cops always be copping.
才不是呢我也常干坏事的
That's not true. I do bad things.
我有一次非法下载了非常男孩的专辑
One time I illegally downloaded an O-Town album!
靠他们是最硬核的男子乐队
Dang, that's one of the hardest boy bands.
没错他们可吓人了听着我也可以很酷的
Exactly, they're scary. Look, I can be cool.
只要没人当着我面犯重罪一切好说
As long as nobody commits any major crimes in front of me.
这不是问题我们不用违法也能玩得开心
It's not a problem. We don't have to break the law to have fun.
我们就喝点酒
We gonna have some drinks,
抽些古巴雪茄吃吃牛排超大块或超小块的
smoke some Cubans, eat a steak, either crazy big or crazy small,
反正选最贵的那种
whichever's more expensive.
老娘宁愿看翘臀
I'd rather see butts.
行吧如果我让你看翘臀
Fine, if I let you see butts,
你能不能告诉兄弟们杰克不是警♥察♥
will you convince the guys that Jake's not a cop?
那得先看看有几个翘臀
How many butts are we talking?
-六个 -十个
- Six. - Ten.
-七个 -九个
- Seven. - Nine.
行吧八个一人让一步
Fine, eight, I'll meet you in the middle.
不行你等太久才回答现在涨到14个了
Nah, you waited too long. Now it's up to 14.
-14个屁♥股♥ -她是成年女性了
- 14 butts! - She's a grown woman.
-你就让她多看几个屁♥股♥怎么了 -谢谢你杰克
- Just let her see butts, man. - Thank you, Jake.
谢谢你在欣赏翘屁这件事上声援我
Thank you for coming to my aid on the butt thing.
你离获得我的信任又近了一步现在我出去
One step closer to trust. Now I'ma go out there and help
帮你这个戴着软呢帽的山寨杰森·玛耶兹[歌♥手]
your fedora-wearing Jason Mraz-looking ass, okay?
我觉得戴上这顶帽子我更像演员安迪·加西亚
I think I look like Andy Garcia in this hat.
-你像演员赛斯·格林啦 -赛斯·格林
- You look like Seth Green. - Seth Green?
-不是演员汤姆·格林 -汤姆·格林
- No, Tom Green. - Tom Green.
-你脑中浮现的是汤姆·格林 -汤姆·格林
- You're thinking of Tom Green. - Tom Green?
越说越糟还是杰森·玛耶兹好了
No, go back to Jason Mraz.
霍特那张粘了口香糖的名片早就不见了
Okay, so Holt's gum-covered business card is long gone.
但我有个计划
But I have a plan.
很好你有什么诡计
Great, what's the scheme?
刚搬进那间办公室时我拍过几张自♥拍♥
Well, when I first moved in, I took a couple selfies
来纪念我有自己的办公室了
to commemorate getting my own office.
-这也叫几张 -拜托
- A couple? - Oh, please.
好像你没自♥拍♥似的
Like you don't have any selfies.
给我看看你的相册
Let me see your camera roll.
没有照片你比我奇怪多了
Zero photos? That's so much weirder!
-谢谢 -回到正题你看
- Thank you. - Anyway, look.
如果你放大照片就能看到那张名片
If you zoom in enough, you can see the business card.
我们可以重做印一张新的
We can recreate it and print a new one!
等等那上面写的是"泽夫·威尔科特斯"吗
Wait, does that say "Zeff Wilcox"?